Fearing that I might be thought of as a woman scorned and enraged with female angst while feminist ideals run wild through my head, I just want to clear up that I am a practicing Muslimah who wears hijab and Alhamdulillah have recently started wearing jalbab. I have written the following article to set fire to the double standard prejudices that exist in our Ummah.
Numerous articles have been written by our Muslim brothers outlining the guidelines that women must adhere to but not many about how men should behave.
Many have forgotten that Allah (swt) is not going to decide our punishment based on our gender. "These are Allah's limits, and whoever obeys Allah and His Apostle, He will cause him to enter gardens beneath which rivers flow, to abide in them; and this is the great achievement. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Apostle and goes beyond His limits, He will cause him to enter fire to abide in it, and he shall have an abasing chastisement" (4:13-14).
The word "awrah" denotes those parts of the body which Islam requires to be covered in front of others whether of the same or the opposite gender. The Prophet (saw) said, "A man should not look at the awrah of another man, nor a woman of a woman, nor should a man go under one cloth with another man, nor a woman with another woman" (Muslim, Abu Dawud, and Al-Tirmidhi). The awrah of a man referred to in this hadith is from his naval to his knee. In comparison, with respect to a man who is not her mehram, a woman's awrah is her entire body except her face and hands. Many brothers forget that they even have an awrah too, especially during the summer months. What is somewhat amusing is that there are mothers who wear hijab but let their grown sons walk around with their awrah showing in front of non-mahrem women.
Allah (swt) has commanded the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their sexual parts. "Tell the believing men that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs; that is purer for them. Indeed Allah is well-acquainted with what they do" (24:30). Here "lowering of the gazes" means to avert the eyes from the faces of the passersby and not to caress the attractive features of women with the eyes. The Prophet (saw) told Ali ibn Abu Talib, "Ali do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second" (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and Al-Tirmidhi). It is the reasonableness of the Shari'ah that a glance which accidentally falls on something which it is not permissible to see is forgiven. Jabir ibn Abdullah narrated, "I asked the Messenger of Allah (saw) about the unexpected glance. He replied, `Avert your eyes,' meaning, do not look back deliberately" (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Muslim, and Al-Tirmidhi).
The Prophet (saw) considered hungry and lustful looks at a person of the opposite gender as "the zina of the eye," according to his saying, "The eyes also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful look" (Al-Bukhari). He termed the lustful look zina because it gives sexual pleasure and gratification in an unlawful way. I have been informed by numerous brothers that it is much harder for them to avert their eyes because there are a multitude uncovered women walking around and they do not want the women to perceive them as being rude. Do I need to
remind these brothers that Islam is submission to Allah (swt) and not to the world or to the feelings of others? Looking the other way is not nearly as hard as having to wear at least two layers of big clothing with a hijab on your head, and don't forget socks on your feet, while waiting underground for the subway to show up as there are record high temperatures being set up above on the sidewalk. I do not know about the other sisters, but what keeps me going is the thought that no matter how hot this world gets, Hell will always be hotter; similarly, no matter how hot some girl is, Hell will always be hotter.
Many brothers need to examine their way of talking. In order to feel more masculine, brothers will resort to using foul language. Cursing does not disillusion the listener into thinking that the cursing guy is a macho. The Prophet was not one who would abuse (others) or say obscene words, or curse (others), and if he wanted to admonish any one of us, he used to say: "What is wrong with him, his forehead be dusted!" (Sahih Al-Bukhari) Also, in order to blow up their already oversized egos in front of friends some brothers will accuse girls of "liking" them. Are these brothers unaware that falsely accusing a chaste girl of anything, implied explicitly or not, whether she is Muslim or not, is haram?
"Why then, did not the believers, men and women, when you heard it (the slander) think good of their own people and say: "This (charge) is an obvious lie?"
Why did they not produce four witnesses? Since they (the slanderers) have not produced witnesses then with Allâh they are the liars" (Surah Nur, 12-13).
Often such allegations are rumors based on ridiculous reasoning and in many cases just a figment of the brother's imagination or worse, just to pass their times amongst their peers.
What is haram to look at is also of course haram to touch with the hands or any other parts of the body. Ma'qal ibn Yasar narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, "It is better for one of you to be pricked in the head with an iron pick than to touch a woman whom it is unlawful to touch" (Al-Bayhaqi). Some brothers feel embarrassed to refuse a woman's hand when she offers it to them. Funny how the brother feels ashamed of not being able to sin in front of his peers but has no embarrassment of sinning in front of Allah (swt). Many leaders of the so-called Islamic/Muslim countries, have been observed to be having no qualms about shaking hands with the leaders or dignitaries of opposite sex.
Islam has been here for over 1400 years and it has been unchanged. It is up to each of us to realize that Islam does not have to conform to our "modern" time or our personal beliefs, but rather we have to conform to it. Islam means complete submission to Allah (swt); either accept all of it or reject all of it. As a new convert said, "You call yourself a Muslim, but you don't follow all of Islam? Just drop the title."
My apologies to all who I may have offended; that was not the intent of the article. Anything good in this article came from Allah's (swt) generosity on me for guiding me on the right path and anything bad came from my own ignorance.
Re: And what about Muslim men? ***This would please the sisters that wonder***
jazak allah hayr brother for the article
i dont mind getting advised alot, is is good for us alhamdulilah and if the brothers don't want advise it is bad for them.
Re: And what about Muslim men? ***This would please the sisters that wonder***
Assallaamu Alaykum
I agree with what you've written, 100% and would actually like you to perhaps compile some more ideas.
Even though I am male, I am disgusted on a daily basis by the way men act; and yes, culture does have everything to do with it.
Father: "You know you're a girl and you shouldn't go out of the house!"
Girl: "I just went to ...."
Father: "Don't disrespect me!"
Girl: But, what about (Brother) that goes..."
Father: "Tis ok, he is a boy, you're a girl. Anything can happen to you."
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Hmmm, does this upset me? Hell, yeah.
In my community guys can just about do anything; have casual sexual encounters with as many girls as he can possibly manage to get hold of and then woops! In 2 years time he is married to the sweetest, "Pious, kept in the house and obedient" girl.
And little does she know about his escapades.
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Sorry for deviating.
I just typed whatever I felt.
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And what about Muslim men? ***This would please the sisters that wonder***
and if the brothers don't want advise it is bad for them.
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