A Brother Harrased me Sexually several times

[anonymous]

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.

First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.

The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.

The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.

I feel used n abused. Please help me.

 

[ayan333]

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.

First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.

The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.

The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.

I feel used n abused. Please help me.

Wow sis,im really shocked and sorry to hear this..im afraid your taking this too lightly..if its as serious as it seam then i recomand you tell someone quick before it gets worse,if your like me you probably dnt wantto tell your father,if so then tellyour sister,aunt,close friend,Mother,basically anyone your comfortable telling
i hope you get things figured put soon Insh ALLAH

 

[BlackMamba]

You should get a restraining order

 

[crayon]

Just b-tchslap him anytime he comes near you. Simple.

If he still won't stop scream your lungs off and yell that this guy is attacking you. That ought to get him away from you inshallah.

 

[Brother_Mujahid]

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

 

[north_malaysian]

the first thing that you should do is to stop calling him "a brother".

 

[coddles76]

May ALLAH SWT protect you sister
I guess most of us here will never know the whole story but my only advice is that if you really wanted to protect your modesty and are quite serious about it then you should be quite serious in your actions in resolving the issue. Maybe he thinks your not serious enough in your rejections, You have to strengthen yourself and guard yourself from such harm as this matter is not looked upon lightly. Maybe you should inform someone from his side so that they can put him back into order. I suggest informing his parents because they (If anybody) should have the strongest control over him.

 

[Abu Ibraheem]

grow a mostache

Salamun Alaykum, sorry if my jokes out of place, i only hope to lighten the burden you have at the moment with that comment.

You need to put your foot down, and if he does not listen, then do not bother talking to him, even if you have to pretend he does not exist. If he gets forceful, then tell the male members of your family. Sometimes action is needed, and if you even have to file a complaint with authorities, which none of us want, but as last resort, then do so.
Your situation is not an easy one, and you are not alone. I just hope there are sisters here that are not afraid to give you advice from their possible experience.

Wasalams

 

[jzcasejz]

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

JazaakAllaah khayr, that's what I call good and honest advice! :thumbs_up

 

[Lonely Gal]

don't ans his calls, change your number, if you dont speak to him less chance of meetin each other.
If somehow you come face to face, ignore, walk away..
after the 1st time he forced himself, how have you managed to get into a situation where he can do it again??

 

[anonymous]

I am saddened that some of u are judging me. You dont know me, so please dont say things like "if u really wanted to protect ur modesty u wudve stayed away". Allah knows me.

Brother Mujahid, u are so disrespectful n judgemental I really cannot believe that u call urself a brother. How on earth did u know that I personally gave him my number? He somehow managed to get it from the muslims in my school. Not that I need to prove u anything but So much for making "excuses" for ur fellow muslims.

I dont appreciate ur insults either. Wat a great way to give dawah just insult n humiliate.

And for the record I did not consider him as a potential husband. That thought actually never crossed my mind. I did want to see if there is more to him besides his looks.

Alpha dude dont piety me pls. I have a mind Alhamdulilah and I am not as weak as u are trying to describe me.

And I have no plans to tell my Father, I dont intend to see him on the news paper in the next 24/hours. Neither my Brothers, although I am very close with them, I dont want them to beat anybody n get into trouble because of me.

Jezklahkhayr.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

dam i feel like beating this idiot up myself :| like the muslim who killed a man for harassing a sister and then got killed and then the whole army went marching!!!!


seriously sis scream your lungs off, swing those fists! kick his a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

 

[Brother_Mujahid]

I really cannot believe that u call urself a brother.

i am still your brother and really mean only goodness for yourself. i didn't mean to come across as someone who does not care, because i DO care.

Theres not much else i really can say because like you said we don't really know you, have you tried speaking to a close friend just to let out your thoughts someone other then family?

once again forgive me for my harshness and lack of respect.

May Allah fix your affairs and set them right. Ameen.

Wasalam

 

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum,

Please, don't feel offended by what BM and AD said, these brothers I'm sure tried to honestly advice you and as for many of us, this situation arose some anger inside and then it is hard to try to stay very calm or objective or non-judgmental. InshaAllah you can look pass what offended you and see their care for their fellow Muslim. Yes, they drew some conclusions, but who doesn't do that?


