advise on marrriage

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sevgi said:
Umm...ur a girl...i dont care how old you are. you can get married..thats cool.

HE WILL BE THE MAN OF HIS HOUSE AT 18...
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What you don't understand is that he doesn't have to be a man of his house. My husband-to-be InshAllah is 26. But he supports his mum in her house. So we will be living apart for a while. That can easily be the arrangement for brother yusuf. The obligation of the husband is to provide shelter for his wife right? Well if she already has shelter, he isn't able to support a house of his own yet but is trying to protect himself against Zina, then he can get married and he and his wife do not have to move in together straight away. There are many cases like that sis.
 
Alpha Dude said:
Sevgi, a lot of what you said makes sense and is good practical advice. However, it doesn't take into the consideration that the Prophet SAW advised people to marry young and even specifically stated that if one fears zina, he should get married.

So, in light of the above, I wouldn't be too hasty in advising against marriage.

Then again, people were different back then. People at 18 were thought of as being fully grown men. Nowadays we're all conditioned into this whole 'teenager' thing, where they're not fully grown, nor are they considered children. Pfft.
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I know Alpha...but as you said...todays men are not the same as back then. Neither are the women. Fear of zina in this day and age is like second nature for men. women are running around naked. so when a guy turn 14 and begins to fear zina we shud get them married? im sorry but...in todays circumstances..you just live with it untill you are ready.

Woodrow once told me that you should get married when you have absolutely no reasons left as to why you shouldnt get married. I will never forget that..

This guy has many, many reasons. sorry...

ps: I'm not advising againt marriage...im sure his parents are doing a better job than me at it. im just being a realist...
 
RoseGold said:
What you don't understand is that he doesn't have to be a man of his house. My husband-to-be InshAllah is 26. But he supports his mum in her house. So we will be living apart for a while. That can easily be the arrangement for brother yusuf. The obligation of the husband is to provide shelter for his wife right? Well if she already has shelter, he isn't able to support a house of his own yet but is trying to protect himself against Zina, then he can get married and he and his wife do not have to move in together straight away. There are many cases like that sis.
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my answers to all of this are in my post which you carelessly did not read.

ur hubby is 26 sis..wud ur parents let you marry him if he is 18? your hubby can take care of his mum coz he is a man..he is the man of the house. lol..i dno why u dnt see THE HUGEST DIFFERENCES IN THE WORLD.
 
sevgi said:
my answers to all of this are in my post which you carelessly did not read.

ur hubby is 26 sis..wud ur parents let you marry him if he is 18? your hubby can take care of his mum coz he is a man..he is the man of the house. lol..i dno why u dnt see THE HUGEST DIFFERENCES IN THE WORLD.
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Sis first of all. He isn't my "hubby" yet. Second of all, when looking for marriage my aprents had chosen an 18 yr old who was still in college. I agreed. Allah prevented that marriage Alhamdulilah as the brother's true character came through. Please do NOT take the liberty of assuming what my parents think and would say.
 
RoseGold said:
Sis first of all. He isn't my "hubby" yet. Second of all, when looking for marriage my aprents had chosen an 18 yr old who was still in college. I agreed. Allah prevented that marriage as the brother's true character came through. Please do NOT take the liberty of assuming what my parents think and would say.
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oK..i see we come from two diff worlds.

so we should stop arguing about things which require an objective insight...u are way too tied in with this topic. u have all this first hand stuff u have lived which affects ur perception and I, well...im too opinionated and logical for my own good. Im an academic in her tracks so im learning to be a bitter old cynic at the tender age of 20 :P

I just have to say tho. even if you had married the 18 yo, u wud have been fine..coz ur families are on ur backs for support. but bro yusufs parents are against everything...so he's gna be the soul carrier..anywhoot!

<3 peace...
 
Last edited:
assalmu alaikum brother,
i think it is too young..you should take time to settle down and think..
don't rush and jump into this, this is a very very big decision.
take a decision you won't regret about, 18 is young, you should wait, you wouldn't want to regret this.
 
SubhanAllah!! Ya'Allah, what has happened to our Ummah??

Marriage has become a drastic decision seen to settle you down and end your life, rather than half our Eeman.

Did anybody hear Hisham Al-Awadi's lecture on Marital Arts? I suggest everybody does.
 
:salamext:

Sevgi, I have to also disagree with one of your points. Whether he is ready to get married or not, Allaahu A'lam. That's not the point of my post. Rather, it is to address the point below:

You know what proves to me that you are not ready for marriage? The fact that you arent man enough to control yourself...if you are on the verge of committing zina, you arent old enough. Gain self control. Gain insight. digest the logic behind what zina, relationships, marriage and women are...and then go to your parents.
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Islaamically, it becomes waajib to get married, not detestable or prohibitted, if someone fears of committing haraam, e.g. zinaa.

