ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ

[~Zaria~]

ღღ•*´¨`*•.¸ღ✿ Ten ways to achieve lasting love ✿ღ¸.•*´¨`*•ღღ

Husbands and wives should do the following:

❤1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.

A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.

Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.

Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does.


❤2. Husbands and wives have to get into the habit of doing those little things that mean so much.

If a man comes home to find his wife asleep, he can cover her and tuck her into bed.
A husband can give his wife a call from work just to say hello and to let her know that he is thinking about her.

If a wife finds that her husband has fallen asleep, she can give him a little kiss on the forehead, even if she thinks that he will not be aware of it. Indeed, on some level his senses are working even though he is asleep and he may very well be aware of it.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) emphasized the value of these little things, “…even the morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth…” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

It may very well be that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was alluding to the expenditure of a man for his wife’s needs. Nonetheless, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) chose to express it in the way he did for a reason. Most importantly, this is the way the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) conducted himself with his family.

This type of behavior is governed by the tastes of the people involved. It may take some getting used to, but it really does not take a lot of effort.

A person who is not accustomed to such things may feel embarrassed just hearing about them and may prefer to leave matters the way they are rather than try to change his behavior and do things that he might see as ridiculous.

Still, we must be willing introduce new habits into our lives if we do not want our problems to go on forever.


❤3. The husband and wife must set aside time to talk to each other.

They should talk about the past; reminisce about the good times. Talking about them keeps them fresh in our minds as if they had happened only yesterday. They should talk about the future and share their hopes and their plans. They should also talk about the present, both the good and bad of it, and discuss different ways to solve their problems.


❤4. Keeping close physical contact is good for the relationship.

This is not just for times of intimacy, but at all times, like when sitting in the lounge or walking down the street. This is regardless of the fact that there are still men in our society who are ashamed to have people see them walking in public with their wives at their sides.


❤5. Emotional support should be guaranteed whenever it is required.

When the wife is pregnant or on her monthly period, she may need her husband to lend her a little moral support. He should take her mental state into consideration. Medical experts attest to the fact that when women go through pregnancy, menstruation, or postpartum bleeding, they suffer from psychological stress that can aversely affect their behavior. It is at times like these that a woman needs her husband’s support. She needs him to let her know how much she means to him and how much he needs her in his life.

Likewise, the husband might fall ill or come under a lot of difficulties. The wife must take these things into consideration. If people want their relationship to last, they must let each other feel that support.


❤6. There has to be some material expressions of love.

Gifts should be given, sometimes without there being any occasion for it, since a pleasant surprise is always welcome. A good gift is one that expresses feelings of affection. It does not have to be expensive, but it has to be appropriate for the other’s tastes and personality; something that will be cherished.


❤7. The husband and wife have to learn how to be more tolerant of each other and overlook one another’s shortcomings.

It should become a habit to forget about the little mistakes of daily life and not even bring them up. Silence in these trivialities is a sign of noble character.

A woman said to `آ’ishah: “When my husband comes home, he becomes like a cat. When he goes out, he becomes like a lion. He does not ask about what might have happened.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Ibn Hajar explains her words as follows:
They might mean that he is very generous and tolerant. He does not make a big fuss about what goes missing of his wealth. If he brings something for the house, he does not enquire about it later on. He does not make an issue of the shortcomings that he might see at home but instead is clement and tolerant.

It is wrong to go overboard in considering the faults of others but when it comes to ourselves, keep a running account of all our good qualities.

There is a tradition that goes: “One of you sees the dust in his brother’s eyes and forgets about the dirt in his own.”


❤8. A husband and wife must come to an understanding when it comes to matters of mutual concern, like the raising of children, work, travel, expenses, and problems that might pose a threat to the marital relationship.


❤9. Husbands and wives need to do things to liven up their relationship.

Each one of them can read a book or listen to a cassette that might give them some ideas on how they can revitalize their marital life and bring more meaning to it. They can vary their habits when it comes to relaxing together, dining, taking refreshments, decorating their home, and in relating to each other both openly and intimately. These are the things that keep up the excitement and interest in a relationship.


❤10. The relationship must be protected from negative influences that can harm it.

One of the worst of these is the habit of comparing one’s spouse to others. Many men tend to compare their wives to those of other men. Some even compare them with the faces they see in magazines and on television. Women also compare their husbands with other women’s husbands in things like wealth, looks, and how many times he takes her out. All of this makes people feel bad and insufficient and it can ruin the marital relationship.

If we must compare ourselves to others, we should do so with those who have less going for them than ourselves. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

We must accustom ourselves to living in the real world and to finding contentment in what Allah has decreed for us. We should not look longingly at what others have been given. Whatever little that we have will be a lot if we utilize it well.

Source: Unknown

[Paprika]

I hate the fact that we have to do so much just to keep someone happy.

Sometimes I wish I could just be alone.....

[ardianto]

Very very good article.

Jazaaki-llaahu khayran

[~Zaria~]

I hate the fact that we have to do so much just to keep someone happy.

Sometimes I wish I could just be alone.....

Assalamu-alaikum,

It does not feel like an effort when we perform any action out of LOVE (for both our spouse and Allah).

In fact, when in love - you will desire to do even more than expected.....just to see your beloved happy : )

We should be desirous of marriage - not only to fulfill the commands of Allah (subhanwataála) and his nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) for those who have the means, but also as a means of warding from Shaytaan and temptation.
And Alhamdulillah, man was not created to live a life in solitude.


Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3096, Narrated Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

[ardianto]

I hate the fact that we have to do so much just to keep someone happy.

Do you know how much the parents have done to keep their kids happy?. But they never complain.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I hate the fact that we have to do so much just to keep someone happy.

Sometimes I wish I could just be alone.....

I think we'll naturally want to keep our other half happy though lol, assuming we find each other interesting and havent been forced to get involved with someone that repels us (the very thought is chilling!!)

[ardianto]

Today doctor said, he will try new medicine for my wife, and it's expensive. Okay, I have prepared the money. I just want my wife get well because she really wants it. She's not just my life-mate or the mother of my kids, but someone who given by Allah to me. There is amanah, a mandate from Allah which I must keep, to make her happy.

But I can feel, Allah is fair. He is not only give me amanah, but also give love in my heart. This is the power that make her survive, she often told me about it.

Whatever people say about love, I just know that love is a grace from Allah.

[Paprika]

Assalamu-alaikum,

It does not feel like an effort when we perform any action out of LOVE (for both our spouse and Allah).

In fact, when in love - you will desire to do even more than expected.....just to see your beloved happy : )

We should be desirous of marriage - not only to fulfill the commands of Allah (subhanwataála) and his nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) for those who have the means, but also as a means of warding from Shaytaan and temptation.
And Alhamdulillah, man was not created to live a life in solitude.


Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3096, Narrated Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

and if this love doesn't happen??? Life becomes the greatest test......

[Paprika]

Do you know how much the parents have done to keep their kids happy?. But they never complain.

You simply cannot compare parental love with that of a spouse. Parental love is mostly unconditional, marital love has a lot of conditions.....

[Paprika]

I think we'll naturally want to keep our other half happy though lol, assuming we find each other interesting and havent been forced to get involved with someone that repels us (the very thought is chilling!!)

My feelings exactly.

[ardianto]

marital love has a lot of conditions.....

Marital love or extra-marital love?

Extra-marital love has a lot of conditions. I know it. The first girl who I wanted to marry left me because those "lot of conditions". But before I marry the woman who now becomes my wife, we had learn about meaning and purpose of marriage. And it can make us love each other unconditionally.

Unfortunately, there are married couple who do not understand the meaning and purpose of marriage. It make them love their spouse with lot of condition, and they are easy to divorce.

The success and happy marriage is marriage which the husband and wife can love each other unconditionally.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

The success and happy marriage is marriage which the husband and wife can love each other unconditionally.

