Real Struggles: In Response to "Your Hijab isn't just a piece of cloth"

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Real Struggles: In Response to Sister Yasmin Moghdad's words

Hijab is a piece of cloth, but is not a cloth like any other.

When I was younger, people in hijab used to freak me out; I thought the women were probably extreme in their religion because culturally I had never seen anyone wear the hijab.

My sibling excelled academically and I didn’t. Since I couldn’t compete with my sibling in academic performance, I thought I could at least draw attention to my outward appearance.

I was a sorority-rushing, fashion-loving female, and I did not have concerns beyond maintaining my outward appearance. You’d think that I was happy, but I wasn’t really happy because I felt very insecure; I felt that if I ever lost my “looks,” people wouldn’t “love” me anymore. And I desperately needed to feel that I was lovable, because I’d been bullied when I was younger.

Many things happened in my life, and one important turning point led me to study Islam. I fell in love, with Islam. Hopelessly in love. With Allah. I didn’t need the love of people anymore. Finally, I was free from the invisible chains I’d worn in needing people’s love. I had Allah. I had True Love.

I had been an agnostic, one that called herself an atheist, but my heart had now submitted to Allah.

I changed, and I kept changing. Until one day I decided that I needed to wear the hijab, not for modesty reasons or any number of reasons that people try to explain the wisdom behind the hijab. Not at all. I wanted to wear the hijab for Allah, out of love for Allah.

My practice of Islam had already brought tension in my home, this despite the fact that I’d been born into at least a culturally “Muslim” family. My mother has never accepted my hijab and continues to cajole, blackmail, and sometimes threaten me with a dire future because I wear the hijab.

If someone had told me when I’d first started wearing the hijab that I’d consider taking it off, I’m not sure I’d have believed that would happen.

That said, am tired of the conspiracies of silence in which I see the Muslim community mired in regards to real struggles. I have now for some time struggling with the hijab, because of the role that I’d stepped into for which I had never felt prepared: When I wear the hijab, I am very conscious that I could be the first Muslim person the non-Muslim person meets and also of the fact that I could be the first practicing Muslim person the cultural Muslim meets. I feel there are no room for errors. I am automatically placed in the role of being a role model, without my desire or will, and I have very grave reservations about being a role model. I wanted my hijab to be a private communication of love between me and God, but it has turned out a public communication between me and the world. I don’t like that at all, and I don’t want to be a role model. I have my own flaws and I want to work on them rather than have people assume I’m some sanctified being.

Then of course there’s the other extreme end of the spectrum in which I’m considered an oppressed human being. My law school professor feels free to remark about oppression of males in reference to my hijab as the presumption is that some male is responsible for me doing that which I probably would not choose otherwise to do. The supermarket clerk asks me about whether I was forced to wear the hijab and I gently explain to her that I was not. I don’t know if she believes me, but I hope she did.

Then, Paris Attacks happen, and San Bernardino attacks occur, and both of them call attention to my ostensible “Muslim-ness.” I have never deliberately tried to hurt anyone nor have had thoughts about hurting others, and yet the public rhetoric is about how Muslims are alien to America and have a penchant for killing infidels. I wonder if my co-workers think I might one day turn on them. I feel sad.

My father who still sometimes professes problems with my Islam had still supported me in wearing the hijab when I’d decided to do so. Recently, he said that he’d understand if I’d take off my hijab. My mother has of course renewed her efforts to try to have me stop wearing the hijab. She’s scared. And through all of this, I try to assure them I’m fine. And I do not tell them about the thoughts myself of taking off the hijab because I know I’d not find them give me any support or reassurance telling me that I can wear the hijab despite the anti-Muslim feelings in the world.

There’s this real but quite invisible struggle with which I struggle, and I’m not sure how I feel about people telling me that I’m the “light” in the world. I don’t want to be the light. I don’t want to be anything. I want to be left alone to be with God.

In the spirit of sharing with sisters who really do struggle with the hijab,

[BilalKid]

men have hijab too

[TMGuide]

It's a test from Allah our hijab, we should be patient in times like these. Our reward is with Allaah.
(Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested.)

The hijab is a beautiful thing that can bring us closer to Allah, it's important to always remember why we started wearing it to begin with. May wearing the hijab be our means to attain heaven, as Allaah is the All Knower and knows our struggles better than our own selves.

You can read why I started wearing the hijab here link

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Alhamdhullilah (thanks, praise and credit to God), I'm still wearing my hijab. I have been wearing the hijab now for what will be five years now some time in 2016.

That said, I have had thoughts about taking the hijab and while I do believe that most of it is waswas (insinuating whispers), I want sisters who might be struggling to think that they're not the only ones who have had or are experiencing the conflicted feelings they do in the present environment about hijab.

In-sha-Allah (God-willing), I plan to continue wearing the hijab. However, I do think as Muslims we have to learn to be honest about our struggles if we’re to emerge stronger in our Islam and strengthen our community.

While I do admire Sister Yasmin Moghdad’s words, I’m discomfitted when inspirational words are sometimes not laced with the realism that we also need to keep things in perspective. Having conversations wherein we’re made uneasy and have to look inside ourselves or understand others’ struggles will be important.

So many women have taken off the hijab, and somewhere I think it is because Muslims generally do not want to have these conversations because they require skill and empathy to navigate, and maybe also because courage is required to acknowledge that these issues are real and exist. Yet avoidance results in what I feel are “conspiracies of silence,” one which is damaging to a woman’s sense of her place within Islam when she’s made to feel that she's the lame duck.

Hijab is an honor from God, but wearing hijab as a crown on the head requires a woman to immerse herself in everyday jihad (struggle) against herself and her environment. It is real, and unfortunately it’s true.

[ardianto]

When I was young, only very small numbers of Muslim women who wore hijab in Indonesia. Nowadays you can easily find women with hijab everywhere in Indonesia. Are they being forced to wear hijab?. No!. I know it because I know how the people in my place are.

This morning I saw there were enough much school girls who wear hijab. Are they being forced?. No!. If those girls were being forced to wear hijab, then they would remove their hijab when they go to the school and and wear it again when they back to their homes.

If a woman is being forced to wear hijab, then she would remove it when she had a chance. That's why ulama and the men in Indonesia do not force the women to wear hijab. The cause why now there are many Muslim women women wear hijab in Indonesia is because they were not being forced. Even they would not wear hijab if they were being forced. Indonesian women indeed, not same as women in some Muslim nations. They are not under the men.