10 ReAsoNs NoT To gEt MaRrIeD!!!

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Sampharo said:
You got it!!! :thumbs_up :D:D:D Somebody give Najm the grand prize!

Look, most things that are haraam have both harmful aspects as well as benefitial aspects, but the harmful aspects outweigh the benefits, like alcohol. Well, not having close open contact with members of the opposite sex until you get married as Islam dictates is much purer for us and takes away so much filth and evil, but it does mean that you have to work so much harder to understand enough about women, in order to be able to judge in the brief meetings and arrangements leading up to your engagement and marriage whether that is the right person for you or not.

Choosing the right person is crucial, and it is not at all easy for muslims in western countries because they can hardly bump into each other, and if they do, you're not supposed to communicate and have close relationships. So many times muslims just accept whomever is arranged through family and end up with hugely incompatible people.:blind:

You need to work a bit, talk your sister's head off and use every halal outlet to learn more about different women types, and what would a woman expect when you get married, what would they desire. Talk to different women in your family, learn what they do and what they like, and you'll start drawing patterns. Check with yourself what you like and how you want your life to be and start creating a vision for yourself. My wife doesn't do all the wonderful things because she is a pious god-fearing woman, she does all those wonderful things because she is a pious god-fearing woman who loves me and loves what I do for her and the way I treat her, and she is compatible to me because the things she does, I like, and it becomes a properly directed energy cycle that just grows. She knows how to wake me up, she knows how to get my attention, she knows how I like my space and things, and she is very comfortable doing all that. Guess what? She was divorced from a previous marriage that was the most horrible relationship she had. Relationships are not about bad people, it's about bad combinations.

Almost everybody loves chocolate, almost everybody loves a nice cool Coke, nobody will ever drink a chocolate soda!!!!

So make sure you choose a cherry for your cream cake:D, or suffer the consequences of fish and milk. :'(

When you have the right marriage, hold on tight and watch your life sail through in the right direction, and you'll be insha Allah reaping the benefits as you go along.

And most of all, say Al-Hamdolellah. A good compatible spouse is the biggest blessing you can ever have.

Sam
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

SubhaanAllah!!! What an amazing post!!!! I love you for the sake of Allah (Subhana WaTaala). I totally agree with you and my attitude is like that too. I always believe rather than going out to look for the perfect girl, its much better to try and make myself the perfect man. :D

I must say for my own sisters marriage, she would conflict with you. She has got nothing out of her marriage except all the negatives in the world and a really "bad" man! I try my best to keep her patient and keep her going, but its really hard because she not even done a single thing wrong! imsad

I am getting contradicting views on marriage at the moment!

FiAmaaniAllah
 
:salamext:

8. Delaying marriage means more time that you can spend with your mom while she is still alive, instead of having to deal with a needy spouse who always wants you at home cooking and cleaning.
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Why can't you and your spouse visit your parents?Can you please define "needy"?
 
egyptballer said:
:salamext:



Why can't you and your spouse visit your parents?Can you please define "needy"?
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Cause the spouse doesnt want you to go!

Needy: i.e only looking after the spouse's needs! ONLY the spouse!

Check the source from OP.
FiAmaaniAllah
 
Najm said:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

SubhaanAllah!!! What an amazing post!!!! I love you for the sake of Allah (Subhana WaTaala). I totally agree with you and my attitude is like that too. I always believe rather than going out to look for the perfect girl, its much better to try and make myself the perfect man. :D

I must say for my own sisters marriage, she would conflict with you. She has got nothing out of her marriage except all the negatives in the world and a really "bad" man! I try my best to keep her patient and keep her going, but its really hard because she not even done a single thing wrong! imsad

I am getting contradicting views on marriage at the moment!

FiAmaaniAllah
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There are many many bad marriages out there, with people who stay in it for the kids sake or because they have nowhere else to go. There are partners out there who cheat on their spouses, and others who abuse them, not to mention those that are cold and miserable.

In the few meetings that you are going to have before marriage both people will show their best sides, and you'll never see these other sides of the person, So its a 50% risk.

That being said, there are happy marriages out there, although those are in the minority! You should be positive, but at the same time be realistic too.
 
try all you want but ill never get disencouraged from getting married!! muhahah :anger:
 
nebula said:
try all you want but ill never get disencouraged from getting married!! muhahah :anger:
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I have enough stories to make you SHAKE!!! :-[ But i dont preach negatives!! :D

SubhaanAllah!!! I will do all i can to make it happen!!! I will even mould myself to be the best, inshaAllah.....Anything for Jannah! Ameen!!

FiAmaaniAllah
 
convert said:
Reasons to get married:

1. Being single sucks out loud.

Don't think any more reasons are needed. QED
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Epic win.

Well, you don't want marriage to interfere with studies, and it does have an affect, whether your smart or not.
 
Masha Allah.

It is so nice to see people seeking to get married for good reasons. May Allah bless us all with good pious spouses that will be good for our deen and livliehood. Ameen.
 
