All the singles ladies....(and the married too)

[lynn4now]

Does any of the ladies feel like they are being beat over the head with great reasons of being married and becoming a umah?

I mean Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) Hadrat Anas ibn Malik (r.a.) ) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the ‘deen’; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

and it is know that Islam encourages the young Muslims to get married and have children. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'O young people, whoever of you can afford it, let him get married. It helps restrain the eyes and preserve the private parts. But if he cannot afford it, let him fast, for it works as a preventative.' He also said, 'Marry fertile women, I will be showing off your large number of the day of resurrection.'

It personally makes me feel a tad bit inadequate and being American and a black female a tad bit disadvantaged. There are no parents to look for me a suitor (both parents are deceased) no family to recommend or "shop" me around.( half of them are not married or divorced or shacking) and then being American and black is not beautiful or exotic and often comes with a negative stereotyping which for me is the furthest from the truth. Personally I want a husband it has always been my dream of a family. some children dream of being doctor I dream of cooking dinner and waiting for my hubby to come home. Some hope to be the best in there field of studies i dream of being the best wife the best suited for him. i know it sounds a bit fairytale-ish of having Allah first then husband family and whatever else deemed to be important in there needed order but that just me I figure if others can have this happiness why not me. It seemed so almost impossible before converting to Islam now it seems out of the question considering there is no mixing or dating of any kind but I make du'aa anyway.

enough about me how about you ladies?

 

[lynn4now]

:bump1:lets not all start replying at once....lets have a forum good time.

 

[Muslim Woman]

I heard that local Imam / mosque authority sometimes help converts to get married .


so many unmarried sisters and brothers are around us and nobody bother about take initiatives about them . Friends , neighbours , colleagues , relatives must do something about our ' singles '.

may Allah help us .

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

As salaam mualaikum

If it's any consolation to you, your situation is not unique. I live in a predominantly Muslim country now. There are lots of single Muslim men and single Muslim women as well as lots of parents, families and friends who are more than ready to make the connections to get those single Muslim men and single Muslim women married to each other. Yet, strangely, there are still lots of single Muslim men and single Muslim women who are more than ready to get married and yet still not married.

I have looked at some Muslim dating sites and I can only see that they are set up specifically to make money for the site owners. I think we need an alternative. We need an alternative where Muslim men and Muslim women can meet online without having to pay anyone for the privilege, a place which is closely monitored to keep out the scammers and the stalkers and the predators.

From your post, I suppose you haven't found such a site. I haven't either. Maybe we should think about how we can start one ourselves instead of waiting for other people to do it for us.

WalLahu aklam.

 

[Muslim Woman]

meeting online without presence of Muharim is not a good idea . We may find something that goes with Islamic principles.

 

[lynn4now]

I not in into online dating it scares me...

meeting online without presence of Muharim is not a good idea .

I agree there everything should have an order to it and the worst idea is for anyone to be miss represented although going to the local Imam and asking if there are any Muslim men who are looking for a wife seems kinda wrong....but makes since at the same time...

 

[Muslim Woman]

... going to the local Imam and asking if there are any Muslim men who are looking for a wife seems kinda wrong.......

at least , it's better to meet non- Muharim online. U won't be alone with the Imam ; there are other officials , also sisters will be present at mosque . If parents are not alive / present on the ceremony , Imam could become wali / guardian of the single woman .

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

It personally makes me feel a tad bit inadequate and being American and a black female a tad bit disadvantaged. There are no parents to look for me a suitor (both parents are deceased) no family to recommend or "shop" me around.( half of them are not married or divorced or shacking) and then being American and black is not beautiful or exotic and often comes with a negative stereotyping which for me is the furthest from the truth.

That is so disheartening to read. Don't ever believe that your color or your situation will make you less worthy of marriage or that Allah will make marriage more difficult for you. Attraction is important between a husband and wife, but don't ever think that you have to look a certain way to be attractive to someone. Honestly, sometimes simple things like a smile makes a huge difference on someone's face. Even small aspects of your personality might make the biggest difference between what someone will think is attractive or not. It's not easy finding a great husband in general for all muslimahs around the world. If he's from overseas, women worry it's only so that he can gain citizenship. If he's from the west, women fear that they may not be religious and will cheat on them. Within a muslim country, the man may only appear to be religious on the outside because of the customs there. If the man is religious, he may not want to get married. If the parents are involved, the girl may not like her parent's taste. If the girl is involved, it is difficult for her to discuss marriage with her parents. If she knows she is so attractive, she will think a man is only interested for her looks. lool I can go on and on, but just realize that in the end, Allah brings forth the one who is destined for us when we least expect it. Keep making du'a for yourself, that's the best thing you can do. If you have muslim friends, they may help. Letting the Imam at the masjid know that you are seeking a husband will also help if a brother is also looking for a wife.

Keep your confidence up and always know that when Allah knows you are ready, someone will come along and you will have that real fairy tale inshallah

Fi aman Allah
w'salaam

 

[lynn4now]

:giggling::giggling: I'm sorry maybe I m just to private of a person..but i fell like soliciting the Imam is like asking to be "pimped' or "Shopped" logically i know its not but never the less the Imam playing matchmaker causes me to giggle. I hope this is not off topic but the American Muslim men I encountered before I became Muslim always wanted an "import" for a wife thats kinda irking.

