My flat-mate at the university is a muslim and I've only recently found out that she openly drinks alcohol and goes to clubs.
Everytime I talk to her about these things being haraam in Islam, she says she comes from a liberal family where her grandparents did such things. She also says not to judge her and expects me to treat her the way I treated her when I didn't know she did these things. She then talks about standards like how she would never commit adultry or eat pork because it's ones morals. I also don't understand why her parents allow her to go to clubs but when they'll find out that she drinks would probably kill her.
What is the correct way to advice such a person to Islam?
wa alaykum us-salaam
be honest with her by trying to appeal to her soft/emotional side...tell her that shes been a good friend/flat mate etc in other words just be flat out that you dont want any harm befalling her and that's why you are advising her...
befriend her in attempt to give dawah dont cut ties with her (believe it or not she really needs you even if she doesn't know it) unless you fear your own iman is at stake.
at the times you know/can predicate when she goes out, plan something and invite her along before hand. eg invite some other friends over or something. this just swaps that time which otherwise may have been spent in the haram, with some good company instead.
She then talks about standards like how she would never commit adultry or eat pork because it's ones morals.
you have to agree with her here. first you have to tell her something she would like to hear such as "yeah true your responsible enough not to commit adultery but you dont know what other people maybe thinking."
She also says not to judge her and expects me to treat her the way I treated her when I didn't know she did these things.
be persistent (but kind about it) and ask her why? why should you keep being friends with her when she really isnt friendship material. for anything she says, make sure you can counter it with something that will hopefully get her to think.
if you are really close to her she will vale your friendship and this could be used to your advantage. make sort of like "threats" but not in a harsh and judging way just in a manner that should make her think twice. if she values your friendship inshallah she should listen, no?
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
She just told me not tell her off about drinking or any other matter regarding Islam. I didn't tell her off. I just told her it's haraam and by doing so you're a muslim (just above a level from non-muslims). She repeated the fact she comes from a liberal family where Islam wasn't given to her properly and that she found my comment unnecessary and rude. And how Islam is a personal thing, it's not anyones business. I told her as a muslim, it's my obligation to remind you.
In the end I told her since you're a muslim and you obviously know better in terms of Islam and your own morals I won't stop the next time you drink alcohol, eat haraam, or commit adultry.
My flat-mate at the university is a muslim and I've only recently found out that she openly drinks alcohol and goes to clubs.
Everytime I talk to her about these things being haraam in Islam, she says she comes from a liberal family where her grandparents did such things. She also says not to judge her and expects me to treat her the way I treated her when I didn't know she did these things. She then talks about standards like how she would never commit adultry or eat pork because it's ones morals. I also don't understand why her parents allow her to go to clubs but when they'll find out that she drinks would probably kill her.
What is the correct way to advice such a person to Islam?
Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister know that you or i or anyone else cannot guide anyone but ONLY Allah can. Therefore all you can do is try your best with her then leave it at that.
The first thing is that you should not hang around with her but keep her at a distance. This would also show her your disaproval of what she is doing and how you want to distance yourself from such evil doings. The company of those who constantly do haraam such as alcohol which is the mother of all evils is poison. Also because of the fact she goes out clubbing, drinking, talking to boys etc then others seeing you with her may also think the same of you as we are who we hang around with. Therefore keep her at a distance.
She claims she does not committ adultery etc the combination of drink and clubbing is easily enough to make a person commit fornication and all sorts of other lewd behaviour. Why does a person go clubbing? They may say music but that is pure deception. The simple answer is for the opposite sex. If she goes out drinking and clubbing then obviously she must dress innappropriatley and also talk to guys. A person under the influence of alcohol may end up committing so much more haraam that is why alcohol is called the "Mother of all evils" becaue it leads to so many other evils.
She is clearly under an illusion when she says that she drinks because her family are liberal and grandfather used to drink. Ask her if her family were murderers then would she also become a murderer? If her family jump off a cliff then will she also jump off because they did? She should not make such absurd statements to justify her actions. The simple fact is she knows what is right and wrong and she has made the choice as a free willed human being to indulge in these major sins and there is no justification for it. It is clear she is responding in such a way because her defence barriers come up whenever you tell her to stop such evil.
