Easy to find a "nice" Muslim but hard to find a practicing Muslim for marriage!

[Regrets1]

Asalaamu Alaikum:

First of all I would like to apologise for not being active, il try my best to get back on track In sha Allah.

My family has started looking for a match for me..the thing is the only ones they'v come across so far are the "nice Muslims" once I was a nice Muslim and wanted to be with a "nice" Muslim meaning as long as a person doesn't drink alcohol, dresses up modest and does not commit fornication makes us good Muslims, makes us think that'l take us to jannah without practicing what's fardh upon us as in praying etc.

I had that mindset back in the days that's why I ended up in haram relationship I guess..to me his looks, height and money didn't matter as long as he wasn't doing anything haram, has a nice heart and is ready to take responsibility. I wasn't even attracted to him but was committed so I knew Il never look at another man..Being in and out of the relationship made me realise the way I think is wrong..there are non Muslims who are "nice" doesn't mean il go and marry one, i regret everything Iv done and I'm Alhamdulillah practicing now so I want a Muslim husband who's on the right path who prays and is away from haram, now again I'm not giving importance to looks, money etc because I know as long as he's on the right path il be able to spend rest of my life with him with commitment, love, respect and loyalty.

They are able to find good looking men, their mothers have seen my pictures and are happy to have me as a daughter in law..but I don't want looks only I want someone who's practicing now and wants to keep becoming a better Muslim, who will help me get close to Allah swt, I don't want someone who says they'l start practicing after marriage or when they become old. I'm not asking for too much am I?? Iv been told Iv become "extremist" and Iv detached myself from dunya just because I wanna do everything to please Allah. Sighs.

[Serinity]

Wa alaikum salam, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

marrying someone expecting them to change, you won't get far with that. marry someone who does the fardh, reads Qur'an, without being told.

Allahu alam.

[Snow]

I would suggest: take advice from the family but ultimately, it is you who sits up with the guy.
Don't go for it if the guy does not meet your standards.

[Regrets1]

Wa alaikum salam, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

marrying someone expecting them to change, you won't get far with that. marry someone who does the fardh, reads Qur'an, without being told.

Allahu alam.

Well said brother. That's what I want, someone who prays, recites Quran, does dhikr etc. Also he should be earning halal even if it's not that much il accept him, I'm seriously done with this world so I know I won't demand anything as long as he can provide what I need..there's nothing that I want now then getting close to Allah.

[Regrets1]

I would suggest: take advice from the family but ultimately, it is you who sits up with the guy.
Don't go for it if the guy does not meet your standards.

They think il stay single if I just want a practicing man lol. The other thing I get to hear a lot is "he will change after marriage". He's not changing now not for himself why would he change for me?? Maybe after seeing me praying he'll start praying maybe not so I can't risk it..

[Serinity]

Well said brother. That's what I want, someone who prays, recites Quran, does dhikr etc. Also he should be earning halal even if it's not that much il accept him, I'm seriously done with this world so I know I won't demand anything as long as he can provide what I need..there's nothing that I want now then getting close to Allah.

Never lose hope in Allah . Do your best.

The aim is the Hereafter. So be wise on choosing who you want as partner on your Journey to Allah. Let your aim be to please Allah alone. This world is preperation for the Hereafter. And Allah is The Provider and source of Rizq / sustenance.

Have a partner that reminds you of the Hereafter. Someone you can be with in Jannah forever, in Eternity.
And Allah knows best.

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Sister, getting married to someone with the hope of changing them isn't a good idea, particularly with a husband. There is a chance they might change, but then they might not and the risk would be too great. InshaAllah you want to find someone who will be able to guide his family and teach his children about being good Muslims. I would say he at least should be fulfilling all of his fardh duties.

And yes inshaAllah the ultimate aim of marriage should be the hope of being in Jannah together find someone who has commitment to the deen and to Allah swt, then you know he'll have commitment to you. Even if you have to wait, your sabr will be rewarded.

You'll be in my duas and yes keep on posting here.

[noraina]

And alhamdulillah you have your priorities right sis More than excessive wealth or good looks, character and deen is what you need in life and in the hereafter. Life has ups and downs, wealth can disappear and looks decrease with age, what lasts is a good soul and there are so many hadiths which emphases the importance of character over more material things.

And, a man with good character will also be responsible and ensure he can financially provide for his family to keep them comfortable.

I

[Umm Malik]

Sister your thinking is good because the best husband is who help you to be more closer to Allah and to raise your children as a good Muslims
And since you left the haram for his sake he will give better than you want
But just keep on sabr and make sure Allah is sufficient for you and he will do the best for you ... be the good woman and he will choose and preparing for you the best husband
I won't forget you on my douae inshallah
May Allah bring the best parson who will hold your hand into jannah and i can see you there with all beloved
Because there is the best life , the completely happiness , and eternal life and endeed he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

[greenhill]

Reading the responses hopefully gives you the needed moral support.

