I have copied & pasted this info from a blog but once again i am unable to past the link as i am a new user. So apologies in advance - if you need the link let me know.
Ibn Ismaa’eel Al-Barzaanee reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri said,“Acquaint yourself with fewer people, and as a result, you will backbite less (frequently).”
Sufyaan ath-Thawri (may Allah have mercy on him) said that, One foolishly compromised one’s religion when one kept too many friends. Having too many acquaintances diverts one from one’s duty towards one’s Lord, for a person who has many friends is always busy socializing with them and fulfilling their rights over him; so he becomes preoccupied with people when he really should be preoccupied with his religious duties. The ill-effects of being too gregarious can last well beyond a social gathering. Sufyaan said, “I might meet a brother and as a result, remain heedless (of what I should be doing) for an entire month.”
Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.”
Bakr ibn Muhammad Al-’Aabid related that Sufyaan ath-Thawri once said to him, “Direct me to a man with whom I can keep company.” Sufyaan said, “You are searching for something that cannot be found.”
Source: ‘Biography of Imam Sufyaan ath-Thawri ‘. this book is sold by dar-us-salaam and the author is “Salaahud-Deen ibn Ali ibn Abdul-Maujood”
Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.”
And what is the good/bad reaction by the one who is made angry.
I would say modest honesty. Meaning saying how it made you feel truthfully but in moderation. Not saying I hate him even if your feelings are drawing you towards that emotion. But saying more along the lines of what is wrong with that person why did he act that way? I wouldn't like him if he allways acts like that.
Never "too many" in having friends, but there always "too many" in having enemies.
If someone had too many friends, would it makes him backbite more?. Absolutely incorrect. People who have many friends never backbite, while people who love backbiting don't have many friends.
The cause was simple. People who love backbiting are people who disliked by the others. That's why they have only few friends.
That's a very valid point. But all cases are different. I would say it could work both ways. Too many friends can work like the case of Solomon where you lose sight and take on too many views which cause you too lose sight of what can be important. Or it can work like the case of muhammad where being loved by many had no wrong in it. I think if there the right friends there's never a problem . I'm not taking away from what you said though it is an excellent statement. I'm just implying a different way of saying there are some people who do keep a closer circle with few friends who are very nice and compassionate to others but are not necessarily friends. Like Malcolm X example he eventually found the right friends who shared the true meaning of islam. But due to his old friends he could never move forward with where that path was going to lead him.
I think there needs to be a clearer distinction here. Friends is just too general. Perhaps into categories of companions (very close and sharing of intimacy), friends (know well and often meet), acquaintance (do meet in the course of events and know the name but not much else about the person).
I have few companions, and they generally have been around for a long time. Those who know me, grew with me and remained on course (there were those who went off course) and those that just either moved away or drifted apart.
Friends are for occasions...and there are many. activities, sports, celebrations, etc
Eventually, a friend or two may elevate himself into a place amongst the companions in syaa Allah.
If I can remember people's names, I'll have a heck of a lot of acquaintances.. and probably more friends even. But alas, my memory for names and faces is atrocious. People mistake this as aloof and arrogant. I'm very often caught not remembering names of people I have met before.
Last edited by greenhill; 02-10-2015 at 03:54 PM.
As long as my heart does beat, I shall live, not lie
For when my heart does stop its beat, with truth, I die.
I have a lot of acquaintances but only one or two friends. I like to keep it that way. I'm quite a private person so I don't really let everyone know much about me.
I've seen at work where people think they have genuine friends and pour their whole life out to them, only for them to then leave the room and the "friend" to tell everyone else that was told to them in private.
Backbiting is awful, and it's sometimes hard to not get involved. Solely for that reason, I end up biting my inner lip so I can keep my mouth shut and not start moaning about someone even when I really want to.
I'm going to post here to test if I can post. I've been having a hard time posting for some reason... which is a pain since I actually wrote alot for 2 previous posts on different threads that don't show up.
Then, my comment on this thread is this: Too many acquaintances can easily lead to one being neglectful of their duties, especially for an more un-disciplined person such as myself. It's a shame though that in this day and age "friends" are more like accessories. Having all these acquaintances might even be detrimental to one's true friendships... I mean, hasn't anyone noticed that it's common to see friends out with one another, yet still glued to their social media and accessory friends? It's bad.
As long as we remember we won't be taken our friends or family with us to the grave - as upsetting and devastating as it sounds this is the reality of the situation.
Like you advise sister, we shouldn't lose FOCUS i think that's the key and yes, some individuals do find friends as a form of distraction from their religious duties. On the other hand, some friends serve as an excellent reminder so we just need to be careful who we spend our time with.
Friends habits rub off you whether we're aware of this happening or whether we're not.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
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in syaa Allah.
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