Indeed the Prophet (pbuh) said ...Religion is Naseeha(Sincere advice)... and i hope to get from you some and May Allaah reward you with good. Ameen
I am a final year Engg student... i was greatly misguided...Allah swt guided me to islam... brought me out of darkness of shirk and bidaat to tawheed and sunnah... ALhamdullilah.
But there still remains this disease in me... (desire for women)... I know fee nafsi its not haraam... but the halaal means are very few and out of reach. I am 20 years old.. I really want to marry to safeguard my deen... and i try my best to avoid the fitan... but i end up succumbing... and i hate my self for it... i am ashamed of my ownself. I have a elder sister(May Allah bless her) she is still to get married.. and my family still considers me small. and one more obstacle is that i am not financially independent, still in university... and the fitan out there is great.(May Allah protect us all). So in all this situation what should i do??
I know Patience is the key.. and ALlaah's help is the best.
But Allaah mentions in the quran. that :- "Allaah does not change the condition of people ,until they change what is within them."
And i fear that if i dont get married soon ..i may end up commiting major sins(May Allah safeguard us all), and i got no one to talk to about this.
It just seems that i am sinking deeper and deeper... and the Shayateen are laughing at my plight. they easily get me... and i feel my self to be a hypocrite coz everyone thinks i am a good guy(May Allaah make us better than what people think of us).
So what should i do , so i get help from Allaah azzwajal .
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Well you should try to lower your gaze as Allaah Commands you too also and also the Prophet Muhammad Sallahu alaayhi wa salam said if you cannot marry then fast.
Narrated 'Alqama: While I was walking with 'Abdullah he said, "We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, 'He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power." (Saheeh Al Bukhaari)
Also according to the hadeeth, it does not refer to the age of one ,so 20 is a suitable age to marry, but when your ready and suitable inshaAllaah,
Im sure many can relate to your situation on this forum and advice you InshaAllaah
peace.
"Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), Al-Hayyul-Qayyum (the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists).".."[Al Qur'aan 3:2]
if u are not financially independent , then keep fasting regualarly ; don't watch movies , pornography and try to avoid the company of the opposite sex as much as possible . When u come to net , make the image and animation options off ; so that u don't have to see any nasty advertisements.
Keep asking Allah to increase u in faith .
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
jazakallahu khair for your replies... but my condition has degraded so much that even fasting doesnt seem to help... coz of the evil within...heart has become like a black stone. do remember this Ibn Adam in ur duas !
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Do u fast regularly like each alternate day ? How many hours do u spend on watching TV / Music video ? Try ur best to avoid all temptations and never miss any salat .
May Allah help u .
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
Indeed the Prophet (pbuh) said ...Religion is Naseeha(Sincere advice)... and i hope to get from you some and May Allaah reward you with good. Ameen
I am a final year Engg student... i was greatly misguided...Allah swt guided me to islam... brought me out of darkness of shirk and bidaat to tawheed and sunnah... ALhamdullilah.
But there still remains this disease in me... (desire for women)... I know fee nafsi its not haraam... but the halaal means are very few and out of reach. I am 20 years old.. I really want to marry to safeguard my deen... and i try my best to avoid the fitan... but i end up succumbing... and i hate my self for it... i am ashamed of my ownself. I have a elder sister(May Allah bless her) she is still to get married.. and my family still considers me small. and one more obstacle is that i am not financially independent, still in university... and the fitan out there is great.(May Allah protect us all). So in all this situation what should i do??
I know Patience is the key.. and ALlaah's help is the best.
But Allaah mentions in the quran. that :- "Allaah does not change the condition of people ,until they change what is within them."
And i fear that if i dont get married soon ..i may end up commiting major sins(May Allah safeguard us all), and i got no one to talk to about this.
It just seems that i am sinking deeper and deeper... and the Shayateen are laughing at my plight. they easily get me... and i feel my self to be a hypocrite coz everyone thinks i am a good guy(May Allaah make us better than what people think of us).
So what should i do , so i get help from Allaah azzwajal .
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issue with us. My brother you are not alone in this for even Rasulallah (salallahu Alaiyhee Wasallim) stated that the biggest test for the youth will be women.
Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "This world is green and sweet. Allah has put you in charge of it so be careful how you behave. Beware of this world and beware of women. The first trouble experienced by the Tribe of Israel was on account of women." [Muslim]
We have to think of this life as a test ground and that we are in an exam. Allah is the examiner and the exam we are sitting can end at ANY time. The results will be out on the day of judgement so therefore if we know we are being tested and that the exam will finish at ANY second then surely we must ALWAYS be aware of this fact in whatever we are doing and in every aspect of our lives.
When we are young then we have so many more desires as well as the fact that we have more energy, zeal etc but we need to channel these towards pleasing Allah and this should be our focus. You aim should be to build up your taqwa because if your always aware of Allah then will think twice before going towards evil. Once our taqwa increases then we will do everything to please Allah and refrain from everything that causes the anger and wrath of Allah.
How do we increase our taqwa or fearful awareness of Allah?
Here are Ten steps to gaining taqwa:
1. Recite the Qur'an: along with its meanings and try to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Ponder over the meanings of the Ayats and act upon what you learn for learning something beneficial without acting upon it is of no use.
2. Remember Allah: keep your tongue moist with the glorification and remembrance of Allah As much as possible . The more we remember him the more he will remember us. Ponder over the greatness and creations of Allah. Contemplate over his magnificence.
3. Busy yourself with good works: The more you busy yourself making the best of your time then the less time you will have to even contemplate doing haraam. Take part in the Universities Islamic society. Involve yourself in thier activities. Involve yourself with your local Masjid. Maintain the Masjid as in clean it vacuum any handy work etc. Give dawah locally and involve yourself as much as possible with good works and do everything ONLY to please of Allah.
4. Be with good company: This is very important because we are who our friends are. If we involve ourselves with the wrong crowd then whether we like it or not then their bad influence will rub off on us and we will end up thinking like them and doing the sins that they do. Bad company is like poisen so keep away from it. It is better to be alone than with bad company. Hang around with God fearing and practising brothers who are working for the hereafter for they are true friends and will be of benefit to us.
5. Learn religious knowledge: as much as is possible. Spend time with Ulama and with the learned. Sit with them and take wisdom from them. Go to Islamic courses and involve yourself with learning about the deen as much as you can.
6. Always be alert and aware of whatever may divert you away from Allah: Be alert to anything that may lead you towards sin. Shaythan is always wanting to lead us astray and he may pounce on us when we are not aware so we must always have an awareness of his evil tricks. Therefore be alert to the carnal pleasures that may lead to the realm of the forbidden.
7. Be humble in character: Shun arrogance and pride and never think of yourself as better than anyone else.
8. Desire closeness to Allah: Everything you do in your life do it JUST so that you can please Allah. This will ensure that you think before you do any action so that you can do everything to please Allah and keep away from anything that displeases him. This awareness will ensure that you are always doing good works or at least trying to find ways of doing good works just so that you can please Allah
9. Focus your mind and body on your main purpose in life: keep reminding yourself of this purpose before any action you do. So before doing any action think of your main focus in this life and think is what i am going to do or even think of doing compatible with the main focus of my life? If it is then do it and if it is not and will just either waste your time or lead you towards sin then keep away from it. Think to yourself that you have NO time whatsoever to do that which will not conform to your main focus and so evrything you do should conform to and be compatible with your main focus in this life.
10. Remember much the destroyer of pleasures: DEATH! Know that it can strike at ANY second and be aware that if it were to strike whilst you were committing a sin then how will you be raised in that state and what would be your state on the day of judgement? What will you answer to Allah when you were full aware of the implications? Therefore remember death much and make it a habit to visit the graveyard at least once a week so that you may be reminded of death.
My brother you should also realise that marriage is incumbant on you and that you should not worry too much about your finances because Allah is the one who gives rizq and your partner will also have her rizq so you should marry as soon as you can and put your FULL hope and trust in Allah and he will do what is best for you and provide for you what you need. Therefore you should waste NO time at all in getting married as soon as you can.
Would you rather risk falling into grave sin and cause the anger and wrath of Allah? Instead why not put your full hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah and know that he will provide for you and your wife because he knows that you are wanting to marry to complete half of your deen so that you can keep away from sin.
Also if you do not have any brothers and only a sister then that is all the more reason for you to marry right away or you and your partner can live with your parents until you are ready to move out or if there is mutual agreement then you can stay living with your parents.
Take the necessery steps to safeguard yourself and do EVERYTHING to please Allah and refrain from EVERYTHING that displeases him.
Here are some very beneficial lectures which you and your siblings should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:
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