My husband is a born muslim, i'm a convert. He has severe ocd but won't get help and when I tell him what he is doing is not normal he tells me I don't understand because i'm not a real muslim. For example - last night he found a drop of dried pee on the floor of the bathroom and had to spend the next 4 hours cleaning the entire house. I know it's najas but we have two young boys and things like this are going to happen. He spends at least two hours a day in the shower and he also makes us clean the entire house whenever my nonmuslim parents visit. This can't be normal behavior right? Do other Muslims live like this? I'm at the end of my rope - he won't get help or even admit he has a problem.
I really hope I can help you but I dont know how. In my opinion, he's too much. It is true that Islam exemplifies cleanliness, but not to the point that its unnatural. While I understand why he wants to clean the house after your parents' visit (my family would always clean cutlery that our non-muslim guests used thoroughly. but little do they know that I dated a non-muslim and has been sharing meal and intimacy with him. They are just disgusted with the idea of pork, that's all), remind him to be graceful with his cleaning and not to offend anyone. xoxo
My husband is a born muslim, i'm a convert. He has severe ocd but won't get help and when I tell him what he is doing is not normal he tells me I don't understand because i'm not a real muslim. For example - last night he found a drop of dried pee on the floor of the bathroom and had to spend the next 4 hours cleaning the entire house. I know it's najas but we have two young boys and things like this are going to happen. He spends at least two hours a day in the shower and he also makes us clean the entire house whenever my nonmuslim parents visit. This can't be normal behavior right? Do other Muslims live like this? I'm at the end of my rope - he won't get help or even admit he has a problem.
The issues you have like cleaning urine and purity,
Plz search on
Islamqa.info
To find answers.
He is making Islam too hard on himself.
The answers you find on that website,will help you alot and your husband.Show him those answers as they are answered with irrefutable evidence.
Show him those answers and Allah willing,he will soften up.
IT IS WORTH A TRY.
My husband is a born muslim, i'm a convert. He has severe ocd but won't get help and when I tell him what he is doing is not normal he tells me I don't understand because i'm not a real muslim. For example - last night he found a drop of dried pee on the floor of the bathroom and had to spend the next 4 hours cleaning the entire house. I know it's najas but we have two young boys and things like this are going to happen. He spends at least two hours a day in the shower and he also makes us clean the entire house whenever my nonmuslim parents visit. This can't be normal behavior right? Do other Muslims live like this? I'm at the end of my rope - he won't get help or even admit he has a problem.
That does sound like OCD, but he's probably embarrassed about it to have to get help for it, and maybe because it concerns cleanliness, he doesn't think it's too big of an issue.
I think before you can make him get help, he has to realize and admit that he has an issue. Because if he doesn't see it as an issue in the first place, then there's no way he will try to get help for it.
My husband is a born muslim, i'm a convert. He has severe ocd but won't get help and when I tell him what he is doing is not normal he tells me I don't understand because i'm not a real muslim. For example - last night he found a drop of dried pee on the floor of the bathroom and had to spend the next 4 hours cleaning the entire house. I know it's najas but we have two young boys and things like this are going to happen. He spends at least two hours a day in the shower and he also makes us clean the entire house whenever my nonmuslim parents visit. This can't be normal behavior right? Do other Muslims live like this? I'm at the end of my rope - he won't get help or even admit he has a problem.
The following advice regarding OCD was given to another member here and is also relevant for your husband:
There are many good practical tips for you to try. Firstly you must realise that you are being tested and Allah only tests those who he wants closest to him. So never ask Allah "why" but just know that he is testing you and that this whole life is a test but the end result in the Hereafter will be to taste the sweetness of our patience for eternity! Most of us will wish we were tested more so we can be given the hugely immense rewards available to those who are patient.
Secondly you should go and see a good reliable local Raqi and also get regular treatment from them. They will also suggest some good self Ruqya you can do. For example reciting last 2 quls morning and evening, ayatul Qursi and Audhubilahi Minashaythanirajeem whenever you get bad thoughts etc. Also always try ensure you are in the state of Wudu.
Recite the Qur'an as much as possible especially surah Baqarah and even leave Surah Baqarah playing in your home. Another important thing is to recite Bismillah before entering your home or anyone elses. There are many things one can recite and you must learn these dua's and recitations immediately. Also to drink zamzam water which is very spiritually beneficial as well as taking blackseed oil and eating 7 ajwa dates morning and evening which protects one from the effects of evil.
Apart from that as mentioned to you before you must regularly see a behavior therapist to get cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and Exposure and response prevention (ERP) treatments as they are very effective for OCD. And also any other behavior related treatment as different ones work differently for different people.
Also as Brother Abdal Latif mentioned put your thoughts to paper or write them down in a way that is easiest for you so that you can assess your thoughts. Maybe you can write something along the lines of "These thoughts are not me and will not affect me. They are not my thoughts and do not make sense" something along those lines because clearly they are irrational thoughts which do not come from you and so you should try your best to ignore them and not to necessarily fight or resist them as this may have the opposite affect but let them go through your mind and let them pass and think that's fine go through my mind but you are not from me and I will ignore you.
So in summary as with any hardship and trial you have to continuously persevere with all the relevant treatment methods and at the same time continue to beg and ask of Allah and put your full trust, hopes and reliance in him. He is testing you for a reason and that is for you to get closer to him and ask of him. Also trials are a way for a person to get their sins forgiven as well as gain unimaginable rewards as Allah rewards those who are patient through trials and tests without measure.
So my best tips for you:
1. Continue making sincere intense Dua to Allah with patience and perseverence putting your full trust, reliance and hope in him.
2. Continue with all the relevant Adhkars, Dua's, self ruqya, seeing counselor and specialists and any other treatments and also give new methods a try as different methods work differently for different people.
3. Maintain a strong connection with the Qur'an. Continuously recite the Qur'an and also read and learn the meaings and reflect over them and implement them into your daily life. Also memorise as much as you can. Take up Hifdh with a teacher. Even if you die whilst doing it you will die as a Haafidh. Subhanallah!
4. Wake up for Tahajjud prayer each and every night before Fajr begins even if its 15 mins before Fajr so you can pray a 2 rakat Nawafil and make an intense Dua afterwards. This is because Tahajjud prayer and Dua after it is the best way of not only getting closer to Allah and increasing your imaan. But most importantly Dua's are accepted at that time. If you want anything in life then wake up at that time consistently and don't just stop when you have what you want but continue to pray this amazing prayer fr the rest of your life as it will help you in your life.
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