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first: do i have a right to help her without her permission, if so i need to know how?
so she’s a really nice, kind, intelligent, funny, religious, down to earth,financially and emotionally weak but physically strong and a mysterious girl. regardless of the image of muslims nowadays in the west, everyone adores her.
so….there were 5 guys, now four( i'm talking about sons of millionares here), who….. spoof,impersonate, tease, rag, tantalise, taunt and ridicule her(not bully..... keep on reading). these guys have been her class mates since kinder garden and only one of them left last year, who was the most evil and the leader of the group. she’s always ignoring them and has got physical only a couple of times only with the fat evil piece of ****, who has now left. the others are also along but they try to keep her mood in mind and would stop if she seems sad.
god knows why they do that but whenever i’ve asked them indirectly, they all point at one another saying he has a mighty crush on her and wouldn’t tell her because obviously she’ll say no.
they even got to a point last year when her mom came to our school they went to her and told her her daughter was really “cute” and “nice” to which she said thank you but as they came next morning they told her, she went crazy. the other four were like i’m sorry but the evil one was like what can you do about it? she got up and was like how dare you approach my mom and stepped forward towards him. thinking she’ll step back because she’s a MUSLIM GIRL he got closer and repeated his words and thats when she instead grabbed him from the collar and as she was about to pull him her hand slipped down to his pocket which she tore with a ssslllight pull and everyone’s like whoa! he got all red and yellow but didn’t say anything and covered by saying he didn’t want to hurt a little muslim girl and then everyone challanged him to do an arm wrestling match with her. now when i and another guy(shy underdogs) were the only one in class that fat ass came to her and begged her to let him win because if he doesn’t everyone will mock him forever. she said nothing but the next day while she was about to win i saw him touching or kicking her feet and then she looked towords his sorry face and let him win. the same way she always forgives them and doesnot complain to anyone maybe because they’re all from very rich and influentail families like politicians, business magnates, etc while her single mom is a teacher at a primary school.
the previous year they were you could say ragging her but since the evil spirit left the others are now like flirting and teasing her etc. they call her sexyback and would start singing sexyback by justin timberlake everytime she’s infront which she tries to avoid by sitting in the back seats but at times the teachers change our seats so….and they call her cutie pie when the teachers are around.they even through water on her at pack up time because thats when their parents or drivers or even guards are around and when she asked them why they said they like seeing her sexyback get wet which got her so angry but she could do nothing because his gaurds were around. they would tease her to the limits until she gets angry.
BUT however whenever they notice she’s sad like when she gets a B on a test etc they would instead console her and stop the teasing for a day or two. they would even lend her their sweater when in early winter she did not have a sweater of our schools uniform( probably because of financial reasons) by telling her they’d start again if she doesn’t take it.or would buy her stuff to eat whenever she’s sad(she likes food very much and cant ever say no to it no matter how bad the conditions are) these boys do not know about her personal broke life and thinks she has the strength to bare it which until now i did too, but started noticing her personal life when i moved into her neighbourhood. i have heard her cries in the school bathroom and heard her praying to her god that she cant always bare them and how can she stop them from crossing their limits of her religion. now my question is how do i stop those guys? i am neither her best friend( she doesn’t have any, its like the whole class is her friend), nor am i physically or financially as strong as anyone of them? should i talk to her that i can help her? what would islam say about dealing with these situations because she puts her religion into everything?
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Student life is complicated. Not because of anything serious but it just seems that way. The growth, awareness and growing intelligence, maturity, hormones and physical strength & vitality, there are too many changes happening at the same time to deal with in the best manner.
Sometimes people react funny when put in an awkward position or afraid to express their feelings..
It seems a fairly normal occurrence and is something I am sure quite common around the globe. Only it is good that she is well liked, hence the tease is a result of her keeping them at arm length, I guess.
Perhaps, they can strike a conversation with her about her religion or topics that interests her. It will be good to first apologise to her for teasing her all this time... That might help put things in a different light with her... (I am assuming lots here....she may not want to get close to anyone!).
Perhaps you can make friends with her by having a chat with her... and eventually tell her how you admire her blah blah blah and explain how the boys actually tease her because they fancy her...
