Rejection

[anonymous]

Assalamualikum...

Im not sure whether i am disclosing my feelings here as an outlet or whether im just seeking help. My problem is that i am always looking to please people but do not always recieve the appreciation of my hard work. Sometimes i feel guilty when i expect appreciation, because we shouldnt do things for others just to feel better ourselves but for the pleasure of others.

Family circumstances have also made me very prone to being attached to the people around me which makes it very difficult for me to put myself before others but i am very hurt when i dont recieve even a little basic appreciation. I feel very rejected.

Im sorry if my post is confusing but if anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated.

[Taqiyah]

Asalama Alaikum.

I don't know what to say Anonymous......I truely don't ...coz I sometimes feel that way too...really....I need help too.

[DigitalStorm82]

Here is a thought...

If you want appreciation by people... its reward is just that... appreciation by people.

if you want appreciation by Allah, your reward is multiplied by many folds...

which do you really prefer?

[Dahir]

Anonymous,

Don't feel that way at all!

I always was like that, I never put myself out there,

Somewhere in high school I said,

"Everyone poops, everyone farts, everyone is THE SAME"

Don't be offended by the above, it really has helped me,

Always remember that everyone feels the same way as you,

Remember that NO ONE has unique feelings,

Always stay on top, chin up, chest out, YOU DA MAN, or sister, which ever...

Good Luck and remember to always have confidence, rejection sucks and EVERYONE has that fear.

[F.Y.]

Anonymous
If you do things for people - your reward is with them.And if you do things for Allah - your reward is with Him. You might as well do the one that gets you reward - make a clear intention in your heart that you're not doing it for anyone but Allah. If you dont do it for Allah, basically, you are getting ripped off.
Keep practising this and dont forget. Peopl are ungrateful - they always will be. People are hardly grateful to Allah for His favours - you think they will be grateful to you?
No, only those who truly understand will appreciate you. Make intention to do things for the sake of Allah only. Everything you do - whether it is cleaning the kitchen, to going shopping for your parents, etc.

Peace

[Sis786]

All i can say Anonymous is that once a job is done you have completed your task and if you know that the task was done to your best ability then pat yourself on the back.

I was too like you waiting for people to appreciate me and what i do but i gave up because like the sis said people are ungrateful and sometimes they are out to make people down.

Sis take criticism as a mark to make things better learn from them, and as for appreciation we cannot accept it from others until we give it to our self first!

[sevgi]

whenever i feel that way anonymous, i tell my self a few harsh things that i know my gut doesnt wanna hear...

i remind myself of the things past soldiers have done for my country...they were my age...they died for their land and religion. i remind myself of the time our prophet waited three days for someone and got rejected and waited becoz he made a promise...this way, i realise that what i have done isnt crash hot...i dnt deserve true appreciation or even a thank you...i realise should be somewhat ashamed for feeling i deserve appreciation...how much do i appreciate the soldiers which died so i can be comfy today?

[SirZubair]

anonymous,..it is Human to feel as such.

It is called Ostentation.



Go to a Decent islamic bookshop and ask for a Copy of that book,..better still,go to the ALhambra Productions website and order a copy from them directly.

Insha'allah it will benefit you.

:wasalaam:

[thc]

Assalamu alikum warahmtullhi wabraktuhu,

I understand the feeling.

islamically people should show appreciation for hard workthat an individual has done for them.

If there was a choice for doing work for one of two different individuals with both individuals needs being the same apart from the fact that one shows appreciation whereas the other does not then i will be inclined to
work for the one who shows appreciation.

[chacha_jalebi]

Assalamualikum...

Im not sure whether i am disclosing my feelings here as an outlet or whether im just seeking help. My problem is that i am always looking to please people but do not always recieve the appreciation of my hard work. Sometimes i feel guilty when i expect appreciation, because we shouldnt do things for others just to feel better ourselves but for the pleasure of others.

Family circumstances have also made me very prone to being attached to the people around me which makes it very difficult for me to put myself before others but i am very hurt when i dont recieve even a little basic appreciation. I feel very rejected.

