Dad is emotionally mean to mom + other

[anonymous]

As someone with self diagnosed autism it is difficult for me to deal with many things as well as hard to explain them.

Being almost 30, I live with my parents, whom I love. I am happy living at home..just not happy with how my dad treats my mom, and some other things. He is emotionally abusive. She has chronic pain and really bad legs but he does not care. He does not look after her, he does not do anything for her. She cries in pain a lot, he just turns away and ignores it. Whenever I help her he acts like I should be helping him and not her. He acts like I am not supposed to love my mom. He says blood is what matters and that "you are a ....last name here". He treats strangers with much more respect than he does my mom, he even allows them to walk all over him. He does provide for us as a family, he works hard and is always very stressed, depressed, and tired. He stresses himself out more than needed, because he doesn't have the inteligence to run a bussiness without being there all day everyday.

Religiously, he does not pray or read Quran..nothing really. He is only a Muslim by name, nothing else. My mom told him to teach me Arabic from a young age, but he did not and now I cannot speak or read Arabic. He never taught me about prayer. It was "You're Muslim" and that was it. Growing up, subconsciously, religious actions were never important to me since it was not important to my parents. Going to the Mosque when I could, was important to them though. I went to the Mosque sometimes with my uncle whom I would stand beside and imitate his movements.. but he is too self righteous, disrespectful, and arrogant. Part of me felt, if this is how a Muslim treats other people, then why would I want to be one.


My mom is(American born) non-Muslim/Muslim in the sense that she believes Islam is the truth but has severe depression and has lost hope in God. She see's God as "allowing so many bad things to happen" and it makes her be in despair. She honestly knows little about Islam, aside from the five pillars.
Maybe this is stereotyping but after getting to know the Arab/Muslim side of my family growing up and now..., IF everyone else in the middle east is like this...then I understand why the Muslim world is in such a disarray.


I cannot talk to them about religion or how they are living in a stressful way, 1.they both get very angry at me if I do.. and 2. I cannot articulate well in spoken speech.

My own depression is better than it was years ago but these things have me so down and in despair myself.. :/

[Cpt.America]

Purpose of Life by Jeffery Lang

Youtube.com/watch?v=ifllgTA2pmY

[Cpt.America]

I am sorry that I cannot reply to your message at more length at the moment, but the video I posted earlier is one I find truly inspirational and covers a lot of the feelings/questions/worries that you mentioned.

Whatever hardship you are going through, know that Allah knows and that He is always there for you.
And as my brother in Islam, you have my sincerest duaa from the bottom of my left ventricle.

Depression is a very real thing and it is a very difficult test in life for those who are afflicted by it. But Allah does not test anyone with more than they can bear.

So if you feel like you are breaking apart now, realize that you ARE NOT broken. And that although you may think you're at your limits, Allah knows you are capable of so much.
And that for every hardship in this life and for all your struggles you are facing now, your position in Jannah is elevated for every single moment you are feeling pain, and turning to Allah. Even a thorn prick that hurts a believer is compensated.
Allah knows,
And He has given you an opportunity to turn to Him sincerely and purely with all your heart and being in this difficulty that you have.
Turn to him bro InshaaAllah.
And do not lose hope in your self because your Creator has not lost faith in you.

youtu.be/5pyZkY93B2A

All that being said I am glad that you are feeling better than you did two years ago

And it is terrible your mother is having to face this horrendous abuse from your father.
Be the best son you can be to her, comfort her, and pray for her.
Keep making duaa in Tahajjud if you can. Those duaas are answered. And there is nothing your Lord is incapable of.

Mashallah you are a good son who loves and respects his parents despite their shortcomings

You must keep making duaa to your father and mother, and keep defending your mother.

You are 30 years old, and even though your parents did not give you your due right to an Islamic foundation, the responsibility to come close to your Creator and learn the Truth that is Islam is your responsibility
Learn about Islam.
Go to the mosque,
Pray salaat
Learn to read Allah's book
And make friends with the pious people who love Allah,
InshaaAllah you will be happier and maybe seeing the change within you will be a dawah to your parents.
Allahu alam. You never know how Allah's barakah works.

Anyway brother, please don't give up and keep at it and keep going closer to Allah.

I cannot imagine the hardship that is to see your mother beaten by a man you love, and to have to see them both suffer a life distant from Islam.

Guess this post did turn out a bit long after all.
Well more than a bit.

Asalaamualaikum

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum dear brother or sister.


Please know that the the attibutes and traits you have described are not part of Islam but rather is a reflection of the individual. Islam does not teach us to be disrespectful to people, harm anyone physically or emotionally nor does it teach us to have pride or ego. In fact if anyone has an atom of pride they will not enter jannah so this is a serious flaw in a person and it is something they need to work on if this is the case.


By what you have described Islam is not truly practised by the people that you love and if you do not know how to pray then brother/sister this must be your first priority in life insha Allah. Focus on the faraz/compulsory acts first and then teach yourself everything else.


As our brother has mentioned enrol on Islamic courses and teach yourself because knowledge is faraz/compulsory on us all. Also through knowledge we are able to make wise decisions for ourselves and save ourselves from sin and harm.


A good place to start is by visiting http://kalamullah.com/


You can find how to pray, what to recite, how we should behave as Muslims, how we should improve our character, how we should treat our parents and many more relevant and interesting reads on this site insha Allah.


If you struggle speaking to your dad then please write a letter about how you feel and how his treatment is against Islam. Advise him you are there for him and you can ease his burden by helping out when he needs you. Maybe this will help him relax a little around you & your mum?

May Allah swt ease your situation Ameen.

[anonymous]

Thanks for the replies, I just have to be strong and pray