format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
I sleep about 8 hours a day on average. But i can't remember the last time i had a refreshing sleep. I still feel tired in the morning. Wake up with a bad headache which is there throughout the day.
Life at home is good. Family is quite good. Obviously we have our problems like many families do but i do get some peace. I don't fight with siblings. Parents are fine.
I only get stressed if i try something but can't do it or struggle to do it but i have to do it or have that expectation to do it. That is understandable though. But stress is not the issue though initially there was a lot of stress which lead to this.
The main problem is my mind. It won't function. I get negative thoughts that i can't deal with which lead to a lot of distress. I can't answer basic questions due to the way my mind is which lead to a lot of stress and anxiety when in that situation. If my mind was clear i would get through this no doubt. I'll try my best to describe how it is like to you. Just say you close your eyes. Now picture a green tree and a blue bird. Make it real. If i do the same. I can't picture it. It is as if my mind is shut down when its like this. My access to my memory is cut off so i can't just recall stuff or just remember stuff, etc. My concentration becomes terrible. The headache comes on. I can't feel much apart from occasional anxiety. If i laugh or smile its a fake one. Don't get any feeling inside. When it first happened my mind would clear up and then i could think and everything. This used to happen on and off for about 1.5 years. Then after that it pretty much went constantly like this. Some of the thoughts i get are so stupid but they feel real to me. Or like things that would never make me stressed will make me stressed easily. I can't control my thoughts like i did before and i get a lot of thoughts that come into my head randomly. My appetite is not as good as before. I do sometimes worry about stupid things but then sometimes i don't worry about a thing and just don't care. I feel tired sometimes so fatigued, when i sit down it feels like i'm climbing a mountain just to get up. My mind affects what i do on a daily basis. Everyday is hard work. My personality has changed dramatically. I used to be so funny, well i would laugh at my own jokes, but now if i watch a comedy programme i don't laugh or feel much at all. I actually don't find it that funny. My behaviour has changed significantly. I used to love studying now my day is waisted on things that have no real value like on the net. I still do things that i once enjoyed like going out for meals, or meeting up with friends, or playing video games, but get little or no pleasure out of them. I spend a lot of time in my room on my own. But i still spend time with my family so its not an isolation or feeling lonely thing. I don't feel sad really even though i can't work, i can't do the things i would like, i can't enjoy them like other people do. The thing that sometimes gets me is knowing that i have so much potential under all this but its all being eaten away and i feel as if, after trying for 5 years, that i can't do anything will probably stay like this a little longer. I even got a masters degree with my mind like this. Something that would have been relatively easy for me became one of the hardest things i had ever done.
It feels as if life is just passing me by and that i have not achieved much religiously, academically or having a family of my own. My expectations are low of myself even though i might have been a bit of a perfectionist which may have contributed to this problem at the initial stages.
One thing that is fact is when my mind cleared up in the past everything came back, all my memory, concentration, i could think freely and deal with any thoughts easily. I also can feel.
But when my mind is like it is now all those things go out of the window and i become mentally retarded and i can't feel much. Of course i agree that life is a test and we all are tested. However when the thing that is the main tool to help you through the test i.e. your mind, that is the actual problem and the cause of all the issues, then the test becomes one that is prone to failure. I see people who are tested like say crash a car, get robbed, break an arm, have divorce, etc and think to myself how easy would those tests be for me had my mind been normal. Because what you tell yourself in your mind, or the meaning that you form from an event, the beliefs that you hold or make are what get you through such trials. But when the thing that makes the meanings, where beliefs are formed, where you tell yourself that it'll be alright, does not work then how do we get through such trials??
I honestly feel in the past 5 years i have been through hell and i'm not a person who likes to complain and i am a very patient person but everyone has limits. If i had a choice of illnesses then this would probably be last on my list. I truly believe that you can only understand how difficult this is if you actually experienced it. Until i get better in the mean time please make dua for me.
Allah knows best
Asalaamu Alaikum, My brother many of us who are going through difficulties and hardships think that we have the worst of trials because obviously we are the ones who are going through it but we do not know what others are going through or how their trial is truly affecting them for we can only assume.
Therefore we should never think that we are worse off than others because there are many more difficult trials and hardships than what we are going through. There are many more serious and debilitating mental conditions than what you have and judging by your writing it seems as though you are quite an intelligent and articulate person and there are those with such conditions that they are unable to even write anymore that is how much their mental condition has affected them. it does seem like you have some sort of anxiety related mental condition but Allah knows best because it is a trial for you just like most people in this world are given trials and tests.
We must never not assume they are better off because this is a deception of shaythan and the perfect way of him making you feel like Allah has wronged you by giving you such a condition when the fact is that you have been given a blessing and those who Allah wants closest to him are given the biggest of trials. We must NEVER question Allah but accept his decree for he knows best about all matters. I guarantee you on the day of judgement if you were to see a glimpse of the possible reward available to those who remain patient through difficult trials then you will wish you had even worser trials where you were cut into little pieices:
Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world." (Al-Tirmidhi #1570)
My brother you must not let shaythan make you lose or give up hope for he is your eternal sworn enemy who wants you to give up and lose hope so that you go away from Allah and eventually get worse. You must realise that this is a trial and accept it as the decree of Allah and know that it is a blessing in disguise.
You must be steadfast and patient and know that the road to Jannah is a very rocky one full of thorns and difficulties along the way. But if you remain patient as hard as it may be then know that you will be victorious in the end and the victory will truly be so sweet indeed and will last FOREVER!
Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin." Al-Hasan Al-Basree
These will help you through your trials and difficulties inshallah:
The Comforting words of Allah during hardships and trials
Verily, with the hardship,
there is relief
(i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs). [ Al-Inshirah 94:6]
"Peace unto you for that ye persevered in patience! Now how excellent is the final home!"
Excellent indeed is the final home!" [ Ar-Rad 13:24]
"...Do not regard it an evil to you;
nay, it is good for you...." [An- Nuur 24:11]
"...So put your trust (in Allaah)
if ye are indeed believers." [Al-Maida 5:23]
"O ye who believe!
Seek help in steadfastness
and prayer.
Lo! Allaah is with the steadfast." [Al-Baqarah 2:153]
"And certainly,
We shall test you with something
of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits,
but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).
Who, when afflicted with calamity,
say: "Truly! To Allaah we belong
and truly, to Him we shall return." [ Al-Baqara 2: 155~156]
"And He will provide him
from (sources)
He never could imagine.
And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah,
then HE will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose.
Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things." [ At-Talaq 65:3]
"Verily We have created man
into toil and struggle." [ Al-Balad 90:4]
Know that when you have problems or in difficulty, then it is by Allaah's permission for HE says:
"Say: "Nothing shall ever happen to us
except what Allaah has ordained for us.
He is our Maula (Lord, Helper and Protector)."
And in Allaah
let the believers put their trust." [At-Taubah 9:51]
"No kind of calamity can occur,
except by the leave of Allaah
And if any one believes in Allaah,
{Allaah} guides his heart (aright):
for Allaah knows all things." [At-Taghabun 64:11]
"...There did Allaah give you one distress after another
by way of requital
to teach you not to grieve
for that which had escaped you,
nor for that which had befallen you.
And Allaah is Well Aware of all that you do." [Al-Imran 3:153]
And Allah knows best in all matters
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