I'm fairly certain it will put things in a different light for her.
All the best.
sorry what? u mean add another paragraph for more details or divide the existing ones further?
Hi Scarlett
As for your problem I don't really know how to give advice but it's good you are sticking by her throughout her bullying
I do however want to recommend this site www.islamreligion.com they have a lot of good articles for you to learn a little bit about Islam. I feel if you have a little bit more knowledge about the religion you will be able to understand your friend a bit better and see where she is coming from and understand her perspective
These are just my thoughts so feel free to take it or leave it
What I do want to say however is she is going need all the support she can get so continue doing what you can to be asupport and a friend for her
fakerameen liked this post
He meant make your post into paragraphs, like portions, for easy reading.format_quote Originally Posted by scarlett
sorry i am new here and i dont know how to edit my posts........
Its alright, dont worry about it, new members can edit after a certain amount of postsformat_quote Originally Posted by scarlettsorry i am new here and i dont know how to edit my posts........
thanks, i considered your advice and talked to those boys....which kinda got me in trouble because as i mentioned my friend was a really mysterious person, she, for the first time got really angry and mad, at me for telling them about her personnal life. and one of those boys said he would stop but he wants to take a chance and propose to her.....he did in our pe class and trust me i had never seen him more courteous before but as usual she said no....and turned around and started walking......he's like i understand ur a muslim and i'll keep my distance but can we be friends and thats when she instead......saw a football....turned around....kicked it.......and it hit his face.......she reached out to help him but obviously her reaction made him change his mind and now they've started doing more shitty stuff. i talked to them again about all the advice i gathered here and they're like we wont stop unless we feel like she really is hurt. and to be honest i dont think its those boys fault because trust me i've seen her worse reactions that are soooo dramatic and they keep people interestedformat_quote Originally Posted by greenhillStudent life is complicated. Not because of anything serious but it just seems that way. The growth, awareness and growing intelligence, maturity, hormones and physical strength & vitality, there are too many changes happening at the same time to deal with in the best manner.
Sometimes people react funny when put in an awkward position or afraid to express their feelings..
It seems a fairly normal occurrence and is something I am sure quite common around the globe. Only it is good that she is well liked, hence the tease is a result of her keeping them at arm length, I guess.
Perhaps, they can strike a conversation with her about her religion or topics that interests her. It will be good to first apologise to her for teasing her all this time... That might help put things in a different light with her... (I am assuming lots here....she may not want to get close to anyone!).
Perhaps you can make friends with her by having a chat with her... and eventually tell her how you admire her blah blah blah and explain how the boys actually tease her because they fancy her...
I'm fairly certain it will put things in a different light for her.
All the best.
i totally understand student life is blah blah blah but its sooo different for her....i mean i am a student, u would have been one, but she's not some ordinary person....everyone not only adores her but they admires her bcz......she attracts everyone unintentionally .
she's really pretty and really immature and silly and funny and she's turned down guys in soooo hilarious and immature ways they never turned to her again but yeah they become good friends( and bcz of that she has more guy friends).
should i tell her that her this happens to her bcz, and that her fault is that, she's nice and silly and immature and funny and attractive? but thats not fair... i feel so bad for her
and i told her they fancy her and she's like ooo please dont tell me those cool guys like a poor religious girl. i tried to prove it to her and she just has more and more stronger statements. do u have anything more to say for help? please...format_quote Originally Posted by scarlettthanks, i considered your advice and talked to those boys....which kinda got me in trouble because as i mentioned my friend was a really mysterious person, she, for the first time got really angry and mad, at me for telling them about her personnal life. and one of those boys said he would stop but he wants to take a chance and propose to her.....he did in our pe class and trust me i had never seen him more courteous before but as usual she said no....and turned around and started walking......he's like i understand ur a muslim and i'll keep my distance but can we be friends and thats when she instead......saw a football....turned around....kicked it.......and it hit his face.......she reached out to help him but obviously her reaction made him change his mind and now they've started doing more shitty stuff. i talked to them again about all the advice i gathered here and they're like we wont stop unless we feel like she really is hurt. and to be honest i dont think its those boys fault because trust me i've seen her worse reactions that are soooo dramatic and they keep people interested
i totally understand student life is blah blah blah but its sooo different for her....i mean i am a student, u would have been one, but she's not some ordinary person....everyone not only adores her but they admires her bcz......she attracts everyone unintentionally .
