Assalamualaikum...
i am in need of a Islamic scholar’s help ..
it’s an issue between my parents
My dad has been abusing my mother verbally for 30 years now but still my mother loved him and never said a word and she lived her life .. the fault is not my father..it’s his mother.. I know mothers have a huge role in Islam.. but I really don’t if all mothers are same!?.. she actually JUST gave birth to my father..he was bought up by his uncle..he married by the choice of his aunty..and at that time my grandma used to hate this aunty.. after marraige ..my father was really wild..his anger level was too high..he used to throw plates..objects just because he got angry..my mother endured it all because she was afraid of a divorce..her parents weren’t so rich ..anyways..daily there used to be a drama.. that my mother was however held responsible for..my grandmother used to lie to my father just to see him scolding my mother in front of everyone..10 years forward.. my father believed every bit of my grandmas words..he says as he didn’t get “mothers love” as he was growing up..he wants to spend his time with her now..my father neglects everything (kids ,wife) just for her .. I know it’s a good thing for the akirah but when he spends time with her.. my grandmother fills up his head with hate towards all of us..she has called us theives for stealing her money which never existed just to see us getting scolded by our father.. my father once even had beaten my brother with a belt just cuz my grandma claimed she saw him stealing money and putting it in his money bank.. after beating him ..my father angrily opened the bank and there was nothing but just few coins.. he admitted that he regretted that move. This has continued for years..and my father has been brain-washed into thinking that my mother and the kids are his enemies..he talks to my mother in such a tone that someone might not talk to a maid also...and due to that I’ve seen my mom weeping many times
Yesterday, my mom called me into her room and said she wanted to separate from my father.. I was not shocked
she started weeping and said I’m getting old and I don’t have that capability to hear any more taunts and hate words..
let him stay with his mother and he will be happy.. you are a grown up now .. I endured enough .. let’s talk about this tmrw.. and so our convo ended
u might be thinking that I’m siding with mom and not my dad..I shud see both sides.. but let me tell you.. my mom is definitely not at fault... my grandmother was from a village so she didn’t have knowledge of getting her daughters married..my mother married my father’s sisters off..not 1 ..not 2 but 3 sisters..she bought all the clothes..she gave up her eid dresses for collecting clothes for the bride.. she set up all the dowry stuff the groom side had demanded (dowry was a must to get married at that time) she did everything ..from supporting him to motivating him..my father is a big man NOW.. and I tell you it’s all because of my mom and my father doesn’t realise that.. pls help me .. I’ve tried to talk to him , it doesn’t work! I don’t want my parents separating .. I have to get married soon in sha allah.. I really want my mother beside me every time .. what should I do?
Assalamualaikum...
i am in need of a Islamic scholar’s help ..
it’s an issue between my parents
My dad has been abusing my mother verbally for 30 years now but still my mother loved him and never said a word and she lived her life .. the fault is not my father..it’s his mother.. I know mothers have a huge role in Islam.. but I really don’t if all mothers are same!?.. she actually JUST gave birth to my father..he was bought up by his uncle..he married by the choice of his aunty..and at that time my grandma used to hate this aunty.. after marraige ..my father was really wild..his anger level was too high..he used to throw plates..objects just because he got angry..my mother endured it all because she was afraid of a divorce..her parents weren’t so rich ..anyways..daily there used to be a drama.. that my mother was however held responsible for..my grandmother used to lie to my father just to see him scolding my mother in front of everyone..10 years forward.. my father believed every bit of my grandmas words..he says as he didn’t get “mothers love” as he was growing up..he wants to spend his time with her now..my father neglects everything (kids ,wife) just for her .. I know it’s a good thing for the akirah but when he spends time with her.. my grandmother fills up his head with hate towards all of us..she has called us theives for stealing her money which never existed just to see us getting scolded by our father.. my father once even had beaten my brother with a belt just cuz my grandma claimed she saw him stealing money and putting it in his money bank.. after beating him ..my father angrily opened the bank and there was nothing but just few coins.. he admitted that he regretted that move. This has continued for years..and my father has been brain-washed into thinking that my mother and the kids are his enemies..he talks to my mother in such a tone that someone might not talk to a maid also...and due to that I’ve seen my mom weeping many times
Yesterday, my mom called me into her room and said she wanted to separate from my father.. I was not shocked
she started weeping and said I’m getting old and I don’t have that capability to hear any more taunts and hate words..
let him stay with his mother and he will be happy.. you are a grown up now .. I endured enough .. let’s talk about this tmrw.. and so our convo ended
u might be thinking that I’m siding with mom and not my dad..I shud see both sides.. but let me tell you.. my mom is definitely not at fault... my grandmother was from a village so she didn’t have knowledge of getting her daughters married..my mother married my father’s sisters off..not 1 ..not 2 but 3 sisters..she bought all the clothes..she gave up her eid dresses for collecting clothes for the bride.. she set up all the dowry stuff the groom side had demanded (dowry was a must to get married at that time) she did everything ..from supporting him to motivating him..my father is a big man NOW.. and I tell you it’s all because of my mom and my father doesn’t realise that.. pls help me .. I’ve tried to talk to him , it doesn’t work! I don’t want my parents separating .. I have to get married soon in sha allah.. I really want my mother beside me every time .. what should I do?
This is just general advice. My sister Jazakallahu Khayran for sharing this sensitive issue with us. I cannot imagine what you or your Mother have been through but what I can say is that the next best option is mediation. Do you have a respected elder/senior person in your family who is neutral? Who can mediate these matters between your Mother and Father? If not then you must get holf of a local respected Sheikh/Scholar/Imaam whom can himself or refer your parents to go through mediation. This is the next step.
Also calm and re-assure your Mother that everything will be resolved to what is best. Do not speak angrily towards your Father either. Make the best of these next few nights especially at Tahajjud before Fajr begins and also before Iftaar opens by asking and begging of Allah to help you and your family situation and to bring it to the best conclusion.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Eric H liked this post
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks