Sometime during September last year I went to a sweetshop and there was a hijabi sister working at the counter who I felt attracted to when I saw her, and felt she could be a good candidate for a potential wife. Fast forward to about a month ago, the Islamic Society at my uni (of which I'm the secretary) held a big event for non-Muslims called "Discover Islam Week" and to my surprise one of the volunteers at this event was this sister. I was impressed by her modest clothing and her mannerisms, and could see she had a lot of waqaar in her behaviour (when I spoke to my sister about my feelings towards this sister she told me she'd also met her briefly and she herself felt she had a very calm and modest demeanour).
After this event I thought I'd try and see what this sister put on social media, and on Facebook I saw she hasn't posted anything showing herself, just pictures of flowers and the sunset, that sort of thing. On Instagram she has no posts. I looked at the people she follows/follow her on IG and one of them had some posts showing this sister I'm talking about, and unfortunately in one of them (which was posted just over a month ago) this sister who I'm interested in was in what appears to be some sort of concert. She was with a group of friends, some of them boys, and none of the girls she was with (neither in this post nor in any of the other posts in which she features) wear the hijab. Frankly I was quite saddened by this post, and surprised that I would see something like this from a sister who appeared to be so modest and humble in both her attire and her behaviour. I want to speak to this sister to try and advise her that this is wrong, and I'm genuinely not doing this so I can gain her approval of me, because she could just reject me as a husband in the end and then me speaking to her would've been in vain. I want to speak to her because I genuinely care about her, even if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings.
So can I get some advice on whether or not this is the best course of action? If anyone thinks it is, can you advise me as to how I should go about speaking to this sister?
Sorry for the long post. There's quite a lot of context that needs to be know here.
It's not your place to advise her. You're a nonmahram.
If a male who I didn't know were to talk to me about a picture that I didn't post, of an event that I've been to in the past, and I found out they knew this from looking up my information, I would find it troubling. You would be making things very awkward for yourself if you approached her.
Secondly, you're very quick to make assumptions. You initially thought this girl was some angel and then when you saw what you perceived to be a flaw, she fell from the pedestal you had put her on. You can't make assumptions from one picture that you saw online, just as you can't judge anyone just by watching them. You should be lowering your gaze instead of searching for her pictures and passing judgement on something you don't know.
If you're interested in her, tell your sister or a female mahram to talk to her and ask for her family's information. Beyond that, you are not in any position to interject into her life as a nonmahram.
The cultural and moral standards vastly differ from country to country/region.
Also as a president of islamic society at the uni your social iq should be higher and stances more flexible.
You should know that group photos are not that bad, especially wearing hijab.
Concerts seem normal now even in KSA, not to mention other lands.
There are not good for islamic and productivity elite, nor they go in them in whatever land. They are for ordinary low achieving folks, that do not know ibadah to calm hearts or studying, marriages or gyms for similar purpose or everything better, like enjoying optional extra work etc.
Posting what is normal for a regular muslim woman in Europe, bikinis, boyfriends, propagating alcohol, travells etc. would probably shock you. Some are even imams daughters having latino lovers (older wealthy playboys), working in academia etc.
It is normal after 9.11., wars etc, especially because practicing muslim men are very low achievers, non productive, uneducated, not having good degrees, scholatships, lack of social skills, worse in looks (not going to gym), unempowered etc.
I can say you need to work on yourself, be a lot more productive (at least thrice, set it for your goal, to make it easier for you) in deen and "dunya" and the right will come inshaAllah.
Read at least a book a week with a lot of duas for guidence.
Study next degree after that one.
Pray salad duha, awwabeen, tahajjud, make dhikr in every idle time and salawat ibrahimi (from last sitting on salah), estegfar, shukr.
Open up a business. Give a lot of sadaqa everyvday and night.
Sadly, polygamy is not allowed and wealthy top achievers get like Russian or homeland mistresses, instead of wives and children, or donations to the local, regional or international level.
If you get achieving better, open up someday a startup, finance a marriage, giveca stipend to a poor student, buy them a flat etc. That is nothing for wealthy.
The cultural and moral standards vastly differ from country to country/region.
It doesn't matter culturally where he is from. He's falling into shaytans trap by trying to find a reason to be in communication with the girl. He doesn't need to advise her.
If he's interested in her for marriage, he has his sisters, mother, aunts who can talk to her on his behalf.
Answers to your questions and Charisma's advice you may find in surah Hujurat, ayah 12.
"O you who believe! Avoid most suspicion—some suspicion is sinful. And do not spy on one another, nor backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would detest it. So remain mindful of God. God is Most Relenting, Most Merciful."
Also, don't forget that we are all sinners and we repent to Allah. One deed you found troubling doesn't mean the sister is a big sinner or bad person. Allah knows best.
Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks