Advice for the timid

[anonymous]

What sort of advice can you give to someone who is "afraid of people"? The person is uncomfortable with "putting themself out there", for example giving a presentation to a group of people (maybe they feel alienated); they would rather feign being sick than to have to do it. Someone who is afraid to lose? Always trying to measure their worth. Lacking in social skills? Is the advice different if the person is a guy or girl?

In my opinion, I don't think it's a good attitude to try and think of your good qualities. I think it's better to focus on striving to be a better human being.

 

[Signor]

What sort of advice can you give to someone who is "afraid of people"? The person is uncomfortable with "putting themself out there", for example giving a presentation to a group of people (maybe they feel alienated); they would rather feign being sick than to have to do it. Someone who is afraid to lose? Always trying to measure their worth. Lacking in social skills? Is the advice different if the person is a guy or girl?

My advice would be "Be Yourself" and "Believe in Yourself",small words with huge implication.

Believe in Yourself - If you don't have faith in yourself,no one else will.

Be Yourself - In the words of Oscar Wilde:To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Take control of you own life,quit living for others.

Remember,Allah has given us the power to start with right intention(by trusting Him),power of supplication and strength to achieve our aims,Success and Recognition/Respect lies in His hands.

 

[legendaryman]

afraid of people"? The person is uncomfortable with "putting themself out there", for example giving a presentation to a group of people (maybe they feel alienated

i think ,it might be a sign of inferiority complex disorder :shade: may be this due to PTSD in his chidhood ,and this vary and depend on variety of reasons
he should remember the biggest disease is thinking what people say about me

your job is not make every one happy but to make yourself happy

 

[BeTheChange]

What sort of advice can you give to someone who is "afraid of people"? The person is uncomfortable with "putting themself out there", for example giving a presentation to a group of people (maybe they feel alienated); they would rather feign being sick than to have to do it. Someone who is afraid to lose? Always trying to measure their worth. Lacking in social skills? Is the advice different if the person is a guy or girl?

In my opinion, I don't think it's a good attitude to try and think of your good qualities. I think it's better to focus on striving to be a better human being.

Hi,

I understand why certain individuals may appear to be 'scary.'

Sometimes the way an individual dresses or if they have too many tattoos or piercings i feel uncomfortable and the 'gothic' look really freaks me out lol. I wouldn't say am scared - just feel uncomfortable.

I would say maybe take some voluntary work where you need to use your communication skills? At first, it may be a very scary experience but with time and as you age you will be able to find your voice and express your opinions, where and if needed.

The first time you do something it's always nerve-wreaking but the more you do it the easier and second nature it becomes.

Also, one more point, if i may, being timid in society is viewed as lack of confidence, low self-esteem and other negative connotations. However, being timid is an absolute GOLDEN trait as it does save you from the MAJOR sins i.e. backbiting, hanging around with bad people, time to think, time to absorb other people's views and attitudes etc... I suppose there are situations where you HAVE to stand up for yourself and confidence is required and other situations where being humble and timid is required.

I don't know if you're at school, college, uni or in full time education but all these places help you build a foundation on how we talk to people or how to form relationships and bonds. Some people even practice in the mirror if they want to get ready for a presentation. Maybe this will help?

Afraid to lose? Am not sure if you're a man/woman of religion, but as Muslim we're never afraid to lose. We put our trust in Allah swa, and we believe EVERYTHING that has been given to us is a gift and a trust from Allah swa, so the thing we had was never ours to begin with - so how can we be afraid to lose when we don't even own the object. Everything belongs to Allah swa!

As babies we were born with no clothes, no job, no money etc - we start to build all these 'assets' in time. If you're referring to losing people, my friend this is inevitable. I am scared of losing my loved ones too. I can't imagine a life without my family, but with Allah swa by your side you can get through ANYTHING!

