Rethinking Sex Education...Should parents teach this

[trueteach]

Salaam,

The Muslim Ummah as a whole is in a dilemma regarding how to deal with this progressively aggressive sexualisation of society. Stats suggest that some Muslim countries account for some of the most addictive porn viewing habits alongside some of the worse stats on sex crimes and misogynist views. Clearly Sex Ed is still very taboo in some Muslim countries and this is becoming more and more evident given the inability to deal with this very serious problem appropriately.

Now would it not be better for parents to teach Sex Ed to their own children as opposed to putting the responsibility of Sex Ed on schools (or the state)?
It seems that nowadays parents want to outsource teaching these very delicate subjects to people who have not been morally certified in any way, shape or form. Compare this to a traditional Islamic setup (i.e. during Islam's golden age), where even teachers of natural sciences were very pious people indicating ethical morality was the norm.

My point is that Sex Ed is very essential for our young Muslim minds to learn about. If they are not taught, they will fill that void through self education (not a good idea). And the way schools teach Sex Ed is from a view that young ppl are 'gonna do it anyway so let's make sure they do it safely'.

A simple search on Amazon will show how much responsibility the Christian community has taken on this subject...dozens and dozens of resources for parents, compared with Muslim friendly resources showing very few (and very poorly rated).

My Primary Question: Do you feel Muslim parents should teach sex ed to their children (if the resources were available)...?

[Zeal]

La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems

[Sakina'141]

Salaam,

The Muslim Ummah as a whole is in a dilemma regarding how to deal with this progressively aggressive sexualisation of society. Stats suggest that some Muslim countries account for some of the most addictive porn viewing habits alongside some of the worse stats on sex crimes and misogynist views. Clearly Sex Ed is still very taboo in some Muslim countries and this is becoming more and more evident given the inability to deal with this very serious problem appropriately.

Now would it not be better for parents to teach Sex Ed to their own children as opposed to putting the responsibility of Sex Ed on schools (or the state)?
It seems that nowadays parents want to outsource teaching these very delicate subjects to people who have not been morally certified in any way, shape or form. Compare this to a traditional Islamic setup (i.e. during Islam's golden age), where even teachers of natural sciences were very pious people indicating ethical morality was the norm.

My point is that Sex Ed is very essential for our young Muslim minds to learn about. If they are not taught, they will fill that void through self education (not a good idea). And the way schools teach Sex Ed is from a view that young ppl are 'gonna do it anyway so let's make sure they do it safely'.

A simple search on Amazon will show how much responsibility the Christian community has taken on this subject...dozens and dozens of resources for parents, compared with Muslim friendly resources showing very few (and very poorly rated).

My Primary Question: Do you feel Muslim parents should teach sex ed to their children (if the resources were available)...?

Yes, that would be best for so many reasons. I think that would be more healthy for the young ones.

[Bobbyflay23]

La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems

That won't work. It's like telling a little kid not to grab a chocolate bar you need to explain to them why you shouldn't and how they have been given a gift from allah swt to be educated on keeping there modesty in times of fitna just saying no with no explanation will make them think well why not there's no harm in it

[Silas]

Pornography and sexual deviancy is a big problem right now, pretty much all over the world at this point.

There is a movement among very conservative men in the US and Europe to encourage proper relationships, and abstention from viewing pornography. It is difficult for some young men (and even some women) to come to grips with the fact that while sex in itself is not bad (within marriage), pornography most certainly is: in addition to religious prohibitions against it, it is culturally damaging, exploitative, and harmful even to those who view it. It is a vice.

Sex education in the US and Europe is also a problem. We now have schools teaching children about homosexuality and transgenderism. This is clearly against Islam and Christianity.

We home school our children, so we tackle the subject of sex education how we think it should be. There are private schools in the west that take a conservative approach on this issue. The masjid in my neighborhood has a school in it for kids ages 6 through 13.

But I agree that sex education should be left to the parents

[Sakina'141]

La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems

Good idea but it needs deeper explanation. Zina is not just sex before marriage...even before it gets to that stage, you got to tackle the zina of eyes and mind so its not as simple as saying "No Zina, no zina", you have to teach about lowering gaze, guarding modesty...the imprtance and reasons behind these practices etc.