Im sorry if my post is confusing but if anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated.

salaam

anony matey , u need 2 make it out 2 urself dat u r doin ur best, 2 help or please someone so its okily dokily, like even if people dont appreciate you, you sud try 2 lik feel inside sum sorta personal satisfaction if ya get moi!!

also 1 thin, appreciate and please Allah (swt) and he will make sure you feel appreciated & pleased ameen!! inshallah ya will b okily dokily, jus dont xpect appreciation 4 everytin, cos dats not how d world works, its a hard life jus live it out 2 ur best & d most important b happy, smile, jump round like live ur everyday lik its ur last

i pray u feel betta

[Hijaabi22]

salaam

anony matey ,

lol

ok anony matey... lol...... ok seriously....hey sum ppl are just totally ungr8ful dats all there is 2 it... personally I wudnt do anything for sum1 if they didnt do the same 4 me........but hey thats jus me.....

[anonymous]

JazakAllah for all of your replies, i suppose youve all helped me to bare with all that i have to do. And strangely motivated me to do more all for the sake of Allah.

Thank you all so much

[anonymous]

Another satisfied customer:P

[afriend]

I used to be like that......actually...EXACTLY like that.....

I used to do things OVER OVER board, and I was getting nowhere.....Even the times when they did appreciate me, the happiness was short lived until when that person shouts and stuff, all their appreciation that they gave has just gone down the drain, and I felt as though I was nothing.....

And then, I changed my concepts, I was getting more mature by the day, and I understood that this is not going to make me happy, moreover, make me sad.....So I started doing things for Allah, a few things at first, feels good to know that u've been rewarded.....When u do things for Allah, you get a payback that couldn't even equal to a thousand people's appreciations...The rewards u get from Allah are far better from any appreciation from man....Know that Allah is the most kind, most merciful.

So...that's the key brother/sister



Whoops...too late....

[Djinn]

Assalamualikum...

Im not sure whether i am disclosing my feelings here as an outlet or whether im just seeking help. My problem is that i am always looking to please people but do not always recieve the appreciation of my hard work. Sometimes i feel guilty when i expect appreciation, because we shouldnt do things for others just to feel better ourselves but for the pleasure of others.

Family circumstances have also made me very prone to being attached to the people around me which makes it very difficult for me to put myself before others but i am very hurt when i dont recieve even a little basic appreciation. I feel very rejected.

Im sorry if my post is confusing but if anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated.

Look to please Allah or God (depending on your way of life) only. And a little rule of life: It is impossible to please everyone, since jealousy, competition and bad manners are factors in life. Besides I don't please everyone, I just concentrate to please my God and my close family, and that is what's important, all others are superficial. If you concentrate only what others will think of you, you'll end up going crazy since it will be the only thing on your mind. As for appreciation: 'Good is one who gives freely and gets appraisal but greater is one who gives freely and goes unnoticed'. So don't feel rejected towards this since God will ultimately reward you for your deeds, since God is ever-watchful.

[anonymous]

JazakAllah for your replies br.Iqram and br. Djinn.

It is impossible to please everyone, since jealousy, competition and bad manners are factors in life. Besides I don't please everyone, I just concentrate to please my God and my close family, and that is what's important, all others are superficial.

What if it is your own family who repay you in such a way.. living with them doesnt help. And its not so much about appreciation anymore its twisting and slapping it back into your face which gets to me. And just leaves me upset and angry, and usually results in saying things i regret... i find it so hard to control my temper at this point.

[Djinn]

JazakAllah for your replies br.Iqram and br. Djinn.



What if it is your own family who repay you in such a way.. living with them doesnt help. And its not so much about appreciation anymore its twisting and slapping it back into your face which gets to me. And just leaves me upset and angry, and usually results in saying things i regret... i find it so hard to control my temper at this point.

Well, why not letting them know how you feel about all this or are they completely shut-off from you? Maybe it is the time to leave the nest, that's what I did and I no longer have that problem. Anyways, it is regretful that family members act in this way, but getting mad at them, as you may had experienced, certainly doesn't help. Keep being strong bro/sis, this is not a forever thing and you'll get your peace like I did.

[anonymous]

I dont think talking to my family will help. My parents have their own conflicts and being the eldest I cant leave my siblings, they will be lost without me.

They dont listen to me because i'm not responsible for them and they know it. But what is important for me is that they come to me for help. I cant just leave...

Its taken me alot to admit i have problems with my anger because i always believed that this is my only outlet. If nothing else this is something i deserve. I know now that is the wrong attitude. How do I control my anger?

[Djinn]

But what is important for me is that they come to me for help. I cant just leave...

