i need your advice please! cancer....recommend me a title too please!

[ramen-thelegend]

edit: its in my last post..........

continued from :http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...se-help-3.html


i'm sorry......what i told you guys was only blood tests, they got my something called CFS some thingy related to some spinal fluid or ...i dont know some thingies... test done later the same night. i've got bone marrow biospy or aspiration or something like that test today. sorry i didn't know that before. actually i know nothing about biology. but thats not my fault...i mean it is but ...well i'm not studying bio in 9th grade and i skipped 8th grade so yeah i pretty much dont understand anything that is written in those tests.

i'm sorry, the bone marrow transplant i talked off was actually some kind of bone marrow test or aspiration or whatever you call.

anyways this stuff is really all over my head. i need to know some stuff from you guys

firstly, if this luekema thing is confirmed my grandmother already got tickets for wales, that means i have to go to wales for this transplant thing, actually the city that i'm living in currently does not have any cancer hospitals, and the nearest one is in i guess 1 hour 20-30 min drive. which is the doctors say not good for me.(actually i think they're exagerrating cz i dont really feel any kind of pain or something...) and our flight is on the 6th of may. obviously she couldn't get them booked so fast so there are going to be multiple stops. ....i guess we're going to reach in 2 days or something

i still cant believe this stuff....its the fourth day cancer cancer cancer everywhere! i feel like everything else...that i've ever done or dreamt off means nothing! this stupid thing ruined everything! i've not cried yet, but i feel like thats because i still cant really accept what is going on! i kinda laughing at myself!

i dont clearly understand what they're talking off( cz they be speaking so fast spanish!) but my grandmother wants me to go to wales with my grandfather( my mom cant come because my brother got exams on the 5th and they end on 17th so....).... ....but i dont really understand .....like ok maybe he can be my legal gaurdian but ....i've never met him before and i dont really know if that is acceptable in islam, i mean keeping in mind i was adopted....is it ok?
(i'm not really sure if thats the case, but that was my level of understanding and i cant dare to ask my grandmother because she is really rude and mean to me and my mom starts crying and cursing me whenever i'm around her or ask her something)

and i might need to talk to some of the sisters in the uk( i know there are no welsh here from :anybody speaks pashto/pukhto here? anybody speaks welsh/cymraeg here?
, in case if i'm going there. i'll PM you my contact number once i'm there. i got crazy dumb questions to ask or maybe discuss....( i know @~sabr~ , i'm already counting on you, but trust me you'll get tired, lets divide some of the work load huh?)

[ReboundMuslimah]

As- Salamu Alaykum sister Ramen,

Sorry to hear about your situation inshallah i will keep you in my prayers. I don't live in the UK but if you ever need anyone to talk to just PM me

[ramen-thelegend]

@Serinity . well...i dont really remember...i mean if i knew they were symptoms of cancer obvioulsy i would have done something about it earlier. the kind of symptoms the doctors talked off was stuff like lack of white blood cells and other stuff...some of the symptoms i know off ..i mean the fever and throwing up of blood while coughing and bleeding gums all the time...i guess some months probably. i dont really remember sorry.

@sister herb , thank you sis, but i'd be happier if you made dua i get rid of this thing fast, by dying or by recovering doesn't matter ..but the kind of treatment my class mates gave me after i told them....aggghhhh...i dont want to live with that! i want to be playing basket ball and eating chipps and chocolate! and i want to start off with my dreams...( that are personnal)

@Aisha yeah you're right, i guess i cleared up that stuff in the OP.

@hisnameiszzz . i dont know in which stage am i, but i already have to travel for over one hour to the hospital, i dont have any more relatives here( and we're not here permenantly) so no we cant move to another city and the doctors think its better to get the transplant thing done in wales cz its more better than in pakistan and....*stuff i dont understand*....
i wish my mom and my brother understood that ....but they dont and i'm used to it. i already know that, so dont worry that is not an issue.

