I am married with a converted muslim women. Before I married her I didn’t had a beard. Hamdolilah my imane is growing and I decide to let my beard grow for Allah s.w.t. Unfortunately my wife is absolute against a beard. Since I let my beard grow she is keeping distance from me, don’t look at me and the intimacy is less than before. Everything changed between us. I told her many times that it is obligatory to have a beard and I don’t want to disobey Allah s.w.t and his messenger. She know about the importance, but she don’t like a beard at all. She told me if I met you like that I will never married you. And the saddest thing is that she don’t want to be with me anymore.
My wife does pray her daily prayers.
Even I am struggling with my beard. Many times I have the feeling to shave it. But I most be strong and fight against the shaytaan.
Everyday I am making dua to Allah s.w.t to guide me and my wife.
Be patient, if she truly loves you then she will come around. Honestly, I find it odd that it is such an issue for her and honestly what she said is kind of mean and shallow :/
Brother it s a female thing. Majority of women like men to have a face of a little boy or a little girl. Even my own mom hates beard. She find it ugly, barbarian, monkey like, or dirty. Sometimes she make jokes that we surgically remove the beard so it never grows again.
Brother, if you where to go to the route of pleasing females you would be converted to a female body to please them. Is that something you really want? Ask yourself. Do you want please your creator or the creation? I have a goteque myself...but Insha'Allah I will end up growing it one day full.
Be patient, if she truly loves you then she will come around. Honestly, I find it odd that it is such an issue for her and honestly what she said is kind of mean and shallow :/
I am facing this issue for 2 months and it getting worser
Do you think maybe it is another issue and not just your beard? Do you already have children with her?
We have normal issues like every couple. I know the last thing that she want to see from a men is a beard. She never liked it at all. We don't have children hamdolilah. I know her iman is really weak. She is to much busy with this life and never see her read something about islam. I just get disappointed and upset that I do something to please Allah that my own wife can't accept that
We have normal issues like every couple. I know the last thing that she want to see from a men is a beard. She never liked it at all. We don't have children hamdolilah. I know her iman is really weak. She is to much busy with this life and never see her read something about islam. I just get disappointed and upset that I do something to please Allah that my own wife can't accept that
All I can suggest is for you to make du'a that Allah may guide her and beautify you in her eyes. Do you know for sure it is your beard that is making her distant? Maybe she is using it as an excuse? I find it very unusual to be honest. Physical attraction is important but I don't see how a beard really changes it that much.
Brother, if you where to go to the route of pleasing females you would be converted to a female body to please them. Is that something you really want?
I think you are taking this a bit too the extreme. I don't think anyone said calma should look female .... beside, who ever said women preferred a female looking man??
I don't want to sound rude, but your comment just seems a bit odd and way too broad.
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
All I can suggest is for you to make du'a that Allah may guide her and beautify you in her eyes. Do you know for sure it is your beard that is making her distant? Maybe she is using it as an excuse? I find it very unusual to be honest. Physical attraction is important but I don't see how a beard really changes it that much.
I also think you should ask her more about this. People have different attraction, but a bear is not that big a deal and there are far more important things in a relationship. Might I suggest maybe you misread her and you believe it is a bigger deal to her than you make it sound? Or maybe if it is that important to her, there is something else that bothers her, try to talk to her and get to know what it is.
And I just was able to quote 2 people in my reply instead of replying twice!! I'm really proud of myself
All I can suggest is for you to make du'a that Allah may guide her and beautify you in her eyes. Do you know for sure it is your beard that is making her distant? Maybe she is using it as an excuse? I find it very unusual to be honest. Physical attraction is important but I don't see how a beard really changes it that much.
I know for sure it's my beard that changed everything. She always like me when I shave and get really close to me. I also don't understand why she can't accept it, but oke everyone is different. In our eyes its nothing but for another person it can be huge. I also don't like that she is keeping distance from me but oke I can't force her. Hamdolilah
I realised that in many mosques men have no beard...even the imam...I don't understand this...there a few that have a beard...this is so wrong and strange
I am married with a converted muslim women. Before I married her I didn’t had a beard. Hamdolilah my imane is growing and I decide to let my beard grow for Allah s.w.t. Unfortunately my wife is absolute against a beard. Since I let my beard grow she is keeping distance from me, don’t look at me and the intimacy is less than before. Everything changed between us. I told her many times that it is obligatory to have a beard and I don’t want to disobey Allah s.w.t and his messenger. She know about the importance, but she don’t like a beard at all. She told me if I met you like that I will never married you. And the saddest thing is that she don’t want to be with me anymore.
My wife does pray her daily prayers.
Even I am struggling with my beard. Many times I have the feeling to shave it. But I most be strong and fight against the shaytaan.
Everyday I am making dua to Allah s.w.t to guide me and my wife.
What can I do ☹
As'salamu Alaik'um
If she doesn't come around despite you trying to persuade her, I honestly think you should get another wife. That doesn't mean you have to divorce her though, you can practice polygamy.