Then you do have responsibilities, and often when you are responsible for some body, it deals with a lot of commitment and sacrifice when immediate consideration by others are often lacking. But your reward will be that your siblings will grow up to become productive, happy and accomplished human beings, and that partly thanks to you. Tell me, if your family has no consideration, appreciation and don't listen to you, then how-come they come to you for help? You must be doing something right, don't you think?

For your anger: When you have time try doing a hobby to blow off some steam, like for example: exercises, sports, artistic projects, relaxing by reading a book in a hot tub or taking long walks. This will cut you off from your daily choirs and help to clear your mind of what is troubling you. So when you return you will be in a more pleasant mood and ready to tackle futher responsibilities and/or choirs.

Don't forget to ask Allah (swt) or God (depending on your way of life) for strength and tolerance.

So keep your chin up and have courage because we are all in this together.

[- Qatada -]

This may be of some help insha'Allaah.

Question :

If a woman works in her house without intending to seek reward for her work with Allaah, will she be rewarded for her work or not?.



Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

A woman’s work in the home is important work in which she helps to spread love and mercy in her home, and she plays a major role in raising her children and helps her husband in his work, da’wah and pursuit of knowledge.

In this regard, this work is like all other kinds of work: a woman will not be rewarded for it unless her intention in doing it is sincerely for the sake of Allaah alone.

There follow some texts which support this view, as well as some of the comments of the scholars.



1 – al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) included in Kitaab al-Eemaan (the Book of Faith) a chapter in which he listed shar’i duties, which included seeking reward for doing them.

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Chapter: what was narrated about actions being but by intentions, and every person will have but that which he intended. This includes faith, wudoo’, prayer, zakaah, Hajj, fasting and other rulings. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Each one does according to Shakilatihi (i.e. his way or his religion or his intentions)” [al-Isra’ 17:84]. A man may seek the reward of charity for his spending on his family. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “But jihad and good intentions.”

Saheeh al-Bukhaari (1/29), Kitaab al-Eemaan.

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The words “Chapter: what has been narrated…” mean: a chapter which explains what has been narrated as evidence that shar’i actions are judged according to intention.

Fath al-Baari (1/135, 136)



2 – It was narrated that Abu Mas’ood al-Badri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a Muslim spends on his family, seeking reward for that with Allaah, then it will an act of charity on his part.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (55), Muslim (1002).

Spending on his wife and children is a man’s shar’i duty, but he will not be rewarded for it unless he seeks reward thereby.

Al-Qurtubi said:

The apparent meaning is that the reward for spending on them can only be attained by intending to draw closer to Allaah, whether it is obligatory or permissible, and this implies that whoever does not intend to draw closer to Allaah will not be rewarded, but he has discharged his duty in the case of obligatory spending.

Fath al-Baari (1/136)

Ibn Hajar said:

It may be understood from this that the reward cannot be attained by doing the deed unless it is also accompanied by the intention.

Al-Tabari said: spending on one's family is obligatory, and he will be rewarded for what he gives according to his intention. There is no contradiction between its being obligatory and its being called charity, rather it is better than voluntary charity.

Fath al-Baari (9/498)

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Seeking reward thereby means seeking the Countenance of Allaah thereby. That does not include whatever he spends absent-mindedly (i.e., heedless of the intention and without intending to seek reward thereby). Rather this refers to the one who seeks reward. The way to seek reward is to spend it with the intention of fulfilling the duty of spending and kind treatment that has been enjoined upon him.

Sharh Muslim (7/88, 89).



3 – It was narrated from Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never spend anything, seeking thereby the Countenance of Allaah, but you will be rewarded for it, even what you put in your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (56) and Muslim (1628).

Ibn al-Haaj al-Maaliki (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

He should not neglect to give his wife a morsel or two, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “even a morsel that he puts in his wife’s mouth.” He will earn reward even though there is some pleasure for him in putting a morsel in his wife’s mouth, but he should seek reward in all of that, i.e., in bringing the food and in giving it to her.

Al-Madkhal (1/224).

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

You will never spend anything, seeking thereby the reward of Allaah, but you will be rewarded for it. The attainment of reward is dependent upon that, i.e., on seeking the Countenance of Allaah. This is what matters.

Fath al-Baari (5/367).



Conclusion:

A woman will be rewarded for her work in the house if she seeks reward with Allaah for that, and is sincere in her intention.

And Allaah knows best.


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