A righteous husband is the key to her Jannah ♥

[CosmicPathos]

many deniers of Allah continue on to have excellent and happy marriages.

What does that prove? It for sure proves that religion is not a pre-requisite for a marriage that survives divorce. I wont use the word "happy marriage," as no marriage is totally happy. At one point Prophet pbuh had given the freedom to his wives to leave.

Anxiety disorders are more prevalent among women than men. Generalized anxiety disorder etc. With such anxiety disorders, many comorbid personality disorders such as Borderline Personality D/O are also found along with the constant agitation, passive aggression mood changes. Try to avoid marrying such people. The person you want to run away from is Borderline.

 

[Prayer4life]

Mashallah great thread.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I know a sister who has married a man with no home, no stable income, not even a red passport to live in the city she lives in. Yet ask ANY person regarding the man she married and all you will hear is praise about his religious character.


how is this sister now? She has gone through some of the most toughest ordeals imaginable and the righteous man has stood by her, firmly, without sleep, without distraction. At every point he asks those close to Allaah, as he is himself close to Allaah, for help, for duas etc and at every point he relies on Allaah in a way only the most rare of this ummah do.




How many sisters would marry such a man, who still has no stable job, no home (seriously no home). But the sister never ever regrets marrying him, as Allaah has provided every step of the way. they havent gone a day without food, or a day without shelter. And for those sisters who may be considering what has come of her hayaa' without a home, I can guarantee, she as a niqaabi hasnt compromised deen one single bit.. neither has he.

 

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

One of the issues that some sisters face, is marrying someone who is 'less educated' than herself.

A friend of mine is a scientist (alhamdulillah!).....and she was introduced to a 38 year old car salesman, who told her that he has plans to start his own business.
She told him to re-contact her when he has done so!

I thought this was kinda harsh.....but her point was that shes not interested in his wealth, but rather whether or not he shows initiative/ motivation in his life.

I think there are more women today (than in the past) that find themselves more/ highly educated than their male counter-parts.
Previously women were content with staying at home and fulfilling their domestic duties.
Today, many families insist that their daughters seek tertiary education - which is fine (if done within the confines of shariah).....however, it can result in different challenges within marriages.

Many men may also not be happy to wed a woman who is more qualified than him/ who earns more......and may suffer bruised egos as a result - which is also sad.

Marriage should be a partnership - of hearts and minds.
And what each brings to the marriage, should be seen as is a blessing from Allah - for the betterment of the family as a whole.

Would love to hear everyones thoughts insha Allah.....

:wa:

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ education makes no difference. Taqwa/imaan/ilm/tasawwuf these are the only things that matter.

A sister who has no education at all, never had the chance to truelyl study in school could be amazingly intelligent. Whereas a university graduate could be a person who never challenges or stimulates us mentally.


intelligence and education I find to be two completely different things.

I want a highly intelligent sister.. definitly... but education doesnt mean nothing to me at all.

 

[PurpleCup]

Such a nice post and reminder. Mash Allah.

I have to say that we deleted such questions pertaining to "income", "job title", and other criterias because they are all man made criterias. They are not Allah made.

 

[Mustafa2012]

^ education makes no difference. Taqwa/imaan/ilm/tasawwuf these are the only things that matter.

A sister who has no education at all, never had the chance to truelyl study in school could be amazingly intelligent. Whereas a university graduate could be a person who never challenges or stimulates us mentally.

Intelligence and education I find to be two completely different things.

I want a highly intelligent sister.. definitly... but education doesn't mean nothing to me at all.

Good point brother.

Education and intelligence are two seperate issues.

There is also character/personality compatibility to take into account.

There are many highly educated single sisters out there who are yet to find someone of same level of education as them but how long are they willing to remain single just so they can find someone of the same level as them?

There are brothers out there who might not be as qualified as some sisters but they still have the means to provide sufficiently for their wife and many are of good character.

I know there is the fear that a highly qualified sister might not be able to communicate on the same level as a less qualified brother but that might just be a stereotype which might not be true.

Sometimes someone might be very qualified but do very little with that qualification after qualifiying. So what good was the qualification in that case?

I think personality and level of intelligence is more important than the level of qualification.If two people are compatible on a personality level, they can make it work if they really want to.

The problem is that some sisters are forced to choose someone that their family wants them to have rather than someone who is compatible with them and can provide sufficiently for their needs. They are under pressure to live up to the status and image that their family wants them to live up to which is why so many sisters are still single.

One brother I know who organized a few marriage introduction events confirmed what sister Zaria said, and added that the reality is that if sisters want to get married, some of them are going to have to compromise on their high demands or face being single for quite a long time.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

I know a sister who has married a man with no home, no stable income, not even a red passport to live in the city she lives in. Yet ask ANY person regarding the man she married and all you will hear is praise about his religious character.


how is this sister now? She has gone through some of the most toughest ordeals imaginable and the righteous man has stood by her, firmly, without sleep, without distraction. At every point he asks those close to Allaah, as he is himself close to Allaah, for help, for duas etc and at every point he relies on Allaah in a way only the most rare of this ummah do.




How many sisters would marry such a man, who still has no stable job, no home (seriously no home). But the sister never ever regrets marrying him, as Allaah has provided every step of the way. they havent gone a day without food, or a day without shelter. And for those sisters who may be considering what has come of her hayaa' without a home, I can guarantee, she as a niqaabi hasnt compromised deen one single bit.. neither has he.

Do you think it is okay to miss fard prayer? No? Why? Because it is obligatory! it is obligatory for a man to provide to his wife, end of. So we went from asking sisters to be less harsh towards brothers in terms of career etc to asking ( emotional blackmail) sisters to accept a jobless brother? In that case, her father has every right to reject a jobless potential.

