Advice to those interested in Polygamy

[Abdul Rafay]

Note: This is not an anti-polygamy thread. It is a practise permitted by Allah SWT and who am I to question it. But I want to say a few things...

Well first off, its not good to HATE anybody. I don't hate people who practice polygamy. I just disrespect people who LIE about whether or not they want to practice it...

You don't have to live the same life as another person. We all have our own life to live, with our own preferences. Some people are doctors. Some lawyers. Some computer engineers. Some construction workers. Some work in food service. Some in the military. Some are teachers. Some stay home with the children. Some like to live in the country, and some like to live in the city. Some like the desert, and some like the ocean. Some want one child, some want 10 children.

Some people LOVE sex so much they need multiple partners to be happy (and by the way, that's not just a man thing, I know women who love it that much too).

And some people really just don't care (yes, there are MEN who really don't care, I know a few).

The other thing we need to remember is, every marriage is different. Every woman/wife is different. Some women never really fall in love much... Maybe they "care for" a man, but they are never truly IN LOVE with him. Maybe they are a widow and they just need financial support and a home to live in. Maybe they only want a couple of children to love, and really don't care about a romantic life. Maybe they just want a "sugar daddy" to spoil them and spend money on them. Those kinds of women really don't care if their husband wants another wife, because she really does not have a lot of "closeness and devotion" needs toward her man. So yeah, she will be fine with it.

But a woman who is truly in love... The thought of her man with another woman makes her so sad and miserable, it completely breaks her heart into a million pieces! She can't eat, she can't sleep. She finds no more joy in life. She wants to cry herself to death. Sometimes she considers suicide. She feels like a tank is rolling over her body all the time. She honestly and truly CANNOT BEAR IT.

Well in the case of the second woman... It simply is not right that anyone should ask her to live that way forever. Why would you want to hurt another human being that badly? To get revenge on her? To punish her because she doesn't do everything you want her to do all the time? For heaven's sake, it would be kinder to divorce her, so she can at least have a chance to find her "Knight", a man who feels the same about her!

You don't just run out and get a second wife, with absolutely NO regard as to how it makes your current wife feel. That is thoughtless, immature, and rash. If there is a really big problem in your marriage, so big that its got you looking for someone else, then you need to sit down and discuss that. Try to fix it. And if you can't then discuss "other solutions" like divorce, or polygamy. You need to find out how she feels about polygamy, and whether or not she is ok with it. If she's not, then you can either find a way to fix your problem, or get a divorce.

Granted, some (extremely rare) men practice polygamy because they see it like a charity. Like he will be perfectly happy with his first wife, but he takes a second wife who is older and a widow, because she has nobody. Or he marries a woman who is poor and starving on the streets, just to give her a home.

But you still need to DISCUSS that before marriage.

And what's more-- if you are so kind and giving, and you have LOTS of extra money, but polygamy breaks your wife's heart-- then why don't you consider supporting a charity? Or if you are so generous to marry a woman and give her a home to live in... Why don't you skip the marriage part, and just give her the home? Be a nice person! Keep the love and heart of your wife, and still be giving and charitable to others. Who says you have to marry everybody you are charitable to???

Look, any man who can run out and do something against his wife's will, which causes her heart to break, and not feel bad about it... Well sorry, but he is just not a nice man. Not a merciful man. Not a considerate man. You cannot hurt somebody for selfish reasons, and call it "good".

If you want polygamy so much, you should have married a woman who was ok with it in the first place. Don't break a devoted, loving woman's heart. Don't hurt innocent people.

Don't LIE about your plans and intentions during engagement!

And on that note-- Polygamy is either something you are interested in, or its not. And it may not be forbidden, but its CERTAINLY NOT obligatory either (although many men try to twist religious words to make it SOUND obligatory, because they want everyone to agree with them). The bottom line is, if something is NOT obligatory, then it is open for negotiation in the marriage contract.

The only things you absolutely CANNOT negotiate over in a marriage contract, are things that are required (like praying). You cannot demand that your spouse does not pray.

