A Question of Attraction

[PouringRain]

I don't ask too many questions, so I hope that I ask this one correctly and that people will reply.


Given all the things in Islam that are meant to guard against improper lust for the opposite gender, do you ever find yourself attracted to things that are not what the world would typically think of as being things that one might be attracted to? In Islam, for example, women must cover, both genders must lower their gaze or look away, there can not be touch, even a voice could cause one to stumble...... so the questions is do males then find themselves attracted to something such as a woman wearing hijab, who lowers her gaze. Such that the object of the attraction becomes the hijab and the lowered gaze, and not the woman who is doing it. Or does a male find that if he sees a woman who does XYZ then regardless of the woman or how she looks he find himself attracted to these areas of piety? Or do women find that if a man has a certainly level of piety, regardless of how he may look or act otherwise then she is attracted to him?

I hope my question makes sense. I tried to give examples. My question is not meant to ask what should an individual be attracted to, or what qualities the other gender should have. I just want to know if these safeguards put in place cause a shift in what you might be attracted to, or is there honestly no difference? Do you men still see a pretty woman and your jaw drops, or do you find that you are more attracted to other qualities in a woman? Do women see a successful man and desire that, or likewise has their attraction shifted to other qualities? I am also not asking anyone to reveal their lusts or sins or anything, so I encourage you to try and answer the question without being too specific and personal. I apologize if my question makes no sense. If you need clarification or more examples, feel free to ask.

 

[Dagless]

Such that the object of the attraction becomes the hijab and the lowered gaze, and not the woman who is doing it.

Wouldn't that be classed as a fetish? Anyway, I think most men are attracted by similar things (no not those ), I'm talking about stuff in common (be it a similar religious level or outlook in life etc.), kindness, trust, and some physical attraction at the start doesn't hurt.

 

[Getoffmyback]

science of sex appeal can u belive it there is science now about attraction...which always leads women to plastic surgery after watching the show cause its seems that men likes the baby skinn , childlike face and symetrical face.

women too are attracted to symetrical faces with big jaws but it doesn't mean that they want to spend the rest of their lifes with them...they feel more comfotable when they see a bald ( too much testosteron ) healthy man who will never leave the lair without food.

 

[PouringRain]

Wouldn't that be classed as a fetish? Anyway, I think most men are attracted by similar things (no not those ), I'm talking about stuff in common (be it a similar religious level or outlook in life etc.), kindness, trust, and some physical attraction at the start doesn't hurt.

I wasn't really thinking about fetishes...... more about if there is a shift in what is found attractive, or is it no different than what might be considered the norm?

I suppose someone could have a hijab fetish. :giggling:

 

[PouringRain]

science of sex appeal can u belive it there is science now about attraction...which always leads women to plastic surgery after watching the show cause its seems that men likes the baby skinn , childlike face and symetrical face.

women too are attracted to symetrical faces with big jaws but it doesn't mean that they want to spend the rest of their lifes with them...they feel more comfotable when they see a bald ( too much testosteron ) healthy man who will never leave the lair without food.

Oh, yes, I have read all the research.

I just wondered if anyone has found a shift in what one finds to be attractive, once you take away some of the more physical elements. Does anyone find that by lowering thier gaze, covering, not hearing voices, etc. that there is a shift in what is attractive, or are the same things still found to be attractive? For example, if you saw a pious muslimah whose downcast gaze was not aimed in yoru direction would your attention be stolen by a beautiful woman walking past you and meeting your gaze? Or would you still be focused on the first and not even notice the second? Or for women, do you find that if you see a pious man, regarldess of how he looks, his social status, any disabilities, etc. is your attention stolen by his religious demeanor, even if he never paid you any mind, or would you be swayd away by the charming man of high status who paid you attention?

 

[Getoffmyback]

listen i have to skip..cause i'm not in a perfect stat of mind to feel any admiration towards anyone at this time

but i tell u that i have reached a time where i really like and admire the conduct and discipline of religious women(true educated ones) so any beautifull head turner woman walking down the streets resembles something that i'm no longer interested in.

in the end i'm not YET a practicing muslim like some brothers here...and i think they have rules when it comes to admiration.

 

[PouringRain]

listen i have to skip..cause i'm not in a perfect stat of mind to feel any admiration towards anyone at this time

but i tell u that i have reached a time where i really like and admire the conduct and discipline of religious women(true educated ones) so any beautifull head turner woman walking down the streets resembles something that i'm no longer interested in.

in the end i'm not a practicing muslim like some brothers here...and i think they have rules when it comes to admiration.

I think that is a good answer, though. Thank you.