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The ruling regarding marriage
*
Question: Is it obligatory ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]fardh[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]) to marry or is it (simply) recommended ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Sunnah[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif])?[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Response: It is an encouraged [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Sunnah[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] to marry for those who are able; as the Prophet ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]) said:[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]((O gathering of youth! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.) and whoever is unable to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power)).[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It is (quite) possible in respect to some people it is obligatory (to get married) if there is fear within himself that he may fall into fornication whilst he is able to afford to get married.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And with Allaah lies all success and may Allaah send prayers and salutations upon our Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) and his family and his companions.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Permanent Committee for Islaamic Research and Fataawa[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif], comprising -
Head: Shaykh 'Abdul 'Azeez ibn Abdullaah ibn Baaz;
Deputy Head: Shaykh 'Abdur-Razzaaq 'Afeefee;
Member: Shaykh 'Abdullaah Ibn Ghudayyaan
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa.imah lil-Buhooth al-'Ilmiyyah wal-Iftaa. - Volume 18, Page 6, Fatwa No.9624, Question 3[/FONT]

Source

And Allaah Knows best.
 
Faizah said:
:salamext:

Sevgi, I have to also disagree with one of your points. Whether he is ready to get married or not, Allaahu A'lam. That's not the point of my post. Rather, it is to address the point below:



Islaamically, it becomes waajib to get married, not detestable or prohibitted, if someone fears of committing haraam, e.g. zinaa.

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The ruling regarding marriage
*
Question: Is it obligatory ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]fardh[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]) to marry or is it (simply) recommended ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Sunnah[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif])?[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Response: It is an encouraged [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Sunnah[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] to marry for those who are able; as the Prophet ([/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]) said:[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]((O gathering of youth! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.) and whoever is unable to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power)).[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It is (quite) possible in respect to some people it is obligatory (to get married) if there is fear within himself that he may fall into fornication whilst he is able to afford to get married.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And with Allaah lies all success and may Allaah send prayers and salutations upon our Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) and his family and his companions.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Permanent Committee for Islaamic Research and Fataawa[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif], comprising -
Head: Shaykh 'Abdul 'Azeez ibn Abdullaah ibn Baaz;
Deputy Head: Shaykh 'Abdur-Razzaaq 'Afeefee;
Member: Shaykh 'Abdullaah Ibn Ghudayyaan
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa.imah lil-Buhooth al-'Ilmiyyah wal-Iftaa. - Volume 18, Page 6, Fatwa No.9624, Question 3[/FONT]

Source

And Allaah Knows best.
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Why is the only person who reads me properly on this forum Alpha dude and some other guys. gahh! Read all my other posts...im not going through all this again.

And one word of advice. dnt throw ayahs in the face of a logical argument. what i was writing was void of any religious sense...coz i know everyone else round here will flood bro yusuf with all that stuff anyway. life isnt always abt living by the ayah.. i know what the islamic rulings are.

anywho..ive had this talk in the rest of my posts anyway.

wasalams.
 
sevgi said:
Why is the only person who reads me properly on this forum Alpha dude and some other guys. gahh! Read all my other posts...im not going through all this again.

And one word of advice. dnt throw ayahs in the face of a logical argument. what i was writing was void of any religious sense...coz i know everyone else round here will flood bro yusuf with all that stuff anyway. life isnt always abt living by the ayah.. i know what the islamic rulings are.

anywho..ive had this talk in the rest of my posts anyway.

wasalams.
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I'm sorry that you feel I don't fully understand your point, but I have read all of your posts.

A word of advice in return, ukhtee; logic has no place in this matter. The deen is in the athaar (narrations), not in logic. And what is marriage? It is 'ibaadah. Life isn't always living by the ayah? According to whom? I take it this is from your logic once again, but I won't repeat myself.

Anyway, I don't see the need to turn this in to an argument. We'll simply have to agree to disagree. :)
 
in few words , in this age
i prefer fast on marriage
in both of the situation/solutions(fast and marriage) u can restrain ur self .
 
aminahgorilla said:
This is what I don't like about traditions. I come from a Pakistani family and usually most Pakistanis prefer marriage at a later age whereas Islam encourages marriages at a youthful age. However, it is important that you can support a family, since guys typically are in charge of supporting family. Hang in there, and get some self control, Insha'Allah it will be fine, I just think you should try talking to your parents about what THEIR expectations for marriage are. And negotiate from there.
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thank you good advise i will take it sister
 
sevgi said:
Hey kiddo,

Have you found someone or do you want to find someone?

