All about me: depression, love, virginity, loneliness, muslim women, dreams....

[cinnamonrolls1]

For me virginity is very important, because I'M VIRGIN, and im looking for a such girl who believes in my same ideals. I want to base the relationship on the purity of both...i dont know why its wrong...
I dont think you would marry anyone, right? You too will have preferences and criteria that you cant overlook, maybe it will not be about purity virginity, but surely you will have a pillar on which to base your relationship.
If my choice is "not a healthy mindset" maybe I was wrong to approach Islam...I thought that some speeches belonged only to Catholic people (to "defend" their sins and get out of it saying that "God forgives everyone, so you too must do it!"). But guys, i'm not God! Unfortunately I have my limits, my weaknesses, my way of thinking.

There are so many Muslim religious girls who for example wont accept a short boy, or a poor boy, or a boy without a good job. But no-one is going to tell them "Oh, shame! You should accept the same because God would accept them!".

Why when we speak of virginity as a criterion must there be these lessons of morality? When instead there are even more senseless criteria? Yet there are criteria of choice even more unjust and senseless

I'm sorry, but I'm very disappointed. I left the Catholic community because of the inconsistency and hypocrisy around them, I thought the Islamic community was my new home.

I was wrong.

Well if thats your preference thats your personal choice. Don't judge islam by muslims

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

For me virginity is very important, because I'M VIRGIN, and im looking for a such girl who believes in my same ideals. I want to base the relationship on the purity of both...i dont know why its wrong...
I dont think you would marry anyone, right? You too will have preferences and criteria that you cant overlook, maybe it will not be about purity virginity, but surely you will have a pillar on which to base your relationship.
If my choice is "not a healthy mindset" maybe I was wrong to approach Islam...I thought that some speeches belonged only to Catholic people (to "defend" their sins and get out of it saying that "God forgives everyone, so you too must do it!"). But guys, i'm not God! Unfortunately I have my limits, my weaknesses, my way of thinking.

There are so many Muslim religious girls who for example wont accept a short boy, or a poor boy, or a boy without a good job. But no-one is going to tell them "Oh, shame! You should accept the same because God would accept them!".

Why when we speak of virginity as a criterion must there be these lessons of morality? When instead there are even more senseless criteria? Yet there are criteria of choice even more unjust and senseless

I'm sorry, but I'm very disappointed. I left the Catholic community because of the inconsistency and hypocrisy around them, I thought the Islamic community was my new home.

I was wrong.

Maybe we got our wires crossed then( its an expression..)
I am not saying that its bad to marry a virgin. I am saying that if that is your absolute sole factor when looking for a spouse then its a bit unpractical( in my opinion). I mean lets say you have other criteria right? So lets say you meet.. Hmm a divorced woman who is like amazing but shes not a virgin, what would you do? Ofc ideally all non married muslims should be virgins because of zina not being allowed. I was also a bit confused because i didnt really read anything about your desire to be muslim because you like Islam etc. I would discourage you from making assumptions about the muslim community from a couple of our opinions.

 

[SHO]

I'm sorry, but I'm very disappointed. I left the Catholic community because of the inconsistency and hypocrisy around them, I thought the Islamic community was my new home.

I was wrong.

Another person attracted by purity in Islam turned away by ignorant people.

A group of Pakistanis you encountered does not represent Islam or Muslims, and Pakistan is not the only place on Earth with Muslims, and most Muslims are not unchaste as you said. I believe that almost all Muslims in this world are chaste,except for a few immoral people who are simply 'Muslims' by word.(Immoral people are all over the world).

You can find a good wife for yourself from anywhere in the world. You be good and ask Allah for good, He might give you good.

Salaam.

 

[CalmPassenger]

For me virginity is very important, because I'M VIRGIN, and im looking for a such girl who believes in my same ideals. I want to base the relationship on the purity of both...i dont know why its wrong...
I dont think you would marry anyone, right? You too will have preferences and criteria that you cant overlook, maybe it will not be about purity virginity, but surely you will have a pillar on which to base your relationship.
If my choice is "not a healthy mindset" maybe I was wrong to approach Islam...I thought that some speeches belonged only to Catholic people (to "defend" their sins and get out of it saying that "God forgives everyone, so you too must do it!"). But guys, i'm not God! Unfortunately I have my limits, my weaknesses, my way of thinking.

There are so many Muslim religious girls who for example wont accept a short boy, or a poor boy, or a boy without a good job. But no-one is going to tell them "Oh, shame! You should accept the same because God would accept them!".

Why when we speak of virginity as a criterion must there be these lessons of morality? When instead there are even more senseless criteria? Yet there are criteria of choice even more unjust and senseless

I'm sorry, but I'm very disappointed. I left the Catholic community because of the inconsistency and hypocrisy around them, I thought the Islamic community was my new home.

I was wrong.

You are not wrong. But you are different and thats why people are asking questions... Its amazing how we people got different thinkings... Different mind...Like a rainbow...Wow how amazing rainbow looks....But why its look so beautiful...Becoz Rainbow have different color variations... So what i do if some one dont like my shirt color? ahaha I will ignore. Becoz every one have their own priority, likes... For example am muslim and i never drink or smoke...So i also want my wife who never smoke or drink and etc... So Dont worry about others... Good wishes and enjoy...Stay healthy

 

[Artic090]

Maybe we got our wires crossed then( its an expression..)
I am not saying that its bad to marry a virgin. I am saying that if that is your absolute sole factor when looking for a spouse then its a bit unpractical( in my opinion). I mean lets say you have other criteria right? So lets say you meet.. Hmm a divorced woman who is like amazing but shes not a virgin, what would you do? Ofc ideally all non married muslims should be virgins because of zina not being allowed. I was also a bit confused because i didnt really read anything about your desire to be muslim because you like Islam etc. I would discourage you from making assumptions about the muslim community from a couple of our opinions.

Honestly your previous speech has bothered me.
A few years ago, when I still believed in the Catholic community, I had written in a Catholic forum asking for advice on this: why i cant meet a girl with my own values?
I suffered the worst humiliations and offenses especially by women (if you want I tell you), from that day I decided to get away from the whole community. I do not know if I'm better or worse, but I definitely dont want to be the same as them who use the word "God" as a shield and wipe their conscience.
One of the most painful offenses I've received is "You're mentally insane". And inside myself i started to think to have really some psychological problems. And do you know what i have done? I really went to a psychologist.
And when you wrote "unhealth mindset" I tried the same emotions again.

I am 28. Of course, I'm not a child, but why should I marry a divorced or widowed at my age?
If I were 50 then I should consider the fact that, at that age, I couldnt find some young girls but only mature women with a past behind, perhaps with children.

If I happened to meet a divorced 25-year-old girl I would not accept. And im not talking only about virginity. I would like my first experiences to be the first even of my future bride, without ghosts of her past: being able to have the opportunity to grow together, starting from the inexperience of both.

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

Honestly your previous speech has bothered me.
A few years ago, when I still believed in the Catholic community, I had written in a Catholic forum asking for advice on this: why i cant meet a girl with my own values?
I suffered the worst humiliations and offenses especially by women (if you want I tell you), from that day I decided to get away from the whole community. I do not know if I'm better or worse, but I definitely dont want to be the same as them who use the word "God" as a shield and wipe their conscience.
One of the most painful offenses I've received is "You're mentally insane". And inside myself i started to think to have really some psychological problems. And do you know what i have done? I really went to a psychologist.
And when you wrote "unhealth mindset" I tried the same emotions again.

I am 28. Of course, I'm not a child, but why should I marry a divorced or widowed at my age?
If I were 50 then I should consider the fact that, at that age, I couldnt find some young girls but only mature women with a past behind, perhaps with children.

Honestly your previous speech has bothered me.
A few years ago, when I still believed in the Catholic community, I had written in a Catholic forum asking for advice on this: why could not I meet a girl with my own values?
I suffered the worst humiliations and offenses especially by women (if you want I tell you), from that day I decided to get away from the whole community. I do not know if I'm better or worse, but I definitely do not want to be the same as them who use the word "God" as a shield and wipe their conscience.
One of the most painful offenses I've received is "You're mentally insane". And I myself started thinking about having some psychological problems so much so that I really went to a psychologist.
And when you wrote "unhealth mindset" I tried the same emotions again.

I am 28. Of course, I'm not a child, but why should I marry a divorced or widowed at my age?
If I were 50 then I should consider the fact that, at that age, I could not find young girls but only mature women with a past behind, perhaps with children.

If I happened to meet a divorced 25-year-old girl I would not accept. And im not talking only about virginity. I would like my first experiences to be the first even of my future bride, without ghosts of her past: being able to have the opportunity to grow together, starting from the inexperience of both.

Fair enough thats your preference. I honestly did not intend for you to feel like that and i ask you to forgive me. I hope you find what you're looking for eventually.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Artic090;

To freely choose to remain a virgin until the age of 28, and to seek a virgin bride is to be commended. But what would happen if you met a Catholic virgin, and you were both attracted to each other, would you still turn to Islam?

As our Muslim brothers and sisters have said, try and work out your priorities sincerely.

Blessings

Eric

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu ALaikum

If he has been pure all of his life, for 28 years, then he deserves to choose whomever he wishes. Repenting to Allah can remove the sin, but it doesn't take away the experience. The repentance can make her a better worshipper, but some don't need to make that type of mistake to worship Allah better.

Brother [MENTION=42465]Artic090[/MENTION] there are pure CHASTE women out there. And as everyone has already mentioned, you do have other options as well but I know you're not interested in those. You will find what you're looking for in Islam, however if you genuinely seek Islam for MORE than the marriage as we all hope you are, then I suggest you learn ARABIC first so you can better understand the religion instead of learning Urdu. A chaste Muslim woman will want her husband to be knowledgable and pious in his religion. Which it seems you'd be willing to go above and beyond to be for someone you'd care about and respect, so I know that won't be too difficult for you to find the motivation for. I also suggest you seek Allah's guidance to whatever it is you desire first and foremost instead of talking to the people. The people will not get you anywhere. There are over 7 billion people and each has their own opinion and you will never please any of them, so seek Allah's guidance first and foremost.

I do want to highlight a few things about the etiquette of finding someone in Islam. Maybe in your culture it is ok to look at the woman for her beauty, but in Islam it's not allowed to stare or gaze at a woman. You should be lowering your gaze to protect yourself from temptation and as respect to her. Secondly freely talking to women about their chastity or sexual nature is absolutely forbidden as well. A girl who is open to talk to you in that manner will probably not be chaste even if she is a Muslim girl. So please keep that in mind. Finally, a girl has male relatives/guardians that you should seek to get approval from because ultimately they are who will be giving her away, even if she somehow falls in love or is interested in you. Therefore you want to present yourself as someone who is respectful, mindful, and pious, not as someone who is marriage-hungry/desperate.

I want you to sincerely look into Islam as the religion, not just the followers. THe followers come from EVERYWHERE with ALL TYPES OF HISTORY...so it would be unfair to judge all girls on chastity when some of them may have converted to Islam after they lost their virginity, or made mistakes due to ignorance, or any other reason. You do have your right to marry a chaste girl and they absolutely exist plentiful, but what I mean is don't expect every muslim in the world to be perfect, we will make mistakes and sin until we die. The girls you talk to may be the worst representation of Islam whereas the ones who are the best you may not find in the manner you are looking for them currently. Perfection is reserved for Allah only, so look into Islam the religion, don't only judge it by it's followers.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

The older he gets, the less likely this desire of his isn't going to happen. I thought this guy was at most in his early 20's. This guy is reaching 30.

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The older he gets, the less likely this desire of his isn't going to happen. I thought this guy was at most in his early 20's. This guy is reaching 30.

 

[*charisma*]

The older he gets, the less likely this desire of his isn't going to happen. I thought this guy was at most in his early 20's. This guy is reaching 30.

I think 28 is a good age for marriage for men. Mid-Late 20's is pretty ideal. A guy's brain is fully developed at 25, so he is ready to be serious by the time he's 28. If it were the opposite, I'd definitely say that the clock is ticking lool. Younger than that would be great if he is mature and is able, but if he was able to remain chaste this long mashallah, then why not keep his values as they are? maybe there's a reason for it.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

I think 28 is a good age for marriage for men. Mid-Late 20's is pretty ideal. A guy's brain is fully developed at 25, so he is ready to be serious by the time he's 28. If it were the opposite, I'd definitely say that the tock is ticking lool. Younger than that would be great if he is mature and is able, but if he was able to remain chaste this long mashallah, then why not keep his values as they are? maybe there's a reason for it.

And we have seen what happens when men hold out especially priests who end up molesting boys since they are the ones who come into contact with them. Its better to find someone now and settle down then to pursue this obsession that he is more likely not going to find. He is really missing out on love everyday he remains stubborn.

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

If you're seeking Islam only because of the opportunity to marry a girl who keeps her chastity then i think your intentions might be a bit skewed. Like brother Eric said, if ur interested in islam for thr right reasons then i 100% support u. If its just for a virgin, then im sure there are plenty of nice Catholic women who keep their chastity etc.

 

[*charisma*]

And we have seen what happens when men hold out especially priests who end up molesting boys since they are the ones who come into contact with them. Its better to find someone now and settle down then to pursue this obsession that he is more likely not going to find. He is really missing out on love everyday he remains stubborn.

Do they do it because they held out or is it because they had this issue to begin with? Molestation is a form of zina as well so I don't think you should make such a correlation, otherwise we could jump to conclusions that every guy who's held out is secretly a child molester.

I'm not disagreeing with what you said in the end, but most guys in general would prefer a chaste woman especially if they are chaste as well because it's damn hard (i assume) for a guy to control his desires compared to a woman. I don't think a man who goes to marry a girl and she's like "soo I've slept with my boyfriend, but yeah i deeply regret it" he'd be all like "cool let's get married"..nope it'd either be an instant rejection or it may be something which he keeps in the back of his mind and will bother him. If they were both previously married, it would be a different situation...but the point is we do all have our own preferences and deal-breakers and the right to uphold them if we want. Maybe if he never finds the girl he wants he'd prefer to be single for the rest of his life because it will be unfair on his wife if he'd be unable to shake dark thoughts about her previous relationships..living in black and white..but hey it's his life.

 

[Artic090]

Hi Eric H.
I dont think i will find a virgin and loyal Catholic girl nowadays...

I spent many years in environments soooo close to the "Catholic Church" and there doesnt exist "sexual chastity". Believe me.
You must also consider that Catholic girls, even if they are "virgins", carry with them a halo of pride, arrogance, incoherence. At least that's what I saw in Italy with italian girls.
The same girls who made me the moral lessons about my choices, are those who choose the boys based on the physical appearance. Many of these girls say things like "If man is not at least 180cm tall, I dont take him into consideration" or "Man must have a good salary". Can you see the incoherence?
There is a proverb that says "Pure as angels, superb as demons".

Then there is the one big problem: sons.
I dont want my children to grow up with the Western mentality.
For example, I am sure that if I married a Catholic wife I would have big problems with the children's lifestyle.
Here in Italy, Catholic mothers send their children to a club at the age of 14, making them come back late at night: they accompany their daughters (about 15-16 years old) tothe gynecologist for the contraceptive pill. The list is veeery long.

Im against! I want my children to grow up with Islamic values, which are far from transgression. And only a good Muslim wife/mother can help me, I would like that my wife will be the example to follow for my daughters.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Artic090;

All you can do is pray for guidance, I hope you will be blessed.

Eric

 

[Umme salma]

Just like to add....a woman who is pure may not necessarily mean a virgin...but can include rather one who hasn't committed zina..ie a divorcee or a widow...who have had pure relationships...as relationships under marriage contract are considered legal and pure..

 

[Artic090]

Hello friends,
sorry for the delay in responding.
I was able to do research, get direct and indirect testimonies.
I must surrender to the idea that Islam cant give me what I'm looking for.