But polygamy is NOT required. Because of that, a woman is 100% within her rights to specify being the only wife in a marriage contract. That doesn't mean you are forced to live that way, if you cannot tolerate it. If you don't like it, then don't marry her! Go find a woman who doesn't mind it. Very simple.

Polygamy is not an idea that just "springs up" on you one day, from nowhere, lol. Its a pretty deeply rooted desire, and it does not develop over night. Its in a person's nature, or its not. And yes, there are MANY men who really do not want polygamy. Every person's nature is different.

We all know at a fairly early age whether or not we would be willing to live a lifestyle like that... So this really needs to be discussed before marriage. And you really shouldn't be lying about it.

Too many men will take interest in a lady... And she will ask before marriage "Do you want polygamy?" And he (wanting her) will say "Nooooo, no, I only want ONE wife." And really, in the back of his mind, he is lying to her. Because he intends to introduce the idea later, after marriage.

These men are being VERY selfish, and lying to women. Just because they want that woman. And they really don't care what she likes, needs, or wants, or what hurts her... Because they only care about themselves.

Well you should not be signing a marriage contract over a LIE. And yes, it is a lie, because I do not believe that one day its not in your nature or dreams, but the next day it is. The only people who claim otherwise, are people who are trying to lie their way into a marriage. In my opinion, a marriage contract that was built on critical lies-- is 100% VOID. And even in some divorce courts, it is.

So be honest during engagement. You know what you are willing to do, and not willing to do. Discuss it before marriage. And don't lie to people. Trust me, when you do it the RIGHT way, you will be much happier in the end. You can avoid all these fights, and broken hearts, and crying, and divorce... And just live the life that makes you happy.

 

[~Zaria~]

:salamext: brother,

You have made many good points in your post.

This topic has been discussed sooo many times on this forum, that many of us can now get certificates in this course


I just wanted to make mention of a few things:

- Unless there is a prior agreement in a nikkah contract, where the wife expresses her desire not to be part of a polygamous marriage (which is permissible depending on your madhab), then a man is not required to obtain his wifes approval before-hand.
We all agree that it would be the best and most kindest, to inform the wife of another marriage - but, this is not an obligation upon the man.

- While there are some men who are sure of their intent to be in a polygamous marriage from quite early on, it also often happens that a man may only decide on this much later in his marriage - e.g. due to illness of his spouse, loss of her physical charms with aging, inability to have kids, incompatibility, etc.

- If a woman is agreeable to the idea of her husband re-marrying, this does not necessarily reflect that her feelings for him do not run as deep.
Often, it is those woman who DO love their husbands with all their hearts, who are happy to see him in another marriage.

I think the difference between these women (vs many others), is that they are able to see love and marriage on a much deeper level:
That this world is temporary.
That our spouses do not BELONG to us......they are just on 'loan', just like everything else around us.
And that, ultimately - they love the other for the sake of Allah's pleasure......and what motivates their actions, is the desire to be with that person and their loved ones in Jannah.

Its the type of love that transcends this physical realm.

Because, to be honest, it is often the thought of ones husband being physically (and emotionally) involved with another woman that breaks ones heart.
Most wouldnt mind if their husbands help widows/ divorcees with finances, etc.
But it is the act of sharing your beloved, both physically and emotionally that can be crushing.

I think once somebody is able to let go/ release themselves of these emotions of attachment to another human being, and live their lives truly for the aakhirah, then it makes this decision much simpler.

I also believe that as we age and our imaan develops, and we ardently search for Allah Taa'las pleasure.....we change the way we view many things in the world. And what was once considered an absolute impossibility, may now seem very do-able.

Having said this, it still is a difficult trial in a woman's life (not just for us, simple muslimahs, but even the wives of the prophet (salllahu alaihi wasalam) felt jealousy amongst each other).
And even for those who with high levels of taqwa/ consciousness of Allah, may struggle to come to terms with being in such a situation.