 

[May Ayob]

^ I completely understand what you mean. But hey, why do we always bond our happiness with marriage? I think this is probably traced back to our childhood and disney movies that portray fairy tale happy endings; which are sadly far from being realistic. I'm not married but honestly I don't see how my life would be any different except from there being another person in my company;too vague and unromantic but better than having high expectations that will crash when it comes to reality. One should ask them selves a couple of questions before though, like how important it is for you to get married and why, and are you the type that gets easily bored when nothing new and exciting comes up, are you the type that's in it only for the good times and happy moments but otherwise couldn't do, are you mature and responsible enough to have a child, can you positively say that you will garuntee your children all their needs..and so on. By the way; don't believe other notions that the media portrays as attractive or appealing everyone is different and has their perception of what they like and just as sister charisma put it there are things that drastically change everything like a smile,personality..etc. It's just very sad to see that someone based their whole life and value on something like marriage so naively and when it did happen and didn't work our too well was completely crushed and to know that all these fairy tale dreams were never true from first place, because at the first stages everyone wants to perceive themselves as the perfect spouse but give up when they realize they are humans and have their shortcomings so they stop trying and frankly it was wrong from the beginning to think that anyone is perfect at all. Also, how many people who did get married later on said they wish they didn't?. I've also read before that almost 50-75% of marriages end up in divorce. I apologize if this was sort of pessemistic but I was just trying to say that there is so much more to live for than the false fantasy of a perfect marriage. Then again you never said you wanted a 'perfect' one but oh well, my bad please pardon my intrusion.I thought I'd share some of these nice qoutes as well, if I may.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ― Kahlil Gibran
“Outer beauty attracts, but inner beauty captivates.”
“Nobody should be judged on their looks. Beauty is not found on the body but in the soul. The only thing the media has done is change the definition of the word. I mean being attractive may make it easier to catch some one but being kind and loving is how you keep some one. Also with make up its like putting on a mask some masks are creative and fun most others are just used to cover who you really are up. Be yourself.”
― Danyon Guthrie-lewis


:wa:

 

[Muhaba]

Does any of the ladies feel like they are being beat over the head with great reasons of being married and becoming a umah?

I mean Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) Hadrat Anas ibn Malik (r.a.) ) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the ‘deen’; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

and it is know that Islam encourages the young Muslims to get married and have children. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'O young people, whoever of you can afford it, let him get married. It helps restrain the eyes and preserve the private parts. But if he cannot afford it, let him fast, for it works as a preventative.' He also said, 'Marry fertile women, I will be showing off your large number of the day of resurrection.'

It personally makes me feel a tad bit inadequate and being American and a black female a tad bit disadvantaged. There are no parents to look for me a suitor (both parents are deceased) no family to recommend or "shop" me around.( half of them are not married or divorced or shacking) and then being American and black is not beautiful or exotic and often comes with a negative stereotyping which for me is the furthest from the truth. Personally I want a husband it has always been my dream of a family. some children dream of being doctor I dream of cooking dinner and waiting for my hubby to come home. Some hope to be the best in there field of studies i dream of being the best wife the best suited for him. i know it sounds a bit fairytale-ish of having Allah first then husband family and whatever else deemed to be important in there needed order but that just me I figure if others can have this happiness why not me. It seemed so almost impossible before converting to Islam now it seems out of the question considering there is no mixing or dating of any kind but I make du'aa anyway.

enough about me how about you ladies?

It is so true that marriage is an important islamic duty. but only the ones who are single by choice are the sinners (if they don't have a valid reason for not marrying). While others are single because of fate. they are just not destined to marry yet. and when Allah wills, He will provide a spouse to those.

One great obstacle for marriage is high dowry (mahr). While a woman needs security, it's important that marriage be made easy too. For that reason, women should ask for higher "delayed mahr" such as land, house, etc. while setting the instant mahr at a lower (affordable) amount, such as a bit of gold etc. That should make it easier for people to get married and a woman's future will also be secure (so a guy won't be able to take advantage of the low mahr amount and divorce her quickly).

If your looking to get married, do dua and then search through matrimonail services run by masajid. There are some in USA. they charge a bit of money but in-sha-Allah it will be worth it. as for color, it doesn't matter but most people want to marry their own type and there are lots of African convert muslim men in USA that would be happy to get married, but do look for a pious husband (mutaqee) who has knowledge of the deen.

 

[ardianto]

One great obstacle for marriage is high dowry (mahr).

In Indonesia mahr never become obstacle because the amount is very small. Mostly are less than US$ 300 although the groom are rich.

 

[Muhaba]

^yes there are places where the tradition is to give low mahr. in such places there are lots of marriages. in other places such as USA & UK & some Arab countries like Syria, the custom is to give high mahr and that discourages marriages. I think it is best that mahr at the time of the marriage should be low and the wedding costs should also be low but a higher delayed mahr مهر معجل i believe it is called, should be set such as a house or apartment.

 

[ardianto]

^yes there are places where the tradition is to give low mahr. in such places there are lots of marriages. in other places such as USA & UK & some Arab countries like Syria, the custom is to give high mahr and that discourages marriages. I think it is best that mahr at the time of the marriage should be low and the wedding costs should also be low but a higher delayed mahr مهر معجل i believe it is called, should be set such as a house or apartment.

Like I've ever wrote in another thread, the main difference between marriage in Pakistan and Indonesia is, in Pakistan, the wife move to the husband family after getting married. In Indonesia, the husband move to the wife family after getting married. I had prepare a house prior to getting married. But in first few days I stayed in my wife family house, follow the custom in my place.

Maybe this is the cause why mahr in Indonesia is low.

But, although mahr is low, wedding cost in Indonesia is not different than in other Muslim countries, .... high!