I am sorry I can't give you any meaningful advice at the moment, but I am making dua that Allah SWT gives you ease and make all your affairs easy and gives you the best in this world and hereafter. Amiin.
My husband for some reason has stopped trusting me. He thinks i've cheated on him numerous times and even though i've told him I haven't and sworn on the Qur'aan I haven't numerous times. He still won't believe me. He's locked me in my home. I couldn't get out even if I wanted to. He's taken my phone and computer and won't let me talk to anyone. Now he won't even have sex with me and he might leave me for something I never did. I've been making dua every single day but have no idea what else I can do. Please help me.
I am sorry I can't give you any meaningful advice at the moment, but I am making dua that Allah SWT gives you ease and make all your affairs easy and gives you the best in this world and hereafter. Amiin.
indeed as respected brother Naidamar pointed out and especially during the holy month, and since I don't have positive things to contribute to such a situation, all I can offer is my du3a insha'Allah, may Allah swt make all your affairs easy on you and remove your hardships..
ameen
Do you know why he thinks so? If not, try to get the reason.
Talk to your husband and tell him about the severity of accusing chaste women of zina.
Ameen to the du'aas.
Last edited by Asiyah3; 09-01-2010 at 09:37 AM.
it pains me to see someone preying on the weakness of another and oppressing them and denying them their humanity and then adding insult to their integrity.. sob7an Allah and astghfor Allah...
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Get a family member both you and him trust to intervene. Talk to scholar and keep making duas. Your hubby might be ill.
It may be that someone said something to him to give him these doubts. Allah Knows best. I agree with sweet106, try and get some trustworthy elders in the family involved.
Make plenty of dua.
Yeah, as bro Bedouin said maybe someone said someting to him to make him doubt you. Try to make him feel secure because some men get very insecure, and you have to keep reminding them that they're the only guy for you and how great they are and why would you even look at someone else when you have him. But if he's convinced you've cheated on him then ask him for proof to back up his claim. He could also be mentally ill as someone else said, does he get paranoid alot?
Well maybe you could get an elder to intervene as others mentioned or phone the local masjid and ask a imam for advice, if things get really bad and he starts physically abusing you then seek help ASAP.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 09-01-2010 at 10:55 AM.
I think there is an outer influence..someone wicked
make lots of dua and talk to your parents and his
Dear Amanda,
I am sorry to hear of your situation. May Allah ease your affairs and restore your husband's trust in you.
I cant advise you as to how you should deal with it but I guess i might have some clue to the cause of the problem.I remember from one of your previous posts that you were going to marry a Saudi, I am not sure if this is the case, if thats what really happened then may be the huge cultural conflict is the reason he has stopped trusting you without any crime on your part. See he comes from an extremely conservative society where men are generally the very jealous type and have issues with trusting their wives etc, on the other hand you are from a society that is at the other extreme. With so many conflicts its quite possible that his sickening behaviour is resulting from some thing that you consider pretty normal but he doesnt think so. Of course its just a theory, i dont know any details so please consider it a hypothetical explanation and then try to figure out if you relate to it. For example, in a situation like yours, just the trivial incident of the wife talking to some old class fellow, or mentioning something like some guy is nice and sweet may make the husband suspicious. or may be someone told him of wife's friends from her pre islam days and that made him act like this. of course it seems obvious that the husband is overreacting in a very irrational way. he needs to understand that its not a trivial matter where he can blame his wife without any proof.
please understand i am not judging anyone or anything but just pointing out a potential cause of the problem. May be it could help you figure out the real reason. and please dont take this unfair treatment when you havent done anything wrong. as the others have suggested, get someone talk to him. hope he sees sense.
Last edited by Moderator; 09-02-2010 at 04:21 PM. Reason: removed last line. Let'
Salaam sis
where are your parents ? Whare are his parents ? If u are innocent , call them urgently. Your husband may need psychological treatment .
Also ask Allah to help you .
seems pretty harsh, you should sit and ask him exactly why, maybe he misunderstood or something. maybe he genuinely thinks you have cheated on him even if u didnt. bottom line is you gottafind out why he is thinking this way
im going to share my opinion on it.. there is some men whom are very extremely jealous over the most little things and there is some men whom are not.
but the one who is overly jealous is the most dangerous. they usually get violent with there spouse and accuse them of things that are not true.
but if he sees you using computer maybe to much, hes going to get insecure about this which is probably natural. ive often heard women complaining that my husband uses internet to much and i don't know what he does on it all the time.
so this is whispers from the shayytan unfortunately for you maybe shayytan has made him think up this story in his head that your chatting to some one on his back. Allah knows best. id advise you to ring a scholar but if hes not even allowing you a fone then only Allah knows then, he could have been influenced to do these things.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister jazakallah khayr for sharing your serious situation with us. May i add from my experience in life so far that usually those who are that insecure are usually hiding something themselves. But the point is that he should not have such suspicions unless he has concrete proof and evidance and even then he should discuss such matters with you rather than act in such a way.format_quote Originally Posted by Xcoolamandax
No husband should ever act like that and it is not right for him to treat you in such a way just out of mere suspicion. If there is no trust then there is no relationship. A relationship without trust just cannot work in the long run. Therefore i would suggest that you get serious advice from a scholar on the matter. I can help you get hold of someone if you want me to so that he can advise you best on the matter.