For those women who are very emotional, insecure, and become deeply attached to another (like myself ;( ), it is the type of trial that we ask Allah Taa'la not to place on us.
But He knows best in all matters.....and just how much we can bear.

Just some of my thoughts.....


:wasalamex

 

[tearose]

I can only say that I agree 100% with what sister Zaria said. I would only add the following remarks. Firstly, it is quite offensive to characterize your Muslim sisters who are in polygamous marriages as being either uncaring about their husbands or brokenhearted/suicidal. Secondly, it is not right to say that a man who can afford to take a second wife should just pay for a woman's house and keep without marrying her. Of course it depends on the situation, but you should realise that that woman also has needs and would want to live as part of a family just as much as the first wife. Thirdly, the idea of the 'knight in shining armour' is a contrived romantic ideal which does not correspond to the reality, and in fact, aspiring to this ideal and expecting marriage to be like a fairy tale is a reason why many women end up dissatisfied with their marriages.I have often heard this phenomenon being discussed. In reality, both men and women need to be patient with their spouses, work together to solve problems and fulfil their responsibilities.

 

[Abdul Rafay]

I can only say that I agree 100% with what sister Zaria said. I would only add the following remarks. Firstly, it is quite offensive to characterize your Muslim sisters who are in polygamous marriages as being either uncaring about their husbands or brokenhearted/suicidal. Secondly, it is not right to say that a man who can afford to take a second wife should just pay for a woman's house and keep without marrying her. Of course it depends on the situation, but you should realise that that woman also has needs and would want to live as part of a family just as much as the first wife. Thirdly, the idea of the 'knight in shining armour' is a contrived romantic ideal which does not correspond to the reality, and in fact, aspiring to this ideal and expecting marriage to be like a fairy tale is a reason why many women end up dissatisfied with their marriages.I have often heard this phenomenon being discussed. In reality, both men and women need to be patient with their spouses, work together to solve problems and fulfil their responsibilities.

Sister I apologise for any offence I caused. My intention was not to demonise our polygamous sisters at all.

I believe the definition of "love" differs from person to person. I have never seen any two couples love each other the same.

I only wrote these posts to clarify a misconception about the correlation of a woman's taqwa and iman to her personal acceptance of polygyny in her own life.

 

[Abdul Rafay]

:salamext: brother,

You have made many good points in your post.

This topic has been discussed sooo many times on this forum, that many of us can now get certificates in this course


I just wanted to make mention of a few things:

- Unless there is a prior agreement in a nikkah contract, where the wife expresses her desire not to be part of a polygamous marriage (which is permissible depending on your madhab), then a man is not required to obtain his wifes approval before-hand.
We all agree that it would be the best and most kindest, to inform the wife of another marriage - but, this is not an obligation upon the man.

- While there are some men who are sure of their intent to be in a polygamous marriage from quite early on, it also often happens that a man may only decide on this much later in his marriage - e.g. due to illness of his spouse, loss of her physical charms with aging, inability to have kids, incompatibility, etc.

- If a woman is agreeable to the idea of her husband re-marrying, this does not necessarily reflect that her feelings for him do not run as deep.
Often, it is those woman who DO love their husbands with all their hearts, who are happy to see him in another marriage.

I think the difference between these women (vs many others), is that they are able to see love and marriage on a much deeper level:
That this world is temporary.
That our spouses do not BELONG to us......they are just on 'loan', just like everything else around us.
And that, ultimately - they love the other for the sake of Allah's pleasure......and what motivates their actions, is the desire to be with that person and their loved ones in Jannah.

Its the type of love that transcends this physical realm.

Because, to be honest, it is often the thought of ones husband being physically (and emotionally) involved with another woman that breaks ones heart.
Most wouldnt mind if their husbands help widows/ divorcees with finances, etc.
But it is the act of sharing your beloved, both physically and emotionally that can be crushing.

I think once somebody is able to let go/ release themselves of these emotions of attachment to another human being, and live their lives truly for the aakhirah, then it makes this decision much simpler.

I also believe that as we age and our imaan develops, and we ardently search for Allah Taa'las pleasure.....we change the way we view many things in the world. And what was once considered an absolute impossibility, may now seem very do-able.