@Muslim Woman . i guess praying and reciting quran are like the only things i can do. i dont understand any of this medical stuff any road! thanks for the information too. but i read he actually refused to get treatment too( maybe for some time cz of house arrest but not always). anyway that is non of my concern. i did what you guys asked for and i'm grateful for that.

uncle @ardianto , hope and faith are guess all i got right now. uhhh u made me think over my username..i feel like changing it back to meentajir...why isn't it happening...why does ir not meet the forum's standards ?? ...lets not talk about the people around. they're hating me so much right now. thos is a really bad time to discover you got cancer. i mean you're in a different country, people get to know the crazy stupid part of you n then u turn out to be sick and they be having sympathies for u...and when your brother got his o'levels exams! and stuff...

@sam789 , i dont know u much, but thanks for your concern, i mean a lot! previously, the symptoms on the internet and the ocnologist talked off(i guess i exaggerrated the time there a bit, sorry. i guess they have been along for some months only):

all the symptoms that the oncologist mentioned....well they have been along for a year and a half now. i hid the throwing up of blood while coughing thing because it was really disgusting, i was happy about not getting fat even though i ate 24/7. i thought the pains came from the fact i had to go to work and school and some martail arts classes too. i was so much used to the fever, previously my class mates called me flu.

other symptoms these doctors mentioned, that i can see clearly include the bleeding of gums etc

@anatolian .brother i'll tell u soon when i figure out stuff myself. my head is really all messed up right now. he didn't say i can wait, but that it would be better if i go back to wales asap and get the treatment and bone marrow transplant and stuff done there.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

firstly, if this luekema thing is confirmed my grandmother already got tickets for wales, that means i have to go to wales for this transplant thing,

My thoughts are not about cancer, but about you making up with your mum before you leave. Tell your mum you love her, thank her for adopting you, thank her for looking after you, give her a hug, tell her you are frightened or how you are TRUTHFULLY feelings, say sorry for anything you need to say sorry for.

Your mother possibly cries because she does not know what to say to you, or how to reassure you or give you hope. As a parent I would rather go through this cancer pain myself, rather than see any of my children go through it. It is incredibly difficult being a parent, it is difficult being 14, we have to make allowances for each other, search for all the good things about your mother. Fight all battles with loving kindness.

Find ways to make up with your brother, say you are sorry for any past conflicts and misunderstandings, say you hope we can get on better in future.

This is something you can do now, whereas you can do nothing about the cancer now, that is in the hands of Allah and the doctors.

If you do not try and make up before you leave, this will cause you as much worry as the cancer.

You are in my prayers.

May Allah bless you and your family

Eric

[~ Sabr ~]

Sister, have you thought about this the other way? Maybe you have cancer because Allaah loves you and wants you to come back to Him sooner?

[Serinity]

Sister, no matter what happens, know that you are blessed. Never loosen the grip. Hold on to Allah SWT. He SWT is testing you.

May Allah, The Most Merciful, reward you tremendously. And keep all kind of unpleasant pains away. Ameen. And for every pain you feel, may Allah expiate your sins, and raise your level in The Hereafter and gather you amongst The Prophets AS, Shaheeds, etc. Ameen.

No matter what you feel, pain or not, Allah SWT loves you, In shaa' Allah. May Allah SWT's love overshadow the pain you feel. Ameen.

[ramen-thelegend]

thank you all so much. i just came back from school and i'm not in a mood to talk about cancer!


but i need to talk... here: http://www.islamicboard.com/groups/talk-to-me-.html

[ramen-thelegend]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



My thoughts are not about cancer, but about you making up with your mum before you leave. Tell your mum you love her, thank her for adopting you, thank her for looking after you, give her a hug, tell her you are frightened or how you are TRUTHFULLY feelings, say sorry for anything you need to say sorry for.

Your mother possibly cries because she does not know what to say to you, or how to reassure you or give you hope. As a parent I would rather go through this cancer pain myself, rather than see any of my children go through it. It is incredibly difficult being a parent, it is difficult being 14, we have to make allowances for each other, search for all the good things about your mother. Fight all battles with loving kindness.

Find ways to make up with your brother, say you are sorry for any past conflicts and misunderstandings, say you hope we can get on better in future.

This is something you can do now, whereas you can do nothing about the cancer now, that is in the hands of Allah and the doctors.

If you do not try and make up before you leave, this will cause you as much worry as the cancer.

You are in my prayers.

May Allah bless you and your family

Eric

thanks alot.

