I have recently reverted to Islam ... took my shahada in september. All this while I have been trying to pray properly and give up the sins I had been practising. Unfortunately this meant that I had to spend too much time on the net looking up Islamic sites. Unfortunately, because once my mom found me going through a guide on how to pray salat.
I guess you can imagine what followed. My mom began to pressurise me to visit the temple. Ofcourse, I didn't and well, ... implied that I no longer believed in polytheism. I didn't reveal that I had converted, though. My mom once asked me directly if I had, and I kind of avoided the question.
Then she and my grandmother began to spy on me. I wasn't allowed to be alone for a second. So I don't get any privacy in my home and have been missing my prayers since one month. I hardly have any access to Islamic sites and it seems so long since I have even heard the recitation of the Holy Quran.
My mother and grandmother hate Islam (but not ANY other religion). They say insulting things about Muslims and their lifestyle and even their prayer. Truly speaking, I don't think I can take this any longer. I love my mother a lot, but love Allah more. The only option before me is to leave home and that would leave me financially vulnerable. I am still a student and will take 2 yrs atleast for me to get a job. Can I live in this hell till then? I doubt it.
And missing prayers has had a very negative effect on me. I am beginning to think negative thoughts. Sometimes my belief is strong ... at other times it is very weak. I fear that I might end up disbelieving and settle for an eternity in hell. I fear Allah, I fear the Hereafter ... but sometimes I get thoughts like "c'mon all your non muslim friends can't possibly go to hell..." or "why would the Creator make His religion so difficult to follow, with so many restrictions?". I have found the answers to these voices satisfactorily. But they always return when my belief is weak.
I beg Allah Tala every day - to end my ordeal and for strength to make it through. But am getting very depressed. I miss the spiritual upliftment I used to feel when I used to perform the sajdah, I miss the tears that would fill my eyes when I would here the recitation of the Holy Quran.
Please help me, dear sisters and brothers, with your advice. And please remember me in your prayers.
sadly your story happens quite often. One of the problems is at the moment you probably do need to live with your parents and are dependent on them for care.
remember, your intent is very important. Have a sincere intent to do your best as a Muslim and perform your duties to the best of your abilities. It is still important for you to obey your parents to the extent they do not ask you to do a haram act.
If you are prohibited from physicaly performing the prayers, do them silently and with the intent of doing them fully.
Maybe you should group all your prayers together, pray them as qatha'a prayers, you are a student right, maybe you can excuse yourself from your home to pray all your prayers at once, you don't really have a choice if your mother prevents you from physically praying.
remember allah is merciful and understanding.
I think that you should tell your mother and grandmother that you've converted to Islam. What is the worst they could do? They might think that you're going through some strange passing phase and let you practise the religion. Even if they find it difficult to digest that you're now a muslim, they will still love and support you I reckon. Be courageous and tell your mother and grandmother. Nothing they say or do could be more severe than the punishment in the hereafter for not praying the 5 daily prayers.
because if not i would just tell them and get on with your prayers, shaitan will use all sorts of tricks to try to stop you.
That is such a true statement. It may be that your family is more willing to accept it then shaytan is leading you to believe.
What is really the worse thing your parents would do if you insisted on praying? Perhaps you can gently remind them that at least your interest is in leading a good moral life and this keeps keeps you far from the temptations that exist for people in your age group.
Point out the positive of what you are trying to do and let them know you are doing because you love Allah(swt) not because you want to be disobediant to your parents. Perhaps if they can see you are showing a genuine love of Allah(swt) they will get at least a small glimpse of the beauty in what you are doing.
you are also not the first person to go through this stuff, there are several brothers and sisters who had simular problems, usually from sikh or hindu families but not always.
but a good 80-90% of the time families even if they dont like it arent too bad, i would say no more than 1 / 100 people get kicked out so insha'allah it will ok for you.
I belong to a Hindu family and my family is pretty religious. Most unfortunately, my experiences with my family regarding Islam isn't very positive. My uncles believe (and have actually stated) that they don't mind seeing Muslims killed during riots. Some of my relatives have contacts with Hindu rightist parties. Though my mother and grandmother won't physically harm me (atleast I hope so), I would be in serious trouble if the word gets around.
And my mother would be heartbroken if she knew that I had reverted. She was very upset when she learnt that I had just read up articles on Islam. The last time I had seen her so upset was when I was seriously ill. If she knows that I have embraced Islam, it will be like she has lost her daughter.
And ofcourse, my grandmother would ensure that I have a tough time at home. She has told me that those who convert to Islam are "possessed by evil spirits" and should see the priests to "get rid of the spirits". This is why I feel that when I tell them that I have reverted, I should be able to leave home and get settled elsewhere.