Having said this, it still is a difficult trial in a woman's life (not just for us, simple muslimahs, but even the wives of the prophet (salllahu alaihi wasalam) felt jealousy amongst each other).
And even for those who with high levels of taqwa/ consciousness of Allah, may struggle to come to terms with being in such a situation.

For those women who are very emotional, insecure, and become deeply attached to another (like myself ;( ), it is the type of trial that we ask Allah Taa'la not to place on us.
But He knows best in all matters.....and just how much we can bear.

Just some of my thoughts.....


:wasalamex

Jazakallah u Khairun Sister

I wanted to clarify your point about making stipulations in the marriage contract to not take a second wife. The preponderent opinion amongst the jurists is that it is permissible to stipulate and obligatory for the husband to fulfill.

There were many Sahaba who validated such stipulations, and none from their generation/peers refuted them. Therefore its been established as being Ijma‘ (consensual agreement by them all).

Examples are stipulations wherein he (vows) not to remove her from her residence or land, or that he will not travel with her (to foreign lands), or that he will not take another wife while with her. All of these are conditions that he would be bound to fulfilling (if he agreed to them before cohabitation). If he does not honour the stipulations she is
granted the ability (and right) to annul the marriage (at her will).

The Sahaba who saw these conditions as valid were:
‘Umar bin al-Khattab, Sa‘d bin Abi Waqas, Mu‘awiyah, ‘Amr bin al- ‘Aas (radia Allahu ‘Anhum). It was also stated by:Shurayh, ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul-Aziz, Jabir bin Zayd, Tawus, Al-Awza‘i and Ishaq."


These were the people who did not recognise these conditions and from them none of them were from the Sahaba.az-Zuhari, Qatadah, Hisham bin ‘Urwa, Malik [1], al-Laith, ath-Thawri, ash-Shafi‘i (in part), ibn al-Mundhir, and the people of logical deduction and inference.(Hanafis).

And then Imam Malik is known to be have ben closer to the Salaf than the other Imams and the Madh’hab of Malik validates a stipulation upon a man in which it is stipulated that he is not to marry another women while in marriage with the first (wife) or else she will be given the order (power) in her hand (to annul the marriage). She would be given the power to separate from him at her choice.

 

[tearose]

Sister I apologise for any offence I caused. My intention was not to demonise our polygamous sisters at all.
I believe the definition of "love" differs from person to person. I have never seen any two couples love each other the same.
I only wrote these posts to clarify a misconception about the correlation of a woman's taqwa and iman to her personal acceptance of polygyny in her own life.

You didn't mention taqwa and iman in relation to polygyny in your post, so you didn't even refer to this misconception, much less clarify it. Instead you have given a series of assumptions and accusations with nothing to back them up. I'm not sure why you say 'I have never seen any two couples love each other the same' - how much can someone outside the marriage know about that? I just think you ought to be very careful of assuming that you know people's motives and how other people's minds work. Nevertheless, apology accepted.

 

[~Zaria~]

Jazakallah u Khairun Sister

I wanted to clarify your point about making stipulations in the marriage contract to not take a second wife. The preponderent opinion amongst the jurists is that it is permissible to stipulate and obligatory for the husband to fulfill.

There were many Sahaba who validated such stipulations, and none from their generation/peers refuted them. Therefore its been established as being Ijma‘ (consensual agreement by them all).

Examples are stipulations wherein he (vows) not to remove her from her residence or land, or that he will not travel with her (to foreign lands), or that he will not take another wife while with her. All of these are conditions that he would be bound to fulfilling (if he agreed to them before cohabitation). If he does not honour the stipulations she is
granted the ability (and right) to annul the marriage (at her will).

The Sahaba who saw these conditions as valid were:
‘Umar bin al-Khattab, Sa‘d bin Abi Waqas, Mu‘awiyah, ‘Amr bin al- ‘Aas (radia Allahu ‘Anhum). It was also stated by:Shurayh, ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul-Aziz, Jabir bin Zayd, Tawus, Al-Awza‘i and Ishaq."