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off. i tried today again, as i had absolutely nothing to do and this time my grandmother slapped me in the face and asked me to get lost and they both started yelling at me stuff like everybody hates you. die. Allah hates u. he'll never listen to u. i dont know when i'll get rid of u and blah blah blah.

i tried to talk to my brother but he's too busy revising for his tomorrows exam. i still tried but he be like do me a favour, leave me alone!

i seriously dont know what to do. i feel like if i kill myself, everything will be a lot easier and better. no more worries and illnesses and abuse and nonsense and waiting and false hopes and no nothing!

the worst part is, nobody cares! everyones like o you can talk to me, i'll pray for you, dont give up hope. and then...theres nobody!

i had not cried until now,well actually i guess i was still not believing what just happened but today i cant take this any more.

[ramen-thelegend]

Sister, have you thought about this the other way? Maybe you have cancer because Allaah loves you and wants you to come back to Him sooner?

i really want to die. i really do. i hope its sooner than i think inshahallah.

[Aisha]

^And what if your Akhirah is a thousand times more difficult than this world? You'll only have yourself to blame if you spend eternity in difficulty.

I'm really confused here. Do you go to school in Wales or Pakistan? You've mentioned working in Wales.. I'm surprised anyone would employ a 14 year old as there are lots of laws to consider.

As yet, you have not been diagnosed so it would be wise to think positive. It's unlikely you've had leaukemia for over a year - it's a very aggressive form of cancer and quite simply, you wouldn't be posting here if you had it.

[ramen-thelegend]

Sister, no matter what happens, know that you are blessed. Never loosen the grip. Hold on to Allah SWT. He SWT is testing you.

May Allah, The Most Merciful, reward you tremendously. And keep all kind of unpleasant pains away. Ameen. And for every pain you feel, may Allah expiate your sins, and raise your level in The Hereafter and gather you amongst The Prophets AS, Shaheeds, etc. Ameen.

No matter what you feel, pain or not, Allah SWT loves you, In shaa' Allah. May Allah SWT's love overshadow the pain you feel. Ameen.

all i've been doing all along is hold on to ALLAH swt. I DID SO MUCH AND LEFT SO MUCH ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ISLAM, FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH'S MERCY, FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND A BETTER AFTER LIFE. AND IT ALL ENDS LIKE THAT???

HOW DO I KNOW ALLAH SWT LOVES ME???? I FEEL LIKE HE'S IGNORING ME!

i feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff and i cant do anything about it!

[ramen-thelegend]

^And what if your Akhirah is a thousand times more difficult than this world? You'll only have yourself to blame if you spend eternity in difficulty.

I'm really confused here. Do you go to school in Wales or Pakistan? You've mentioned working in Wales.. I'm surprised anyone would employ a 14 year old as there are lots of laws to consider.

As yet, you have not been diagnosed so it would be wise to think positive. It's unlikely you've had leaukemia for over a year - it's a very aggressive form of cancer and quite simply, you wouldn't be posting here if you had it.

i really dont want that.......
sister i came to pakistan 3 months back. so yeah i go to school in pakistan. its not like i was working at some ....i worked at an oldhome( all i did was help those very old people in blah blah blah). i got £2.5 for an hour.....

they did the bone marrow aspiration today and in about 30-40 min we'll get the ............

sister the only thing that i'm doing now is sitting in my room, with my laptop on. waiting for things to happen.

i really hope what you're saying is true...actually i dont feel that sick...or maybe its because i have been feeling the same for 4 months now. i dont know ...........

[Serinity]

i'm blesssed??? seriously???? 14 years have passed by.first i get adopted, then i have a bad, broken, ignorant, rude, financially weak, hateful, abusive and unreligious family. i start working at nine. i have no best friends. no one cares for me. no one respects me. i have extra super bad habits. i suck at everything. i get insulted on facebook because of fake accounts. i was kicked out of 2 schools for being religious ( or thought of as an extremist). i've slept on benches in streets bcz of the distress and chaos at my home. ALLAH swt never answers my prayers the way i want. AND NOW I HAVE CANCER!

and you're telling me i'm blessed????

all i've been doing all along is hold on to ALLAH swt. I DID SO MUCH AND LEFT SO MUCH ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ISLAM, FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH'S MERCY, FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND A BETTER AFTER LIFE. AND IT ALL ENDS LIKE THAT???