Me and my brothers never got "sex education" at home but our mother always said to me "don't talk to boys, its haram" like every day since I started going to mixed school (I went to girls school before) and my brothers got told not to speak to girls and we actually believed that it was haram to talk to opposite gender for few wks then we realised it was impossible to avoid talking to them to do school work and it wasn't haram to talk, it was only haram to flirt/become friends or boy/girlfriends. My mother was crazy but looking back it was a good thing to scare us off opposite gender interactions at a young age.

Sex education at school was not very good in my opinion...it was awful...lots of pictures of STIs and how to put condom on...I remember the innocent boys/girls found it traumatising experience! But it was alright for the mature teenagers who already knew about it all...in my opinion there should have been seperate classes tailered differently based on level of innocence and maturity. It was rediculous and not done in sensitive/smart way.

[Serinity]

Yes, we live in a hyper-sexualised society. Although I find the sex ed at school disgusting. Women should teach women, and men - men. What do we do about this fitna of hyper-sexuality?

Btw there is no need for us to learn about sex itself really. But we need to learn about it in the sense of what exactly?? It is natural to have the desire for a partner, however, one should keep oneself chaste.

Allahu alam

[Bobbyflay23]

Yes, we live in a hyper-sexualised society. Although I find the sex ed at school disgusting. Women should teach women, and men - men. What do we do about this fitna of hyper-sexuality?

Btw there is no need for us to learn about sex itself really. But we need to learn about it in the sense of what exactly?? It is natural to have the desire for a partner, however, one should keep oneself chaste.

Allahu alam

I think we should have to learn about sex just not the degree of them about talking about anal and lesbians and gays and like I don't hate the people who do those stuff I just think it's disgusting and like the teachers sortve talk about it like promoting it so more people can do it so it's kinda bi ist and like if they're going to teach about sex why don't they teach about the more important stuff like how masterbation can get you pre mature ejaculation and how men skip foreplay but it's necessary for the women's side not learning about "how to put on a condom" or "oral sex" certain aspects of sex should be taught about but certain topics should be left alone and are too explicit like okay teach them about what exactly is sex and foreplay but they go to deep by basically promoting it saying it's normal all teenagers do it and stuff because it's basically saying if everybody else does why shouldn't I so yea things that well benifit with a marriage realtionship and also teaching about how the opposite gender should be treated if your there spouse is good sex education and it's been practiced even during the time of the prophet saw but teaching them about how to commit zina and different ways and what are the best ways and all that stuff is wrong

[Serinity]

I think we should have to learn about sex just not the degree of them about talking about anal and lesbians and gays and like I don't hate the people who do those stuff I just think it's disgusting and like the teachers sortve talk about it like promoting it so more people can do it so it's kinda bi ist and like if they're going to teach about sex why don't they teach about the more important stuff like how masterbation can get you pre mature ejaculation and how men skip foreplay but it's necessary for the women's side not learning about "how to put on a condom" or "oral sex" certain aspects of sex should be taught about but certain topics should be left alone and are too explicit like okay teach them about what exactly is sex and foreplay but they go to deep by basically promoting it saying it's normal all teenagers do it and stuff because it's basically saying if everybody else does why shouldn't I so yea things that well benifit with a marriage realtionship and also teaching about how the opposite gender should be treated if your there spouse is good sex education and it's been practiced even during the time of the prophet saw but teaching them about how to commit zina and different ways and what are the best ways and all that stuff is wrong

I think if that is the case - there needs to be a kind of segregation - men talk to men, women to women.

i think sex is natural, so everyone instinctively knows what it is - no need to teach. But about masturbation and its ills, etc. Ok, and other NECESSARY stuff (as to avoid harm)

There is no shyness in gaining knowledge for one's benefit (in deen and dunyah) even if it is about sex, correct? Say, asking a fatwa about sex. AFAIK. (As long as it doesn't go against Islam)

BTW, this is VERY important, would YOU rather have your child ask YOU About sex, or rather have the child go to a stranger you don't know?? I'd rather teach my children about it than have others teach them, imo.