she's really pretty and really immature and silly and funny and she's turned down guys in soooo hilarious and immature ways they never turned to her again but yeah they become good friends( and bcz of that she has more guy friends).
should i tell her that her this happens to her bcz, and that her fault is that, she's nice and silly and immature and funny and attractive? but thats not fair... i feel so bad for her
and please remeber i'm here because at the end of the day, she claims she is what she is because of her religion, so please keep your religion in mind too........i guess that would help
Wow! That has put a smile on my face (not because of the terrible things) but because of the way you described it, in some detail, and your very obvious concern, plus other little bits and bobs brings me to my teenage years... long time ago (not as long ago as br Eric H) . .
Let me reflect on it... as I have guests to entertain on this late Sunday afternoon..
1975 liked this post
thats really niceformat_quote Originally Posted by greenhillWow! That has put a smile on my face (not because of the terrible things) but because of the way you described it, in some detail, and your very obvious concern, plus other little bits and bobs brings me to my teenage years... long time ago (not as long ago as br Eric H
Let me reflect on it... as I have guests to entertain on this late Sunday afternoon..
and it put a smile on my face back
but do u have any words of advice for my 14 year old friend?
1975 liked this post
bhahahahaha.......i knew this would happen. get online on google hangouts..... i have something to tell u....lol. i knew u cant take it anymore!!! and you just mentioned her age is 14 miss revolutionist ......i never mentioned that?!?!format_quote Originally Posted by rameen-thats really nice
but do u have any words of advice for my 14 year old friend?
for those who dont know whats happening i'm sorry actually she's the girl i was talking about and i cant send private messeges bcz i'm new here so i had to post sorry.......i guess she's going to kill me for saying that
dear scralett,
first i have to say i really appriciate the fact that you are trying to help your friend.
second, i can see your friend is a really nice person and a really devoted muslim, i mean there aren't many 14 year old teens who would try giving sadaqah in the 21st century.
third, even though you're friends and i have nothing to do with that, i would recommend you should not call her "miss revolutionist" she mentions in one of her posts its annoying to her.
now coming towards what you asked for i would say that you should somehow make those boys realise all this hurts her( by forexample showing them some chat of u and her in which she mentions it hurts her etc. i wont say anything more because your friend is here and you teenagers know those ways better) and do tell her that they tease her and u want to help her because she is nice and religious and silly and blah blah blah, i feel like she's a really strong person and and she would understand that if you're doing something good there will always be stuff that will try letting you down.
and tell her she can talk to you always and you'll be there for her. its very nice of you to help her but i feel like if this kid has a little support she could solve everything herself.
and she is right to turn all those guys down in no matter what way. first because she's 14 and thats not her age to get into relationships and second thats not allowed in our religion anyway.
thanks for your support.format_quote Originally Posted by 1975
anyone else has anything to say before we meet again on monday?
you here too?!?! wow! how can you be so good at hiding your emotions? girl speak up for urself!format_quote Originally Posted by rameen-thats really nice
but do u have any words of advice for my 14 year old friend?
You have make your emotions like switches. On and off. Say someone you love/like betrays you. You should be able to turn your feelings off in a instant. If not then that's a weakness that should be fixed.format_quote Originally Posted by spencer
format_quote Originally Posted by StrivingforDeen
please correct me if i am wrong but do you think i stopped supporting her or something or like i'm tired of asking for help and i want her to speak up herself?
i'm not,its just that me and my friends posted the same stuff over and over on different islamic websites and on half of them we found her and i want her to speak up for herself not just sit back and stay quite.......bcz at school she's like i'm telling you there's nothing that can be done here . so i dont really know what you're trying to say by switching my emotions but thats what i meant by that line.
Oh sorry, I only read that post that I quoted.format_quote Originally Posted by spencer
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