These were the people who did not recognise these conditions and from them none of them were from the Sahaba.az-Zuhari, Qatadah, Hisham bin ‘Urwa, Malik [1], al-Laith, ath-Thawri, ash-Shafi‘i (in part), ibn al-Mundhir, and the people of logical deduction and inference.(Hanafis).

And then Imam Malik is known to be have ben closer to the Salaf than the other Imams and the Madh’hab of Malik validates a stipulation upon a man in which it is stipulated that he is not to marry another women while in marriage with the first (wife) or else she will be given the order (power) in her hand (to annul the marriage). She would be given the power to separate from him at her choice.

:salamext:


My understanding of the differences in opinion between the madhabs, with regards to this issue, is from the following:

Answer
Allah has decreed polygamy permissible in Surah Nisaa Aayat3.

Hereunder are the views of the four Madhaahib to your queries pertaining to putting conditions in a Nikah:

a) Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbaliy (RA) ? If the wife puts conditions in the Nikah, the husband must fulfil them, otherwise the wife has a right to divorce herself if the husband goes against those conditions. (Dars Taqreer Tirmidhi vol.3 pg.412)

b) Imaam Maalik (RA) ? the conditions will not be effective and it is Makrooh to make such a conditions. (Ibid)

c) Imaam Shaafi?ee (RA) ? The Nikah will be valid but the condition will be invalid. (Fiqh alaa Madhaahib arbaa vol.4 pg.85)

d) Imaam Abu Hanifa (RA) ? it is compulsory upon the husband to fulfil the conditions.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai


For the complete question: http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/7799.html

:wasalamex

 

[Abdul Rafay]

:salamext:


My understanding of the differences in opinion between the madhabs, with regards to this issue, is from the following:





:wasalamex

Sister, the article you quoted has given an incorrect opinion about the views of the Maliki Mad'dhab. The Maliki Mad'dhab recognises the validity of no-polygamy clauses.

Umar (radee Allahu 'anhuu) said, "The absolute rights are (established with their) stipulations (His right is over-ruled by his agreement to her stipulation)."

So if the husband is willingly giving up his right in the contract then the stipulation of not taking a second wife is permissible and it is incumbent upon the husband to fulfill them.

Waalaikumussalam.

 

[~Zaria~]

Sister, the article you quoted has given an incorrect opinion about the views of the Maliki Mad'dhab. The Maliki Mad'dhab recognises the validity of no-polygamy clauses.

Umar (radee Allahu 'anhuu) said, "The absolute rights are (established with their) stipulations (His right is over-ruled by his agreement to her stipulation)."

So if the husband is willingly giving up his right in the contract then the stipulation of not taking a second wife is permissible and it is incumbent upon the husband to fulfill them.

Waalaikumussalam.

Brother, this is a response from Mufti Ebrahim Desai - a respected scholar with years of knowledge and experience behind him.

With all respect, I am inclined to trust his fataawa and responses.

From a personal point of view, as I follow the Hanafee madhab, the above does not affect me directly.
For those who follow the Maliki school of interpretation, and may require more clarification, it would be best to contact your local imam with your enquiries.

:wasalamex

 

[Abdul Rafay]

Brother, this is a response from Mufti Ebrahim Desai - a respected scholar with years of knowledge and experience behind him.

With all respect, I am inclined to trust his fataawa and responses.

From a personal point of view, as I follow the Hanafee madhab, the above does not affect me directly.
For those who follow the Maliki school of interpretation, and may require more clarification, it would be best to contact your local imam with your enquiries.

:wasalamex

All those out there who are saying that you are not allowed to make the 'no-polygamy' condition/promise in your marriage contract, they are mistaken


There is NOT a single Mad'dhab which holds that view. Even the Hanafi, Maliki and the Shafi'i Mad'dhabs which do not recognise it as a legal condition still recognise it as a promise that the husband has a moral duty to fulfill, in other words its still fardh to fulfil the promise and if a woman has a talaq clause with this condition she can divorce him should he not fulfil it.


