Recently I came across a facebook post of a woman giving marriage advice and talking about her experience. The videos were great but after a few you were asked to join the facebook page and I did. Almost immediately I started getting friendship requests and men asking me for marriage. I was not interested because I do not want to find a husband online and many proposed without really getting to know me and what I wanted/expected for marriage or asking to speak to my wali or imam. This made me suspicious that they may have wanted me just for a green card because they were all from a different country.
I told one man (who said he wanted us to have a lot of children) that I did not want any children and he told me it was haram and unacceptable and that I needed to talk to my imam. He insisted that motherhood would make me happy and I was misinformed. I asked him to provide a surah or hadith requiring women to have children and he was not able to. So far I have not found any evidence on my own. It seems to me that this was just a cultural assumption that he attached to Islam. Does anyone know if there is a surah or hadith that requires all women to have babies?
Re: Is not having children haram? Or is this just a cultural belief?
Yea, those guys were shady and there's a no shortage of such men online. But to answer your question, the answer is yes.
Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784.
This hadeeth indicates that it is encouraged to marry women who are fertile, so that the numbers of the ummah will increase, and so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of his ummah before all other nations. This shows that it is encouraged to have a lot of children.
Re: Is not having children haram? Or is this just a cultural belief?
format_quote Originally Posted by islamirama
Yea, those guys were shady and there's a no shortage of such men online. But to answer your question, the answer is yes.
Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784.
This hadeeth indicates that it is encouraged to marry women who are fertile, so that the numbers of the ummah will increase, and so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of his ummah before all other nations. This shows that it is encouraged to have a lot of children.
I dont think not doing something that is encouraged is haram. I guess if I cant find a man who feels the same way I wont be getting married because I definitely am not having children. The translation is a bit unclear though. The part where it says "...she does not children." is confusing. Does that mean she cant have children or does not want children? Also if the prophet decreed that infertile/women who don't want children are unmarriageable then that is sad and unfortunate.
Re: Is not having children haram? Or is this just a cultural belief?
I dont think not doing something that is encouraged is haram. I guess if I cant find a man who feels the same way I wont be getting married because I definitely am not having children. The translation is a bit unclear though. The part where it says "...she does not children." is confusing. Does that mean she cant have children or does not want children? Also if the prophet decreed that infertile/women who don't want children are unmarriageable then that is sad and unfortunate.
Well I don't think its haram, just a sunnah. But then how stressed that sunnah is may depend on who you ask.
The Messenger () encouraged us to have children in more than one hadith. One of the aims of marriage according to Islamic teaching is to produce children and preserve the human race, and that it is not permissible to undermine this aim, because undermining it is contrary to the texts of Islam and their teachings which call for having a lot of offspring, protecting them and caring for them because protecting offspring is one of the five holistic principles that are promoted by Islamic teaching -https://islamqa.info/en/231777
Al-Ghazaali said that when a man gets married, intending thereby to have children, that this is an act of worship for which he will be rewarded because of his good intention. He explained that in several ways:
1 – This is in accordance with what Allaah wants, which is to perpetuate the human race.
2 – Seeking the love of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in having many children, so that he will feel proud of them before the other Prophets and nations on the Day of Resurrection.
3 – Seeking barakah (blessing) and a great deal of reward, and forgiveness of sins through the du’aa’ of a righteous child after one dies.
Prophet said,"When a person dies all his good deeds cease except for three: a continuous act of charity, beneficial knowledge, and a righteous son who prays for him".(Muslim, and the Sunan)
Being single would be more of trouble and fitna then getting married, i'm sure you would be able to find a partner who feels the same about kids as well. Well if can't have children then obvious she is infertile but if she doesn't want children then that is a different matter. To have kids or not is the right of both spouses, one cannot deny the other this right. So both have to be on the same page.
Regarding the do not merry infertile women. The Prophet did not told men not to marry infertile women. This prohibition does not mean that it is haraam, rather it is makrooh(disliked). The scholars stated that choosing a fertile woman is mustahabb(preferable/recommended), not obligatory. Just as it is permissible for a woman to marry an infertile man, it is also permissible for a man to marry an infertile woman. The purpose obviously is to grow the ummah in numbers.
Re: Is not having children haram? Or is this just a cultural belief?
Recently I came across a facebook post of a woman giving marriage advice and talking about her experience. The videos were great but after a few you were asked to join the facebook page and I did. Almost immediately I started getting friendship requests and men asking me for marriage. I was not interested because I do not want to find a husband online and many proposed without really getting to know me and what I wanted/expected for marriage or asking to speak to my wali or imam. This made me suspicious that they may have wanted me just for a green card because they were all from a different country.
I told one man (who said he wanted us to have a lot of children) that I did not want any children and he told me it was haram and unacceptable and that I needed to talk to my imam. He insisted that motherhood would make me happy and I was misinformed. I asked him to provide a surah or hadith requiring women to have children and he was not able to. So far I have not found any evidence on my own. It seems to me that this was just a cultural assumption that he attached to Islam. Does anyone know if there is a surah or hadith that requires all women to have babies?
Asalaamualykum
Its very simple - there is encouragement in having kids but definitely no obligation.
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) encouraged us to have children in more than one hadith. One of the aims of marriage according to Islamic teaching is to produce children and preserve the human race, and that it is not permissible to undermine this aim, because undermining it is contrary to the texts of Islam and their teachings which call for having a lot of offspring, protecting them and caring for them because protecting offspring is one of the five holistic principles that are promoted by Islamic teaching -https://islamqa.info/en/231777
did not told men not to marry infertile women. This prohibition does not mean that it is haraam, rather it is makrooh(disliked). The scholars stated that choosing a fertile woman is mustahabb(preferable/recommended), not obligatory. Just as it is permissible for a woman to marry an infertile man, it is also permissible for a man to marry an infertile woman. The purpose obviously is to grow the ummah in numbers.
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