In terms of gender, of course the experiences varies and the way we communicate, the words we use, how we express ourselves is different. Apparently women are better at expressing themselves (emotionally), than men?

Measuring your worth - i suppose that depends on who you are comparing yourself to. I know as a Muslim, my role model is our prophets and the pious and blessed people that have come before me. I know my deeds are nothing compared to our pious predecessors but it gives me inspiration, it gives me motivation to do good etc. I love comparing myself to the people of the past because i can always find areas of improvement etc.

I wish you well and i hope you are timid in the right situation and you are able to find your voice amongst groups of people Ameen.

 

[BeTheChange]

There's also some advice on this thread http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134322674-mentally-strong-people-13-avoid-2.html

Please click on page 2 - 'ways to boost your confidence'

Thanks.

 

[Sana Ijaz]

Not feeling worthy is inferiority complex and its very common ,,,in it a person juz have to stop comparing him or her self with other people -rather it is
difficult when people even ur family members cant stop comparing-juz be urself ,,,people will stop judging u and comparing u when u are confident of what u are,,yes u feel inferior but people feel inferior by those people who are confident in themselves and that confident person can be u :statisfie inferiorty complex do not mean that u are actually afraid of people


Its normal for people to be nervous while communicating to a large crowd ,,,every 1 is not the same ,,nd not all people are that confident,,,but if u are saying that u are AFRAID of PEOPLE’ yeah that is not normal ,,and it can become worse,if u isolate ur self,, Being afraid of people is called SOCIAL PHOBIA,,,its a broader term ,,it includes anxiety and inferiority complex and many multiple reasons -but u have not asked for the reasons so i will not discuss them,,,



The key solution is not to isolate urself ,,it will become worse ,,and it will become a habit,,,the more u cut out people from ur lyf the more it will become difficult for u to start socializing again


2ndly raize ur voice,,people who suffer anxiety and are afraid of people don't tend to put up their opinions in front of people ,even in front of their friends and family members



I have seen people suffering from it and i have seen worse conditions ,,,because of lack of treatment ,,,its not much different for boys and girls reasons can differ but suffering is the same and treatment may differ according to reasons behind this phobia,,,,



I have seen close one lossing job due to this and he has isolated himself in one room and its been years his wife works and support their kids ,,,so yes it can have severe effects on ones lyf


Key point is the person willing to change ,,,if not ,,no one can help him

2ndly u can help ur self in early stages ,,,good for u,,,but if it becomes worse then u need proper help and treatment,,,


I don't know how much problem is there and how much u suffer from it ,probably u are just nervous like every1 else but u used the word afraid of people ,so in my opinion its not a normal behaviour,,,,

Gudluck :statisfie

 

[Sakina'141]

What sort of advice can you give to someone who is "afraid of people"? The person is uncomfortable with "putting themself out there", for example giving a presentation to a group of people (maybe they feel alienated); they would rather feign being sick than to have to do it. Someone who is afraid to lose? Always trying to measure their worth. Lacking in social skills? Is the advice different if the person is a guy or girl?

In my opinion, I don't think it's a good attitude to try and think of your good qualities. I think it's better to focus on striving to be a better human being.

My advise would not be different based on gender of the person asking, I would say the same to a boy or girl...there is no shame in a boy being shy and introverted and no shame in a girl being loud and extroverted...no one should have to change their personalities as Allah has made them like that and that isn't the problem. It doesn't matter if your shy & quiet or loud & outgoing, what matters is how you see and react to the trials of the world and how you treat others.
My first advise would be don't ever be afraid of anyone, the only One we should be afraid of is Allah, The Greatest! There is no need to be afraid of any human at all, they have no power without Allah's permission so there is no need to fear people but we should fear Allah but remember Allah is the Most Merciful so expect good in whatever happens in life and be sure there is wisdom and goodness in everything Allah wills for us even if we find it hard to see it sometimes when things are not going as planned.