You know what proves to me that you are not ready for marriage? The fact that you arent man enough to control yourself...if you are on the verge of committing zina, you arent old enough. Gain self control. Gain insight. digest the logic behind what zina, relationships, marriage and women are...and then go to your parents.

If you dont agree with me, yallah, grab the girl and take her to your parents. tell em you dont know if she is the one..tell em you arent sure what the future holds...but u MUST marry her or else you are going to do zina. im sure they will understand. (sarcasm intended)

Remember...this woman will be ur responsibility. i hope you have enough money saved up for rainy days, for her wants and needs, incase she falls pregnant, your uni careers etc. if you depend on ur dad to handle all this...then its not fair for the girl or ur parents. or if you think u can just get the girl and force her through a simple simple marriage without any huge stability...you have got to be wary of the fact that when her frends go out etc she is gna be left out...u have to be better than anyone in the world for her...you have to make sure she doesnt feel like she is missing out on her youth. her frends will wait till they are older and they will get married...and have older successful husbands. she will be jealous. thats what women do...even if they dnt admit it. when she starts biting ur head off....you better be ready for it..

or you cud just be a man and hold on a lil longer. if our prophet waited till he was 25 even tho he was awesomely good looking...you can too.

I know im being mean...bt i cant help it sometimes. i find happiness in being a realist.
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im afraid your wrong sister in many points you have put foward first of all every man has an urge even the profhet himself and if your saying you carnt be a man if you carnt control well thats just wrong thats why the profhet himself urged your men like ourselves to get married/and the fact that she will get jelous of her freands well i wont get that kind of girl i will get someone who is in the same path as me and wants the same thing/and the profhet at that time didnt have these rampant women walking along naked on streets or porn ect ect and also he was a profhet not like any man
 
RoseGold said:
Sis, I didn't read all your post because I was shocked by your first point.

Have you seen this brother before? Have you been introduced to him before? Do you know him well?

How can you judge who is ready for marriage without an accurate, detailed insight into their life??
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thank you sister thats what i was trying to tell her
 
sevgi said:
oK..i see we come from two diff worlds.

so we should stop arguing about things which require an objective insight...u are way too tied in with this topic. u have all this first hand stuff u have lived which affects ur perception and I, well...im too opinionated and logical for my own good. Im an academic in her tracks so im learning to be a bitter old cynic at the tender age of 20 :P

I just have to say tho. even if you had married the 18 yo, u wud have been fine..coz ur families are on ur backs for support. but bro yusufs parents are against everything...so he's gna be the soul carrier..anywhoot!

<3 peace...
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if i go and get married my parents wont leave me hanging they will help me its just they want me to grow up
 
sevgi said:
Hey kiddo,

Have you found someone or do you want to find someone?

You know what proves to me that you are not ready for marriage? The fact that you arent man enough to control yourself...if you are on the verge of committing zina, you arent old enough. Gain self control. Gain insight. digest the logic behind what zina, relationships, marriage and women are...and then go to your parents.

If you dont agree with me, yallah, grab the girl and take her to your parents. tell em you dont know if she is the one..tell em you arent sure what the future holds...but u MUST marry her or else you are going to do zina. im sure they will understand. (sarcasm intended)

Remember...this woman will be ur responsibility. i hope you have enough money saved up for rainy days, for her wants and needs, incase she falls pregnant, your uni careers etc. if you depend on ur dad to handle all this...then its not fair for the girl or ur parents. or if you think u can just get the girl and force her through a simple simple marriage without any huge stability...you have got to be wary of the fact that when her frends go out etc she is gna be left out...u have to be better than anyone in the world for her...you have to make sure she doesnt feel like she is missing out on her youth. her frends will wait till they are older and they will get married...and have older successful husbands. she will be jealous. thats what women do...even if they dnt admit it. when she starts biting ur head off....you better be ready for it..

or you cud just be a man and hold on a lil longer. if our prophet waited till he was 25 even tho he was awesomely good looking...you can too.

I know im being mean...bt i cant help it sometimes. i find happiness in being a realist.
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i totally agree with you sister:statisfie:statisfiethis is the best answer:thumbs_up

may allah bless you all
 
As Salaam Alikum, Please brother DO NOT COME NEAR ZINA. It has very serious consequences, starting from the point you commit it to the hear after. You will be breaking the Hudood of Allah and you will fall down to the lowest level. And Allah forbid if you commit and it comes out in open then you will bring disgrace to yourself, your family and to the community.
Moreover your parents are not held accountable for what ever you do in front of Allah, it will you who is to blame.
Just observe fasting and make lots of dua'a and ask for Sabr and Hidayah from Allah.
In shaa Allah things will be better soon.
 

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