I cant ever see myself understanding that lol

[ardianto]

I cant ever see myself understanding that lol

Because you are still unmarried. Insha Allah,one day after you got married you will understand.

Typical of unconditional love is give, give, and give. The husband always want to give something to his wife without expect anything from her. The wife always want to gives something to the husband without expect anything from him. Different than conditional love that "take and give". The husband wants his wife follow what he wants, the wife wants her husband follow what she wants. If they get what they want, their level of love would increased, if they don't get what they want, their level of love would decreased.

Unconditional love between husband and wife would be happen only after they really understand the meaning of marriage. It's need time. How long this time is very determined by their level of maturity.

The happy and success marriage is a marriage when both parties love each other unconditionally. Remember, both parties. If only one party, it's not success marriage.

[dysphoricrocker]

Such a good article. It'll help me alot ...when i get married that is.

[Paprika]

Marital love or extra-marital love?

Extra-marital love has a lot of conditions. I know it. The first girl who I wanted to marry left me because those "lot of conditions". But before I marry the woman who now becomes my wife, we had learn about meaning and purpose of marriage. And it can make us love each other unconditionally.

Unfortunately, there are married couple who do not understand the meaning and purpose of marriage. It make them love their spouse with lot of condition, and they are easy to divorce.

The success and happy marriage is marriage which the husband and wife can love each other unconditionally.

Sorry bro I don't buy in. Love in marriage is nothing but kindness, love is kindness. Be kind to your wife and she MIGHT love you, or she might still not. Be nasty to her and thats it, she will hate you all the way to your grave and beyond....

Your parents on the other hand, be kind to them or not they will still love you. Love in marriage will only overlook petty wrong actions not major ones. Imo marital love is overated..........

[ardianto]

Sorry bro I don't buy in. Love in marriage is nothing but kindness, love is kindness. Be kind to your wife and she MIGHT love you, or she might still not. Be nasty to her and thats it, she will hate you all the way to your grave and beyond....

Your parents on the other hand, be kind to them or not they will still love you. Love in marriage will only overlook petty wrong actions not major ones. Imo marital love is overated..........

I have been married for almost 18 years, and I live among married couples. I often discuss about marriage with them.

Of course I know much about marriage life, including love in marriage.

[~Zaria~]

Sorry bro I don't buy in. Love in marriage is nothing but kindness, love is kindness. Be kind to your wife and she MIGHT love you, or she might still not. Be nasty to her and thats it, she will hate you all the way to your grave and beyond....

Your parents on the other hand, be kind to them or not they will still love you. Love in marriage will only overlook petty wrong actions not major ones. Imo marital love is overated..........

Which is why we should always make duaa that Allah blesses us with pious, righteous AND compatible spouses.

Love is a two-way street, and both parties need to be equally committed to ensuring that the others needs are met.

Many marriages end, not because of a lack of love within the marriage......but because of an imbalance of love.

The one loves too much......the other, not enough.

This is not to mean that generally 'marital love is overated'.........those high on the bliss of love will beg to disagree : )

Trust in Allah, and make duaa that He blesses us with spouses who are the coolness to our eyes and the means of entering Jannah.

[Riana17]

LOVE IT... thanks for sharing Sister


May Allah bless all the marriage couple. Ameen

[~Zaria~]

EDIT to OP:

'ELEVEN' Ways to Achieve Lasting Love:

11. Women to remember:

lol :'D

[Jedi_Mindset]

EDIT to OP:

'ELEVEN' Ways to Achieve Lasting Love:

11. Women to remember:

lol :'D

Hahaha, needed to smile seeing that, and it truly reflects on society of today. women want to marry a man often for his status, his money while keeping aside his deen. And yes, its kind of a problem. Ofcourse its good when your husband has good income, so he can take better for the family, but with more effort a poorer person can do the same.

But DEEN and good character are most important

By knowing each other nature, that will work out much better. women should know that men often have little patience, so they should think about that, men should know that women are more emotional beings, and therefore should act wisely to not upset her.