I'm in a serious problem. I've been seduced by a girl and alhamdulillah I got myself out of the situation but the effect of that moment still affects me today. I get thoughts about her every now and then and they are impossible to stop. I want to stop them completely. Would appreciate all the help I could get
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
Am sorry you feel this way - don't worry this is your current state of mind and if you re-train your mind to focus on what matters i.e. the herafter your mind will be in a different zone in sha Allah.
You should have a read of this thread in sha Allah titled
Turn to Allah swa and not the creation as we are weak, our knowledge is limited etc - Allah swa will support you in sha Allah
I wish you all the best!!
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
Men and women are created to attracted to each other. So is normal, and is not sin, if you feel attracted to a woman. Even if you never attracted to woman, you are not normal. But of course, is not healthy if you still keep special feeling to a woman who you can't get as a wife.
How to remove this feeling?. Just realize that you are not always can get something that you want, but it doesn't mean you can't get another thing as substitute. You may have interest to a woman, but if you cannot marry her, always realize that you still can marry another woman.
When I was young and unmarried I have ever interested to a girl too, and always thought about her. But later I realized that I could not get her. So I told myself "It's okay if I can't marry her. The world is not as small as a leaf. There are many other girls in the world. In Shaa Allah, one day I will meet a girl who is willing to be my wife". And immediately she's gone from my mind.
You say you were seduced by a girl... do you mean that you had sexual relations with her? Or do you mean that you are attracted to her?
And what do you mean when you say that “you got out of the situation”?
Before making any comments, I would like to be more clear on what it is that actually occurred. And if you can give any additional information as to your circumstances, that would help (for instance, if you are, say, a 15 year-old high school student with a crush on a girl, this is a different set of circumstances from, say, a 20 year-old man with a job, who has perhaps just committed a major sin).
May Allah, the Light, Bring us closer to understanding our frail Selves.
I think I was too fast to give an advice. Maybe because English is not my daily language, so the meaning of "seduced" in the OP post maybe different than the meaning of "seduced" that I assumed.
The devil seeks to destroy us all. brother. God is merciful and forgiving, and you sound contrite. Tell God Almighy you are sorry because you love Him, and do some dhikr
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 01-18-2015 at 08:51 AM.
One thing in my life that makes me grateful is easiness that I got in the time when I was looking for a life partner. I didn't need to be bothered to find someone who was willing to accept me because there was always a girl who showed a sign that she was interested to me. But Alhamdulillah, that easiness didn't make me think to become a playboy.
I got married in 1994 and lived happily with my wife who gave me two children until mid of 2013 when my beloved wife return to Allah due to breast cancer. So I become a widower, or in another word being single again. And this 'easiness' happen again. But I can control myself to not respond them.
I know, there many men dream to have easiness like mine. But let me tell, it's not easy to live as a Muslim man who must hold Islamic values if you had easiness like this. This easiness often put you in situation which you must fight temptation in your heart to avoid being seduced. To be honest, when I was young I've ever in situation when a woman invited me to sleep with her. In another time another woman tried to do physical sexual harassment. Alhamdulillah I could out from these situations and didn't fall into their seduction.
How can (could) I control myself to not getting seduced when I meet a woman?.
I was born in family that open minded in the way of thinking, but very conservative in manner and etiquette. They taught me that I should become respected person, and the way to be respected person is, I must able to maintain my modesty, I must able to maintain my good manner and etiquette when I interact with the other. If I was not able to maintain my etiquette and modestly, then people would disrespect me.
So when I interact with a woman I always try to maintain my attitude. Including controlling my gaze, controlling my mouth to not say something that indecent. It's because I don't want the woman who interact with me disrespect me. I have learned many things about people, and one thing that I have learned is, women have huge respect to a man who can maintain his manner, etiquette, and modesty.
As a man, of course I have interest to woman. Often I interact with woman who look good in my eyes. But I can control myself. I do not want to tease her, or seduce her. Yes, if we are to control our attitude and behavior, then we will be able to maintain our heart and feeling too.
And how could I avoid getting seduced in the situation when I faced a temptation?.