Would it be a bad idea for you to prepare a list of questions to ask the guy(s) to get an insight into the type of person he is. Then do istikarah.. perhaps also ask him to do so.

You know, like that, actually, his job/duty is a lot clearer than in today's borderless society... househusbands etc...

[Ibn Yaqzan]

Sister its is very simple. A brother who is not fullfilling his religious rights e.g. prayer, will not fullfil his other rights. That is reality.
You should have patience and wait for the right husband, and have trust in Allah. Because you dont want to spend the rest of your with someone who is dont fullfilling is duty.
Money, looks etc, are from this dunya, i dont say you should ignore them, but deen is what makes it to the akhira the rest wont have a weight on day of judgement.

[Reader]

And also have confidence with Allah (swt). If something doesn't come your way know it was written in your qadr and that Allah (Swt) will never abandon you. Rather He is our Lord and knows what's best for us at a particular time. Sometimes a time may come where you wonder why so and so got this but not me or you wonder why something isn't coming your way.

It's a struggle, and it may not be easy at all but Allah has a plan for all of us. He is wiser than you. This dunya is short and if you find a husband, alhamdulillah, otherwise there's always the akhirah to look forward too.

-Reader

[Regrets1]

Sister its is very simple. A brother who is not fullfilling his religious rights e.g. prayer, will not fullfil his other rights. That is reality.
You should have patience and wait for the right husband, and have trust in Allah. Because you dont want to spend the rest of your with someone who is dont fullfilling is duty.
Money, looks etc, are from this dunya, i dont say you should ignore them, but deen is what makes it to the akhira the rest wont have a weight on day of judgement.

Yes brother, but in today's world it's difficult to find a practicing partner..I'm not in rush to get married so in sha Allah I won't choose a wrong person. I have faith in Allah swt and I'm sure whatever happens next and whoever becomes my spouse will be coz of Allahs will and it will be for the best.

[Kiro]

Wa alaikum salam, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

marrying someone expecting them to change, you won't get far with that. marry someone who does the fardh, reads Qur'an, without being told.

Allahu alam.

wswrb

this man speaks the truth!

[Serinity]

wswrb

this man speaks the truth!

lol. I can't think anymore. my brain is fried. Help!

Idk dude.. I think I've been up too much. :/ I should take a break from thinking too much..

[فصيح الياسين]

Where do u live.. i guess i got one match for u... and also he is extreme pious. My friend he is

[Aaqib]

lol. I can't think anymore. my brain is fried. Help!

Idk dude.. I think I've been up too much. :/ I should take a break from thinking too much..

I've been on this same road bro :/ lol

[Kiro]

lol. I can't think anymore. my brain is fried. Help!

Idk dude.. I think I've been up too much. :/ I should take a break from thinking too much..

bro gets some cold water in a bucket and duck your head in it like an Ostrich.

Bismillah, go.

[Lisa921]

May Allah help you! Ameen.
I don't know where you live but I would say don't pass judgements on anyone for materialistic things.
Just because they live in a poor muslim country doesn't mean they are searching for a visa ticket
Just because they are in a nonmuslim country doesn't mean they have weak iman.
There are good and bad everywhere. The important thing is to look for someone with integrity, sincerity, good moral values and a pure heart.
You can't go wrong with those values sis...Keep things simple and look for the simple things in life in a potential husband.

[Regrets1]

May Allah help you! Ameen.
I don't know where you live but I would say don't pass judgements on anyone for materialistic things.
Just because they live in a poor muslim country doesn't mean they are searching for a visa ticket
Just because they are in a nonmuslim country doesn't mean they have weak iman.
There are good and bad everywhere. The important thing is to look for someone with integrity, sincerity, good moral values and a pure heart.
You can't go wrong with those values sis...Keep things simple and look for the simple things in life in a potential husband.

Dear sis I get your point but not everyone (well many don't) can't find a practicing spouse easily. (Like they say good things don't come easy)

Alhamdulillah I have kept things simple only demand is he should be practicing because I cannot wait for someone to change after marriage. we all have our days of low iman..if I marry a practicing person and he goes through that phase we can work on it together and get him back on track. But If I marry a non practicing brother it will be difficult for me to change him (can't marry thinking they'l change) he can end up saying don't expect for me to change accept me they way I am. Il be happy to accept someone for who they are as long as they are practicing (love and fear Allah) someone who loves their deen knows rights of wife/husband (in Islam) I'm sure such person won't do no wrong to me.