child abuse victim suffering from waswas

[Aishath]

Asalaamu Alaikum I am asking this question on behalf of a sister... 'My question is very difficult for me to ask as only my husband knows of the incident. When I was 9/10 years of age I was sexually molested by my teacher. I often felt disgusting at times but worse yet, when he would touch me inappropriately I felt arousal. I knew what was happening was wrong but I still don't fully understand the arousal feelings. Whether it is because I am too lustful but at the time I was just a kid. Now, Astagfirullah, something horrible keeps happening. When I hear of rape, or if I see a young child or baby naked (like even if my stepmother is bathing my 2 month old sister), or basically anything that isn't and shouldn't be the least bit arousing to a normal person, I get that feeling of arousal in me. Astagfirullah. I don't understand. Today when my baby sister was getting bathed my eyes immediately went to her private areas and I felt that arousal in me. I hate it so much. And my eyes kept going back to the same area and the feeling kept coming. But I know I would never ever even consider preforming such an act Astagfirullah. Even when I have to give my 4 year old brother a shower I take special care NOT to touch his private areas in any sexual manner or fondle or anything. The thought sickens me completely. Just like this I know how traumatic rape can be but my body responds in another manner. I feel so awful about this. I once read that some forms of molestation are not painful and therfore the body does not know how to differentiate between appropriate touching and inappropriate. That made sense to me as in my mind I am fully against this but my body responds otherwise. I feel confused. I am married to an amazing man Alhamdulillah and I'm very happy. Yet something like this is hard to take in. I also suffer from huge huge waawas and I have had some Thoughts of whether this invalidates my nikah. Please help me. And please give me a reassurance that this does not affect Nikah. I'm worried add I was the one who kept looking but I didn't mean to do it in any sexual manner.. Wasalaam Your sister in Islam'

[Aishath]

My apologies. .. the paragraph breaks dont work when using the phone. In Shaa Allah will fix this mistake soon

[ardianto]

I write this for that sister.

Assalamualaikum. There's no ayah or hadith that mention if someone was sexually harassed then her/his nikah invalid. So, you don't need to worry about your nikah validity.

But you have to train yourself to control your sexual arousal except to your husband. The way you can take to control your arousal is thinking long, what would happen if you could not control your arousal and then you sexually harass someone. Think about the consequence that you must bear such as someone else see you harass a child. In Shaa Allah, with thinking long your mind can control your sexual arousal.

[drac16]

One does not have to have gone through molestation in order to become aroused by children. Nor is it the case that when someone is molested, they are more likely to become aroused by children. There's no correlation. Though I hate to have to admit this, I've watched a few documentaries about pedophilia. Just a few days ago, I watched a documentary 'called 'Hare Krishna children', or something like that. The Hare Krishna movement, which is a hindu cult, was well known to have molested children over the course of years. In the documentary, the victims, who are now grown-ups, show no signs that they now have become attracted to that sort of thing.

The fact is, there are genuine muslims who experience pedophilic desires, homosexual desires, desires to fornicate, etc. Just as there are muslims who experience desires for money through illicit means, slander, dishonoring your parents, etc. I hope you're not thinking that God hates you, because that is not the case. We as muslims experience all kinds of desires to do things that are not pleasing to ALlah, but those desires are to be recognized for what they are, which is the human weakness. There are kinds of sins that each of us as individuals are privy too; some are different than others.

My life would be a lot easier if I wasn't incredibly lustful (more so than than most men, in other words). I didn't choose to be like this and I have to battle with it every day, but alas, I recognize that these desires come from my nafs and ought not to be acted upon. That's what you must come to terms with as well (if you haven't already). So long as you do not act upon your desires involving children, your nikah isn't affected. Just because you desire something, that doesn't make you a doer of it. My advice to you is the same as I would have to myself; to repent of those evil thoughts when they come, to ask Allah to make it easy for you and to aspire beyond what your nafs suggests to you.