SISTERS: Do you have any problem living with in-laws after marriage?

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 02-28-2011

Assalamu Alaikum

For the blessings of the husband and the in-laws, would you live with your husbands family and look after them so long as they adhere to islam and arent sick or twisted?

Personally I think a mans responsibility is towards his mother moreso then his wife (although im sure many would argue that), therefore even if under different roofs a man and his wife are very likely to constantly (maybe daily) visit the mans mother and father.

Are you happy to be living with them? Looking after them? So long as they arent sick in the head, jelous, twisted ETC

Both my sisters happily agreed to live with the in-laws and live in harmony, there have been many problems but Alhamdulillaah the blessings are greater then the hardships.

What are your opinions sisters?

JazakALlah khair for sharing

**Cabdullahi** · 02-28-2011

you cannot live with the inlaws in a hamster house....its just not convenient

thats my opinon

**Neelofar** · 02-28-2011

I do agree with what Abdullahii has said because there's only so much that a person can take. You never really know what people are like until you live with them so I wouldn't mind living with my in-laws, until we could afford a place of our own or whatever but if I was suffocated Nd it was becoming a problem then I'd want to move out and would probably suggest to my husband that we go live with my mum and dad

**Rhubarb Tart** · 02-28-2011

salam

I used to live with my ex and his grandmother. I used to look after her (she was very frail).
Nope, I did not have a problem with her. In fact I loved her. I did not like it at the time because I was not used to it (not from a culture that practice this) and I valued my own personal space.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with culture that has this practice. I just think the women involved need to be given a choice on whether they can live with them and/or look after them. It should not be a must. I hate it when people make an obligation.

Kudos to those who don’t mind

Kudos to those who do mind.

**Salahudeen** · 02-28-2011

I think it depends on who is going to be living in the same house as the mother, take my situation for example, I am the only child so if I were to leave there would be no one to look after my mum so I would expect my wife to live with my mother, however if I had a brother or father I would prefer my own place with my wife. And there's the issue of non mehram brother living in the same house also. I think it really depends on the situation and cirumstances, you can't make a general rule for everyone because every situation is different.

**S.Belle** · 02-28-2011

there are pros and cons but i would only agree for like the first year of marriage and then i would want my own place because im just a very private person.

**Cabdullahi** · 02-28-2011

Originally Posted by Mila

there are pros and cons but i would only agree for like the first year of marriage and then i would want my own place because im just a very private person.

After the first year you are trapped!

**CosmicPathos** · 02-28-2011

Originally Posted by Salahudeen

I think it depends on who is going to be living in the same house as the mother, take my situation for example, I am the only child so if I were to leave there would be no one to look after my mum so I would expect my wife to live with my mother, however if I had a brother or father I would prefer my own place with my wife. And there's the issue of non mehram brother living in the same house also. I think it really depends on the situation and cirumstances, you can't make a general rule for everyone because every situation is different.

what if your brother thought the same thing as you i.e. salahudeen should live with parents and I will move out after marriage?

**CosmicPathos** · 02-28-2011

Originally Posted by Mila

there are pros and cons but i would only agree for like the first year of marriage and then i would want my own place because im just a very private person.

Just out of curiosity, would you also value your husband's private nature if he did not want to share much stuff with you?

**Rabi'ya** · 02-28-2011

my advice is......if you want a happy and prosperous marriage DO NOT live with in laws. Get your own place and live separately. Visit if you wish, but do not live there.

**Salahudeen** · 02-28-2011

Originally Posted by mad_scientist

what if your brother thought the same thing as you i.e. salahudeen should live with parents and I will move out after marriage?

I don't understand what you mean, I do not have a brother.

**CosmicPathos** · 03-01-2011

Originally Posted by Salahudeen

I don't understand what you mean, I do not have a brother.

yes you dont. what if you did and he thought what i wrote.

**Salahudeen** · 03-01-2011

Originally Posted by mad_scientist

yes you dont. what if you did and he thought what i wrote.

