What to do in a heated situation?

[salman11246]

I recently got into a situation where I was the target of someone's hurt ego and it got physical. Should I have turned the other cheek?

Is it better to be forgiving or to stand up for one's right to defend himself?

The answer would be much appreciated. I don't live in a particularly good environment and situations like the above are common.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

if you're oppressed, you should stand up for yourself. however it should noted that standing up for yourself isn't always inclusive of shouting, or hitting back, etc...i/e sometimes you dont need to do that. one could stand up for themselves by not doing anything at all becuase in some cases it will make the other person look bad.
so you should consider other methods of "standing up for yourself" but still have the effect of making the other person stop pestering you. be careful of using physical means to stand up for yourself even if you are in the right becuase there is no telling where anger will take you.

[Woodrow]

I only know it has been over 40 years since the last time I had a physical confrontation with anybody and since than I have won every heated situation I have been in. Without causing any physical harm or receiving any, Words can be an unbeatable weapon, when used correctly.

[Hamza Asadullah]

I recently got into a situation where I was the target of someone's hurt ego and it got physical. Should I have turned the other cheek?

Is it better to be forgiving or to stand up for one's right to defend himself?

The answer would be much appreciated. I don't live in a particularly good environment and situations like the above are common.

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Firstly my brother know that it is a very voilent world we live in where physical confrontations and voilence are an all too common way in which many of us resolve our conflicts. But if you can avoid a situation where there is likelihood of physical confrontation then surely you must try your best to avoid it using all means possible. If someone is angry and hurt then why flare up their anger even more by putting oil into the fire. Instead put water into the fire and be calm and gentle even though the other person maybe hyper and emotional. However if someone is being injust to you then you must use your wisdom and tact in such situations and try to resolve it in a gentle but firm manner. However physical force should only be used as a last resort. Like for example:

1. If a person physically attacks you even though you have tried your best to calm the situation down then you should first try to restrain them but if that does not work then you should defend yourself using reasonable force and stop if the person has submitted. But if you make the situation worse by swearing shouting back etc then it ends up turning voilent because of that then surely you will also be blameworthy and at fault.

2. If a person attacks a member of your family, friends or another Muslim or even non Muslim in an injust manner then you should firstly try and tell them to stop if that does not work then physically restrain them using reasonable force but if they attack you or continue to physically hurt the other person when you are only trying to restrain them then you should use reasonable physical force until they have submitted or stopped.

Every situation is different but it is far better to avoid any physical confrontation if possible and most confrontations can be avoided by being calm and using wisdom and tact. It is also far better to forgive a person even though they may be at fault for surely Allah may forgive your fault/s on the day of judgement when it is you who may have been at fault.

We cannot expect for Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teaching. Allah says in the Quran: "those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive" (al-Shura 42:37)

The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ALaihi wasallam said: "The best deed before Allah is to pardon a person who has wronged you, to show affection for relatives who have broken ties with you, and to act generously towards a person who has deprived you". Thereafter he recited the following holy verses: "Turn to forgiveness and enjoin good and turn aside from ignorant" (7:199).

Qatadah was asked, “Which person has the highest standing?” He replied, “The one most abundant in his pardon.”

And the great reward given to the one who is forgiving and pardons others...

The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ALaihi Wasallam) was seated in a gathering with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.” At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A Sahabi WaS curious as to why the Prophet .‘ said this, so he followed the man to his house. This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said, “There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart."

May Allah give us all the ability to forgive others for the wrong they do to us, and May Allah forgive us all for our sins - Ameen

So my brother turn to Allah and avoid being in the company of those who it becomes a likelihood that you may get into confrontations. Instead choose good and pious company. Attend the masjid and keep close contact with brothers from there. Spend your time in the worship of Allah for our time is short. It is better to be alone in worship than to be out there with bad company. So disregard harmful company and instead establish close connection to the house of Allah and those who fear Allah and make the best of every second for any second could be your last.

And Allah knows best in all matters