Funny, how we are incredibly harsh towards sisters when it comes to stuff that are not agreed upon by scholars. But something that agreed upon, we make an exception like a man should have a job or means to provide.


Also, these parents are thinking of their daughters. You know that announcement we hear in almost most mosque about a helpless divorce woman with kids that need donation? Most parent don't their daughters to be that helpless woman.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Assalamu-alaikum,

One of the issues that some sisters face, is marrying someone who is 'less educated' than herself.

A friend of mine is a scientist (alhamdulillah!).....and she was introduced to a 38 year old car salesman, who told her that he has plans to start his own business.
She told him to re-contact her when he has done so!

I thought this was kinda harsh.....but her point was that shes not interested in his wealth, but rather whether or not he shows initiative/ motivation in his life.

I think there are more women today (than in the past) that find themselves more/ highly educated than their male counter-parts.
Previously women were content with staying at home and fulfilling their domestic duties.
Today, many families insist that their daughters seek tertiary education - which is fine (if done within the confines of shariah).....however, it can result in different challenges within marriages.

Many men may also not be happy to wed a woman who is more qualified than him/ who earns more......and may suffer bruised egos as a result - which is also sad.

Marriage should be a partnership - of hearts and minds.
And what each brings to the marriage, should be seen as is a blessing from Allah - for the betterment of the family as a whole.

Would love to hear everyones thoughts insha Allah.....

:wa:

I think you should be a bit discreet when mentioning people you know. In fact, it is disgraceful how you outed your friend and it wouldn't be hard for people that know her or your friend to identify the fact you are talking about her, especially since you are a regular posters that has already spoken about where you reside and what you do.... be careful.

 

[Futuwwa]

Rhubarb Tart raised an important point. Having a job is not just a status thing, it is a means of sustenance. Which a husband is required to provide to his wife. So while it is indeed shallow to require a husband/suitor to have a high-end job, a certain degree of work ethic should be required. As in, it is okay to be a taxt driver, as long as he is committed to doing the job well and keeping the job.

 

[Predator]

Are fathers sinning if they give precedence to work over marriage and setting very high expectations of the salary in order to be able to save and buy expensive stuff and never consider arranging their son’s marriage before that.

Should the Son consider this materialistic psycho of a father as a test from Allah and fast the rest of his life as the Prophet advised ?

Will the father be held accountable to Allah on day of judgement for depriving son of marriage or will Allah forgive the father for refusing to arrange his son’s marriage before he cannot earn the extremely high salary as the father wanted ?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ the son should speak with the father regarding his problems.

The son should also be considerate of any issues that may be around.

The son should make dua.

 

[Futuwwa]

The son should not ask for permission to get married, but present daddy with a fait accompli.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

may I just say

If i was in predators hypothetical scenario...

I would ask my sisters/brothers (anyone) to speak to my father on my behalf.

 

[Predator]

may I just say

If i was in predators hypothetical scenario...

I would ask my sisters/brothers (anyone) to speak to my father on my behalf.

What is the father continues his stance despite the advice of sister/brother or islamic scholar ?
And Its not a hypothetical scenario . It is quite common with the inflation around and seems more to do with jealousy and greed ,when he sees his nephews earning so much and his son is nowhere near as good as them and thus is a loser in his sight

 

[CosmicPathos]

and may suffer bruised egos as a result

It seems you think bruised egos are a bad thing. Allah has created man with the desire to have authority, and that is exactly why women want a husband who earns. It does not make sense to expect the husband to not have an authoritarian character and then depend on him for money and security.

Marriage should be a partnership - of hearts and minds.

this looks nice on paper. Reality is different.

And it is perfectly normal for a man to look for a wife less educated than him. It actually fits in with what many scholars have said. Marry a woman who does not have a higher social status than you do. Prophet and Khadijha's example was an exception, there are no Khadijah's today, so dont use that wrongly used example.

 

[White Rose]

And it is perfectly normal for a man to look for a wife less educated than him. It actually fits in with what many scholars have said. Marry a woman who does not have a higher social status than you do. Prophet and Khadijha's example was an exception, there are no Khadijah's today, so dont use that wrongly used example.

They are out there, but less in number. Keep asking Allah to grant you such kind of people.

A good man will not make a deal out of education if the character of the woman is good and a good woman will not use her education to make the man feel useless.

 

[CosmicPathos]

They are out there, but less in number. Keep asking Allah to grant you such kind of people.

A good man will not make a deal out of education if the character of the woman is good and a good woman will not use her education to make the man feel useless.

I agree with that. But as much I want to give benefit of doubt that it does not happen, cynic comes in and tells me higher uni education is associated with arrogance and an inflated sense of self. But yea, I do wish life was as you have stated it.

salam

 

[~Zaria~]

I think you should be a bit discreet when mentioning people you know. In fact, it is disgraceful how you outed your friend and it wouldn't be hard for people that know her or your friend to identify the fact you are talking about her, especially since you are a regular posters that has already spoken about where you reside and what you do.... be careful.

I have not disclosed mine or my friends identity - so what exactly is the problem?

My friend and I have had a looong discussion about this very topic - and I have actually told her directly that I thought her response was harsh......so neither is there back-biting/ slandering being committed.

Thank you for sharing your sentiments.


:wa:

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

I have not disclosed mine or my friends identity - so what exactly is the problem?

My friend I have had a looong discussion about this very topic - and I have actually told her directly that I thought her response was harsh......so neither is there back-biting/ slandering being committed.

Thank you for sharing your sentiments.


:wa:

1. Your friend does not it know you are talking about her to other people. Some friend you are.
2. Like I said you are regular poster, so people already know where you reside and what specific field you work in.