 

[Blackpool]

I'm not going to say a thing... I'll walk out lol >>>>> Cheerio

 

[revert2007]

Assalamualikum

Attraction has very deep meaning and differs from one person to the other.Mainly when we say attraction,physical appearance comes to our mind.Yet,attraction is not only about physical appearance,attraction is mostly about what you are attracted to.

People can be attracted to knowledgeable person,attracted to men having beard,attracted to women who are beautiful,attracted to men who are rich and the list can go on.
There is nothing wrong with attraction as long as you control your attraction and don't fall into zina.

Attraction is a feeling given by Allah The Exalted to use it wisely.If there is no attraction,we won't get married and reproduce.Everything has halal and haram.It depends how we use it according to Islamic rules.

Religious men who have beard,will be attracted to niqabi women.That is normal.But the question here is,what kind of attraction?Is it attraction with lust or attraction with wish?

Attraction with lust means,when a man sees a niqabi woman,it turns him on.
Attraction with wish means,when a man sees a niqabi woman,he wish his would be wife will be solehah and wear niqab like the woman he saw.

Now back to your question,as long as both male and female lower their gaze, In sha Allah,we won't be blindly attracted to something or someone which might anger Allah The Exalted.If you see once,it is forgiven but if you see the second time to have a clear detail of the person,you commit sin.

And Allah The Exalted knows the best.

Asssalamualikum

 

[PouringRain]

Thank you, revert2007. Good post.

For myself, when I find myself being attracted to certain qualities in men, I have learned to recognize it as an attraction to the qualities and not to the man. I may look at the man and say "I want a man like that," but the key words is "like that." His qualities. :embarrass Usually the things I am attracted to have nothing to do with looks at all, nor status, nor money, nor anything of those natures.

 

[Dagless]

Thank you, revert2007. Good post.

For myself, when I find myself being attracted to certain qualities in men, I have learned to recognize it as an attraction to the qualities and not to the man. I may look at the man and say "I want a man like that," but the key words is "like that." His qualities. :embarrass Usually the things I am attracted to have nothing to do with looks at all, nor status, nor money, nor anything of those natures.

What happens if you marry that man and then later meet another with more of the qualities you like... and perhaps the man you married has lost some of the qualities you like?

 

[Cabdullahi]

Usually the things I am attracted to have nothing to do with looks at all, nor status, nor money, nor anything of those natures.

Why can't there be more people like this?

 

[PouringRain]

What happens if you marry that man and then later meet another with more of the qualities you like... and perhaps the man you married has lost some of the qualities you like?

When I am with a man there is no one else in all the world. It is never a question of meeting someone else with more of those qualities. All my eyes are for him only and all my energies are channeled into him alone.

If he loses those qualities after marriage, then he loses them. Marriage is for better or worse and if worse happens then you roll with it. I expect very little to nothing from a man. I do not need someone to support me, nor to complete me, nor to give me anything. If a man changes after marriage, then he changes. There is nothing I can do about that. I can not be responsible for the actions of another. I can only be responsible for my own responses towards that person and for my own attitude. If there is a problem, then I need to look at my own responses and my own attiude. I can choose to be happy and praise God even in all the storms that life brings. If my spouse needs me to be a rock for him, then I will be that. If he needs me to be an anchor, then I will be that. I will be his biggest public supporter, no mattered how much I disagree in my heart, and will always strive to show him nothing less than all my love and respect.

And I can say all of this with confidence and certainlty, because I have been there before.

 

[tango92]

Alhamdullilah, very interestnig question. i think when you come into islam you return to your fitra, a natural state. this doesnt mean you become instinctual only you recognize and appreciate the truly beautiful things that were hidden from you and its a powerful feeling to find contentment wherever you may happen to be. so yh i guess girls fall under this aswell, youll see what makes each unique as humans and not just walking meat...

 

[crayon]

A very interesting question, and I totally understand where it's coming from.

My reply would be to agree with what you're saying. For example, a brother with a beard that hasn't fully grown in yet, but who doesn't shave it anyway. It doesn't look good by normal standards, but the fact that he keeps it because he knows it's an obligation causes an increase in my respect and admiration for him. As for whether it's attraction or not, I guess it depends on how you define attraction. If you're focusing on physical attraction, then of course there are things that everyone, being human, finds attractive. I don't think the 'attraction' (for want of a better word) that one can have toward a brother with a beard who lowers his gaze, or likewise a sister dressed modestly in a hijab, is the same kind, but nonetheless something exists there. So yes, Muslims are attracted to other aspects of who a person is, but ultimately, as humans they will be affected by their natural instincts to the extent they allow themselves to.

"Attraction with lust means,when a man sees a niqabi woman,it turns him on.
Attraction with wish means,when a man sees a niqabi woman,he wish his would be wife will be solehah and wear niqab like the woman he saw."

I agree.