Please can I have advice on a dispute between huband and wife regarding a wedding.

[eyeofthetiger]

Assalamalaikum everyone.



I have been married to my wife for 18 months and I have 2 children aged 10 and 8 from a previous marriage and we now have a 6 month old baby. My wife obviously knew about my previous children before we married.

My brother in law( wifes brother) is getting married in the summer and my wife has told me that her family have not told anyone in their community that their son in law has any previous children( Due to the stigma ). She has therefore requested that for the upcoming wedding if I would be able to do the following:

1. Ensure my kids sit with their grandmothers table and do not sit with me at the head table with my wife and new baby.


Obviously this request is to avoid people realizing I have previous children which may embarrass their family.

The husband thinks its an inappropriate request. The wife thinks its an appropriate request.

Please can you give your impartial advice on this matter.

Thanks

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Assalaam,

Assalamalaikum everyone.



I have been married to my wife for 18 months and I have 2 children aged 10 and 8 from a previous marriage and we now have a 6 month old baby. My wife obviously knew about my previous children before we married.

My brother in law( wifes brother) is getting married in the summer and my wife has told me that her family have not told anyone in their community that their son in law has any previous children( Due to the stigma ). She has therefore requested that for the upcoming wedding if I would be able to do the following:

1. Ensure my kids sit with their grandmothers table and do not sit with me at the head table with my wife and new baby.


Obviously this request is to avoid people realizing I have previous children which may embarrass their family.

The husband thinks its an inappropriate request. The wife thinks its an appropriate request.

Please can you give your impartial advice on this matter.

Thanks

It's no one else's business. Sit with all of your children. Treat them all fairly and justly. If someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not yours. It's not like your children were born out of a haram relationship, so there is no reason to feel ashamed or try to hide them from anyone.

[piXie]

It's a very shameful & humiliating request and this kind of mentality could lead towards massive problems in the marriage.

[Grandad]

Walaikum Assalaam,




It's no one else's business. Sit with all of your children. Treat them all fairly and justly. If someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not yours. It's not like your children were born out of a haram relationship, so there is no reason to feel ashamed or try to hide them from anyone.

Exactly!

[xboxisdead]

Wallahi had those been her children from pervious relationship...she would put her children at the front row and at the stage itself and scream and whistle and clap "Those are my babies!!!"

Well....can you please update us with further information on what happened? Did the husband give the car to the wife to drive during the entire relationship or did he put his foot down when resulted on him having been hanged on a tree branch while people threw stones and tomatoes at his twitching body as his soul is leaving his body?

If I was him...I would be hanged and die a shaheed vs be a subservient slave to the new wife while selling his children to the wolves.

[Imraan]

Brother, stand proud of all your children at all times, Allah swt has entrusted you with children, try not to ever consider them a separate segment to your current family.

It is down to the understanding of the kids, the ones who are understanding and mature enough would be happy to carry on knowing that it doesn't even bother them a single bit. Put yourself in their shoes... you know your kids better than anyone. I don't want your kids to ever think something odd was going on because you decided to sit separate to them? Whenever you go to a wedding (regardless of who is getting married), don't you sit with them anyway?

On the flip side, have a think about this, if you got married to someone who had children from a prior marriage, when you married would you not take these kids into your care and treat them as much as humanely possible as if they were your own? Imagine you had a child with your present wife and its your siblings wedding and your sibling requested they want you up on centre stage with your family unit (assuming they didnt have any such particular demand about bringing kids by selection), wouldnt you by 'default' bring your WHOLE family unit instead of selecting a specific OR a favourite one?

thinking a bit further on, what would happen if you refused to sit up there at the main table and you decide to sit with your mum and your kids.. your wife might give you a hard time right?. I can somewhat imagine it however i dont know what your wife is like. Will she be understanding? or will you end up on emotional rollercoaster and feel like you've let your sister in law down. hmm tough one.

Although a complicated scenario, I'm saddened that your wife would put you in a awkward situation in the first place! Pray that we are saved from such situations.

I'm also sorry to say that some of your family members (from your existing marriage) are not showing a suitable amount of care and affection towards your kids from prior marriage. Inadvertantly what affects the kids, affects you as well doesn't, they are a part of you, they are your responsibility.

As humans, we always yearn for supporting, compassionate and understanding people around us to make life easier but that is not always the case as some of us end up in situations that just make us feel awkward and confused all over.

If your kids were sitting with other kids their age (i.e. their friends) its a different story, they'll have a good ol shake n fiddle as always, they wont even realise maybe.

Personally I would eat with the kids if they sit with your mum, i'm sure they would appreciate it even if they don't know it. Then I would allow myself (and try to bring my kids) to go for the family photograph on stage 'out of pride, proud of all my kids' AND 'Out of pride and respect of my wife and sister in law and new brother in law'. Done deal! would you feel guilty after that, erm i wouldnt, i compromised on both ends.

sorry if i've offended anyone with my way of thinking.

[azc]

OP is a ''weak'' father for his own children.

[xboxisdead]

OP is a ''weak'' father for his own children.

He does not want to anger his wife. He have to obey her to please her. She could deny him intimacy at bed and that would be a problem. She could even kick him out of the room and make him sleep on the couch as form of punishment. So he have to way the odds. Does he want to have the wrath and anger of his wife or not. Many men prefer to personally feed their children to the wolves to please their wife so she does not be angry at him. I am curious if he is one of those men. OP you are the role model for new boys who will read your decision. You could break the cycle or not. If you have sons and you submit and obey to your wife they will learn from their father that it is obligatory of the husband to obey his wife. If you have daughters and they saw you submit and obey your new wife, they will learn it is the right to have the husband submit and obey them. You are the one who is teaching the new generation the narrative you are bringing into society.

[Supernova]

Assalamalaikum everyone.



I have been married to my wife for 18 months and I have 2 children aged 10 and 8 from a previous marriage and we now have a 6 month old baby. My wife obviously knew about my previous children before we married.

My brother in law( wifes brother) is getting married in the summer and my wife has told me that her family have not told anyone in their community that their son in law has any previous children( Due to the stigma ). She has therefore requested that for the upcoming wedding if I would be able to do the following:

1. Ensure my kids sit with their grandmothers table and do not sit with me at the head table with my wife and new baby.


Obviously this request is to avoid people realizing I have previous children which may embarrass their family.

The husband thinks its an inappropriate request. The wife thinks its an appropriate request.

Please can you give your impartial advice on this matter.

Thanks

Asalaamualaykum:

I'm sure being married twice you know by now that woman love surprises.

Here's what you do:

Go on Ebay, there are plenty of people that custom print T-Shirts.

Pitch up on the wedding day with a T shirt that says "PROUD DAD OF 3 KIDS"

Ha !!!!!

[xboxisdead]

Asalaamualaykum:

I'm sure being married twice you know by now that woman love surprises.

Here's what you do:

Go on Ebay, there are plenty of people that custom print T-Shirts.

Pitch up on the wedding day with a T shirt that says "PROUD DAD OF 3 KIDS"

Ha !!!!!

hehe. Then she will bite her lips and show him his business when they come home. A nice punch on his eye lol But it would be worth it!

[MazharShafiq]

I think it is an inappropriate demand. you should be sit with your wife and talk in this matter with love that the previous children are also your own children, they too have the right to you, and in their favor Do not make any kind of mistake.

[xboxisdead]

I think it is an inappropriate demand. you should be sit with your wife and talk in this matter with love that the previous children are also your own children, they too have the right to you, and in their favor Do not make any kind of mistake.

Funny how the OP went quiet.