And the Hanbali Mad'dhab sees this not just as the husband's moral duty but also as a legally enforceable condition and the wife has the automatic right to divorce him if he does not fulfill it.

If the ladies of the Salaf made these ''no-polygamy'' conditions [Malik Muwatta, Book 28 Hadith 1109] despite being from the best of Muslim generations then NO woman should fear what others will say to her if she wants a monogamous marriage.


Muwatta Malik Book 28, Hadith 1109

Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."

<QUESTION>

I would like to find out whether a woman can stipulate in her marriage contract that She would like to study (deen) at a certain place for a minimum number of years (say 6) and if that is not fulfilled, she would opt to divorce!

Also, that during such period she would not want to have any kids. How would you advise such a woman, who holds her studies above everything else and is considering marriage? The brother in question is also interested in studying for a long time (although not bent on six years being the least and also not placing a maximum amount of years on the time he would be willing to study). pls your advise is needed.

<ANSWER>

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Conditions stipulated in the marriage contract are at times attached to the right of divorce for the wife, and at other times, only the conditions are mentioned. I will attempt to (Insha Allah) shed some light on both of these situations, and what implications they have on the marriage.

1) Conditions without the right of divorce:

Conditions set in the contract of marriage (without the mention of divorce) are mainly of three types:

a) Conditions that highlight and give emphasis to those rights of the spouses which are obligatory due to the contract of Nikah, e.g. the condition that the wife shall receive financial support, clothing and shelter. The condition that the husband will look after the wife in a proper manner (ma’ruf). Similarly, the condition that the wife will be obedient to the husband in everything permissible that is related to their marriage, etc…

The ruling for such conditions (with the consensus of the scholars) is that, it is necessary for both spouses to fulfil them, even if they were not stipulated in the contract of marriage. If the husband fails to act in accordance with such conditions, the wife has a right to demand for a legal divorce in an Islamic court. (See: Fath al-Bari, 9/217, Umdat al-Qari, 14/106 & Radd al-Muhtar, 2/45).

Uqba ibn A’mir (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“The conditions (stipulated) most rightful to be fulfilled are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the woman’s private parts (meaning conditions stipulated in the contract of marriage).” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no.4856)

b) Those, which are contrary to the concept of marriage according to Shariah. In other words, they oppose the conditions mentioned in (a). E.g. the condition that the wife will not receive her dowry, financial support, or the condition that the husband will not have the right to have sexual intercourse with the wife, or that he will divorce his first wife, etc…

The ruling (hukm shar’i) for such conditions is that they will be void and the marriage will be valid. They will have no effect on the validity of the marriage; neither will any of the spouses be obliged to fulfil them.

Imam al-Bukhari (Allah have mercy on him) formed a separate chapter in his famous ‘Sahih’ on the impermissibility of such conditions under the title: “Chapter regarding conditions that are unlawful in the contract of marriage”. Thereafter he produced the following Hadith:

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give peace) said:

“It is unlawful for a woman to ask the divorce of her sister (would-be co- wife) in order to have everything for herself, for she will only receive what is predetermined for her.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no: 4857)

He also quoted the following statement of Sayyiduna Ibn Mas’ud (Allah be pleased with him):

“A woman should not make a condition (at the time of marriage) of her (Muslim) sister being divorced.” (ibid)

c) The third category of conditions is those that are neither of the two, in that they don’t confirm the established rights of the spouses, neither do they contradict them. However, there is some benefit in them (usually) for the wife, such as: the condition of not marrying again, or that the husband will not force her to leave her home town, etc…

Regarding the fulfilment of these conditions, there is a difference of opinion between the jurists (fuqaha). The view of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (Allah have mercy on him) is that it is necessary to fulfil these conditions, and if the husband is negligent in any way, the wife will have the right to demand nullification of the marriage. (Ibn Qudama, al-Mugni, 7/71).