When such matters come up, we can't be mad, rather we should answer and be understanding. But, we should not teach our children about sex. Isn't it better to stay ignorant of the details???

Like, teaching them may lead to negative consequences.

Allahu alam.

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Sex education is important, but it is how it is given and in what context. I do believe it should be primarily the parents responsibility, but there is no harm if a teacher or another responsible, trusted adult were to take it on.

As has been said, it must be given in an age appropriate way and not in a mixed gender classroom, and by a teacher who is the same gender as the individuals he/she is teaching. In UK schools the sex education is extremely explicit, they are teaching five-year-olds about it and then they complain that young children no longer behave like children. They completely normalize promiscuity.

I went to school until I was 10-years-old and when I was around 9 they began doing these 'classes'. My mother pulled me out of them and for that I'm glad because I remember two children coming out to throw up in the toilets....and it's not like I was unaware, my mother had kind of told me but in a way which was age appropriate and what I didn't need to know she didn't tell me. But yes, my mother was very firm on limited interaction with the opposite gender even while I was at primary school.

So it is important for young people to learn about this, especially from an Islamic perspective they should understand why our deen says what it does about gender segregation, zina and marriage, so that in their life they can make informed decisions for the better in'sha'Allah.

[sister herb]

Maybe we shouldn´t call this kind of teaching as sex education but health education only. As I remember, that was it´s name when I was at school (well, long time ago). It wasn´t teaching how to have sex but how to keep yourself health and about those physical and emotional changes in puberty.

[Serinity]

Yeah, first of all, the kind of "sex education" that is at school is utterly disgusting and makes me wanna throw up - no benefits in it whatsoever.

The negative consequences could be that young prematurely learn about it. young 5-7-8 year olds would then try to "test" what he/she saw in the sex education with the opposite gender - that we don't want.

We should teach them from the perspective of Islam and with Islamic morale. I'd never allow my children to enter a sex-education program, ever. Nor should children be taught what is not relevant.

Say when 5-10 years old, just say "don't mingle with the opposite sex" - and be firm on that - don't speak about anything else, and when he/she comes of understanding, you explain when appropriate and when there is a need to - with hayaah.

Besides, there is NO need to explain "sex", how did our forefathers get offspring?

We should not try to imitate how the west does it - rather we should do it from the Islamic perspective.

Allahu alam.

[noraina]

I have heard in America there is the opposite problem - here in the UK it is very explicit, and in the US there is a lot of opposition to teaching it in schools. Is this true?

Young children are very susceptible to the values they're taught, especially at school where teachers are considered to have a huge amount of authority. Every parent should be concerned with and involved in what kind of values and moral groundings are being passed on to their children.

I am all for bringing awareness in terms of safety and health about this kind of thing, but only if it is taught age-appropriately and within the right context. Are all of those images and vivid descriptions and videos and models necessary to get the message across? I don't think so.

And to be honest I don't think it would be too hard for a school to separate the class into girls and boys, in separate rooms, and just explain to them what's necessary in terms of their welfare. But again, in this age of political correctness, that suggestion would be opening a can of worms.

[keiv]

We had several classes during my elementary and middle school years here in the US. The one we had in elementary, the boys and girls were separated. The middle achool ones were all mixed. During one class, we went to an actual hospital where medical professionals held the class. None of these classes taught us how to perform the act but were all geared towards teaching us the risks involved.

My personal opinion is that it really did not make a difference overall. A lot of the kids I went to school with took it as a joke and ended up eventually doing whatever they wanted. Hell, in highschool, there were pregnant girls walking around.. With the stories I've heard, I can't imagine what grade school is like these days. I'm just glad I went through it when I did because even then, it felt like it was starting to get bad.

[noraina]

It never makes a difference really.

I still remember those anti-smoking campaigns complete with graphic pictures and warnings....and still I see 12-13 years old smoking away like chimneys past a huge billboard which says SMOKING KILLS in 6-foot tall letters.

That sounds really pessimistic, lol, but that's how it seems these days.

[azc]

It depends on which society you belong to. At least in our society we can't think of it where a married girl/boy even can't sit on the same cot where her/his spouse is sitting in presence of her/his parents

[Bobbyflay23]

I have heard in America there is the opposite problem - here in the UK it is very explicit, and in the US there is a lot of opposition to teaching it in schools. Is this true?