The masjid here doesn't allow women to pray. And I hardly know any Muslim elders and my Muslim peers aren't very religious.
What I can try to do is, like brother Pyro suggested, group all my prayers and pray them after midnight, when everyone at home is asleep. I didn't know that it was permissible to intentionally group the five prayers. But I guess that will be better than not praying at all, wouldn't it?
I will try to find a way out of this situation and pray the five prayers on time.
Thanks again for the support.
if you had no other way and you were in danger of serious harm you could make up your prayers but only if you were in danger of serious harm. danger of serious pain in the butt grandmother and family doesnt count i dont think. in that case you should be open with them and that way you can actually call them towards this wonderful thing you have discovered.
if you never tell them you are muslim how can you try to tell them the truth about islam?
maybe you should contact some sisters local to you and get them to talk to their husbands / brothers / fathers to see if they can help resolve your problem.
are you in the uk?
if so then it might be easier to find someone to help you but there are brothers and sisters here from all over the world and insha'allah maybe someone here might be able to find some help for you?
I belong to a Hindu family and my family is pretty religious. Most unfortunately, my experiences with my family regarding Islam isn't very positive. My uncles believe (and have actually stated) that they don't mind seeing Muslims killed during riots. Some of my relatives have contacts with Hindu rightist parties. Though my mother and grandmother won't physically harm me (atleast I hope so), I would be in serious trouble if the word gets around.
And my mother would be heartbroken if she knew that I had reverted. She was very upset when she learnt that I had just read up articles on Islam. The last time I had seen her so upset was when I was seriously ill. If she knows that I have embraced Islam, it will be like she has lost her daughter.
And ofcourse, my grandmother would ensure that I have a tough time at home. She has told me that those who convert to Islam are "possessed by evil spirits" and should see the priests to "get rid of the spirits". This is why I feel that when I tell them that I have reverted, I should be able to leave home and get settled elsewhere.
The masjid here doesn't allow women to pray. And I hardly know any Muslim elders and my Muslim peers aren't very religious.
What I can try to do is, like brother Pyro suggested, group all my prayers and pray them after midnight, when everyone at home is asleep. I didn't know that it was permissible to intentionally group the five prayers. But I guess that will be better than not praying at all, wouldn't it?
I will try to find a way out of this situation and pray the five prayers on time.
Thanks again for the support.
Assalamu alaikum sis,
Don't worry about if you kind pray properly considering your circumstance.
Just do it in your head if you can't do at night, it will be accepted.
Inshallah your families outlook will change towards Islam. Pray for guidance for them.
Remember that Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.
You'll have to contact a scholar, but if we can't pray salaah properly while standing up, the person can pray sitting down, if not that - lying down, or even with their eyes depending on the persons situation. However you need to consult a scholar to explain inshaa'Allaah.
We know that the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) was abused too, in one situation an evil man placed camel entrails (like the dead insides of a camel) on the back of the Prophet (peace be upon him) while he was in prostration.
This was so heavy that he couldn't get back up from prostration until his daughter Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) found out about this, and she came running from her house to remove it, and she was only a child then.. So please realise that you're not alone.
This is one of the reasons why this verse came down:
(Have you seen him who prevents. A servant when he prays) [Qur'an Alaq 96:9-10]This was revealed about Abu Jahl, may Allah curse him. He threatened the Prophet for performing Salah at the Ka`bah. Thus, Allah firstly admonished him with that which was better by saying,
...
Knows he not that Allah sees [96:14])meaning, doesn't this person who is preventing this man who is following correct guidance know that Allah sees him and hears his words, and He will compensate him in full for what he has done.
We will keep you in our prayers inshaa'Allaah. And keep constant in your duas too, Allaah is listening to your dua's (prayers.) It is only a matter of time before this trial is over, through this Allaah is increasing your patience, forgiving your sins and also raising your ranks inshaa'Allaah. Allaah knows best, and Allaah is the source of strength.
No, I am not in the UK. Am in India. I will try to get in touch with other Muslims in my area. Inshallah, it won't be too difficult (though I am painfully shy when it comes to making new aquaintainces). I have reflected on what you said - that it would be better if I told my parents. But it is not only because of my grandmother. I sincerely doubt if they would let me pray if I told them and as I wrote before, I have a few relatives who are associated with Hindu Rightist parties. But yes, I agree, perhaps the correct thing would be to tell my parents, but I don't think I have it in me to face the consequences.
Thanks for the link to the islamtoday site. Right now when I try to post the question I get the message "limit for today has exceeded." Inshallah, will try tomorrow.
I must say that "Feeling like a stranger" was an excellent article. I am currently reading "Don't be sad" and it is very inspirational. Thank you for posting those links.
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