How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
Last edited by Salahudeen; 05-31-2011 at 10:06 AM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
That's a very good question. It's a problem of all of us. May be some things could help like :
- trying to not think about these memories, or to think about other things if they come to your mind.
- be patient and keep in mind that time is a very good healer. As days pass we could forget anything.
- sometimes forgetting something is not possible/easy. But I think instead of trying to forget an event because it's depressing, may be it's more useful to try to make this memry less painful and less depressing : if we change the way we look to it.
Some people have some memories of accidents or loss of people they loved. They can't erase that event because it's a part of their life. But it's better to try to look differently to that event and make it less depressing when we convince ourselves it's something from the past, and we have to go on in our life and think about the future, or may be we can make it a source of inspiration and learn from our errors or our losses.
"O you who believe! Fear ALLAH as He should be feared" [aal 'Imraan, 102]
The extent to which we remember and pay attention to bad stuff that has happened to us depends on our perspective. The best thing would be to think long term, in that we should fully appreciate that this life is very fleeting and temporary in comparison to the vastness of the hereafter. In light of which, it is not befitting to dwell too much on relatively insignificant issues.
Also, instead of thinking of our painful past experiences as freak horrible sad disgusting things to mourn about and feel depressed and pity over, it would be better if we considered them in the light of Allah having used them to build our character, as a protection from evil deeds and a means of making us more inclined toward asking him for help. With this mindset, we can apply a positive spin to our experiences. I.e. it was a necessary experience that we have overcome and grown stronger from. Without what happened to us, we'd be very different people.
There is wisdom behind everything that happens. I'd say we should submit to the wisdom of Allah and move on. Life is a journey and we go through many different phases. There will always be ups and downs. Some moments will be extremely sad whilst others joyful. Don't get stuck dwelling on either but keep the end of the journey in sight.
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
If you were busy working toward a goal that you keenly desire, you wouldn't have time to dwell on past memories.
It is pointless to watch other people's houses crumbling when our own house is in need of repair and attention.
I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
I don't know if forgetting your memories would help you more. Often the past contains important lessons for us which we must never forget. Lessons that teach us and remind us about our weaknesses, limitations and our absolute dependence on Allah for everything.
If remembering the past is difficult for you because of the mistakes you might have made, then I do not at all recommend forgetting such memories. On the contrary, you must recall the past, think about your mistakes, feel remorse, pain and regret over it and weep, asking Allah for forgiveness! What a heart-cleanser and blessing that would be!
It is pointless to watch other people's houses crumbling when our own house is in need of repair and attention.
I don't know if forgetting your memories would help you more. Often the past contains important lessons for us which we must never forget. Lessons that teach us and remind us about our weaknesses, limitations and our absolute dependence on Allah for everything.
If remembering the past is difficult for you because of the mistakes you might have made, then I do not at all recommend forgetting such memories. On the contrary, you must recall the past, think about your mistakes, feel remorse, pain and regret over it and weep, asking Allah for forgiveness! What a heart-cleanser and blessing that would be!
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 05-31-2011 at 08:51 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
It's better to have made the wrong choice than not to have made a choice at all. If the choice was right, then all is well. If it was the wrong choice, you would learn something from it and become wiser. Either way, whether right or wrong, it's good.
It is pointless to watch other people's houses crumbling when our own house is in need of repair and attention.
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
Brother, I can sympathize with this one. I have spent so much time of my life living in my past, analyzing my mistakes, trying to figure out where things went horribly wrong. But I tend to think that things happen for a reason, and the choices that you make are for the most part the choices you're supposed to make. There's a reason why I am here now. I don't know what that is yet, but maybe I'll figure it out.
If you do nothing, you accomplish nothing, and you'll be left to wonder what might have been. "What if?"s can be terrible things to live with.
We will forget everything when we die . Full stop that's the easiest answer . I don't think that i will forget lifting chopped bodies of my friends in south lebanon when i was in the army.
Last edited by Getoffmyback; 05-31-2011 at 09:04 PM.
Reason: When i was in the army@
Brother, I can sympathize with this one. I have spent so much time of my life living in my past, analyzing my mistakes, trying to figure out where things went horribly wrong. But I tend to think that things happen for a reason, and the choices that you make are for the most part the choices you're supposed to make. There's a reason why I am here now. I don't know what that is yet, but maybe I'll figure it out.