Young children are very susceptible to the values they're taught, especially at school where teachers are considered to have a huge amount of authority. Every parent should be concerned with and involved in what kind of values and moral groundings are being passed on to their children.

I am all for bringing awareness in terms of safety and health about this kind of thing, but only if it is taught age-appropriately and within the right context. Are all of those images and vivid descriptions and videos and models necessary to get the message across? I don't think so.

And to be honest I don't think it would be too hard for a school to separate the class into girls and boys, in separate rooms, and just explain to them what's necessary in terms of their welfare. But again, in this age of political correctness, that suggestion would be opening a can of worms.

No in middle school they showed us (I live in America) a video of a women giving birth and a the blood seeping out of her private parts and everything I wasn't really a good Muslim at the time so I just laughed and said eww with my friends but kept watching and like they also showed us a movie about a slaves and the entire movie allot of the women had no shirt and brah on so they where half naked and that was in middle school not highschool so things in America are still pretty bad if they arnt as bad as in the U.K.

[Umm♥Layth]

I believe like all other knowledge, it has to come in layers. We don't just teach our children about reproduction and human anatomy one time. My child started asking questions at about 8 years of age and that about the time the "first crush" came. All other body changes I saw were indicative that puberty was on its way and the bigger subjects had to be approached, but gently.

Parents need to be aware and learn to have regular conversations with their kids from the start, not just shout when they do something wrong yet the parent never taught them anything....

A child actually does have to know about sex, how it works, what it is for and all the stuff that makes many of us uncomfortable to talk about. The issue is that many adults have a very unhealthy view about sex to begin with, for example, that it is somehow dirty. If they feel this way about it, the chances of them passing on anything other than "No zina, haraam!" is slim to none.

What we should achieve as parents is clarity with our children and we should eliminate the curiosity that drives so many to zina and pronography.

I consider myself to be quite liberal in my thinking and I'm open to any subject really as long as there is an educational purpose and not for idle talk of course. However, even for me, the sex talk was just too much. I couldn't even bring up simple puberty, let alone intercourse and body parts and all that. I found it quite surprising to be honest, I didn't expect to be this way, but when its your own kid.... it isn't easy.

What I did was get a book that I approved of which was age appropriate and allowed the book to guide us and welcomed any questions to come from it. It didn't cover puberty as much as it did reproduction, pregnancy, birth and all that, but after getting over that initial hurdle, I was able to cover body changes and grooming on my own lol.

My child knows more than I did at that age and that is actually empowering and wonderful to see. Alhamdullilah, there is no more curiosity, not a single question has been asked for well over 2 years now and the human body and its functions are just a matter of fact. No hush hush, no feelings of shame and insha'Allah no curiosity driven desires in the future. I hope that by being open and honest from the start, my children will come to me when sexual urgencies and desires happen (because they happen to everyone) and I can once again, cover the subject in a more profound manner. Knowledge always comes in layers.

I wish my parents were more active in teaching me. Alhamdullilah my sex education experience wasn't horrific. They just spoke about female reproduction and pregnancy. Nothing else. It clearly wasn't enough though.

My point is, yes, parents need to take the lead and not rely on institutions to teach their kids. I like the idea of assigning a trusted person for the parents who just simply can't bring themselves to tackle the subjects. I would probably volunteer for that position when I'm older, insha'Allah. Kids deserve to have questions answered without having to resort to questionable sources.

[trueteach]

Maybe we shouldn´t call this kind of teaching as sex education but health education only. As I remember, that was it´s name when I was at school (well, long time ago). It wasn´t teaching how to have sex but how to keep yourself health and about those physical and emotional changes in puberty.

That would be alright if sex wasn't a public affair. I would be first

[trueteach]

That would be alright if sex wasn't a public affair. I would be first to support a more modest society but we as muslims have to deal with the situation we're presented with.
There is nothing wrong with the word sex in and of itself. It's the way it's defined which can present an issue.
i.e. if sex = porn, that's an issue
However, if sex = loving my spouse, making children, seeking Allah's pleasure, then Alhumdulillah.