islamiconfusion
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I am a young girl 20 years old. The college I study in, is full of advanced girls( in the most posh locality in Pakistan). They smoke, they wear extremely tight skinny jeans with sleeveless shirts, golden dyed hair, etc, wear capris(the pajama that ends somewhere below the knees lol). Hangout with guys, keep on partying this and that.
I belong to a Middle-upper class or Middle-class family and come from a different background plus I am really not interested in following their fashion as well. I wear Shalwar Kameez and cover my head and body with duppata(the pious Pakistani dress). But, ALHAMDOLLILAH, I always thank ALLAH for this, I am considered very beautfiul and even in my college, I have been awarded the prettiest girl. I seriously get frustrated in a show-off, revealing environment and I am a complete misfit here socially.
Anyway, leaving all that, there is an admin in my university who is around 50 years old, he has a long white beard and wear a white topi and is too lean, he is a Maulvi(Maulana). I heard lot about his character in the university from so many girls and guys, that he is extremely pious and things like this. Though, he is not handsome at all, but had 'Noor' on his face, that only pious people have. He has been working in this organisation since last 22 years and is a very respected and pious man known. Since, he is an admin, he definitely interacts with females, and he has a soft friendly voice tone, but is no way near to romantic. There are no complaints or NOT a single girl(believe me i have done indirect surveys lol) can say that he tries to flirt or anything.
When I was 19 and it was my first year, I didn't know him at all but whenever I passed by him in the university, I got 'strange vibes' from him, like he notices me lot and an 'aura of attraction' that I never understood, why I felt near him, when he was supposed to be so 'pious' and 'clean' and I am almost 30 years his junior!
After a few months, I started admiring him as a very pious man and always thought that the 'feel' I am getting, is just my personal and my gut is wrong, how can he be attracted towards me, he is so pious and stuff. But, I started thinking of him in a very high esteem, that of an Angel or someone very good etc. I never talked to him because I started feeling more and more uncomfortable around him. Whenever, wherever, he would see me, no matter from what distance, he will notice me for sure and look at me.
After a few months, I had some problem, and him being an admin, I had to go to him, and ask for help. When I went to him, I started feeling so uncomfortable around him, my body was almost shaking, heart racing and hands n feet freezing... so nervous, I don't know why. There, he flirted with me when I spoke to him for help. Again, I thought that must be my misunderstanding, how can he flirt? He is so pious and stuff. I asked my friends and everyone(outside the university) about the words he said, everyone thought he was flirting and hitting on me.
After the time, I talked to him for help, whenever he saw me in university(before he would give me that aura lol and vibe and look at me) now, he started giving me huge grins and smiles. Whenever he sees me, he smiles real big!
Again, I thought that he might be smiling because I maybe reminding him of his daughter or maybe he is attracted towards me? Because I have never seen him behave in this way with any-other girl ever. I started feeling attracted towards him by that time, because i thought of him to be so pious and a pious man giving me so much attention, I was falling for him!
After a few months, I had a serious problem and had to go to him. This problem was not related to University. But to religion and spirituality. I had no one in my surrounding who even offered 5 times prayers(my university has the most fake people, they don't care about all this), I have no interaction or know about the Muftis or Aalims or anyone who could help me. Since he was a Maulvi, praying regularly etc, I asked him for help. When asked for help, he didn't flirt with me but his few things made me think that I mean to him much more than a student e.g. he remembered something i said 9 months back, he remembered so many old conversations and stuff. He gave me his number and the spiritual problem that I discussed with him, he suggested me a few Ayats and Wazifas and said that he will further discuss it with some Aalim or Mufti that he never did.
During that conversation, I even told him that I thought of him to be too good and pious and Angel or something. He told me so much about his life, how he came into Islam and being religious, I told him that I wonder how he looked like without beard and after a few days, he showed me his pictures of when he was young!
I started texting him sometimes, whenever he would see me in university, he will smile real big at me, and sometimes even come and talk to me specially. However, he started flirting with me lot as well. I was feeling more and more attracted to him as well. Once, I texted him asking if he would be my friend and he replied that 'We are friends already. What kind of relationship do you want?" Once when I asked him that at what time he does have lunch, he offered me to have lunch with him and long-drive someday. Since, I was heavily infatuated with him by this time, I started flirting him as well. Once I texted him, "I miss you." And he replied that, "You only miss me, thats it?" He started asking me if I have feeling for him and if yes then I should tell him, there wont be any problem.
When the university was off for one week, he called me, and started saying that when will I come to university again(sounded like he was really missing me)? Asked me, if i was annoyed with him or didn't want to talk, and I said no and asked him if he was annoyed, he said that 'Had he been annoyed, he would haven ever called." We talked and he told me to message or miscall him, he will call back me. It started happening. We talked everyday, even if for a few minutes(5-10) for the whole week. And the conversations started getting more personal, his voice tone changed, he started talking about his life, and asking me about mine. He started asking me to meet him soon in university, and there was extreme chemistry and romantic vibe. He would call me from his office, from his car, once he called me at 12.00 am in the night and was again and again saying that, 'now you should sleep, take rest and I am in my car, will go home and then sleep. He was saying that I will have to make you sleep now etc. Things like this.
After one week, university started, neither I contacted him again and nor did he(Been 1 week only). In college, if I see him anywhere, I feel so shy and he blushes and smiles, and still we both are attracted to each other.
But, I don't want it to continue because I was wondering that if he was that pious as much I thought(the reason of my attraction towards him) he wouldn't have behaved in this manner.
1) It is Haraam in Islam to be this intimate with a Non-Mehram.
2) He is married with a daughter my age.