Najm said:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

SubhaanAllah!!! What an amazing post!!!! I love you for the sake of Allah (Subhana WaTaala).
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Oh Thank you for that! May we do that for the sake of llah and have a reason to be in the shadow of the God's throne on the day when there will be no shadow but his. {the prophet -pbuh-: Seven people will be shadowed by God's throne on the day of judgement....... and two people who love each other for the sake of Allah, they meet upon him and part ways upon him..." :)
Najm said:
I totally agree with you and my attitude is like that too. I always believe rather than going out to look for the perfect girl, its much better to try and make myself the perfect man. :D

I must say for my own sisters marriage, she would conflict with you. She has got nothing out of her marriage except all the negatives in the world and a really "bad" man! I try my best to keep her patient and keep her going, but its really hard because she not even done a single thing wrong! imsad
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Don't dispair my dear friend. I may have made an error in saying flat out there are no bad people, of course there are. However people have a chance of being happy if they find the right person and it is so huge the difference that it is in my own opinion, people should endeavour and seriously work towards making sure they marry the right person.

Proudly Muslim also mentioned very real situations out there. That is what divorce is for though. I don't believe in this "staying for the sake of the children" when it is THAT severe of a disfunctional union. The children will actually be much more scarred and stressed from the fighting if an act of cheating Astaghfer Allah is discovered by one spouse and they hear the argument and screaming! They might as well be divorced and seek their happiness with someone else.

Egyptians actually have this "asking about" tradition amongst families, and it is inspired and based on Islamic principals as well. If a groom comes to marry or a girl want to be wed, both families get full details of her school, his work, her community circle, his social club, all that stuff. The families then send different people to ask and question and have talks to every one about the person. Not a silly question of "is he good?" or "is she pious" because of course nobody would know a cheater or a spouse beater like that. But it comes to display character and smart families can draw a lot of analysis from the kind of friends the person keeps, how his colleagues view his work, what social circles they like, are they easy going or argumentative. The prophet said there are several situations (there was a specific number but I fail to remember the source book right now so I won't be able to check) where it is allowed to speak negatively (but truthfully) about a person without it being considered gossip or "Namima", and someone asking to check on a marriable candidate is one of them.

Seek your bliss, and God will help you reach it. If you settle for anyone and claim there is no way to know, you seal your own choice.
 
convert said:
Reasons to get married:

1. Being single sucks out loud.

Don't think any more reasons are needed. QED
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convert said:
yeah, im a "professional" and no longer a student.
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

It may suck but

if your spouse is getting married just to steal your money then?
if your spouse abuses your parents then?
if your spouse doesnt take care of you then?
if your spouse just wants your passport then?
if your spouse stays out all night with their friends then?
if your spouse never listens to you then?
if your spouse really sits at home and doesnt do nothing then?
if your spouse doesnt take of the kids then?
if your spouse wants to travel on her own then?
if your spouse just wants the dowry and get a divorce then?

If your spouse simply dosent give any of your rights then?

So much for the "Epic Win"

May Allah protect us from these kind of spouses. Allahumma Ameen

FiAmaaniAllah
 
Najm said:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

It may suck but

if your spouse is getting married just to steal your money then?
if your spouse abuses your parents then?
if your spouse doesnt take care of you then?
if your spouse just wants your passport then?
if your spouse stays out all night with their friends then?
if your spouse never listens to you then?
if your spouse really sits at home and doesnt do nothing then?
if your spouse doesnt take of the kids then?
if your spouse wants to travel on her own then?
if your spouse just wants the dowry and get a divorce then?

If your spouse simply dosent give any of your rights then?

So much for the "Epic Win"

May Allah protect us from these kind of spouses. Allahumma Ameen

FiAmaaniAllah
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these are the kinds of things one should find out when meeting with the sister and when asking around about her character. im not suggesting to just marry the first beating heart you see now.
 
convert said:
these are the kinds of things one should find out when meeting with the sister and when asking around about her character. im not suggesting to just marry the first beating heart you see now.
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

lol Well everyone be's an angel until they get what they want. So you never know until its too late. Otherwise you think people would have got married to these types of people!!:raging:

FiAmaaniAllah
 
:sl:

Being married and being single both have their advantages and disadvantages. I think the points you quote here are very beneficial to those who are still single as it makes you appreciate many things. There is a lot of pressure from many people to get married nowadays and I think people need to learn to value their time and their situation before it is too late.

A good post :)
 
Najm said:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

lol Well everyone be's an angel until they get what they want. So you never know until its too late. Otherwise you think people would have got married to these types of people!!:raging:

FiAmaaniAllah
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wa alaikum as-salaam wa rahmatullah

this is why you have to do due diligence (i.e. talk to people who arent her friends but know her, talk to her entire family, people she went to school with, etc).

i mean, if we only go by what i am like in meetings, sisters would probably think im charming and well-dressed and not some big, dumb manimal in sweatpants like i typically am.
 
convert said:
wa alaikum as-salaam wa rahmatullah

this is why you have to do due diligence (i.e. talk to people who arent her friends but know her, talk to her entire family, people she went to school with, etc).

i mean, if we only go by what i am like in meetings, sisters would probably think im charming and well-dressed and not some big, dumb manimal in sweatpants like i typically am.
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Everyone be's an angel.....that includes the relatives etc. They all work together into big trouble.....as i have seen. Saying that i have also seen beautiful marriages with beautiful people and it becomes a beautiful world.

May we find these beautiful people. Ameen.

FiAmaaniAllah
 
You could ask your sister to talk to her to get a range of her personaility. Perhaps ?
 

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