In relation to putting urself out there, I get told that all the time but I refuse to change my personality and become more extroverted and outgoing, I don't feel the need to change my personality to fit in or please anyone. And just because someone is introverted, quiet or shy doesn't mean they cannot be confident and put "themselves out there" when required. I can understand its really uncomfortable being in the spotlight or centre of attention for introverts like myself (unlike extroverts who loves the attention) but when it comes to work and presentations and business, one has to just get over the fear and nervousness and really give a confident performance despite being an introvert. At least a presentation only lasts like 15 minutes then its over so you can really work on your confidence and controlling your nerves when its needed.

In terms of "being afraid to lose" attitude, I think that is totally the wrong attitude to have in life...life is a big risk and living is basically taking lots of risks and everyone has to take risks and chances in life to achieve their dreams and goals...everyone has too realise that somethings in life are really worth taking the risk if you really want it so losing or rejection should NEVER stop you...at least if you tried then lost, you can say to your self "at least I tried" whereas if you never gave it a go because of fear of losing, you would probably wonder what would have happened if you just tried. With everything new we try, we have to to think of the end positive outcome to help us reach our goals but we also have to mentally prepare for losing or struggles one will face on the journey and really think if we can handle those challenges, if you really cannot may be it isn't worth taking the risk but in my humble opinion with the help and faith in Allah, we can handle anything He tests us with only if we keep ourselves close to The Most Merciful, Most Forgiving. At the end of the day, you know urself best and you know what you can handle and what you cannot so do what's best for you and don't let anyone force you into anything but you shouldn't stop trying to achieve something just because ur afraid of losing, you have to give it a go by completely putting ur trust in Allah, He will guide your through to what's best for you.

Yeah I agree, its not good to think about how great we are but our self worth should never be based on what others think of us either. Our self worth should only ever be based on what Allah thinks of us. For example, say you gossiped and talked behind someones back to some of your friends for no real good reason and your friends are pleased with you and love talking to you because you bring them the latest gossip, making them laugh by mocking others so you may think "Alhamdulillah I am so loved and appreciated unlike the shy loners" and you will have high self esteem because of this but this should not be what your self esteem be based on...ur self-esteem should never be based on what people think of you, it should be based on what Allah thinks of you? Would Allah be pleased with your gossiping and mocking people directly/indirectly? Contemplating what Allah thinks of you should make you regret and repent and make u seek Allah's forgiveness which will ultimately make u a better person and give you sakina that comes from Allah. If you base ur self-esteem by asking urself "what does Allah think of me?" then it will really save you from committing many sins and doing the wrong things whereas if you base your self-worth by how others (humans) perceive you then you will eventually end up doing things that displeases Allah but pleases men who are weak and influenced by their vain desires. The problem is we tend to forget Allah a lot in our daily living so we constantly continue to sin displeasing Him because of our forgetfulness of Allah Almighty, May Allah guide us to remember Him with everything we do, Ameen.

In terms of "lack of social skills"...everyone can work on that, no one needs to do a 360 degrees change in personality going from very shy person to an outgoing bubbly person. We can all keep our personalities and work on smiling a bit more, talking to strangers a little more, making casual conversations with more people etc. Everyone can work on that whilst remaining themselves, you can do it in a quiet way or more outgoing way. You don't need to change for anyone except for Allah but Allah only cares about your heart and the intentions behind your actions. We all know sometime people do the wrong things without bad/evil intentions and sometime people do much good with the wrong/bad intentions.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. Please forgive me if anyone found what I wrote wrong/hurtful (please let me know so I can edit), that was not my intention at all, I did not mean to offend or hurt anyone. May Allah forgive me if I wrote something that is wrong, Ameen.

JazakAllah kahir.

 

[Sakina'141]

Wow the Anonymous poster asked so many deep philological questions in just one small paragraph. Or may be its just me who turned them into deep and spiritual topics lol! Sorry if that is the case brother/sister Anonymous!