I commited oppression and can't forgive myself, I can't stop crying & feel regretful

[anonymous]

Assalamu alaykum

i grew up with a verbally and emotionally abusive father. He would always make me feel worthless and call me really mean things. Even to my older sister, he would neglect her severely. My fathers behaviour influenced my self esteem negatively and made me feel worthless. I would speak to guys online so I could feel love and attachment I never received from my father.

My older sister used to rebel very harshly and behave rudely to my parents. She would disrespect my father and even say nasty things to my mother, and at times hit her. She would treat my mother like a slave. Her behaviour was difficult and I told my father it was his fault for acting that way. My older sister got married and my parents were glad to get rid of her.

her husband would always pray and looked very religious. He would always complain to my parents about her behaviour and I would feel heartbroken from her. I always believed she caused her husband trouble because she was never close to my dad so had difficulties communicating with her husband. When my parents would visit her and tell her how to be a good wife, she would hang up the phone in the I faces or treat them rudely. I hated her behaviour so cut her off from my life. This is something I deeply regret now.

once she complained her husband always his her and I felt sorry for her. But I didn't do anything about it or speak up against it. I thought that it's a fault he's got, at least he prays and has other good things to him. My parents would tell me we all have faults so we shouldn't give up on marriage for hitting, we should try to fix things. My sister would complain to my parents about getting hit and her husband would always apologise and kiss my fathers hand that he would never do that again.

when my sister was busy having fights with her husband, I would talk to guys online because I felt I need attention from men and felt unloved by my father. My sister tied to ask her husband to get divorced and I was very upset that her home would break and got depressed. I didn't want her to get divorced when she was pregnant.

so I'd feel very uncomfortable when I hear her wanting to get divorced because I always felt like why would she divorce a good person. Later on it turned out that her husband was a bad person and used religion as an excuse. He bashed her one day in the stomach and I cried so much. I wish I was there for her. I wish I never cut her off from my life. My parents and her husband would always say nasty things about her so I would believe it and cut her off. Now I speak to her and I'm on good terms but I can't stop regretting the past.even though she's at time rude to my parents, I still treat her well.

i feel really depressed and feel very upset that I oppressed her. I can't forgive myself and my soul and heart is bleeding so much. Every day I cry and I don't eat or sleep properly. Please help me

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

It's good that you're now on talking terms. Nurture your relationship out of its fragile state and keep it strong.

Is she still married to him?

[mezzi_sohal]

How were you to know this would happen to your sister? Now you do, and all you can do is pray for her and support her in any way you can. In sha Allah, things may become easier in the future and this matter will dissolve. Perhaps this will make you and your sister become closer?

[AlRuqyaWaShifaa]

Walekum Salam wr wb
I don't know why, but I feel like you and your family need a proper guidance according to Quran and Sunnah, if your already on Quran and Sunnah then there might be something more to it.
If you suffer from any nightmares, sleep paralysis, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, depression, do not wish to pray salah, gets irritated when listening to Adhaan, not wish to read Quran etc etc
Kindly mail us at "Shifaa.Ruqya"atgmaildotcom (I needed to add that notations to send my mail id) , we support with online Ruqya to the one who are suffering from black magic, jinn possession, envy, evil eye etc etc

And Also you can search us on Facebook by the name "Al Ruqya Wa Shifaa"

[Umm Abed]

Walekum Salam wr wb
I don't know why, but I feel like you and your family need a proper guidance according to Quran and Sunnah, if your already on Quran and Sunnah then there might be something more to it.
If you suffer from any nightmares, sleep paralysis, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, depression, do not wish to pray salah, gets irritated when listening to Adhaan, not wish to read Quran etc etc
Kindly mail us at "Shifaa.Ruqya"atgmaildotcom (I needed to add that notations to send my mail id) , we support with online Ruqya to the one who are suffering from black magic, jinn possession, envy, evil eye etc etc

And Also you can search us on Facebook by the name "Al Ruqya Wa Shifaa"

Salam.

Can you tell us a little more on what techniques you use and or do you just read from the Qur'an as ruqya to cure the patient?

[anonymous]

My sister is now divorced alhamdulilah. I'm close to her now and treat her very well. But I keep crying very frequently and have so much regret in my heart about the past. I feel like I can't forgive myself and always keep beating myself up for cutting ties with my sister and not helping her during her hardship.

its extremely difficult for me to let go of the past. I'm trying to get over what happened but it's extremely difficult and I keep crying every time I remember the past and how I was bad and oppressive towards her. How do I feel better?

[Alpha Dude]

I have mixed feelings about this. I think, in a way, it's good to have feelings of regret like that. It makes you constantly feel shame and you feel inclined to seek forgiveness of Allah. Frequent repentance is always a good thing. You're earning the pleasure of Allah for this feeling you have.

It also means that you will be very much looking after your sister in future to make sure you never hurt her again. Which is good for her and for your relationship.

Have a heart to heart with her if you haven't already and each time the feelings of regret over take you, go find, talk to and give her a hug. That should make you feel better in sha Allah.

[mission2succeed]

Assalamu alaykum

i grew up with a verbally and emotionally abusive father. He would always make me feel worthless and call me really mean things. Even to my older sister, he would neglect her severely. My fathers behaviour influenced my self esteem negatively and made me feel worthless. I would speak to guys online so I could feel love and attachment I never received from my father.