The entire beard issue also differs. Some say it is fardh or wajib, some say Sunnah and some say just a tradition and you can shave it all.
If you ask me, don't make it such a big deal. If she no way accepts it shave it for the sake of your marriage. However, I also think that her reaction is abnormal. She might have a psychological problem with beard. You must question it in detail. She might have had a problem with a man with beard once upon a time and this might have an effect under her subconscious.
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format_quote Originally Posted by Al Khorasani
As'salamu Alaik'um
If she doesn't come around despite you trying to persuade her, I honestly think you should get another wife. That doesn't mean you have to divorce her though, you can practice polygamy.
How do you think this will solve the problem? Will she like his beard when he have another wife?
The entire beard issue also differs. Some say it is fardh or wajib, some say Sunnah and some say just a tradition and you can shave it all.
If you ask me, don't make it such a big deal. If she no way accepts it shave it for the sake of your marriage. However, I also think that her reaction is abnormal. She might have a psychological problem with beard. You must question it in detail. She might have had a problem with a man with beard once upon a time and this might have an effect under her subconscious.
I did my investigation. The 4 madhabs are agree that letting the beard grow is a must. The one that doesn't let it grow is sinning. Muslims have their own identity. We must not imitate the Christians, Jews or disbelievers. So it's haram to shave. My wife have issue with the beard because in her eyes is dirty..also it irritate her skin. My love for God is bigger and would not let my wife take me of the path.
The entire beard issue also differs. Some say it is fardh or wajib, some say Sunnah and some say just a tradition and you can shave it all.
As'salamu Alaik'um
Any opinion that says keeping a beard is not mandatory is, with all due respect, nonsense. The only matter in which there is a valid difference of opinion is when it comes to what counts as a beard and whether or not it can be trimmed
format_quote Originally Posted by anatolian
How do you think this will solve the problem? Will she like his beard when he have another wife?
This solves the problem because he needs someone to be intimate with. It can also keep the current family together (divorcing her is a bad idea if the brother has children).
I am married with a converted muslim women. Before I married her I didn’t had a beard. Hamdolilah my imane is growing and I decide to let my beard grow for Allah s.w.t. Unfortunately my wife is absolute against a beard. Since I let my beard grow she is keeping distance from me, don’t look at me and the intimacy is less than before. Everything changed between us. I told her many times that it is obligatory to have a beard and I don’t want to disobey Allah s.w.t and his messenger. She know about the importance, but she don’t like a beard at all. She told me if I met you like that I will never married you. And the saddest thing is that she don’t want to be with me anymore.
My wife does pray her daily prayers.
Even I am struggling with my beard. Many times I have the feeling to shave it. But I most be strong and fight against the shaytaan.
Everyday I am making dua to Allah s.w.t to guide me and my wife.
What can I do ☹
So...in the divorce petition to the family court is she going to say "divorcing husband because I don't like his beard"?
The issue seems much bigger than that. Talk to her and ask her what's really bothering her. The beard is just an excuse and doesn't really sound like the "till death do us part" kinda commitment.
To be honest, you shouldn't even be troubling yourself to find out what the other madaahib say about the beard because that's like saying you'd divorce your wife if she wore a scarf because so-and-so person said something about it. It sounds ridiculous. Communicate with her because it's probable that reverting to Islam and changing your appearance, lifestyle and habits is overwhelming for her. Comfort her, be kind to her and be patient with her because change is never easy for anyone. She's probably seen you as a certain person and to see that you're changing is hard for her to adjust to. You should be certain that you're changing to the best version of you that you can possibly be and inshaa'Allah she will start to see it soon.
Whatever happens in your life, don't ever give up on Islam or have doubt in your faith. Spend time reciting Qur'an and ponder over its meanings to let your iman grow. This is the only way out of difficulties.
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 10-20-2018 at 08:32 PM.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Astaghfirullah. May Allah swt protect us all. Ameen. The word divorce is used so loosely these days and over petty small issues. Think before you type and stop putting negative ideas in people's minds and hearts. General advice for me and everyone.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
I did my upper best to make her things understand. I am most of the time patient with her. I am kind to her. But if she isn't able to understand or beeing stubburn then I can't do nothing for her. Of course I ask Allah for help and guidance. I will give it more time otherwise I will move on...
I did my upper best to make her things understand. I am most of the time patient with her. I am kind to her. But if she isn't able to understand or beeing stubburn then I can't do nothing for her. Of course I ask Allah for help and guidance. I will give it more time otherwise I will move on...
Be more patient still. Allah has given you guidance and understanding of Islam that she might not yet posses. Consider the story of Yunus who became impatient with his people and walked away from them. As a consequence, Allah caused him to become swallowed by the whale. The prayer of Yunus in the belly of the whale was an admission of guilty for walking away. Sometimes it's best to let people see Islam through your actions than simply giving up on them.
Think about going out to the park with her or some other relaxing place to take your mind off things, giving yourselves time and space to do something other than argue. Above all, make dua. Nothing else will change your affairs.
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 10-20-2018 at 09:29 PM.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
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