HOW DO I KNOW ALLAH SWT LOVES ME???? I FEEL LIKE HE'S IGNORING ME!

i feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff and i cant do anything about it!

Allah SWT never ignores you, Allah SWT is fully aware of your situation.

Know that there are some blessings in disguise. You are truly blessed. May Allah SWT increase you in Imaan, and cure you from this illness, swiftly. Ameen.

May Allah SWT pass you into Jannah withour reckoning, never lose hope, for By Allah, you are blessed, more than you can imagine.

Hold on to Allah SWT. Know that The Prophet SAW was pettled with stones (the Taif incident, pls correct me if I am wrong), and spat at, etc. But his SAW kindness was such that he asked for their guidance, when he was given the opportunity to crush them.

[Muslim Woman]

young sis , face life , don't run away from it . With or without Cancer , today or tomorrow - we are going to meet our Lord. So , be prepared for it .


Don't think or say any negative things about Allah . Don't miss any salat . Offer your sincere repentance to Him for all minor , major mistakes in life . Recite Quran daily with meaning . May Allah eases your pain and grants what is best .

[ramen-thelegend]

i took me one hour to write this down, biology and cancer and tests crap ain't easy man! i wish i had studied bio in 8th and 9th grade

i still couldn't get a hand of my tests( my grandmother wont let me, she says i'll...blah blah blah ..) and stuff but got my grandmother to let me talk to one of the doctors( and they allowed me). i kinda understood pretty much nothing that he talked about. it was ... stuff... i kept on asking him questions and it got more confusing and the terms kept getting harder and complicated then he be like shut up( i mean he somehow meant to say that) thats none of your business...and that the bleeding thing was because my blood tests showed i have bleeding esophagal varices and that my AML was in early stages and maybe one bone marrow transplant some weeks of hospitalisation and maybe after some weeks of theray..or chemotherapy i might get rid of it.or maybe after the transplant thingy stuff might go bad too... he said the doctors that will be treating me will know the details and stuff and that it was more than enough of what he could tell me. and asked me to ask the elders in my family about the rest of it.
and he said it was AML1(without maturation) ...something like that( i have no idea whats that supposed to mean)
he said i should either start getting ready for the bone marrow transplant here in pakistan and get the rest of the stuff done here or travel to wales asap and get everything done there. something like.. it shouldn't be like i get the transplant thing done here and treatment there. so yeah its for sure i'm leaving in less than 3 days inshahallah for wales.

in btw, is there some kind of law i'm not allowed to see my reports...if my family doesn't want? or do i have limits to what i should be knowing?

i'm back to normal by the way. . sorry for whining here but.... i seriously dont have anyone to talk to

[Serinity]

Remember, when the poor or those who have been tried are given their reward (or someone who had great sins Allahu alam) but point is, when you see people being given their rewards,

those who see the rewards wished that they'd have that, to such an extent that they'd want to be cut open with scissors here on Earth. Afaik.

Evidence: http://sunnah.com/tirmidhi/36/100

PLS correct me if I am wrong. but know, you're blessed. More blessed than a kafir king with the whole world in gold.

Do you know? A kafir on the day of judgement would trade the whole world in gold and whatever was in it for having the Imaan we have in our hearts. Never underestimate the blessings of Allah SWT.

I know it is hard, but have patience. I know it is hard, and I don't understand, cuz I've not been in your situation. But know that your Imaan is beautiful.

May Allah SWT redirect your interest to the hereafter. Ameen.

Pls, correct me if I am wrong in anything I said. And may Allah SWT forgive me and all of us for whatever we say of wrong, and for having erred in anything. Ameen. May Allah protect us. Ameen.

And Allah knows best.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

I think you are very brave little sister. Let me give you a hugg.

Don´t worry if you didn´t understand much about doctor´s speech - most of people don´t understand it neither.

(This reminds me when I broke my shoulder some years back. I didn´t get what´s wrong before I read some my papers. What doctor said to me sounded just like a Latin.)