I feel that he must have been pious to an extent, but we both are a test for each other, because its such a strange attraction. Since he had so much Noor on his face and was known very pious and stuff, maybe he wasn't bad in character, but in this case, was infatuated that led him to behave in the manner he did.
I belong to a Middle-upper class or Middle-class family and come from a different background plus I am really not interested in following their fashion as well. I wear Shalwar Kameez and cover my head and body with duppata(the pious Pakistani dress). But, ALHAMDOLLILAH, I always thank ALLAH for this, I am considered very beautfiul and even in my college, I have been awarded the prettiest girl. I seriously get frustrated in a show-off, revealing environment and I am a complete misfit here socially.
Anyway, leaving all that, there is an admin in my university who is around 50 years old, he has a long white beard and wear a white topi and is too lean, he is a Maulvi(Maulana). I heard lot about his character in the university from so many girls and guys, that he is extremely pious and things like this. Though, he is not handsome at all, but had 'Noor' on his face, that only pious people have. He has been working in this organisation since last 22 years and is a very respected and pious man known. Since, he is an admin, he definitely interacts with females, and he has a soft friendly voice tone, but is no way near to romantic. There are no complaints or NOT a single girl(believe me i have done indirect surveys lol) can say that he tries to flirt or anything.
When I was 19 and it was my first year, I didn't know him at all but whenever I passed by him in the university, I got 'strange vibes' from him, like he notices me lot and an 'aura of attraction' that I never understood, why I felt near him, when he was supposed to be so 'pious' and 'clean' and I am almost 30 years his junior!
After a few months, I started admiring him as a very pious man and always thought that the 'feel' I am getting, is just my personal and my gut is wrong, how can he be attracted towards me, he is so pious and stuff. But, I started thinking of him in a very high esteem, that of an Angel or someone very good etc. I never talked to him because I started feeling more and more uncomfortable around him. Whenever, wherever, he would see me, no matter from what distance, he will notice me for sure and look at me.
After a few months, I had some problem, and him being an admin, I had to go to him, and ask for help. When I went to him, I started feeling so uncomfortable around him, my body was almost shaking, heart racing and hands n feet freezing... so nervous, I don't know why. There, he flirted with me when I spoke to him for help. Again, I thought that must be my misunderstanding, how can he flirt? He is so pious and stuff. I asked my friends and everyone(outside the university) about the words he said, everyone thought he was flirting and hitting on me.
After the time, I talked to him for help, whenever he saw me in university(before he would give me that aura lol and vibe and look at me) now, he started giving me huge grins and smiles. Whenever he sees me, he smiles real big!
Again, I thought that he might be smiling because I maybe reminding him of his daughter or maybe he is attracted towards me? Because I have never seen him behave in this way with any-other girl ever. I started feeling attracted towards him by that time, because i thought of him to be so pious and a pious man giving me so much attention, I was falling for him!
After a few months, I had a serious problem and had to go to him. This problem was not related to University. But to religion and spirituality. I had no one in my surrounding who even offered 5 times prayers(my university has the most fake people, they don't care about all this), I have no interaction or know about the Muftis or Aalims or anyone who could help me. Since he was a Maulvi, praying regularly etc, I asked him for help. When asked for help, he didn't flirt with me but his few things made me think that I mean to him much more than a student e.g. he remembered something i said 9 months back, he remembered so many old conversations and stuff. He gave me his number and the spiritual problem that I discussed with him, he suggested me a few Ayats and Wazifas and said that he will further discuss it with some Aalim or Mufti that he never did.
During that conversation, I even told him that I thought of him to be too good and pious and Angel or something. He told me so much about his life, how he came into Islam and being religious, I told him that I wonder how he looked like without beard and after a few days, he showed me his pictures of when he was young!
I started texting him sometimes, whenever he would see me in university, he will smile real big at me, and sometimes even come and talk to me specially. However, he started flirting with me lot as well. I was feeling more and more attracted to him as well. Once, I texted him asking if he would be my friend and he replied that 'We are friends already. What kind of relationship do you want?" Once when I asked him that at what time he does have lunch, he offered me to have lunch with him and long-drive someday. Since, I was heavily infatuated with him by this time, I started flirting him as well. Once I texted him, "I miss you." And he replied that, "You only miss me, thats it?" He started asking me if I have feeling for him and if yes then I should tell him, there wont be any problem.
When the university was off for one week, he called me, and started saying that when will I come to university again(sounded like he was really missing me)? Asked me, if i was annoyed with him or didn't want to talk, and I said no and asked him if he was annoyed, he said that 'Had he been annoyed, he would haven ever called." We talked and he told me to message or miscall him, he will call back me. It started happening. We talked everyday, even if for a few minutes(5-10) for the whole week. And the conversations started getting more personal, his voice tone changed, he started talking about his life, and asking me about mine. He started asking me to meet him soon in university, and there was extreme chemistry and romantic vibe. He would call me from his office, from his car, once he called me at 12.00 am in the night and was again and again saying that, 'now you should sleep, take rest and I am in my car, will go home and then sleep. He was saying that I will have to make you sleep now etc. Things like this.
After one week, university started, neither I contacted him again and nor did he(Been 1 week only). In college, if I see him anywhere, I feel so shy and he blushes and smiles, and still we both are attracted to each other.
But, I don't want it to continue because I was wondering that if he was that pious as much I thought(the reason of my attraction towards him) he wouldn't have behaved in this manner.
1) It is Haraam in Islam to be this intimate with a Non-Mehram.
2) He is married with a daughter my age.
I feel that he must have been pious to an extent, but we both are a test for each other, because its such a strange attraction. Since he had so much Noor on his face and was known very pious and stuff, maybe he wasn't bad in character, but in this case, was infatuated that led him to behave in the manner he did.
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