Am i being selfish?

[Lonely Gal]

Im going through a tough time at the moment and its having a bad effect within me. As u dont really have anyone i can talk abOut it with, im posting here gor your honest views.
Not sure if u remember but recently i posted aboutmovin into my own house, well alhumdolillah it beens a month now since iv been in my own place. The issue i have is that the 2nd day i moved in my eldest brother who has a wife and 2 babies under ages of 3 if he could move in with us, now part of me wanted to say no because my brother has never asked me how i am, if i need anything and the only time i asked him for help he point blank said no to me, however him being my brother i felt bad and said thats ok but he wanted to move the very same day, now i thi k that was very selfish as me and hubby were not allowed to enjoy our space at all. Surely anyone less selfish would give us a week together before they ask to move in? Anyways my brother and his family moved in and i feel they have no respect for anythin and trat the whole house as if its theirs and leave a mess. My husband and i work full time , leave early anf bak about 7pm, now yes my sislaw has 2 children to look after but the only she does all day is maybe may a dish for dinner. She doesnt cleanthe cooker, hover, or even put the curtains back. Now i know its my house but surely a bit of respect and care wouldnt go amiss? I have to come home tired and do the atta ( flour) for chappitis etc and clean up after her families mess. I make roti for All them and not once does she offer to help me, for past two days she just goes upstairs and the moment i finish making, she and my bro come down and eat. It hurts me and makes me angry but i try so hard to keep it inside me so i keep respect between us. I feel like telling mymum how hard it is but then that will worry my mum and if she says anythin to my bro it will cause an issue between themz. Every weekend i try cleanin properly as i dont get much time during the week and she just does not lift a fi ger, looks after her kids, gets ready and goes out for day. But im up since 9 and nonstop runnin round until gone 3pm, i get no time to rest or enjoy any rest time. I just wish she'd help me without me having to say anything. They live rent free with me, currently waiting for their house sale to go through but that could takemonths, it was only meant to be for a week. Im emotionally and physically tired, my bro is just under the humb and i dont no wat to do. I just want some respectanf help from them, its my house, my things that just get treated like nothin,the child switches sockets off, playswith washing machine and i cant say anythin in case they takei wrong way but these are my things, expnsive things that i worked hard for. I just feel horrible and then i feel bad to have these feelings and think am i bein selfish as i should be grateful to have family around me... What do u think you'd feel if u were in these shoes?

 

[Innocent Soul]

Assalamualaikum

Yeah sis. There are some relatives who are a bit selfish but Allah made them so. I am not so much good at giving advice but I just wanted to reply you I have seen your previous posts. You are not being selfish it's ok . You are just bring tested by Allah with your relations. Here are some comforting ahadith and verses of Quran.

Narrated Abdullah bin 'Amr (RA):
The Prophet (SAW) said, "Al-Wasil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but Al-Wasil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bondof kinship with him."
Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 20

Narrated by Abu Huraira (RA):
The Prophet (SAW) said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look for the others faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah's worshippers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you!")
Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 90

'Be not sad, surely Allah is with us.'- (Qur’an 9:40)

'So do not become weak, nor be sad'- (Qur’an 3:139)

'O you who believe! Seek help in patience and the prayer.'-(Qur’an 2:153)

'Verily,with hardship there is relief'- (Qur’an 94:6)

'Verily,in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.-'(Qur’an 13:28)

'Remember Me; I will remember you'- (Quran 2:152)

“And there is no sin on you concerning that in which you made a mistake, except in regard to what your hearts deliberately intend”
[al-Ahzaab 33:5]

Allah has promised, to those among you who believe and work righteous deeds, that He will, of a surety, grant them in the land, inheritance (of power), as He granted it to those before them; that He will establish in authority their religion - the one which He has chosen for them; and that He will change (their state), after the fear in which they (lived), to one of security and peace: ´They will worship Me (alone) and not associate aught with Me. ´If any do reject Faith after this, they are rebellious and wicked.
(An-Noor: verse 55)

And whatever strikes you of disaster - it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.
(Ash-Shura: Verse 30)

Whatever you have will end, but what Allah has is lasting. And We will surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best of what they used to do.(Surah Taha 20:96)

No matter how bad life is treating you right now, there is always someone who is worse off than you. Don't surround yourself in sorrow.Say Alhamduillah !


