Peace be with you muslimah; and welcome to the forum;
Allah cares for all of his creation, and that includes you. You are very special to Allah and he has a purpose for you. It sounds as if you are striving to do everything right, you are praying, fasting and giving to charity.
Life is a constant battle, you have survived every battle with your demons so far, so that makes you a survivor; you are already stronger than you think you are. There are many dilemmas to face when you consider ending your life. You want the pain to stop, but you don't know how to stop the pain, and you don't really want to die, you are searching for hope and another way out. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. No matter how bad your situation may seem, your only fight is to get through today. Tomorrow will present its own problems, somehow you Will find the strength to get through tomorrow too.
I am only 73, and life has been one crisis after another, the problems of life are incredibly testing and hard. But hard does not mean impossible. You learn perseverance, and you keep trying, you learn resilience, and when life beats you down, you get up; always just one more time.
However big your problems may seem, Allah is greater. Pray for the wisdom, strength, peace and serenity to do the will of Allah.
May Allah bless you with the wisdom, strength, peace and serenity to get through this day and every day; always one day at a time.
Eric.