Then I would live with my mother and get the reward of looking after her. The reason I said I would move out if I had a brother is cos I am very protective and would not like a non mehram looking and mixing with my wife, even if he is my brother. But if he moves out then I would stay there happily with my wife.

**GuestFellow** · 03-01-2011

Salaam,

I would not mind. I can tolerate a lot of nonsense.

**tigerkhan** · 03-01-2011

i dont know y but now a days i observing much hazards in combine life............................................
actually i am now a days observing how these cultural values destroy person deen and dunia.........its sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sadddd

**Amat Allah** · 03-01-2011

Wa Alikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

I would want my own private place but if my future husband (by Allah`s Willing) would have the same situation as our respected brother Salahudeen then I won`t mind ever... we are meant to ease things for each other and understand the needs of each other and I believe that the parents come first ...and if marrying someone would make one of my parents upset then I prefer to die single just for the sake of Allah and btw that what made me single till this moment after Allah and Alhamdulillah I am happy and pleased and we have to remember that we will only have or take what Allah had written for us and what wasn`t meant to be for us then it won`t no matter what...and Alhamdulillah for all Allah`s blessings.

May Allah grant each one of you the perfect match Ameeeen

**nature** · 03-01-2011

I guess it depends on what the in-laws are like ? whether there are other siblings within the household ? Ive seen marriages destroyed living with in-laws, but also some propsper. If there oldies and good deen orientated people and have no1 else to look after them, only have 1 son, then i guess it would be mean to leave them on their own, & i wouldnt have a problem. but if there capable of looking after themselves then i wud prefer to move out, after a week at the most, esp if there were other siblings in the house. In the first year of marriage you dont really wana be queing with the BIL waiting for the bathroom. It just depends on the individuals circumstances i guess.

Its difficult looking after old people, some women have more tolerance than others. from what ive seen the younger generation nowadays dont even respect their mothers let alone MIL's.

**'Abd Al-Maajid** · 03-01-2011

Originally Posted by Guestfellow

Salaam,

I would not mind. I can tolerate a lot of nonsense.

the question was for sisters...

obviously you would not have any problem cuz would would not live with your in-laws anyhow

**muslimsister1** · 03-01-2011

Hope you are all in gud health by the grace of Almighty Allah SWT, this is a intresting topic, Alhumdolilah i am coming to 3 years of my marige this june. I live with my husband and my inlaws and Alhumdolilah we all get alng well. Wen i frst gt married my BIL was living with us but moved out after a 1-1 1/2 yers so now its just the 4 of us.

I understand that it does depned on what your inlws are like but at the same time it up to you to put jst as much effort in, weneva i feel like i need a breather i talk to my hubby and tel him ow i feel, this is the only way he can help you. Before we gt married my hubby asked me if i wanted to live with his parents or on are own, i sed wiv parents... i think i have alwys bin like dat.

I would not like the thought of taking him away frm his fam, i knw you can visit but its completey diff.. wen i feel dwn and speak to my hubby he alwys says to me that we are so lucky dat we are getting his parents daily and Alhumdollilah that is what keep me going. I always think abouit my parents, i still have one bro who has to get married and i think what if he was to move out and lev my parents i wouldnt like it so y are my inlaws any diff, their still human, stil have feelings and their are parnets too.

Parents are a blessing in every way, yeh they will get old and frail, they will need looking after more as they get older and they will get needy for attention and love but the duas u get from them is on a different level altogether, they always have ur best intrest at heart even tho it wont seem like that at the time.

Try ur best not to see your inlaws as your hubbys parents.. that is the root of the negative thinking, think of them as your own, think how you would want your parnets to be treated and looked after. Inshaallah with this think Allah will help you through difficulties and duas that you will Inshaallah get from bthe sets of parents. Most importantly if your husband is happy then Allah SWT will be happy wiv u.

**gladTidings** · 03-01-2011

I guess it totally depends on the individual. The biggest issue for me would be the issue of hijab in front of brother-in-laws or other visitors, I know how difficult it is to constantly maintain the hijab in the home.. I would like to think I don't have to think about such issues within my own home. Otherwise, I have been raised in a larger than average family so I like to have other people around me...and free baby sitters =P