Maybe you have read this earlier. I feel it's really helpful.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centred;
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It never was between you and them anyway.

No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.

Also if you have time read this article.
http://www.productivemuslim.com/dont-be-sad/

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Im going through a tough time at the moment and its having a bad effect within me. As u dont really have anyone i can talk abOut it with, im posting here gor your honest views.
Not sure if u remember but recently i posted aboutmovin into my own house, well alhumdolillah it beens a month now since iv been in my own place. The issue i have is that the 2nd day i moved in my eldest brother who has a wife and 2 babies under ages of 3 if he could move in with us, now part of me wanted to say no because my brother has never asked me how i am, if i need anything and the only time i asked him for help he point blank said no to me, however him being my brother i felt bad and said thats ok but he wanted to move the very same day, now i thi k that was very selfish as me and hubby were not allowed to enjoy our space at all. Surely anyone less selfish would give us a week together before they ask to move in? Anyways my brother and his family moved in and i feel they have no respect for anythin and trat the whole house as if its theirs and leave a mess. My husband and i work full time , leave early anf bak about 7pm, now yes my sislaw has 2 children to look after but the only she does all day is maybe may a dish for dinner. She doesnt cleanthe cooker, hover, or even put the curtains back. Now i know its my house but surely a bit of respect and care wouldnt go amiss? I have to come home tired and do the atta ( flour) for chappitis etc and clean up after her families mess. I make roti for All them and not once does she offer to help me, for past two days she just goes upstairs and the moment i finish making, she and my bro come down and eat. It hurts me and makes me angry but i try so hard to keep it inside me so i keep respect between us. I feel like telling mymum how hard it is but then that will worry my mum and if she says anythin to my bro it will cause an issue between themz. Every weekend i try cleanin properly as i dont get much time during the week and she just does not lift a fi ger, looks after her kids, gets ready and goes out for day. But im up since 9 and nonstop runnin round until gone 3pm, i get no time to rest or enjoy any rest time. I just wish she'd help me without me having to say anything. They live rent free with me, currently waiting for their house sale to go through but that could takemonths, it was only meant to be for a week. Im emotionally and physically tired, my bro is just under the humb and i dont no wat to do. I just want some respectanf help from them, its my house, my things that just get treated like nothin,the child switches sockets off, playswith washing machine and i cant say anythin in case they takei wrong way but these are my things, expnsive things that i worked hard for. I just feel horrible and then i feel bad to have these feelings and think am i bein selfish as i should be grateful to have family around me... What do u think you'd feel if u were in these shoes?

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for the question. My sister there is nothing wrong with setting some house rules. The fact that no rules were set at the beginning means they feel they are not obliged to do anything. You must not hesitate in setting some house rules. This is your house and although they are your family you still have every right to set some rules in the house. Since they are staying then they must also make some effort.

Clearly you are not asking for much from them but just that they put in a little effort and help out. There is nothing wrong with that and you should not feel embarressed or hesitate to state how you feel and what you expect from them. Obviously you should never approach them in a harsh manner but in a gentle but firm manner using wisdom and tact. Tell them what you expect from them as you should have from the beginning.

You cannot contonue living in this way as it may cause friction and even enmity in the long run especially between you and your sister in law. Therefore you should make it clear what you expect from them. If you feel more comfortable approaching your brother about this then do so or if you feel that you should tell them both then you can do that also. You know them better so you would know the best way to approach this but you must not hesitate as they are in your property and you have every right to demand that they at least made some effort in the house.

Tell them in a nice manner telling them that this is your home so please treat it like you would your own home and that means at least help with cleaning up, cooking, groceries etc. Tell them you are not demanding much just that they put some input into the home and not just leave everything for you to pick up after them and to do everything for them because you have a fulltime job and it becomes very difficult to do so much as you get so tired.

Make much dua and ask of Allah. Let us know how it goes inshallah.