A choice...

[anonymous]

I'm a young muslim adult and I decided that i'd like to get married like sooner or later though cuz i was against it for a long time.

my problem is this. i dont know what to do. i want to marry a girl from a specific ethncity and it just seems impossible, i guess. i want to marry an arab girl. I just find it interesting and my family isn't really against it when i asked what if i end up marrying one. their happy, but the problem is how do u even find one or how to ?!

it really isn't a must thing, like if i dont marry an arab, then thats it, end of the world, no its not like that. its just my preference and i still want certain qualities that i would want in a pakistani girl. For instance, if there was an arab girl presented and pakistani, but the pakistani girl *same culture counts and language* had better qualities i'd pick her. but i still prefer that and i guess i dont know how it can be done. i also would like to speak to her before i even engaged or marry her..like question.

but is it even ok? :S does anyone know if any pakistani guy married one?!

 

[S_87]

yes i do know of pakistanis married to arabs- egyptian/lebanese/syrian etc.

all i can say is may Allah bless you with a good wife and dont turn down someone just because they arent arab

 

[Salihah]

I'm sorry, I only know pakistanis married to european women.
But I think you shouldn't focus on ethnic or nationality to much. It is more important that her behaviour and attitude is right, so that she can support you and you can benefit from each other to have a nice family according to muslim tradition and understanding.
Good luck

 

[cat eyes]

I understand your personality. I always found that attractivness and charm in asian men. I believe we all have a ''type'' of course we sometimes forget about the qualities that are more important and that would be her religious commitment. You see as you get more closer to Allah, you tend not to care about what your spouse looks like and culture and its strictly your spouses deen that matters to you. I have heard of couple of stories where divorce dose happen when the husband changes becomes more islamic while the wife not caring about the obligations. So if some people think marrying somebody thats not that into her deen and believing she will grow with you after marriage. This is a wrong thinking 2have. Dont take that risk! Mabe you yourself will change but she might not. So you are left in unhappy situation. We do all change and become more religious and soon you will not care about that pretty or hansum face next to you.

 

[anonymous]

That is not true. But preference does matter though and her deen and character is very important to me.

I wasn't even asking for that lol, i was just asking if its even possible and how does one go about doing so?

And yes, certain ethnicity does matter to me... its a choice and i narrowed it down to two...

so ethnicity does play a important role to me with her deen and character of course...thats a must .

and thank you sis for the dua

 

[cat eyes]

the things which i have seen and witnessed are true and dose happen. alot of asians mixing with other culture's around my area and divorce is widespread. id have no reason to lie either of course some couple's have success sometimes. it is possible obviously depending on where you live..i don't understand how it can be hard anyway bottom line is its the deen which matters. don't ever narrow it down to only two kinds and limit everything. you would be foolish to do so.
salaam and good luck

 

[Sampharo]

Salamu Alaikom Cat eyes,

I think you can actually look at what you just said and realize that you're generalizing negatively on on a specific ethnicity based on your experience, and then making conclusions that collectively describe how everyone is probably going to behave based on your own feelings. That is very much into stereotyping. Many people have liked and disliked their spouses while both parties were very religious. It is also a a fact that despite themselves, some people are attracted to certain looks. It is not necessary that we HAVE to ignore how someone we are interested in looks, otherwise the prophet -pbuh- wouldn't have told us that it is obligatory for a bride's family to allow the prospect groom to see the woman before he decides to ask for her hand in marriage. Pious people too have likes and dislikes.

Additionally many situations have occured where a person would become more religious and their spouse doesn't, and they live happily together, in some situations the spouse follows suite, in others they don't. It doesn't mean they get a divorce, it doesn't mean that they can't get along, and it doesn't mean that a pious person ONLY cares about the religion and has no other desires in their spouse.

 

[Caller الداعي]

salams
the four things which the prophet mentiond when ppl marry 1.deen 2. beauty 3.wealth 4.lineage (her cast , family, status etc)
ppl today do get caught up in the last three and in most cases the marrige ends in divorce.