Like I've said, I was born in my family that open minded. They taught me to think, not only for today, but also for tomorrow. They taught me to think about the consequence which I would get if I did an action. That's why I could run from that situation because my clear mind told me that I would get a trouble if I let myself getting seduced.
So, brothers and sisters. Build yourself to be the respected person who can maintain your good manner and etiquette. Make the modesty as the most important part of your beauty. And always maintain your clear mind. Do not think only for today, but think about tomorrow too.
In Shaa Allah, you will become a person who is not easy to be seduced by someone, or by situation.
And at anonymous poster. How to overcome your disturbing feeling?. You must realize that as human you can make a mistake. But it doesn't mean you can be the better person. Leave your guilty feeling as your past, and focus to the future. Focus on how to build yourself to be the better person. And if you still have a feeling on her, try to accept that she is not for you, and believe, one day Allah will give you someone who will become your beloved wife.
When we do something wrong, the first step to gaining our Lord's Forgiveness is to admit that we have done something wrong. If we cannot admit that we are wrong, how can we even ask for forgiveness?
When you say “she seduced me”, you are in essence denying your agency in the matter. If you had said: “I committed a sin with a woman”, this would have shown that you were acknowledging your part in this matter.
Allah Created us weak. He Knows we will have moments of weakness, and sin. What is required of us is that we acknowledge our mistakes. That we be humble before our Creator. And that we ask Him to Forgive us and Help us to struggle towards Him, He Who is Kind and Firm and Self-Sufficient and Strong and Gentle and... well, check out the Names of our Lord. They describe Him to us. It is how we should strive to be. We fail to come anywhere near His Glorious Essence, of course, but we should always try.
Like Adam (AS), we need to admit our wrongdoing, ask for Forgiveness… and live with the consequences of our actions.
Anonymous brother, did this “girl” coerce you? Drug you? Or were you attracted to her, and, finding yourself in a situation you could take “advantage”of, commit a sin?
Sure, a woman might smile at you, might bare her all for you, even… does this mean you have to sleep with her?
And in truth, I wonder if perhaps your role might not have been a little more active, and hers a little less so. Did you make any sweet promises? Pretend to care about her? Be interested in what she said or did? Help to find a way to be alone with her?
Whatever she did, the woman will have to answer to Allah for what she did (unless she was drugged or coerced). But whatever you did, you have to Allah for, unless you were drugged or coerced.
It is hard for me to comment on the disturbing thoughts you have, given that you have said so very little. Are they the signs of a heart trying to awaken you to repentance? Are they due to the fact that you need to deal with your sexual needs in a permissible way? Are they even signs that you are not telling the full truth, and your relationship with this woman has more depth than you are willing to admit, while you are laying all your guilt on her? Or perhaps they have some other cause, or a mixture of causes?
I don't know. But I do know, my brother-in-Islam, that the road to inner peace starts with the full acceptance of one's own wrongdoings. And then we need to ask for forgiveness from Allah, and from those we may have wronged (unless asking for forgiveness could cause more harm to those we have harmed). And we have to live with the consequences of our actions. Are our reputations damaged? Did an innocent child come into being? Did we set a person off on the wrong path (in Malcolm X's autobiography, he takes responsibility for his part in influencing a young woman towards a self- destructive lifestyle. He didn't force her, but he did negatively influence her. And it is the fact that he took responsibility for his wrong actions (and they were many, and serious), that so many people respect him so much)?
Because it takes greatness of character to admit wrongdoing, especially when we have done very great wrongs.
I am not suggesting that you have such a great level of wrongdoing. Nor is it necessary to confess to all and sundry exactly what you have done wrong (unless some good can come from such a confession- as Zuleikha's confession of her attraction and false accusation of Yusuf (AS), caused his reputation to be cleared. And some sources say that Allah Rewarded her with marriage to Yusuf (AS), later in her life).
All I can say with assurance, is that you need to take responsibility for whatever you yourself have done wrong. And that this, indeed, is an important part of the Path that leads to Paradise.
May Allah, our Creator Who Loves those who turn to Him in humility and repentance, ease your tormented heart and Bring you ever-closer to understanding His Beautiful Names.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks