Age Window in Marriage

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

So I'm curious, especially as to sister's perspectives about age of your spouse. Would you marry a brother younger than you? If so, what is the greatest difference you can tolerate? If a brother's younger, but he's mature, what would he need to do to get you to agree?

For brothers, would you marry a sister older than you? How much older would you consider? Why?

For both: What is your window for the age of your spouse?

After that, isn't age just a number? Maturity, patience, understanding, stability, compatibility: aren't they more important?

This isn't one of those "would you marry" threads, I'm genuinely interested in hearing perspectives.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

depends entiiiirely on the sister in question bro


im sure you know what i mean

 

[S_87]

honestly speaking i dont think i would at this time in life. maybe when im older it would be different but not now. and age difference 15 years

 

[anonymous]

:salamext:

I'm a sister and I'd prefer the bro to be older than me. If he was younger but mature, I'd want to see evidence of that. Since I'm not convinced a younger bro would be mature. Males generally tend to mature later, or so I'm told.

But you're quite right, age is just a number. But I've known women to marry men much more older than them only to find that as one ages, the mentality changes (obviously) and this resulted in problems, especially for the sis since she still felt 'young' and wanted to live life that way. Not sure if I'm making sense here.

But yeah...just make sure the other isnt too much younger or too old and things should be ok bi'ithnillah.

:salamext:

 

[Faith.]

AssalamuAlaykum,
If I was looking for marriage then it would be more prefrerable if the brother was older than I was...
But then again age is just a number, so I guess about a maximum of a 5 year gap would be okay....
and also it doesnt really make a difference if the brother is young, just as long as he is mature then Insha'Allah everything should be fine

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

depends entiiiirely on the sister in question bro


im sure you know what i mean

Ofcourse. Say she's older than you and you're fine with that because she's a pious sister, you know the whole thing. Dress properly, good understanding of Islam, active in dawah, good in studies etc. Would you consider her?

honestly speaking i dont think i would at this time in life. maybe when im older it would be different but not now. and age difference 15 years

15 years maximum older than you? Or is that the threshold number?

:salamext:

I'm a sister and I'd prefer the bro to be older than me. If he was younger but mature, I'd want to see evidence of that. Since I'm not convinced a younger bro would be mature. Males generally tend to mature later, or so I'm told.

:wasalamex

What kind of evidence? Would that be something like excelling in studies [like a year or two ahead] or active in dawah or both? Would it be based on how he deals with people? Or after research about him? How would you gain unbiased evidence? Unbiased meaning away from the bias that 'men mature later'?

But you're quite right, age is just a number. But I've known women to marry men much more older than them only to find that as one ages, the mentality changes (obviously) and this resulted in problems, especially for the sis since she still felt 'young' and wanted to live life that way. Not sure if I'm making sense here.

Exactly. Especially growing up in the West, I think age isn't much of a measuring stick as much as the personality of the person is. I know people [men] that are in mid twenties but act like their 15, and I know others that are like 18, 19, 20 and have the maturity of 25 year olds. It's different person to person which is why I really dislike this stereotype (i guess you can call it that) that men are slower in maturing then women. Perhaps majority, but there are always exceptions.

But yeah...just make sure the other isnt too much younger or too old and things should be ok bi'ithnillah.

:salamext:

What's your age window? I.e. Plus/Minus how much from your age?

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Yeah, I haven't really come across many brothers who would prefer it where the guy is younger. I think it's a little bit weird/unusual for both; brothers and sisters.


EDIT:
Although if the couple's mature and fine with it, then why not. Let's not forget Khadijah (RadiAllahu Anha) who was alot older than RasulAllah (saws). They had a wonderful marriage together, a time when Muhammad (saws) was happiest.

 

[جوري]

I prefer much much older men.. but I am not going to delve into my psyche as to why -- I don't see any problem with folks marrying younger or older.. in fact my mom's friend who is an elderly lady is a good 6 years older than her husband, they are both very well educated they have grandchildren already so you can see even back in their time this wasn't a problem.. and my brother in law's brother is also married to an older woman..

you see there really is no age limit.. and I think we can see that it was true during the time of the prophet his marriages to both Saida Aisha, and Saida Fatima.. you can see quite a disparity in age.. it really shouldn't matter so long as that at the very marrow you have something to treasure in common..