 

[cat eyes]

Salamu Alaikom Cat eyes,

I think you can actually look at what you just said and realize that you're generalizing negatively on on a specific ethnicity based on your experience, and then making conclusions that collectively describe how everyone is probably going to behave based on your own feelings. That is very much into stereotyping. Many people have liked and disliked their spouses while both parties were very religious. It is also a a fact that despite themselves, some people are attracted to certain looks. It is not necessary that we HAVE to ignore how someone we are interested in looks, otherwise the prophet -pbuh- wouldn't have told us that it is obligatory for a bride's family to allow the prospect groom to see the woman before he decides to ask for her hand in marriage. Pious people too have likes and dislikes.

Additionally many situations have occured where a person would become more religious and their spouse doesn't, and they live happily together, in some situations the spouse follows suite, in others they don't. It doesn't mean they get a divorce, it doesn't mean that they can't get along, and it doesn't mean that a pious person ONLY cares about the religion and has no other desires in their spouse.

mabe i am very much a stereotyped person brother but we should try to make religion our first priority insha'Allah. it should come first before our famiies, spouse and kids..and it should come first before culture and everything else. why make things more harder on ourselves? i am just saying do not get consumed in things which don't matter which the younger brothers are doing these days. rejecting pious women just because they are not of the same skin colour or country when they would be islamiclly good for them. when you put yourself in this place your going to be left alone at the end of the day. i honestly am not thinking negative. but the deen should come first before anything else no matter of which origin the girl comes from. you have to think on a more wiser level that this woman is going be mother of my children. this is a more mature approach.

 

[Sampharo]

mabe i am very much a stereotyped person brother but we should try to make religion our first priority insha'Allah. it should come first before our famiies, spouse and kids..and it should come first before culture and everything else.

You seem to be under the impression that you only get ONE of those characteristics and can't have any other. Sister, who says that you have to sacrifice anything for religion. Do you think it is not probable for a person to say he would like to fight a pious religious woman of a certain level of looks and maybe enjoys certain type of activities and has a social standard that is a good match?

A spouse is going to be the chest that provide peace and serenity before anything else, and a harsh stiff, or unintelligent or unengaging spouse no matter how religious will not be a good one. Yes , we should get a religious person, but that does not mean to ONLY ask for religious person and not expect anything else!

i am just saying do not get consumed in things which don't matter which the younger brothers are doing these days. rejecting pious women just because they are not of the same skin colour or country when they would be islamiclly good for them.

Why would they reject the pious women? No need to come with these assumptions that it's a race issue. If you mean attractiveness though, I am sorry the man has every right to marry only someone he finds pleasing and attractive. This woman is the one he's supposed to protect his chastity with and he should feel satisfied with her and the chemistry between them.

I am sorry but I am feeling that you're trying to say men and women should just marry whatever religious person comes their way, like it's an obligation! A spouse is one of our provisions, our gifts, our blessings that God grants us to go through life with happiness and satisfaction, choosing a religious person is a guideline to consider it as a priority FIRST, but then everything else to our needs and requirements should be taken.

By your logic I ask you sister, would you marry a pious man no matter what other characteristics he has? Unintelligent, unattractive, have horrible body odour that he doesn't mind, speaks in a very vulgur way, earns no money and keeps no job, but yet is a pious kneeling prostating man who minds all the Islamic obligations and namaaz?

i honestly am not thinking negative. but the deen should come first before anything else no matter of which origin the girl comes from. you have to think on a more wiser level that this woman is going be mother of my children. this is a more mature approach.

Nobody said they want to marry someone without deen, the brother just isolated a certain characteristic that he asked about. It is a consideration that is valid and cannot be considered as racist or superficial when it is in something fundamental as marriage.

Look, we agree that religion is most important, which is fine. you just seem to believe that other things don't matter after that, and I think that is narrow-minded and being extreme with the concept. Other things matter too and are still important, and if I can have a choice between two pious women, I'll go for the one that fulfills more of my expectations and desirable qualities.

 

[cat eyes]

You seem to be under the impression that you only get ONE of those characteristics and can't have any other. Sister, who says that you have to sacrifice anything for religion. Do you think it is not probable for a person to say he would like to fight a pious religious woman of a certain level of looks and maybe enjoys certain type of activities and has a social standard that is a good match?

A spouse is going to be the chest that provide peace and serenity before anything else, and a harsh stiff, or unintelligent or unengaging spouse no matter how religious will not be a good one. Yes , we should get a religious person, but that does not mean to ONLY ask for religious person and not expect anything else!