However, according to the other three schools of thought (i.e., Hanafi, Maliki & Shafi’i), it is a religious duty of the husband to fulfil these conditions, but it is not binding on him legally in so far as it is not something that can be enforced through the courts, and the wife can not demand to nullify the marriage. (See: for the Hanafi Madhhab: Radd al-Muhtar, 3/203, the Shafi’i Madhhab: al-Majmu’ & Maliki Madhhab: Bidayat al-Mujtahid: 2/59).

Some of the evidences in support of this view:

1) The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“Every condition that is not in the book of Allah is invalid.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

2) The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also said: “All the conditions agreed upon by Muslims are maintained, except a condition which permits what is prohibited or prohibits what is permitted.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)

They (the three Madhhabs) say that marrying a second wife, etc… is lawful for the husband, and to stipulate a condition that prevents him from exercising this permissible right will not permissible.

However, it is the moral responsibility of the husband to fulfil his promise, as Allah Most High says:

“And fulfil (every) engagement (promise), for every engagement will be enquired into (on the day of Reckoning).” (Surah al-Isra, 34).

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) regarded not fulfilling of promises as “the sign of a hypocrite”, thus a person will be sinful for not fulfilling these conditions, but it will not have an effect on the marriage.

(2) Conditions attached with the right of divorce for the wife:

Many times certain conditions are stipulated in a way that if the husband fails to fulfil them, the wife will have the right to divorce herself. This (giving the wife the right to divorce herself), is known as Tafweed in the Fiqh terminology

There are three situations here:

a) If the Tafweed took place after the spouses had entered into wedlock, then this, without doubt, can be done. However, the husband here will be free to accept such conditions, as he is already in the marriage.

When the husband gives this right of divorce to the wife, she will only have this right in the session (majlis) that she is in. If she did not exercise her right, then this right will go in vain.

However, if the husband granted this right for a specific period (e.g. 5 years) or permanently, then she will have this right accordingly.

b) The second situation is when Tafweed takes place at the time of contracting the marriage, meaning the wife stipulates the conditions, and demands the right to divorce herself in the case of non-fulfilment.

This is also permissible and valid, provided one condition is met, which is that the offer of marriage is initiated by the woman coupled with the demand for Tafweed, and the man accepts this. If the opposite takes place, it will be void. (See: Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhatr, 2/285 & al-Bahr al-Ra’iq, 3/318).

In the above case, if the woman initiated the marriage agreement and asked for the right to divorce herself if certain conditions were not fulfilled, then she will be entitled to this right, and whenever she divorces herself (if the conditions are not fulfilled by the husband) it will be valid.

c) The third situation of Tafweed is when it takes place before the actual contract of marriage has taken place. In other words, the woman stipulates certain conditions to be fulfilled if they are to get married, and if the conditions are not fulfilled, she has the right to divorce herself.

This is also permissible, but subject to one condition that the husband attributes the Tafweed to the marriage. Meaning he says: “If I marry you, and fail to fulfil such and such condition, then you have the right to issue one irrevocable divorce upon yourself.” (Radd al-Muhtar, 2/681, Bab al-Ta’liq)

In this case, if they do enter into wedlock, and the husband fails to fulfil the conditions, the wife will have the right to divorce herself.

It should be remarked here that although the power to give a divorce belongs primarily to the husband, he may delegate this power to his wife, with or without the conditions. Once this power is delegated, it can not be revoked, unless the wife hands it back to him.

In the light of the above explanation, the following is the answer to your question:

If you delegate the right of divorce to your wife in a way that you refer it to your marriage, then she will have this right, with or without conditions. If you tie this right with certain conditions, she will have this right when these conditions are not fulfilled.

However, if you do not give her the right to divorce herself, rather only the conditions are stipulated, then the condition of not having children will be classed from the first category, and it will be invalid.

The reason behind this is that, it is the established right of the husband to have sexual intercourse with his wife without using any contraceptive methods. Therefore, you will not be obliged to fulfil this condition.