In the meantime i would suggest that you be firm your husband in wanting to sort matters out immediatley and establish why he is behaving in such a way and what has triggered it off. You need to open the doors of communication and talk properly about this matter and his behaviour and what exactly is causing him to act in such a way. Do not let communication break down occur in your relationship otherwise your marriage will continue to go downhill.
Continue to ask of Allah and know that he hears every prayer of yours and he will do what is best for you. Do not let this deter you from worshipping Allah in the next few nights especially as it may be Laylatul Qadr in any of the next few nights particularly on the 27th.
Have full hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah and he will do what is best for you inshallah
And Allah knows best in all matters
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 09-03-2010 at 08:20 PM.
Tell your husband to bring his proof, and follow brother Hamza's advice.
Allah is the witness to all truth, If you are innocent sister don't dishearten for Allah will protect you inshaAllah. You do need to start looking for help, from your family or even the Muslim community. May Allah protect you ameen.
I'm visiting home for a while. The problem is my husband is an imam and is a scholar. So there isn't one I can talk to around. He keeps telling me i'm cheating. He's put locks on the doors. But he thinks I give him sleeping drugs and leave while he sleeps. I also just lost a baby. I'm very stressed out. I want to save my marriage
Salaam Sis
sorry , did not read all posts . Did u talk to any doctor / psychiatrist ?format_quote Originally Posted by Xcoolamandax
so sorry , sis . May Allah gives u patience and best rewards for all the pain u are going through.
I also just lost a baby.
may Allah grants what is best for you. Ameen.I want to save my marriage
Sister, your husband has a problem. sorry i'm saying this. There are some people who have really bad trust issues and no matter what you do, you can't fix them. the more you show them that what they think is wrong, the more they believe they are right and every time you show them how they are wrong, they will think up somthing else. unfortunately I've come across such people. your husband needs to see a psychiatrist or psychologist and try to solve this problem. otherwise, it would be better to just get away from him if he doesn't improve, the sooner the better because you will suffer psychologically the more you stick to him in these sort of circumstances.
try having someone explain to him that what he is doing is terribly wrong islamically, since he is accusing a chaste woman. he will have to do the lian procedure if goes to court where he will swear 4 times that he is true and a fifth time that if he isn't then the curse of Allah will be on him and the Curse of Allah is a terrible thing to invoke on oneself.
May Allah help you. ameen
Guidance provided in your case
As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):
Ukhti (أختي my sister) Xcoolamandax:
We perform du'a that Allah provides relief in your dilemma. We usually run away from these advise threads because of the gossip factor, soap opera, etc.
There are two sides to a story and we will refrain from demonizing your spouse or the side not heard.
Allahu Alim!
Now the Quran and Sunnah provides clear guidance on your situation. The practicing Muslims first duty is to provide guidance and not their opinions which usually engulfs and overwelms the advice threads.
Surah Nur 24:11-13
11. Verily! Those who brought forth the slander (against 'Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) the wife of the Prophet) are a group among you. Consider it not a bad thing for you. Nay, it is good for you. Unto every man among them will be paid that which he had earned of the sin, and as for him among them who had the greater share therein, his will be a great torment.
12. Why then, did not the believers, men and women, when you heard it (the slander) think good of their own people and say: "This (charge) is an obvious lie?"
13. Why did they not produce four witnesses? Since they (the slanderers) have not produced witnesses! Then with Allah they are the liars. (Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)
God demands from His true believers before accusing anyone of sexual misconduct or spreading rumors about anyone to have a proof, or to produce four witnesses. Accusations of sexual misconduct that is carried out against anybody who denies them and without verifiable proofs, are considered by God a gross sin. The failure to produce four witnesses means this person or these persons should be considered according to God, LIARS.
Surah Nur 24:15
15. When you were propagating it with your tongues, and uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, you counted it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great.
(Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)
Punishment for those who accuse a chaste women:
Surah Nur 24: 4
4. And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqun (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).
(Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)
Surah Nur 24:23-24
23. Verily, those who accuse chaste women, who never even think of anything touching their chastity and are good believers, are cursed in this life and in the Hereafter, and for them will be a great torment,
24. On the Day when their tongues, their hands, and their legs or feet will bear witness against them as to what they used to do. (Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)
The direction of Allah regarding accusations between Husband and Wife:
Surah Nur 24:6-10
6. And for those who accuse their wives, but have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (i.e. testifies four times) by Allah that he is one of those who speak the truth.
7. And the fifth (testimony) (should be) the invoking of the Curse of Allah on him if he be of those who tell a lie (against her).
8. But it shall avert the punishment (of stoning to death) from her, if she bears witness four times by Allah, that he (her husband) is telling a lie.
9. And the fifth (testimony) should be that the Wrath of Allah be upon her if he (her husband) speaks the truth.
10. And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you (He would have hastened the punishment upon you)! And that Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, the All-Wise.
(Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation)
Reread the guidance if you didn't understand it. Very clear.
The practicing Muslims provide the guidance from Allah and Nabi Muhammad (
Islam is complete and doesn't require our opinions when clear guidance is provided.
What is the reason for the contineous questioning back and forth? The guidance is clear and if used why the continued inquiry? Put the egos away and use what practicing Muslims use the guidance of Allah and Nabi Muhammad (
Why would a practicing Muslim take the guidance of man verses Allah. Amazing!
Allah knows our intentions.
This was submitted with the best intentions and the best construction should be used when reading it.
Last edited by sabr*; 10-20-2010 at 12:22 AM. Reason: Ukhti
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