IS it allowed?

[anonymous]

If there is a muslim - revert brother who has a past in relationships that are beyond islamic levels e.g zina and things like that, and he already has children from these relationships, but after he becomes muslim he meets a muslim woman and he wants to marry her , if the female is a virgin and she is a bit insecure about this she is afraid that he might betray her or something what should she do?

especially is he is a man whom many women are interested in due to him being handsome ,,etc?
what do advise her?

please give me more insight because i think it is important.

[جوري]

Question is one of trust.. Trust is earned.. has he earned it? I don't think anyone can comment on someone's character beyond that if they haven't met the person. Being a Muslim is already a huge change in character and it brings with it many good traits and building honesty and trust is one of them insha'Allah..

[Hamza Asadullah]

If there is a muslim - revert brother who has a past in relationships that are beyond islamic levels e.g zina and things like that, and he already has children from these relationships, but after he becomes muslim he meets a muslim woman and he wants to marry her , if the female is a virgin and she is a bit insecure about this she is afraid that he might betray her or something what should she do?

especially is he is a man whom many women are interested in due to him being handsome ,,etc?
what do advise her?

please give me more insight because i think it is important.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

1. Firstly the sister should ONLY be in contact with him through a mahram as this is the only permissable way and it will also bring peace, blessings and the help of Allah to her search for a marriage partner.

Her mahram can be cc'd to the e mail interaction or be there when they meet or can listen in to phone conversations. As long as the mahram is present in the interactions then shaythan cannot be third party.

2. Secondly and most importantly the sister should establish his level of deen and how practising he is. She should consider whether or not he will benefit her in terms of deen and whether or not she thinks he will help her on her journey to the hereafter. He should be a good and pious man.

3. She should also consider his character and whether or not he is humble and of a good nature and temperament and whether his character is the kind of character she is looking for and whether or not she can spend the rest of her life with a man of such a character.

4. She should also consult with her parents and talk to them about the potential and take their naseeha(advice).

5. If she is happy with his deen and character but she is still unsure then she should make isthikhara a few times and beg of Allah for help regarding this matter and to put her FULL trust and faith in Allah that he will do what is best for her.

After that whatever will happen will happen for the best as long as she goes about this in the right and permissable way.
So if she ends up marrying him then he was best for her but if she doesnt then Allah has someone better in store for her.

May Allah do what is best for her in this matter. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters

[tigerkhan]

for me the strength in one personality and character is first thing.
maybe its better to do istkhara.

[anonymous]

Yes it is a matter of trust , at first she deeply trusted him , but then things like the children and his relation ship with the mother , etc and also
if she does marry him and she gave him her innocence will it mean anything to him , or not? that's a question especially that they live in the west..



he's a very good muslim , he has a very good character , many ethics and good things , she thinks he will be agreat husband but she is really afraid because she doesnt want to be hurt.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaamu alaikum. No one wants to be hurt. We all want happiness. That is why it is so important to marry a person who is right for us in everyway.

I think character and piety are the most important factors of all. Also ones past should not be used against someone if they are a completely different person now.

It may be that he is most regretful of his past and it may be that since the big changes occurred in his life that he is nothing like what he did in his past and wants nothing more but to forget about it and live his life devoted to deen.

But she should not get herself into something she will regret later. It maybe that when she gets closer to him after marriage that the fact he has been with other women may bother her even more. It may also be that she may continue having trust issues and that is most unhealthy in a marriage.

So if she can't get passed these issues or she thinks she may have trouble in doing so then she should reconsider. If she thinks she can then She should talk to him only through her mahram and after that if she is still unsure then she should do isthikhara a few times asking of Allah sincerely to do what is best for her. Then she should know Allah will do what is best for her.

And Allah knows best in all matters

[Ansariyah]

Everyone has something that they value, respect admire, want in a future spouse. People who have been chaste, want someone who is the same. So I think this sista in question likes everything about this guy except the fact that hes not a virgin like her.

So I would suggest 2 things, first this guy is a Muslim now we cant judge him according to his past. In Islam a person who reverts is like a new born, all of his sins are erased. But to some of us thats still not enough and I dont blame you. But what would be wrong is to make this individual feel bad about his past, and waste his time if you really wont trust him. He cant change wat happened in the past.

You mentioned that hes handsome, and that many women want to marry him. Whats that to you? What matters is are u willing to be the one who will marry him?

You need to ask yourself if you can live with the fact that hes been with other women. If you honestly cant, do what you think is right.

[anonymous]

I don't care about the past , it;s over with , but my worries about the future and i do want to marry him
i have strong feelings for him , but i dont want to get hurt in the future , and i dont mind his unvirginity im just worried that he wont be faithfull to me in the future ,

[Hamza Asadullah]

Then it is clear you have trust issues. If you have these issues now then i dont know how you will not continue to have them in the future. It is for you to judge whether you can get over these issues or not. If you know you cant then reconsider. If your unsure then make isthikhara a few times asking of Allah sincerely to do what is best for you so if you do end up marrying him then it was best for you but if you don't then Allah has someone better in store for you.

Whatever you do you must never develop feelings for him or anyone else before marriage as that way shaythan is third party in your interactions and you will also be in pain if things do not progress. Rather you should get your mahram involved. This is a safety measure and prevents shaythan being third party to your interactions.

May Allah do what is best for you. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters

[Ansariyah]

I don't care about the past , it;s over with , but my worries about the future and i do want to marry him
i have strong feelings for him , but i dont want to get hurt in the future , and i dont mind his unvirginity im just worried that he wont be faithfull to me in the future ,

Why would he not be faithful to you though? Do you know anything about his character that suggests that?

I'm a lil confused why you would be worried cause you mentioned that he has good character.

Watever it is thats bothering you I hope Allah helps you with it ameen.