OK, now let's see the thing realistically and I'm not here to judge your Emaan or commitment to Islam, I'll try to give as much advice as I can in how to get out of this situation. Three times is not such a big deal actually, if you look at statistics and research about similiar cases. Some start asking for help when it is waaay to late. But now as you see the seriousness in this, act acording to it. Don't feel scared. I haven't gone through as bad as you but I have been slightly harrassed myself and although I did put much resistance, I had to encounter the person more than three times. Oh, I'm fine elhamdulillah, by the way, it wasn't anything big at all, but I'm always cautious how small it even seems.

Anyways, back to you. I don't wanna sound macho or the like, but you, against this brother who obviously is strong if he manages to come that close to you? I see no chance for victory. Honestly, what is is that makes you not talk with your brothers? You could leave some details from what this man has done if you're afraid they'll loose control but make them realize it's important and serious. Father I can undestand you don't want to bring into this, but in a critical situation I'd even suggest you to tell him how bad it even is.

You need help by many people, males especially. I have trained some martial arts and know how to defend myself but even though I can beat people up, I asked for help my males when I found it necessary. I have no brothers, so I asked classmates or friends' brothers (adding to all friends together). They came and helped, and I'm very thankful. What I want to say is, you can find support easily if you only want to. Tell your close friends about this. The boss or teacher. You have to, don't keep this to yourself. It must be traumatic for you yourself, this is not something you can get over just my talking in a forum about it, you need the support my those in your life.

You did a big mistake by meeting him alone, but I wouldn't put much emphazis on that now afterwards, you obviously know that was a big mistake and won't do it again, inshaAllah. Don't do it again, whatever he says, whatever he does. Don't do it again.

Oh and save his messages and calls, but don't answer them back. You could show this to the police or teacher or boss or school psychologist, someone with authority, it's good evidence. I mean, you were alone and maybe no witnesses. He could act as if it never happened. And you know what, even better, call a lawyer and report him. Take friends and close ones so you won't feel weak or scared. Just do it, it's a great way to get your message of leaving you alone through and it gives relief.

The man obviously won't go away by just wishing and ignoring. He has gone too far for that. He could be dangerous, although you might think not. You wouldn't be the first one to underestimate a situation like this.


I'd like to hear what you think of my advice and reply soon inshaAllah, think well through what I said please. I don't want you to end up in another statistics of abused women. Astagfirullah.

 

[Abu Ibraheem]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

Salamun Alaykum

Thats actually a good idea, and also some new garms he is not familiar with, you know a new handbag also, no joke here. This could very well disiorientate him allowing you to walk by freely. Also the du'a that the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam used when he left Makkah for Madinah.

 

[Cabdullahi]

i think because of he's looks she's being lenient,she's just mesmerized,sister you basically opened up the opportunity for him to attack you,tell him to get away,he touched you before marriage,so if you marry him what will stop him from doing it to another girl. the marriage will end the way it started ,he touched you thats the start and the ending will be he touched another girl.If the marriage doesn't start halal it will very quickly diminish.

im Just trying to imagine what if he was a not so good looking dude what would've happened to the poor guy? you would of acted seriously and you would of told your parents and the pervert would never see daylight again, plz sister take this latter approach whether the guy is handsome or ugly

 

[AnonymousPoster]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

Thats what all of my friends suggest and my mother tells me to wear it too. InshaAllah if Allah gives me strength I would like to try wearing it. I am tired of all the attention anyway.

i am still your brother and really mean only goodness for yourself. i didn't mean to come across as someone who does not care, because i DO care.

Theres not much else i really can say because like you said we don't really know you, have you tried speaking to a close friend just to let out your thoughts someone other then family?

once again forgive me for my harshness and lack of respect.

May Allah fix your affairs and set them right. Ameen.

Wasalam

Jzk ameen Brother, Please forgive me. I know that u intended well, I just felt hurt. InshaAllah I have no bad feelings in my heart. I feel like I cant tell anyone, because its so not like me to be in this type of a situation. I feel like talking about it on here makes it less realistic for me.

I want to tell my mother, but I dont want to scare her and keep worrying about me everytime I set a foot out of our home. My mother loves me so much, She will be devasted. And I love her too much to worry her. I want her to be happy, she is so happy. Dont want to make her frown. And just the thought of drama etc.