If you do nothing, you accomplish nothing, and you'll be left to wonder what might have been. "What if?"s can be terrible things to live with.
Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Salaam, I wouldn't want to erase any memories some which have made me stronger as a person and I wouldn't exchange some of my amazing memories for anything.
Allah unfolded your past life as it turned out to be. Why do you want to forget past memories? You cant forget them. They are relics of your past existence. Yea they will continue to harbinger depression but such is the humanly life. Swarms of humanly animals walking about on Earth, a representation of an ant's nest.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
I once read a hadith on this issue.
"Seek the help of Allah and do not succumb to feebleness. And when an affliction strikes you, say, "Allah has decreed this, and He does as He wills.'' Do not say, "Had I done this or that, this or that would have happened, because "if'' opens the door wide for the work of Ash-Shaytan"
Don't know the references but apparently it's in Sahih Muslim. Allah knows best.
It is indeed a hard thing! But try keep your mind focused on other things in life, maybe those memories will go away, take yourself away from those people that make those memories come back if you havent, if possible. There are some memories I have from when i was a child and i can still remember them so i think it is a pretty difficult task but never give up! Though as times moves along, those memories will remain memories and wont bother you as much as they do now, so just continue with life and keep yourself busy with life.
Ask Allaah to help you.
Also remember Allaah often, that should help insha'Allaah
.. peace ..
Last edited by Ğħαrєєвαħ; 05-31-2011 at 09:47 PM.
"Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), Al-Hayyul-Qayyum (the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists).".."[Al Qur'aan 3:2]
"Seek the help of Allah and do not succumb to feebleness. And when an affliction strikes you, say, "Allah has decreed this, and He does as He wills.'' Do not say, "Had I done this or that, this or that would have happened, because "if'' opens the door wide for the work of Ash-Shaytan"
Don't know the references but apparently it's in Sahih Muslim. Allah knows best.
But the thing I dont understand is, I made the choice, Allah might have decreed it but he gave me the free will to make the choice so the question comes, was it the right 1. He never forced me to make the choice I made even though he knew which 1 I would make and it was in his decree. Is my understanding wrong?
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
Making mistakes in my past really used to bother me. I can't tell you how much time I've wasted worrying about what I've said and done in the past and how it could have been different.
In recent years, I have begun to think that the universe unfolds as it should, and what we do is what we're supposed to do. Allah knows why you're where you are today, just as He knows where I am and why. We can't see the future, nor do we know what Allah's plan is. Our vision is limited by our short-sightedness.
Advsersity will happen in your life, and you will make mistakes. Allah has already said this. It's not whether or not you make a mistake that makes you the man you are. It's how you deal with the mistakes you make and the adversity that comes your way.
But the thing I dont understand is, I made the choice, Allah might have decreed it but he gave me the free will to make the choice so the question comes, was it the right 1. He never forced me to make the choice I made even though he knew which 1 I would make and it was in his decree. Is my understanding wrong?
I'm not sure how to answer this bro. However, this kind of question, I never personally have cause to ask myself. Simply because I never allow myself to be in such a position.
You can do it too. Take the fact that we don't know what the future will hold for us. This means, every choice we make, ideally we should make it after having consultation with Allah via dua and istikharah. E.g. even something simple like 'Oh Allah, guide me to whichever action is good for me in the long run' will do.
Now, when we make dua, we ought to do it with full conviction, we should have trust/tawakul in Allah and fully submit our cause to him when we make our dua and accept his wisdom over us. That way, we remain content whatever happens, as we know Allah is the one who guided is in our choice (remember, full conviction, hence there is no doubt that it is Allah's guidance, even if things seem bad on the surface). So since we have sought advice from Allah (the All Wise) we never let ourselves get into a position where we need to wonder whether we made the right choice, because by default it's going to be the best one. We have to trust in Allah, of course.
Try to make it habit to ask Allah for guidance on even the smallest of matters.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, "Strange is the affair of the Mu'min (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu'mmin." [Muslim]
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that's the easiest answer . I don't think that i will forget lifting chopped bodies of my friends in south lebanon when i was in the army.
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