As far as the condition of studying is concerned, the husband’s established right is that the wife stays with him and not emerges from the house without his permission. If she stipulates the condition that you travel with him in order for her to study, then this will be classed from (and Allah knows best) the second category, thus according to the Hanafi school, it will a moral responsibility that you fulfil it.

One must always keep in mind that to keep a marriage free from conditions is the best form of action. The best way to work things out is through mutual understanding by exercising the character, manner and Akhlaq of the best of creation, who is an example for the whole of humanity.

And Allah Knows Best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

 

[Abdul Rafay]

Often, it is those woman who DO love their husbands with all their hearts, who are happy to see him in another marriage.

As a brother I disagree. I think its the other way around. When men truly love their wives they wouldn't dream of having another lady in their life. An example is Muhammad :saws1: 's monogamous marriage with Khadijah [May Allah be pleased with her], the wife he is known to have loved the most [there is one Hadith where he tells Aisha about his love for Khadijah and how Allah did not give him a woman better than her]. This monogamy was despite their massive age difference and that too in a society where polygamy was the norm, even within the Prophet's own family. That is what I call true love.

I came across the incident of Zainab(ra) husband-Abu Al Aas, who was offered the most beautiful women in the tribe to divorce Zaynab and bring the Prophet(saw) dishonour but he retorted that he loved his wife and thus would have no other woman. He also said he respected Muhammad [SAW].

I think that is one of the most romantic love stories in Islamic history after Prophet Muhammad(saw)'s relationship with his wives [especially Khadijah].

 

[greenhill]

Both my grandfathers had 2 wives (my mum's and dad's father). My dad too! I grew up in a family of polygamous marriages and it appeared normal to me. Only I did not get to see my dad very often as he splits his time between my side of the family and my step mum's side on a weekly basis.

Growing up that way did not feel any different from normal as I still had a 'dad' and I will still see him around.

What I later learnt was something which I decided for myself due to my observation with living in this environment. It was subtle but enough for me to take heed.

As much as my dad was 'fair', it was impossible to be truly fair. Usually, those who demand will tend to get and those who are not so demanding will get less. I see it in both my grandparents and dad. As much as the heart wants to be kind and fair, it is not possible and one side of the family will get 'more' and the other side is left to reflect.

My mum eventually requested for a divorce from my dad when I was 19 and remarried. I then had step mum, step dad, half brothers and step brothers and sisters! What a huge extended family.

I realised then that I was not going to do the same. It effects a lot of people. The children, the family, the wife.

In addition, growing up and entering into relationships I also learnt that it can get tricky handling the emotional aspect of one person, let alone if I have two! It can be tempting to find another partner when things don't seem to go well with the current one, but the same will occur with the new partner in time. I cannot keep changing partners when the 'honeymoon' period is over and reality checks in.

Best is to work through the issues and build a relationship based on trust, common interest and humour. Love? That is an added bonus and can grow in time.

 

[Abdul Rafay]

According to the scholars whatever is in your cultural traditions is also automatically a part of your marriage contract. So if monogamy is the norm in your culture then monogamy is a part of the marriage contract automatically so a man from such a culture can't marry a second wife because monogamy is already in his marriage contract by default. Even if the wife has not stated it as a condition in the marriage contract it is still considered as a condition because cultural norms are automatically part of the marriage contract

''This is based on the principle of Islamic contract law that: "What is known by custom is the same as what is explicitly stated as a condition." Ibn al-Qayyim discusses this legal principle at length in I`lâm al-Muwaqqi`în, where he clarifies the case of the Prophet (peace be upon him) prohibiting `Alî from taking a second wife while being married to his daughter.''

Taken from: http://en.islamtoday.net/node/849
http://en.islamtoday.net/quesshow-83-887…

 

[Abdul Rafay]

I hoped my above posts clarified the matter,

Anyways the above info was taken from: http://en.islamtoday.net/node/849
http://en.islamtoday.net/quesshow-83-887.htm
http://www.askthescholar.com/questio...spx?qstID=2016

 

[Taabuu]

Re: Hadiths Of The Day In Pictorial Format





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