I'm wanting some Islamic perspectives on what I have experienced.
Six months ago I was introduced to a brother for marriage purposes and after 2 meetings with mahram present, we had decided that we were compatible and that our next step would be istikahara and the proposal for marriage. For one reason or another the istikhara wasn't done straight away however his mum had been to visit and 'see' me.
The visit went well and my family were told that it was the beginning of many more visits as they were happy with what they had seen and would like me to marry their son.
During the visit however, caste was mentioned and my parents were clear that to us caste wasn't of importance but rather the Islamic qualities of the boy and his family. I and the potential partner were in contact as we thought that engagement was on the cards. Unknowingly his mum became reluctant as she was afraid of what people would say if they found out I was from a different caste and she tried convincing her son to marry others.
The potential partner knew what he wanted so did all in his power at the time to convince his mum that I would make a good muslim wife. His family knew ours so they had proof that we are a good family etc We struggled with his mums doubts for quite some time and although we both knew it was wrong we had grown closer as time went on. We then decided that it was Islamically;best if we cut all contact and moved on with our lives regardless of what we both wanted.
During this time of no contact I became distraught and felt as though I were fighting a losing battle. I wasn't content with the decision we had made therefore I began my istikhara. I had performed it seven nights in a row and each night had a different dream all with a positive islamic meaning, I and the potential partner had gone from no contact for over a month to contact and his mum asking for my hand in marriage.
My Istikhara was heart felt and sincere and alhamduliah I were given my answer as doors leading to marriage had opened. My family accepted the proposal and happily the wedding preparations began. I later found out that he had performed istikhara during the same time as I did however we weren't ;in contact but the result was our engagement and a positive inclination
A month passed and the word of our engagement spread, my family were happy that I had finally settled for what I still believe to be a compatible partner and his family thought the same until people speculated about our caste difference. Some family members of his began meddaling and made his mum believe that it was a bigger issue than what it is. She found it hard to digest that people were talking and decided that it was only right that our engagement was called off.
My family felt disrespected by her decision and explained that she had no Islamic grounding after her word had been given however she wouldn't need to answer to us but it is Allah who she will have to answer to. The potential partner had tried to convince his parents that he was happy and that the action they were planning to take was wrong but it was taken anyway without his permission
His family are strict on the topic and he feels hurt with the experience as do I. We both want marriage as we feel that we are compatible and its others who have stood in the way but by staying in contact we are committing sin.
I'd like to know whether his mum calling the engagement off could be a sign not to marry him but I feel confused as we'd got engaged as a result of a positive istikhara and marriage was made easy at the time
I'd also like to know whether performing another istikhara would be wise
I hope I've given a good explanation, any help and advice is welcome
Jazakallah khair for reading
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 03-18-2013 at 03:32 AM.
Aselam aleykum
Sorry to be so blunt, but the idea that istakhara is answered in a dream is a common misconception. If you read a translation of the istakhara dua (or if you understand the arabic version) it should become clear what this dua is supposed to bring.
Thank you for your response and yes I am aware that istikhara isn't always necessarily answered through dreams. Forgive me for my lack of explanation, our engagement was the result of our istikhara and marriage had been made easy as a result. The meddling of others had began long before we were engaged. I'm not questioning my istikhara, I'm questioning the action I take now.
I'd also like to know whether performing another istikhara would be wise
Just wanted to add something regarding this:
You may perform the Istikhaarah prayer once again. The scholars of the Maaliki and Hanafi Schools of jurisprudence are of the opinion that repeating the Istikhaarah is desirable since it is a kind of insistence in supplication which is beloved by Allaah. It is reported from the Prophet that "whenever he supplicates, he repeats it thrice, and whenever he asks Allaah he repeats it thrice." [Muslim]
The Istikhaarah prayer is legislated to seek Allaah's Help and asking Him for what is better, so if the person who performs the Istikhaarah does not feel tranquility and peace of mind, he may repeat the prayer so that he feels at ease and feels tranquility for doing something.
Imam An-Nawawi said: "One should do what he feels comfortable in doing; therefore, he should not rely on something he feels comfortable with based on his desires before the Istikhaarah. Rather, a person who performs the Istikhaarah should give up his own choice, otherwise he does not perform the Istikhaarah to Allaah but performs the Istikhaarah to his own desires. He may not be honest in seeking the Istikhaarah and in confirming the Attributes of Knowledge and Power to Allaah. If one is sincere in praying the Istikhaarah, he declares himself lacking knowledge and power as well as (leaving) his own choice."
To conclude, it is desirable to repeat the Istikhaarah if one does not feel comfortable and does not feel tranquility at the first place.
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that "whenever he supplicates, he repeats it thrice, and whenever he asks Allaah he repeats it thrice." [Muslim]
. May Allaah
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