Why would they reject the pious women? No need to come with these assumptions that it's a race issue. If you mean attractiveness though, I am sorry the man has every right to marry only someone he finds pleasing and attractive. This woman is the one he's supposed to protect his chastity with and he should feel satisfied with her and the chemistry between them.

I am sorry but I am feeling that you're trying to say men and women should just marry whatever religious person comes their way, like it's an obligation! A spouse is one of our provisions, our gifts, our blessings that God grants us to go through life with happiness and satisfaction, choosing a religious person is a guideline to consider it as a priority FIRST, but then everything else to our needs and requirements should be taken.

By your logic I ask you sister, would you marry a pious man no matter what other characteristics he has? Unintelligent, unattractive, have horrible body odour that he doesn't mind, speaks in a very vulgur way, earns no money and keeps no job, but yet is a pious kneeling prostating man who minds all the Islamic obligations and namaaz?



Nobody said they want to marry someone without deen, the brother just isolated a certain characteristic that he asked about. It is a consideration that is valid and cannot be considered as racist or superficial when it is in something fundamental as marriage.

Look, we agree that religion is most important, which is fine. you just seem to believe that other things don't matter after that, and I think that is narrow-minded and being extreme with the concept. Other things matter too and are still important, and if I can have a choice between two pious women, I'll go for the one that fulfills more of my expectations and desirable qualities.

my point i was trying to make is he should not narrow it down to just two races because he would missing out big time!

brother i don't see how that is being an extremist wanting a religious spouse i would hate to have a spouse who is lazy and dose very little pray and moans and complains and only cares about how much money he is going to make at the end of the week and dose so many things against islam like not going to mosque on friday.

Btw the things which you are saying dose not make sense. how could a pious religious person be as you say:
1)unintelligent
2)HORRIBLE BODY ODOUR
3)HARSH STIFF
4)talks in a vulgar way
then you went on to say that a religious person dose not even work and dont earn money

well its understandable if the person don't have a job mabe it could be for so many other reasons but i have never came across a pious religious person with these characteristic's. that is completely inaccurate with what you have just stated and completely untrue.

we muslims keep oursleves clean 5times a day and reframe from speaking vulgar to anybody and our ummah is the most intelligent group of people on this earth and the most kind because we follow after our beloved prophet mohammad pbuh.

I Think you need to read over your post again brother. and with what you find desirable for yourself is not the topic here.

and for the other brother i never objected to you finding arab girl sure wouldn't it be a benifit for you, she can teach you arabic

 

[neda]

I can understand why arabs are hard to find. Lucky is the husband with an arab wife (or two).

 

[Rebel]

^ Why are they hard to find? And why is he lucky?

 

[zakirs]

well its understandable if the person don't have a job mabe it could be for so many other reasons but i have never came across a pious religious person with these characteristic's. that is completely inaccurate with what you have just stated and completely untrue.

we muslims keep oursleves clean 5times a day and reframe from speaking vulgar to anybody and our ummah is the most intelligent group of people on this earth and the most kind because we follow after our beloved prophet mohammad pbuh.

I Think you need to read over your post again brother. and with what you find desirable for yourself is not the topic here.

Brilliantly said.. a good muslim would never have those qualities which the brother mentioned.

Regarding anonymous bro's request .. best of luck with your endeavor bro

 

[S_87]

I can understand why arabs are hard to find. Lucky is the husband with an arab wife (or two).

lol this reminds me of the arab general thinknig that a blond haired blue eyed american woman is a lucky catch

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I'm a young muslim adult and I decided that i'd like to get married like sooner or later though cuz i was against it for a long time.

my problem is this. i dont know what to do. i want to marry a girl from a specific ethncity and it just seems impossible, i guess. i want to marry an arab girl. I just find it interesting and my family isn't really against it when i asked what if i end up marrying one. their happy, but the problem is how do u even find one or how to ?!

it really isn't a must thing, like if i dont marry an arab, then thats it, end of the world, no its not like that. its just my preference and i still want certain qualities that i would want in a pakistani girl. For instance, if there was an arab girl presented and pakistani, but the pakistani girl *same culture counts and language* had better qualities i'd pick her. but i still prefer that and i guess i dont know how it can be done. i also would like to speak to her before i even engaged or marry her..like question.

but is it even ok? :S does anyone know if any pakistani guy married one?!

how would you go about finding a non-Arab sister...why don't you just apply the same concept? don't you have friends you could ask, or have friends of friends...what about speaking to the local imam.

