For the past 3, especially 2 years my family atmosphere has been horrible, full of sadness and tension. My brothers show no love or care for their wives nor my parents, this causes alot of problems and sadness for everyone in the family. My parents are getting old and mum suffers from bad headaches which I think are tension headaches. I pray sooo much that my brothers stop hurtin their wives and parents, and return to us and give them happiness. Is there any duas to soften ones heart?
My bros are selfish and dont care about anything and just live in their own worlds, us sisters cant even talk to them to make them understand, they just start shouting back, their 26+ so its not like their young and dont understand everything around them. They cant see the hurt they are causing mum and dad, and others have to bear the pain.. its sooo sad and upsetting, house feels empty and lonely..
Please make dua for us and let Allah swt return my brothers to their wives and parents...
For the past 3, especially 2 years my family atmosphere has been horrible, full of sadness and tension. My brothers show no love or care for their wives nor my parents, this causes alot of problems and sadness for everyone in the family. My parents are getting old and mum suffers from bad headaches which I think are tension headaches. I pray sooo much that my brothers stop hurtin their wives and parents, and return to us and give them happiness. Is there any duas to soften ones heart?
My bros are selfish and dont care about anything and just live in their own worlds, us sisters cant even talk to them to make them understand, they just start shouting back, their 26+ so its not like their young and dont understand everything around them. They cant see the hurt they are causing mum and dad, and others have to bear the pain.. its sooo sad and upsetting, house feels empty and lonely..
Please make dua for us and let Allah swt return my brothers to their wives and parents...
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran sister for sharing this with us. May I ask what has caused your brothers to act like this? Do they take intoxicants or hang around with bad company? Did they have arranged marriages of their own choices or were they pushed into these marriages by family pressure? Do they both live with their wives in the same house as you?
they dont hang out with the best of people, but mashAllah me eldest bro is very intelligent and thought to be a level headed guy - not sure where it went wrong
My parents asked them to get married from Pakistan and they both chose girls themselves, so no I would not say they were forced to marry people they did not want to.
Asalaamu alaikum. Do they take any intoxicants or are you not sure? Do they live in the same house as you with their wives? What is the main problem you and your fanily have with them? Also when did these problems start? Did sonething trigger them off. Can you answer all those questions please.
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 01-17-2011 at 09:38 PM.
1 bro lives with wife but thats cos they live with my parents, other one lives in a differnt town to his wife. Problems started few mnths after the girls came to UK, before hand when they actually got married, including months after that, they were happy and like a normal married couples. No dont take intoxidants, one smokes fags. Not sure what is the cause of it, all they reply back is we dont get on but they havent even tried or given real reasons for it. It turns into an argument each time such discussion arises. Causes sooo much sadness, the look on my parents face for ages has been full of upset and sadness, just want Allah swt to give us happiness back..
1 bro lives with wife but thats cos they live with my parents, other one lives in a differnt town to his wife. Problems started few mnths after the girls came to UK, before hand when they actually got married, including months after that, they were happy and like a normal married couples. No dont take intoxidants, one smokes fags. Not sure what is the cause of it, all they reply back is we dont get on but they havent even tried or given real reasons for it. It turns into an argument each time such discussion arises. Causes sooo much sadness, the look on my parents face for ages has been full of upset and sadness, just want Allah swt to give us happiness back..
Asalaamu Alaikum, are both brothers unhappy with their wives? Who is more unhappy the brother that lives away or the brother that lives with your family? Is the main issue their marriages or other things they do?
They r both unhappy saying they are on different levels to their wives, but honestlu these girls r good, nice and genuine girls,the husbandd dont even spend time with them so how do they know what each other is really lke, i csnt even begin to explain how much this destroying everyone, never had soo much sadness throughout the house. My bro are never around to see the affect, the rest of us have to bare it all. Is there any dua to softrn my bros hearts, let them see the right path and lead them back to their wives, im soooo desperate to help take my parents pain away, they are suffering so much
Asalaamu Alaikum, it is very difficult for you as a younger sister to be taken seriously by your brothers as you did mention that they shout at you whenever you try to make them understand. That is why you should instead inform an elder of the family who you think they would take more seriously to try and get them to seek counselling with their wives. This would at least be of some help to your brothers and their relationship with their wives. The elder can advise them that they have nothing to lose but at least try counselling for it is the least they can do to try and save their marriages. You should not play a further role in advising your brothers. What you can do is to send them weekly Islamic reminder texts as well as putting a lecture on the TV whilst they are around.
Apart from that you should be patient and know that you cannot change anything but change can only come from themselves. You getting frustrated and trying to make them understand will not do any good as they will just reject whatever you say. So inform an elder as soon as you can who's advice you know they will be more likely to listen to.
If you ever are in the position to advise your brothers like for example if they ever sharing their feelings with you then in a gentle manner cry to them and share how hurt you and your family are but do not attack them in anyway for this will just make them more defensive. Only do so if they share their feelings with you and it is the right time to tell them how you and your family are affected by their actions and behaviour.
Try to comfort their wives and tell them to have hope. Also tell their wives to try and open up more doors of communication with their husbands even though their husbands may keep some doors of communication closed. The wives should continue to strive to try and share their feelings with their husbands and try and get them to also share their feelings with them so that together they can come up with comprimises and sort out whatever issues they have with each other. Make much dua for your brothers and their wives for Allah to help them with their issues and whatever is best for them will happen.
Concentrate on your own life sister for you will not be accountable for anyone elses life but your own. Invest into the hereafter and do everything to please Allah and nothing to anger or displease him. Rely upon Allah and put your faith and trust in him. Remember him much by doing a lot of Dhikr and recite much Qur'an so that your house may have peace and blessings in it. Get rid of any pictures of animate objects and also play Qur'an recitation as much as you can particularly Surah Baqarah to rid your house of any evil affects.
If you have anymore questions or want help with anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask.
I pray that whatever is best for your brothers and their wives will happen inshallah. Ameen
The following threads and articles wil help you to Maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday so that you may please Allah and gain high ranks of Paradise inshallah:
Thank u soooooo much for your reply, it really was touching - may Allah swt bless and reward you. We are pray to Allah swt to ease this hardship, inshAllah our duas will be answered.
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Family difficulties
For the past 3, especially 2 years my family atmosphere has been horrible, full of sadness and tension. My brothers show no love or care for their wives nor my parents, this causes alot of problems and sadness for everyone in the family. My parents are getting old and mum suffers from bad headaches which I think are tension headaches. I pray sooo much that my brothers stop hurtin their wives and parents, and return to us and give them happiness. Is there any duas to soften ones heart?
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