I have signed up for one Arabic course. So yesterday during the class the instructor brought up the topic of how some arab women refuse to let their husbands marry 2nd, 3rd, or 4th times and that it is wrong and etc. I felt something was wrong in what he said so I said that there are some conditions that should be considered by men before opting for more than 1 marriage.
Actually, I said that because i had read somewhere or heard from some sheikh i think on tv that it is preferred that men marry more than 1 times only in case they are pleased physically from their wive(s), or his current wife's health is always very unstable - so to take care of her - or some other reasons i do not remember. But i am def sure i have read/heard these cirsumstances.
But then again i found Surah Nisa in Ayah 3 - 5 which said that men should marry more than 1 wife. If they feel they wont be able to treat them equally only in that case men should marry only once.
Now iam confused. Does anyone know about the conditions that i have mentioned above? Any clarifications?
the reason why it is wrong for a woman to refuse her husband the act of polygamy is because, if Allah swt has given that right to a man, who are we mere humans to refuse men that God-given right? It would be disrespectful
However its not so onesided. Islam being a religion of logic and reasonableness applies the notion of common courtesy. In nearly all cultures and societies i can think of, it would be unnatural to the foundations of a matrimonial relationship for a husband not to tell his wife he was getting married again, or give her emotions and opinions some grounding.
Adultery is a terrible sin both in this life and the hereafter, anything to prevent it should be done.
But yes if a man cannot treat each wife equal, then it is much better for him to remain married to one only.
Apart from this i have no authorotative sources for you so please dont quote me.
"So after the truth, what else can there be, save error?" [Quran 10:32]
can a wife leave her hubby if he gets married again??? as im jus finkin if i was marrid n my hubby sed he wants 2 get marrid again. id find it reali hard 2 share my hubby if u knw wt i mean??? dnt knw if dt sounds selfish!!!
can a wife leave her hubby if he gets married again??? as im jus finkin if i was marrid n my hubby sed he wants 2 get marrid again. id find it reali hard 2 share my hubby if u knw wt i mean??? dnt knw if dt sounds selfish!!!
Sisters need to realize it is a right given to them(men) and they can practice it anytime they want. Some sisters out there try to reason out some "need" or "requirement" that met before he is allowed. He is allowed without any reason. As for him marrying more than one, he needs to qualify first. Only qualifications he needs it that he be able to handle it (financially, emotionally, physically, etc).
As for your question, if a woman wants divorce on the grounds that her husband exercised his right to marry again, then she would have to ask for khula and forgo the mahr. Now if she's smart (not too many out there), then she can stipulate that in her nikah contract that he can't marry another woman while being married to her and doing so will nullify their contract.
Sisters need to realize it is a right given to them(men) and they can practice it anytime they want. Some sisters out there try to reason out some "need" or "requirement" that met before he is allowed. He is allowed without any reason. As for him marrying more than one, he needs to qualify first. Only qualifications he needs it that he be able to handle it (financially, emotionally, physically, etc).
As for your question, if a woman wants divorce on the grounds that her husband exercised his right to marry again, then she would have to ask for khula and forgo the mahr. Now if she's smart (not too many out there), then she can stipulate that in her nikah contract that he can't marry another woman while being married to her and doing so will nullify their contract.
You are allowed to make it a condition in the marriage pact though
And there was that hadith something like this:
Ali (ra) wanted to marry again but Fatima (ra) was upset by it. So he went to the prophet (saw) and told him. And the prophet (saw) said that if she is upset then he would be upset- so Ali (ra) didn't.
oh can i also say, the highly restrictive nature of polygamy is highlighted in the Quran where Allah swt makes obvious that the ideal is for people to contract in monogomy of marriage. e.g. in the Quran is says: ‘You cannot keep perfect balance emotionally between your wives, however much you desire it’ (IV: 130)
"So after the truth, what else can there be, save error?" [Quran 10:32]
oh can i also say, the highly restrictive nature of polygamy is highlighted in the Quran where Allah swt makes obvious that the ideal is for people to contract in monogomy of marriage. e.g. in the Quran is says: ‘You cannot keep perfect balance emotionally between your wives, however much you desire it’ (IV: 130)
are you trying to misuse those verses to justify woman's reasoning of forbidding men from polygny?