I wish you the best abu.. you deserve it..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Ofcourse. Say she's older than you and you're fine with that because she's a pious sister, you know the whole thing. Dress properly, good understanding of Islam, active in dawah, good in studies etc. Would you consider her?

if i feel the inclination, of course i will

 

[Yanal]

I would prefer any but if old has to be maximum only 2 years.

 

[S_87]

15 years maximum older than you? Or is that the threshold number?

max older

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

AssalamuAlaykum,
If I was looking for marriage then it would be more prefrerable if the brother was older than I was...

What is the reasoning behind that preference?

But then again age is just a number, so I guess about a maximum of a 5 year gap would be okay....
and also it doesnt really make a difference if the brother is young, just as long as he is mature then Insha'Allah everything should be fine

That's my window as well. 5 years plus or minus since I can identify with that range as my generation, with more or less the same life experiences.

Yeah, I haven't really come across many brothers who would prefer it where the guy is younger. I think it's a little bit weird/unusual for both; brothers and sisters.
EDIT:
Although if the couple's mature and fine with it, then why not. Let's not forget Khadijah (RadiAllahu Anha) who was alot older than RasulAllah (saws). They have a wonderful marriage together, a time when Muhammad (saws) was happiest in his life.

I wouldn't mind if my wife is older than me, though there is a subtle difference that I should point out. If she's upto 5 years older and we're compatible maturity wise and all, not a problem. But if she's upto 5 years older, and has maturity of someone who's 10 or 15 years older, or someone much younger that's a no-no. I think what I'm trying to get at is, age window being plus or minus five years with similar level maturity [not same, but similar, compatible].

 

[Nájlá]

hmm i remember making a thread about this topic in the SS

most sisters prefered to marry someone older than them :ermm:

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Ah, OK. Generally it's said brothers mature later later than sisters. And when I say "generally" I mean my mum.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I prefer much much older men.. but I am not going to delve into my psyche as to why -- I don't see any problem with folks marrying younger or older.. in fact my mom's friend who is an elderly lady is a good 6 years older than her husband, they are both very well educated they have grandchildren already so you can see even back in their time this wasn't a problem.. and my brother in law's brother is also married to an older woman..

you see there really is no age limit.. and I think we can see that it was true during the time of the prophet his marriages to both Saida Aisha, and Saida Fatima.. you can see quite a disparity in age.. it really shouldn't matter so long as that at the very marrow you have something to treasure in common..

I wish you the best abu.. you deserve it..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

Wow's thats pretty cool, 6 years difference. I wonder how they dealt with each other. The Prophet's example shows that what makes a marriage isn't age, but a variety of other factors and I guess that couldn't be truer.

What I'm trying to get at specifically to do with sisters is, what should a prospective brother [whos' say 2-4 years younger] do to show that he's mature? What qualities should he have? What are you looking for?

I would prefer any but if old has to be maximum only 2 years.

Why maximum two years older?

 

[Faith.]

What is the reasoning behind that preference?

I think it's generally because the sister feels more protected by her husband if he is older...
But mainly that's just my personal opinion on it

 

[S_87]

most sisters prefered to marry someone older than them :ermm:

yeh for sure especially sisters getting married at a young age. i guess a few months doesnt make much of a difference but like sister Skye said, i prefer older men, dont know why

 

[Nájlá]

To answer ur question.

nope i wouldnt prefer to marry someone younger than me but if as u say hes mature then maybe i'll rethink again then maybe 1 yr or a few months younger :ermm:

as for someone older than the max 5/6 yrs.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I think it's generally because the sister feels more protected by her husband if he is older...
But mainly that's just my personal opinion on it

I get the reasoning..but it doesn't really make sense to me. What happens when you consider a brother and he's good, mature, pious and all things desirable, only to find out he's like 3 years younger? Would you loose that feeling of being protected?

yeh for sure especially sisters getting married at a young age. i guess a few months doesnt make much of a difference but like sister Skye said, i prefer older men, dont know why

What about if she's mid twenties? like 25? and the brother is 22? Around those ages?

To answer ur question.

nope i wouldnt prefer to marry someone younger than me but if as u say hes mature then maybe i'll rethink again then maybe 1 yr or a few months younger :ermm:

as for someone older than the max 5/6 yrs.

Can you tell me as a sister how exactly would you define maturity in a brother?

 

[noorseeker]

I wanna marry some one older than me , its just my preference, someone more mature than me , coz i aint that mature.

My mum gonna chop me if tell her that,