My older sister used to rebel very harshly and behave rudely to my parents. She would disrespect my father and even say nasty things to my mother, and at times hit her. She would treat my mother like a slave. Her behaviour was difficult and I told my father it was his fault for acting that way. My older sister got married and my parents were glad to get rid of her.

her husband would always pray and looked very religious. He would always complain to my parents about her behaviour and I would feel heartbroken from her. I always believed she caused her husband trouble because she was never close to my dad so had difficulties communicating with her husband. When my parents would visit her and tell her how to be a good wife, she would hang up the phone in the I faces or treat them rudely. I hated her behaviour so cut her off from my life. This is something I deeply regret now.

once she complained her husband always his her and I felt sorry for her. But I didn't do anything about it or speak up against it. I thought that it's a fault he's got, at least he prays and has other good things to him. My parents would tell me we all have faults so we shouldn't give up on marriage for hitting, we should try to fix things. My sister would complain to my parents about getting hit and her husband would always apologise and kiss my fathers hand that he would never do that again.

when my sister was busy having fights with her husband, I would talk to guys online because I felt I need attention from men and felt unloved by my father. My sister tied to ask her husband to get divorced and I was very upset that her home would break and got depressed. I didn't want her to get divorced when she was pregnant.

so I'd feel very uncomfortable when I hear her wanting to get divorced because I always felt like why would she divorce a good person. Later on it turned out that her husband was a bad person and used religion as an excuse. He bashed her one day in the stomach and I cried so much. I wish I was there for her. I wish I never cut her off from my life. My parents and her husband would always say nasty things about her so I would believe it and cut her off. Now I speak to her and I'm on good terms but I can't stop regretting the past.even though she's at time rude to my parents, I still treat her well.

i feel really depressed and feel very upset that I oppressed her. I can't forgive myself and my soul and heart is bleeding so much. Every day I cry and I don't eat or sleep properly. Please help me

Question: Is your sister practicing and does she pray on a regular basis?

I don't understand why you feel guilty or responsible for neglecting your sister in the past. Yes your dad was wrong for his abusive behavior and your sister was wrong for being rude to her parents especially her mother as it seems she took her anger out on her. At the end of the day life's experience is a lesson for her. It is difficult to make a judgement based on the given situation as Allah knows best but men cannot stand naggy and a abusive wives. Is it possible her behaviour towards her husband at the start led him to loose his temper with her and in turn started hitting her? Whatever, happened in the past or is taking place in the present or the future has all been decreed by Allah either way it is a lesson for everyone. Insha'Allah from this situation it will make the family grow stronger and hopefully be less violent, depressed or abusive.

[mission2succeed]

My sister is now divorced alhamdulilah. I'm close to her now and treat her very well. But I keep crying very frequently and have so much regret in my heart about the past. I feel like I can't forgive myself and always keep beating myself up for cutting ties with my sister and not helping her during her hardship.

its extremely difficult for me to let go of the past. I'm trying to get over what happened but it's extremely difficult and I keep crying every time I remember the past and how I was bad and oppressive towards her. How do I feel better?

Leave the past behind you as that cannot be changed. Don't let the shaitaan get the better of you. Allah does not burden a soul beyound their capacity. Concentrate on what is ahead of you. You cannot regret what was not written for you to be apart of. Your sister is not the most important person your creator is.

[Umm Malik]

Sister ... to feel regret about your bad thing in the past is a good thing and it's the first important condition of making repentance
But after making tawbah to Allah stop thinking of it because if Allah can forgive you how you can't forgive your self ?
Make sure sister if you repent from wrong doing you did not by just stop doing it , but by make repentance ... Allah will change even the consequences of that thing
Sister you may not be like this with your sister if that doesn't happen to you especially after knowing your mistake
But subhanallah when we feel mistaken we want to change and that's good for you to help your sister
So be happy with your conscience and thank Allah for that
Try to help your sister without harming your self about something you passed
This is just shaytan want to make you upset and to make you busy from doing good things in your life
You know one of the steps of shaytan is to making the slave unhappy and feeling sad to led you to do bad things to find happiness it is one of his trikes
And I want you to try to find happiness with the book of Allah because it is the bast thing you will ever have in your life
You will find every good thing in it
Try and see how you will feel
But the men or connecting to them is not a solution , in the contrary it will make you feel alone more and more
Because one of the illness after the sin is feeling alone
But if you get far from this .. it may be hard in the beginning , but the provision of Allah get by obeying him
But shaytan sometimes let us this about the sins as it the only thing which can make us happy but this is how he promised Allah about us "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path.
Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You]." But you the important thing you should do to stop this ... is to blame your self about doing this ... and crying to Allah ... and to make a lot of good deeds beside this and to ask Allah's forgiveness more and more and try to avoid the things which led you to that ... and stop because we don't know how Mach we would live ...
Say aoudou bill a hi mina shaytani rajeem
And be happy Allah is with you and he is the best
You have the coran
You have your sister in Allah who love you and want to meet you in Jannah
Life is just a test , and you will forget every hardship when we meet Allah
So be happy
Know that you did what you have to do
And Allah will change the consequences of that time because you known your mistake and you are doing your best to correct it and you are with your sister alhamdulillah as Allah contract you
may Allah help you
Your sister Maryam