From last 3 years i m in a relationship with a boy. It wasnt the sparks causing relation nor skip a heart beat type relationship start. I just simply liked that guy which was my university friend too. We faced many difficulties together but stay by each others side as we thought the ordeal will pass sooner or later.
We both are opposite to each other in fact very different. Sometimes i think why I choose him for a first place.
Now after 3 and more years. I am feeling ashamed of this relationship. We haven't done anything bad or sexual. My mother don't like him bcz of his looks and low financial problems. For me money is nothing. She don't allow me to meet him or to talk. But I did.
Now I m feeling bad and I'm not relax. My mind is not at peace or at ease from many days.I want to quit this relationship but it is not looking that easy to me. The boy I dated still want me in his life. We can't get marry soon. We both are financially little low and will take lot of time to settle to get marry.
All I want peace of my heart. I know the relationship is haram.
A year before I felt the same and broke our relationship. The pain was so intolerable that I cut my upper arm with blades. That was a extreme sin u know. I asked Allah for forgiveness. I have maks of those cuts still on that area of my arm. I am now afraid. If I leave that boy because I'm feeling bad.. Because I'm thinking i am betryaing my mother by hiding my relationship. Because I'm not at peace. If I leave him and no other guy will accept me later in my life after looking my cut marks then what I would do.
Please guide me what I should do. I will be waiting for your answer.
It is a difficult thing, especially because you have turned to cutting yourself after breaking up last time. While I may make this sound this simple it by no means is. The first thing I would advice you with would be to get married, put your trust in Allah because you sound like you really love him. Pray itikhaarah and think about if he is a gd person ("religious") and has good manners. If your happy with his deen and manners explain this to your parents, looks and money should not be a priority and it's ultimately your decision. However if your not happy with this guys religion or manners, he doesn't remind you of Allah. Then pray itikhaarah and ask Allah to make it easy for you to get over him. Allaah knows what good for you in this world and the hereafter, So put your trust in Allah. He will help you through it Inshaa Allah. May Allah make easy for you.
If something is going against your conscience, then leave it. Trust me, it will not get better, especially after marriage. If this man respects you at all, and if you respect yourself you will both cut contact off with each other. You know in your heart what you're doing is against your morals, so it will reach a point where you break yourself free from what is causing you guilt, or you let it consume you and be miserable. Eventually he will not be worth it because once those "sparks" are gone, you're going to wonder what the whole point was of harming yourself and him pushing you there.
Honestly my dear sister in islam Allah (s.w.t) has told us, reminded us many times that when we sin we should seek forgiveness only by Allah (s.w.t) and many times we were instructed not to tell anyone. Examples are of companions and/or people coming to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and telling him they committed some type of zina (which their is many such as zina of the eyes, tongue, ears, and mouth). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) immediately told them to seek forgiveness and not tell a single soul what they did. Often times he would tell them to be quiet and not speak of it again. The reason was because Allah (s.w.t) promised us He would hide our sins away from others and no one could find them or the opposite even if u hide them under the furthest rock they will be found. This tells us when it comes to these types of matters you shouldn't tell others and only should ask Allah (s.w.t) for guidance. My advice for you is to go to the masjid (not home), I say this because Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did say that women cannot be stopped from attending the masjid and Umar (ra)'s wife did go to the masjid everyday, and I would say go in salah as long as u can ask for forgiveness. afterwords ask Allah (swt) to erase all memories and feelings from your heart about this boy. and afterwords dont look back. don't tell ur mom, friend, or cousin. Look to the future that Allah (s.w.t) has given u. hope this helps
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want advice on pre-marital relationship
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