Drawn between 2 women to choose for potential marriage?

**Haider_Ali** · 10-24-2010

Salaam Aleikum brothers & sisters.

I am a revert, i converted a few months ago. I am currently searching for a potential marriage partner in the halal manner. However a girlfriend i had before converting is muslim (yes i know its wrong, but i was a non-believer who didnt know anything about islam. i cant comment for her.) upon converting, i told her i no longer want to intimate things or anything that could lead to zina as that should be for marriage. She cries at the thought of not being affectionate with me and says she feels she is losing me. She is 25 and a good muslimah, prays 5 times per day, etc. but she thinks being intimate is ok if we both agree. I don't, and after i kissed her i repented to Allah for my sins. I advised her to do the same, but she didn't like me saying that.

The other girl is a 23 year old i met on Muslim matrimonial website. She wears a hijab, she respects Islam., is fun, outgoing and hasn't tried to force me to become intimate with her or anything like that. She seems to want to wait for marriage herself, inshallah this is true. we have been meeting up in public for coffee and to talk regularly as well as text to see how things go. and we are getting on great mashallah. I can see myself being with this woman and respecting Allah and Islam with her. I don't believe in Hollywood type love... being in love etc.. but i believe in growing with someone and spending/sharing your life with them in the name of Allah ((swt)

The first girl whos 25 just found out she has brain cancer. I feel pity for her and i want to help, but by telling her and not being intimate and affectionate with her she is only going to be hurt. What should i do, and what woman do you think is most promising for marriage and why?

Jazakallah for your help in advance,

Allah Hafiz.

**Cabdullahi** · 10-24-2010

I would say marry none of them

The first one appears to be comfortable being intimate outside of marriage and the second one looks like she's heading that way....instead of meeting you in public she could have invited you to her house to speak with her dad

**Muhaba** · 10-24-2010

I think you should marry the 23 year old because she is pious. The other one was committing zina while being a muslim so she isn't a true muslim, as there is a hadith that states that one who commits zina or theft doesn't believe while doing it. (I don't remember the hadith exactly.) You should also beware of people who might try to make you marry them by telling you they are terribly ill so you'll feel sorry for them and marry them. There are others who might blackmail you emotionally, so you need to beware of such people. Marrying such people will only be trouble later. So i believe that you should marry the 23 year old. However it is not right for you to meet her before marriage unless she's accompanied by a mahram otherwise you can be led to committing sin.

**'Abd-al Latif** · 10-24-2010

Meeting in coffee shops shows you her religious commitment, a righteous Muslim would never meet in such a place unless they were accompanied by their wali (legal male guardian i.e. her brother, father etc). Even then these meetings would not be frequent at such places. I wouldn't recommend that you marry the other one either, chastity is an important factor that should give great consideration.

A righteous Muslim woman will not delay the marriage nor have continuous meetings without her wali.

Marry a woman who does not mess around, one who will invite you to her home and acquaint you with her father, eager for you to meet her family and one who will not want any delays in marriage proceedings.