Perhaps I will seem arrogant, but I have noticed the same hypocrisy, inconsistency, self-interest of the Catholic religion and of Catholic people.
I met a lot Muslim people i asked "Do you eat pork?" They reply "Absolutely not! It is forbidden by our religion!" ... or "Would you ever marry a Catholic boy?" "Oh, no, it would be against the will of my parents, of the Muslim community, but above all of Allah !.
To the question "Are you a virgin?" they start with "Ehm ... Umh ... so, actually we are all sinners, nobody is perfect, I'm Muslim but I do not follow all the rules, only God can judge me"


I also noticed this: it happens very often that a girl or a boy runs in the forums saying "I had sex before marriage" and everyone to say "Do not worry, ask forgiveness to Allah and he will do it".
Friends, believe me: in this way, Islam loses credibility! Why should a girl or a boy wait for marriage to have sex?
It's so simple, just ask Allah for forgiveness!
In this way the value of virginity will be completely destroyed, it will become impossible to find a virgin girl or boy....especially the new generation they think "If Allah forgives them that they have had sex, He can forgive me too".

Islam is not a supermarket where you can buy what you want and what you need. Why should a beautiful religion be destroyed by personal interests?

Perhaps someone will be disappointed that I wont be able to be part of Ummah, but you have to put in my shoes: Islam had made me born again, given new hopes, and I invested my future on it. Everything I had believed...well, it doesnt exist.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Again with your obsession with virginity like that defines all that the religion is. This is going to be one of the stupidest reasons for your going into the hellfire on the Day of Judgement unless you give up this perversion of yours so you can see the truth of Islam. Not to mention, if you are a Muslim and make it to Paradise, your going to get the pure innocent virgin maidens that will be one of your rewards. But miss out because you want it in this temporal life.

 

[*charisma*]

In this way the value of virginity will be completely destroyed, it will become impossible to find a virgin girl or boy....especially the new generation they think "If Allah forgives them that they have had sex, He can forgive me too".

Islam is not a supermarket where you can buy what you want and what you need. Why should a beautiful religion be destroyed by personal interests?

Perhaps someone will be disappointed that I wont be able to be part of Ummah, but you have to put in my shoes: Islam had made me born again, given new hopes, and I invested my future on it. Everything I had believed...well, it doesnt exist.

May I ask then what you would suggest for someone to advise that person to do?? If someone comes to you and says they have lost their virginity, what do you tell them to do? What should they do? You have presented the problem, what's your solution?

 

[Artic090]

Again with your obsession with virginity like that defines all that the religion is. This is going to be one of the stupidest reasons for your going into the hellfire on the Day of Judgement unless you give up this perversion of yours so you can see the truth of Islam. Not to mention, if you are a Muslim and make it to Paradise, your going to get the pure innocent virgin maidens that will be one of your rewards. But miss out because you want it in this temporal life

Im very tired to read your posts against me, seriously!

You are finding the ways to provoke and offend me
My "obsession" is my personal choice, dictated by my moral.
And my morality is not perversion. Mine is a COHERENT choice: I am a virgin and I want a virgin girl. Where is perversion? Where is the hellfire?

If you're fine with a non-virgin girl, well, you're free to choose who you want. But stop, please, call my choice "obsession / perversion".

And stop called my intention "corrupted". If you arent agree with my choice, please, stay out by my topic. As i dont judge your choices, as you dont have to do with mine.

- - - Updated - - -

May I ask then what you would suggest for someone to advise that person to do?? If someone comes to you and says they have lost their virginity, what do you tell them to do? What should they do? You have presented the problem, what's your solution?

The best solution would be to follow the rules of Islam, and be consistent.
Nobody obliges anyone to have sex, having sex is a deliberate and premeditated choice. When you have sex (out of wedlock) you know you're sinning, so why then regret it all?
Maybe in this case, the parents and relatives should be more present.

In this way faithful people, especially the new generations, think that religion is like a videogames, a virtual world.

I would not want this mechanism of thought to take off: "we all have a pass, a wildcard for sex. we do it, we enjoy it, and then we apologize."

So I tell you: doing so, the value of premarital virginity will be totally lost. Nobody will marry virgin and chaste, because everyone has used that "wildcard".