About seeing your reports, it might be difficult to say as I don´t know laws in Pakistan neither in UK but it´s possible your family can prevent you to see them as you are under-age.

[Serinity]

@ramen-thelegend

Watch this video:

Video a day

The latest video, it talks about death. Don't fear death and be steadfast, be steadfast, and ask Allah SWT for patience, for when or if you die, the Angels and Allah SWT will support you, In shaa' Allah. The Promise of Allah SWT is Truth, Jannat. Ask For Jannatul Firdaus!

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend; I am so sorry to hear your story,

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off.

Forgiveness is a process, and we often have to forgive many times, I cannot begin to think how often my wife and I have had to forgive each other in the last thirty two years. If we hadn't been able to let go of the hurt and anger between us, our marriage might have only lasted a year.



Many years ago I called on a lady whom I had known for a number of years. She said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else, having known her for some time, I thought I was going to hear some gossip, and agreed.

She said she was in the process of ending her life, she was taking too many tablets on a daily basis, over time this would destroy her organs. The damage would be irreversible; and she would suffer a slow and painful death.

She told me her story, some of which I already knew, she was an elderly lady, and said that everyone who was important to her in her life had used her and left. Her husband ran of with her assets and cheated on her with another woman, her business partner bankrupted her, and her children only came to see her when they wanted something.

Then another man did a terrible thing, so she decided to end her life.

My response was to say that dying is not the problem, we all die, but leaving this world a bitter and angry woman is not the way to leave this Earth. I talked about finding some way to forgive this person, because it was not in her nature to be bitter and angry. I said, even if you continue taking the tablets, let go of your anger.

There came a point when she had said all she could, and there was no more I could say, other than its pointless coming back next month to see you.

She said come back.

I did phone later, and came back the following month, she’d had her kitchen decorated and was planning to landscape her garden. She never mentioned about ending her life again.

I had left her with a terrible burden, every day she would have to live with the memory of the hurt, and strive to overcome her anger.

Letting go of anger, and striving to forgive, helped this lady find a purpose in life. At the time nether she or I had a faith in God, but this is one of the things that has brought me closer to God.

Blessings to you and your family.

Eric

[ramen-thelegend]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend; I am so sorry to hear your story,



Forgiveness is a process, and we often have to forgive many times, I cannot begin to think how often my wife and I have had to forgive each other in the last thirty two years. If we hadn't been able to let go of the hurt and anger between us, our marriage might have only lasted a year.



Many years ago I called on a lady whom I had known for a number of years. She said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else, having known her for some time, I thought I was going to hear some gossip, and agreed.

She said she was in the process of ending her life, she was taking too many tablets on a daily basis, over time this would destroy her organs. The damage would be irreversible; and she would suffer a slow and painful death.

She told me her story, some of which I already knew, she was an elderly lady, and said that everyone who was important to her in her life had used her and left. Her husband ran of with her assets and cheated on her with another woman, her business partner bankrupted her, and her children only came to see her when they wanted something.

Then another man did a terrible thing, so she decided to end her life.

My response was to say that dying is not the problem, we all die, but leaving this world a bitter and angry woman is not the way to leave this Earth. I talked about finding some way to forgive this person, because it was not in her nature to be bitter and angry. I said, even if you continue taking the tablets, let go of your anger.

There came a point when she had said all she could, and there was no more I could say, other than its pointless coming back next month to see you.

She said come back.

I did phone later, and came back the following month, she’d had her kitchen decorated and was planning to landscape her garden. She never mentioned about ending her life again.

I had left her with a terrible burden, every day she would have to live with the memory of the hurt, and strive to overcome her anger.

Letting go of anger, and striving to forgive, helped this lady find a purpose in life. At the time nether she or I had a faith in God, but this is one of the things that has brought me closer to God.

Blessings to you and your family.

Eric

that is truly amazing. i read it and got up and ...well my brother got an exam today so i just went up and hugged him. i couldn't say anything though. he be like..uhuh? thats he first time u hugged me! so u have feeling too? and i just said i'm sorry for everything and wished him good luck and ran back to my room.

sorry i'm not that emotional usually

it was awkward though but yeah it felt nice.

my mom smiled and turned her face away
....i'll try to talk to her today again.