Little brother has a girlfriend, what do I do? Help!

[Zaynab812]

As- salamu alaykum brothers and sisters.

I find my my self in a very tough situation, about two days ago I came home to find my little brother sleep in my bed as I went to wake him up I picked up his phone to remove it and I saw a message from a Muslim girl in his class who I proceed to find out is his girlfriend. My brother and this sister both attend Islamic school they are about 14,15 years old. Unfortunately as we know this type of haram has reached Muslims and entered the Muslims schools. I had a long discussion with him stating about how haram and forbidden dating is. He says that he and the sister want to get married in the future, but as a 24 year old I know that they are both living in a fantasy world and don't have the mental maturity to understand marriage or how relationships work.
I have found messages that state sexual content and photos from the sister who is in her underwear and bra, he does not know that I know about the photos. I told him to break it off I have given him a warning but I do not trust him to do as I know having feelings for someone is an addiction and not easy to let go of. Although being attracted and having feelings for the opposite sex is normal they should only be explored in marriage.

My brother is scared of me although I surprised myself and handled it calmly , but he is terrified of my mother. The reason I've been holding of on telling my mother is because she's really stressed my father is very sick in the hospital with cancer, I don't want to stress her out more. What should I do this is weighing heavy on my heart. I know I should tell my mother but I know she will go crazy , should I give my brother more time to break it off even though (I don't think he will he's only 13 and even though they have done nothing together he does not understand the severity of the situation) or should I just tell my mother now?

[Scimitar]

Guilt trip ya bro that he's spending time doing haraam while your father is in hospital...

Scimi

[aaj]

wa'alaikum as'salaam,


What you did was fine. In addition to the guilt trip mentioned, i would also remind him of a few other things.
First, you will tell mom if he does not stop.
Second, dad has cancer and in hospital, that should serve as a reminder of how death can come and he needs to fear Allah and stop this.
Third, throw responsibility card at him. IF dad goes, then you are orphans and he has to man up and start taking on more responsibilities as the mahram of the family and needs to stop playing these haram games, plus he's behavior will reflect negatively on your family in the community
Fourth, threaten to talk to the girl and her mother if he still doesn't break off. Tell the girl you know about the pics and you are not happy and nor will her mother when she finds out.
Fifth, talk to the teacher at the Islamic school. Have them have a discussion/lesson of relationships in islam, especially dating and Islam.

may Allah guide the youth to the right path and protect them, ameen.

[islamirama]

Wa'alaikum as'salaam,

also remind and explain these verses:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and protect their private parts….And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts…” Surah al-Noor :30-31)

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)” (al-Isra’ :32)

Remind him zina is a major sin. While sex is the final straw, there are levels of zina and it starts with eyes and increases as you go more into it. Remind of him this hadith, sorry i don't have the reference on me or the exact wording.

One time Prophet (saw) was sitting in a gathering and a young boy came to him and said. "O Prophet of Allah, give me permission to date/zina (don't recall what word he used)." And some of the shahabas got up and were about to break his neck for such a thing and he motioned them to sit down and called the boy close to him. Then he asked the boy if he would like someone else to sleep with his sister like that, and the boy said no. Then he asked if he would like someone to sleep with his mother like that, and the boy said no. And i'm not sure if he asked of more female relatives or not. But then said, the girl you sleep with is somebody's sister, mother, aunt, wife, etc. If you do not like that about yours then how can you ask to do that to somebody else? So the boy was satisfied with the answer and ask the Messenger to make dua for him. And he made dua for the boy.

Share that hadith with him and ask him how would if he feel if some guy was going after you and wanting to do all that haram with you? Then tell him that that girl is somebody's sister and somebody's daughter. She may be confused and lost like him, he should remind her to protect her honor and not be the one to ruin it.

If you want you can also remind him that what you do to others, Allah returns the favor back to you. If you mess with others sisters then someone will mess with your sister, is that what you want?

lastly, make dua for him that Allah keep him on the right path and protect him from all this.

[Mustafa16]

Explain to him HOW these relationships lead to zina, in that you always want more in a romantic relationship....then tell him about the dangers of zina, such as, depending on where he lives age of consent laws which could land him in jail, having to give up on an education to raise the child, and being poor, and children growing up without a father or mother, or a stable family unit, diseases he can get, and how it breaks down the institution of the family.....you should also have an imam talk to him.....but in private..no need to get your mother involved.