The Quran says you can marry 1,2,3,4 and IF you fear you will not be able to treat them justly then only one. What this means is some men can marry more than one who are more wiser with a good head on their shoulders verses those emotional type who can't even handle one to think about another.
And Quran says also something like you'll never be able to do it justly because our human nature, but it doesn't forbid men from marrying though, only highlight some of their weakness and inability to be just equally.
----
khula = a divorce initiated by wife where by she forgo (gives up) her mahr and other stuff given to her.
^ calm down, read my first post in this thread, and you will see that my intention was never to misuse the verses of the Quran. (you actually ignored my first post in this thread and repeated most of what i said anyway! lol!)
Astaghfirullah what an accusation. I wont be returning to this thread !
Last edited by Ummah; 10-24-2007 at 03:44 PM.
"So after the truth, what else can there be, save error?" [Quran 10:32]
are you trying to misuse those verses to justify woman's reasoning of forbidding men from polygny?
The Quran says you can marry 1,2,3,4 and IF you fear you will not be able to treat them justly then only one. What this means is some men can marry more than one who are more wiser with a good head on their shoulders verses those emotional type who can't even handle one to think about another.
And Quran says also something like you'll never be able to do it justly because our human nature, but it doesn't forbid men from marrying though, only highlight some of their weakness and inability to be just equally.
----
khula = a divorce initiated by wife where by she forgo (gives up) her mahr and other stuff given to her.
Could you clarify? If the Quran says that you will never be able to treat them justly then shouldn't the man believe that? If so then how can he marry more than one.
PLEASE NOTE: I am not trying to start any type of argument over this. I am asking because I genuinely want to know.
"The only thing neccesary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." - E. Burke
"We have just enough religion to hate but not enough to love one another" -Jonathan Swift
There is no contradiction in the verses regarding polygamy
Question: Concerning polygyny, it is stated in the Qur.aan:
{If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more then one wife], than [marry] only one}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3].
However, in another place, it states:
{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].
In the first verse, the condition of being just among the wives is stated while in the second it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to many more than one woman since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allaah reward you.
Response: There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is also no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within one's ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and in maintenance. As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within one's ability. This is what is being referred to in the verse:
{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].
In a Hadeeth about the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ‘Aa.ishah stated:
"The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say:
"O Allaah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control." This was recorded by Abu Daawood, at-Tirmidhee, an-Nasaa.ee, Ibn Maajah. It was graded Saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim.
Question: Some people say that marrying more than one wife is not allowed unless a person has orphans under his care and he fears that he will not do justice between them. Then he may marry their mother or one of her daughters. For evidence, they quote the verse:
{And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry women of your choice, two, three or four...}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3).
Response:This statement is false.
The meaning of the verse is that if a person has under his care an orphan and he fears that he will not give her the proper amount of dower, then he should marry other women, for there are many women and Allaah will not make things difficult for him. The verse points to the legality of marrying two, three or four wives. This is allowed because it leads to more chastity, lowering of eyesight and guarding of the private parts.
Furthermore, that is a cause for more children and the chastity of more women, as well as them being treated properly and cared for. There is no doubt that the woman who has one-half of a husband or one-third or one-fourth is better off than the one who has no husband at all. However, one must meet the condition of justice among the wives and the ability to take care of and tend to the wives. If a person fears that he will not do justice, then he may only many one wife in addition to having slaves. The practice of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) indicates and stresses that. When he died, he had nine wives. And Allaah says about him:
{Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah you have a good example to follow}, [Soorah al-Ahzaab, Aayah 21].
The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) made it clear to his Nation that it was allowed for him to have more than four wives. Therefore, following his example on this point would mean taking four wives or less. Beyond four wives is something that is specific for the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) only.
The Acceptance of the First Wife is Not a Condition For One Who Wishes to Marry Another
Question:
There is no doubt that Islaam has permitted plurality of wives, but is it required for the husband to seek the acceptance of his first wife before marrying the second one?
Answer:
It is not obligatory for the husband, when he wishes to marry another, to get his first wife’s acceptance, but it is a noble trait of character and good relations for him to appease her by whatever decreases the pain which women naturally feel in such situations. This may be achieved by smiling, greeting her warmly and speaking kindly to her, and by whatever money you can afford, if her acceptance requires it.