 

[anonymous]

my point i was trying to make is he should not narrow it down to just two races because he would missing out big time!

brother i don't see how that is being an extremist wanting a religious spouse i would hate to have a spouse who is lazy and dose very little pray and moans and complains and only cares about how much money he is going to make at the end of the week and dose so many things against islam like not going to mosque on friday.

Btw the things which you are saying dose not make sense. how could a pious religious person be as you say:
1)unintelligent
2)HORRIBLE BODY ODOUR
3)HARSH STIFF
4)talks in a vulgar way
then you went on to say that a religious person dose not even work and dont earn money

well its understandable if the person don't have a job mabe it could be for so many other reasons but i have never came across a pious religious person with these characteristic's. that is completely inaccurate with what you have just stated and completely untrue.

we muslims keep oursleves clean 5times a day and reframe from speaking vulgar to anybody and our ummah is the most intelligent group of people on this earth and the most kind because we follow after our beloved prophet mohammad pbuh.

I Think you need to read over your post again brother. and with what you find desirable for yourself is not the topic here.

and for the other brother i never objected to you finding arab girl sure wouldn't it be a benifit for you, she can teach you arabic

Yes, I know. Right, already am aware of what you said. But realistically, our ummah is far from intelligent. False point you made there. Our ummah is more pathetic than ever before. They mourn for kaffairs, at 9/11 attacks and 7/7, yet they forget the masscare in Iraq, Afghanstan, palestine, lebenon, pakistan, and whats happening in India.

But what can they do? Muslim country's government is corrupted and so are the people. I did read my topic over again. But, i highly doubt our ummah is "intelligent". Whats the point of having "intelligence" when it is of no use to our fellow muslims? but this is completely irrelevant. Anyway, thanks.

^ Why are they hard to find? And why is he lucky?

lol, even i'd love to know the lucky part .

lol this reminds me of the arab general thinknig that a blond haired blue eyed american woman is a lucky catch

hrmph? Those kind of woman are a pretty bad catch, lol.

how would you go about finding a non-Arab sister...why don't you just apply the same concept? don't you have friends you could ask, or have friends of friends...what about speaking to the local imam.

Well, my mom knows families. However, were we live, there are any or hardly any muslims sadly . Local imam? I am not very fond of imams. They are not very trustable. But, I'll check that though. Thanks.

 

[Sampharo]

Btw the things which you are saying dose not make sense. how could a pious religious person be as you say:
1)unintelligent
2)HORRIBLE BODY ODOUR
3)HARSH STIFF
4)talks in a vulgar way
then you went on to say that a religious person dose not even work and dont earn money

well its understandable if the person don't have a job mabe it could be for so many other reasons but i have never came across a pious religious person with these characteristic's. that is completely inaccurate with what you have just stated and completely untrue.

we muslims keep oursleves clean 5times a day and reframe from speaking vulgar

Take it easy and not literally, I was giving you an example that there are matters that you as a woman would require aside from just pious and religious. Not picking at it but body or mouth odour can be a medical condition despite washing, and a poor unskilled lazy person can still be pious. Unintelligent has NOTHING to do with piousness and I think this one is too clear, and as for stiff/harsh/vulgar that refers to class and behaviour and not necessarily religious. To explain further the prophet -pbuh- was approached by a woman who told him two suitors from his pious companions approached her for marriage and asked for his opinion, to which he said that the first is a pauper with no money, and the second was harsh person who never let down his stick (interpreted as beats his slaves and women in one instance, in another never stops travelling). Basically both were reasons NOT to accept them in marriage, even though both were companions.

Sister just because someone prays and knows God doesn't mean he KNOWS God and watches him in his actions and behaviour, or that he is kind and easy-going or compatible. That is what I was trying to say, plain and simple. Just that there are other attributes that people should be free to consider what is or not desirable for them without being labelled superficial or what not.

 

[cat eyes]

im sorry but i never met a brother who was smelly and vulgar:giggling:

but i get what you mean now yeah. it can be medical problem i suppose but i still would not judge them by that either because they might have other great characteristic's that i would admire.
:wasalamex