You should remind her that Islam is not a religion that you just keep in your heart and not tell others about but that Islam is a way of life that we practise on a daily basis which encompasses every aspect of our lives and does not just stop after our prayers. You should also remind her that it is your duty as a Muslim to enjoin good and forbid evil and this is also in the Qur'an. You should tell her that you are only telling her to abstain from evil because you care for her and that you do not want her to die in such a state.
She is destroying her imaan. She is destroying such an important gift that she has been given. She is jeopordising her hereafter. She should be so worried but it seems as though she is under an illusion. Reality has not hit her and by the time it does it may be too late. She must act now and if she does'nt then she only has herself to blame.
Tell her that whenever she takes intoxicants then her imaan has left her body and if she dies in such a state then surely she will die a kaafir and a kaafir can never enter Paradise. So everytime she drinks she is risking eternity in the fire. Is it really worth it? Tell her not to look at others committing major sins but that she should concentrate on making the best of her own life and if others are jeapordising their hereafter then why should she?
You can only advise her as best you can but never do it in an attacking or patronising way just give her advice in the best way you can using wisdom and tact only now and again not all the time because if you do it all of the time then it will just go in one ear and come out of the other and she will just ignore you.
Therefore advise her sometimes here and there. Send her Islamic reminders weekly in the form of texts and e mails. Send her nice short articles for her to read now and again as well as good Islamic lectures. Talk to her about Islam particularly the hereafter, Jannah and jahannam and our purpose in life. If there are Islamic talks at the University then take her with you to attend such talks. Most of all make dua for her that Allah guides her away from committing such evil actions.
You can only do your best for it is ONLY Allah that can help and guide anyone. Concentrate on yourself in making the best of every second and striving to come closer to Allah.
Here is an article you can print and forward to her and others regarding Alcohol and drugs:
Why one should give up drugs and Alcohol!
· Almighty Allah has described intoxicants amongst other things as being appalling, despicable and hateful acts of Satan and he has commanded us to abstain from them, Allah thereafter states in the next verse: -
Satan’s plan is to sow hatred and enmity amongst you with intoxicants and gambling, and to hamper you from the remembrance of Allah and from prayer. Will you not give up? (5:91)
· Ibn Majah reported from Abu Hurairah (RA) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said:
“An addict of intoxication is like a worshipper of an idol.”.”
Intoxicants are Totally Haraam. They ruin people’s lives physically, mentally, morally and spiritually.
· Abdullah Ibn Amr reports from the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) , who said, "One who is disobedient to parents, gambles, harsh after charity and is a habitual drunkard shall not enter paradise." (Daarami)
· Ibn Umar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "There are three for whom Allah has forbidden paradise, a habitual drunkard, one disobedient to parents, and a careless husband who establishes impurity in his family." (Ahmad and Nasai)
· Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said’ "If a habitual drunkard dies, he will meet Allah like the one who worships idols." (Ahmad, Ibn majah from Abu Hurrairah)
From the above Ahaadith, we can clearly see the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and the Islamic view regarding intoxicants.
In another Hadith the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has described intoxicants as: -
1. The key to all evils. 2. The head of all errors and lapses. 3. The most terrible of major sins. 4. The mother of all atrocities. 5. The mother of all evils.
In one Hadith, Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said that Imân (Faith) and alcohol cannot gather (are not compatible) with a person (Nasai)
This means that a person who has drunk alcohol, then faith has left their body. So if they die in this state then they have surely died as a KAAFIR (Non believer).
It was reported by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), a companion of the Prophet, that Muhammad (Pbuh) said:
God’s curse falls on a group of people who deal with alcohol. The one who distils it, the one for whom it has been distilled, the one who drinks it, the one who transports it, the one to whom it has been brought, the one who serves it, the one who sells it, the one who utilizes money from it, the one who buys it and the one who buys it for someone else.
Allah has questioned the user of intoxication in the Qur'an:
“Then, will you end it?”
Talk on intoxication - VERY HARD HITTING! A MUST!!!
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