Selam aleykum,

Please, don't feel offended by what BM and AD said, these brothers I'm sure tried to honestly advice you and as for many of us, this situation arose some anger inside and then it is hard to try to stay very calm or objective or non-judgmental. InshaAllah you can look pass what offended you and see their care for their fellow Muslim. Yes, they drew some conclusions, but who doesn't do that?


OK, now let's see the thing realistically and I'm not here to judge your Emaan or commitment to Islam, I'll try to give as much advice as I can in how to get out of this situation. Three times is not such a big deal actually, if you look at statistics and research about similiar cases. Some start asking for help when it is waaay to late. But now as you see the seriousness in this, act acording to it. Don't feel scared. I haven't gone through as bad as you but I have been slightly harrassed myself and although I did put much resistance, I had to encounter the person more than three times. Oh, I'm fine elhamdulillah, by the way, it wasn't anything big at all, but I'm always cautious how small it even seems.

Anyways, back to you. I don't wanna sound macho or the like, but you, against this brother who obviously is strong if he manages to come that close to you? I see no chance for victory. Honestly, what is is that makes you not talk with your brothers? You could leave some details from what this man has done if you're afraid they'll loose control but make them realize it's important and serious. Father I can undestand you don't want to bring into this, but in a critical situation I'd even suggest you to tell him how bad it even is.

You need help by many people, males especially. I have trained some martial arts and know how to defend myself but even though I can beat people up, I asked for help my males when I found it necessary. I have no brothers, so I asked classmates or friends' brothers (adding to all friends together). They came and helped, and I'm very thankful. What I want to say is, you can find support easily if you only want to. Tell your close friends about this. The boss or teacher. You have to, don't keep this to yourself. It must be traumatic for you yourself, this is not something you can get over just my talking in a forum about it, you need the support my those in your life.

You did a big mistake by meeting him alone, but I wouldn't put much emphazis on that now afterwards, you obviously know that was a big mistake and won't do it again, inshaAllah. Don't do it again, whatever he says, whatever he does. Don't do it again.

Oh and save his messages and calls, but don't answer them back. You could show this to the police or teacher or boss or school psychologist, someone with authority, it's good evidence. I mean, you were alone and maybe no witnesses. He could act as if it never happened. And you know what, even better, call a lawyer and report him. Take friends and close ones so you won't feel weak or scared. Just do it, it's a great way to get your message of leaving you alone through and it gives relief.

The man obviously won't go away by just wishing and ignoring. He has gone too far for that. He could be dangerous, although you might think not. You wouldn't be the first one to underestimate a situation like this.

I'd like to hear what you think of my advice and reply soon inshaAllah, think well through what I said please. I don't want you to end up in another statistics of abused women. Astagfirullah.

Jzklah khayr. I have been raised by 2 wonderful loving parents. I have never seen my father abuse my mom, nor any women in my family getting abused etc. So I dont have an abusive background Alhamdulilah. Which means that I wont let anybody do it to me. I will always defend myself shud there ever be a need. I dont think that I need a shrink.

I know right from wrong. I have given the guy a scar. He is bigger, but I still managed to hurt him. I will stay from him, and I will not answer his calls. Although he always calls with a private number.

He txts me and claims that I am what makes him touch me, because he "loves me". And that he never tried to go after girls, and I did hear from some muslims that its true and alot of girls would do anything to be with him. And that they are always throwing themselves on him.

Still though, I know better then to just marry someone just because they want to marry me.

Jzkelahkhyr Zara, i appreciate the time u took to write all that, shows that u care. Thanks, May ALlah grant u rewards ameen.

 

[Abu Ibraheem]

Unfortunatly, in most cases its the good looking guys that have sway over the views of people. Seekers of fame will defend him even if he is wrong. I fear that the sister may be also intimidated by the thought what would happen if she was to report this to the right people. She may even be looked upon by the seekers of fame in the wrong light and thus accused, only making problems worser.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

im Just trying to imagine what if he was a not so good looking dude what would've happened to the poor guy? you would of acted seriously and you would of told your parents and the pervert would never see daylight again, plz sister take this latter approach whether the guy is handsome or ugly

whoah, that is actually brilliant advice, mashAllaah