Permanent Committee for Research and Verdicts Fataawa Islamiyyah, Darussalam, volume 5, page 353
polygamy in Islam is a permission not an injunction. Historically, all the prophets except Jesus, who was not married, had more than one wife. For Muslim men to have more than one wife is a permission which is given to them in the Quran, not to satisfy lust, but for the welfare of the widows and the orphans of the wars. In the pre-Islamic period, men used to have many wives. One person had 11 wives and when he became Muslim, he asked the Prophet Muhammad (P), "What should I do with so many wives?" and he said, "Divorce all except the four." The Quran says, "you can marry 2 or 3 and up to 4 women if you can be equally just with each of them" (4:3). Since it is very difficult to be equally just with all wives, in practice, most of the Muslim men do not have more than one wife. Prophet Muhammad (P) himself from age 24 to 50 was married to only one woman, Khadija. In the western society, some men who have one wife have many extramarital affairs. Thus, a survey was published in "U.S.A. Today" (April 4, 1988 Section D) which asked 4,700 mistresses what they would like their status to be. They said that "they preferred being a second wife rather than the 'other woman' because they did not have the legal rights, nor did they have the financial equality of the legally married wives, and it appeared that they were being used by these men."
It is sad nowadays. Because of the muslims do not practice islam whole heartedly, polygamy has given a bad name.
People always see the negative side of polygamy. Is hard to find a good example of polygamy nowadays
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
i'm a non-muslim, so it really doesn't matter. but it bothers me that he does not even have to discuss it with his first wife, let alone get her consent.
(though woe betide any man who was foolish enough not to!!!)
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
I hope my question has been answered. Can someone check/confirm to me?
The question was: Men can marry upto 4 wives whenever they feel like because of the fact that it is a right given to them, and nothing else.
Yes, they can.
It is not necessary that his decision is influenced by any or all of the situations below.
Ill health of the first wife
Inability of the wife to please her husband physically
Inability of the wife to bear children
ETC.
If he likes a girl he can proceed to marrying her with/without the consent of his wife if he has the confidence and the belief that he has the ability to support them financially (emotionally - need not be).
As our Prophet himself preferred Aisha more than his other wives.
If thats the answer, then I thank you all for all ur comments and sources.
This thread shuld be closed as far as iam concerned.
the reason why it is wrong for a woman to refuse her husband the act of polygamy is because, if Allah swt has given that right to a man, who are we mere humans to refuse men that God-given right? It would be disrespectful
People use this argument a lot- and I really don't understand it.
Just because something is permissible doesn't mean it has to be done.
How come when, for example, our parents don't let us do something that is permissible its not a big deal (for example, if a girls parents don't let her colour her hair) but when its the wife not wanting the husband to marry another woman everyone always complains that polygamy is permissible and we have no right to stop our husbands from doing something that Allah mad halal?
What if a husband doesn't let his wife do something that is permissible, because, even though it is permissible, it is going to have a negative impact some how? For example, a wife wants to go to the supermarket to buy some food she needs in the middle of thunder storm and her husband won't let her in case she crashes. Will anyone argue with this logic?
So why then when the wife is against her husband taking a second wife on the ground that she will depressed for the rest of her life and her whole family will be ruined and the kids might lose respect for their father, does it suddenly become 'Allah made it halal, end of story"? What ever happened to acting with wisdom and kind treatment of the wife?! Aren't those things obligatory on a Muslim?
Is it just me or is it that this concept of 'we have no right to stop him doing something Allah made halal' only ever seems to apply to polygamy?
Anyway the wife has the right to add to the marriage contract that the husband can't take a second wife. If has problems with polygamy, she should take advantage of that right.
Now if she's smart (not too many out there), then she can stipulate that in her nikah contract that he can't marry another woman while being married to her and doing so will nullify their contract.
As far as I know- it not nulify the contract, rather the husband will be sinful for taking a second wife and the decision to nullify the contract rests with teh wife and the husband can not stop her. The wife has to option to remain married to him. Allah knows best, but that is what I was taught.
Last edited by MinAhlilHadeeth; 10-30-2007 at 03:23 PM.
Reason: removing off-topic portion
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