Am I fool for keeping my distance and rejecting women?

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Studentofdeed

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I said earlier many beautiful women approached me and showed interested but to please Allah I kept myself at distance and was polite. There was one girl I was really attracted to who had an amazing character. She was beautiful and sweet. But she was nonmuslim and it's hard to marry a nonmuslim especially since they are so customed to date. I want to know did I miss out? Was I foolish in letting her go and resisting her. Did I make Allah happy by doing this?
Jazakallah khayran...
My main goal is to get to Jannah al firdaous and I'm worried I'm not able too. I want to be shaded under Allahs throne and be among the 70000 who go without being questioned...does my goal seem unrealistic?
 
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Walikumaslam,
No brother you are not FOOL.
You are BELIEVER.
May you be the one among those 70,000.
 
If they approached you alone, then no you aren’t foolish to keep your distance. There is a reason why we don’t free mix with the opposite gender and the fact that you, as a male, had enough patience to stay away from females who approached you is anything but foolish.

As far as the second girl who you had interest in, try setting up a meeting between you guys and some family so you can talk about how important your beliefs are, as well as concerns regarding marrying a non Muslim and see how she feels about it.

I have relatives who married non Muslims and it’s something I’d personally stay away from. Nothing against them personally, but it’s awkward and it never feels like they (spouse + their family) never truly accept it. Sometimes it has a negative effect as well where the Muslim ends up slacking on their beliefs and adopts / accepts the lifestyle of the non Muslim.
 
If it's come to this, where you're severely depressed and contemplating suicide with one of your major troubles being not married yet, then maybe you were fool, you should have taken the opportunity to sort your life out when you had a chance :facepalm:
 
Ahmed. said:
If it's come to this, where you're severely depressed and contemplating suicide with one of your major troubles being not married yet, then maybe you were fool, you should have taken the opportunity to sort your life out when you had a chance :facepalm:
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I didn't realize the brother's background. Disregard my previous message then...
 
keiv said:
I didn't realize the brother's background. Disregard my previous message then...
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That's ok bruv, I've been reading his posts for some time and being single has cotributed 75% to his current state. This is the current friction with his parents right now, them not getting him married yet
 
Ahmed. said:
That's ok bruv, I've been reading his posts for some time and being single has cotributed 75% to his current state. This is the current friction with his parents right now, them not getting him married yet
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Ohhh... sorry [MENTION=43429]Studentofdeed[/MENTION] brother I didn’t know about your background as well.
 
What it means is, if you have a background of being depressed, mostly due to being single, why would you turn down offers to get married? If you're trying to stay away from women who show interest in you because you don't find their methods to be halal (ie. going out on dates, meeting each other alone, etc), that's one thing. But if you're trying to avoid getting married altogether, then it makes no sense to you current situation.

If you are eligible and want to get married and have women who are potentially interested in getting married to you, wouldn't you find that to be better for you than staying single?
 
Oh I see what you mean...no I'm staying away because these girls wanted to date and I was not interested in that. And marriage with nonmuslims in halal way is hard. It only works if Allah allows it. Besides i dont want my kids to be confused. I want them to grow in a perfect Islamic household where they can learn everything. Its frustrating that I'm saying haram is so easy but I'm trying to stay away so I can marry in halal and have a wife instead of gf. I would never want to ruin someone else life or go through the experience of breaking my heart again and being abused. I made a promise to stay away from that sort of stuff. But my concern was that there was a really nice girl who seemed genuine only she was nonmuslim and I was worried she would have tempted me into a relationship.

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Its hard when there many muslims girls who seem interested... but I want to marry a genuine girl. A girl who is Muslim both inside and outside and has a kind heart. But these days its almost impossible to find someone like that

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My family doenst want me to look...my mother main concern is that she doesnt trust Muslim girls from our community and she doesnt want me to marry someone abusive...but at the same time she will not let me look for someone. She says she will find me someone when it's my time.
 
I think there is really not much to sorry about, even if you would want to go for a date with them.

Now, as a chaste man, you are like a prize for them. I had some similar experience.
They are used that guys are going long distances for dating with them and out of sport interest are trying to seduce you.
If you will just show interest in one of them, all fame will disappear.
So, choose the right one, if there is any.
 
keiv said:
I have relatives who married non Muslims and it’s something I’d personally stay away from. Nothing against them personally, but it’s awkward and it never feels like they (spouse + their family) never truly accept it. Sometimes it has a negative effect as well where the Muslim ends up slacking on their beliefs and adopts / accepts the lifestyle of the non Muslim.
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As Keiv said, the situation can lead to awkward situation and conflict. I imagine it might work, but it would take special kind of person and chances are high it would not.
Keep in mind, that marrying a non muslim would lead to all sorts of questions on the day to day questions that will arise in family life. Of course, if the spouse converts, it is another matter, but she should not convert just o marry you. She should want to convert first for herself and her own future.
 
You are not a fool for being selective your choice of a spouse.
You want to make a wise choice...but remember to search for peity first over anything else. Beauty is a temporary and doesn't last or the initial fantasy around beauty that you have for a woman will dissappear if its only about the physical and then you will end up unhappy in marriage or divorced or forcing her to do polygamy because you want to lust after another woman.
Just try to find ways to value peity first, i think this is your test before marriage.
May Allah bless you with a righteous spouse. Ameen.
 
[MENTION=43429]Studentofdeed[/MENTION]

There's no need to be confused as what's past is past and it's no good mulling over it

look to the future and not the past

And since your depression is induced by 1, lack of confidence from being rejected in the past and you yearn for love affection and acceptance and 2, you yearn to be married and had a major fallout with your parents over marraige and 3, you've been at the brink of suicide over all this, I wouldn't miss a chance to marry a good girl even if it means without your parents consent. Saving your life and sanity is more important right now so if another opportunity comes along, 'grab it by the horns' and get rid of 90% of your problems by getting married


So all you do regarding the past is, YOU LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES and move on...
 
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Brother,
One thing should be said here is that marry a girl and have faith in Allah and on yourself show her after marriage that what islam’s beauty really is.
seriously the day man will treat a woman with love and care why don’t she will not follow him? Kind word, wise advice and softest behaviour leaves a best impression and of-course after Nikkah/Marriage the love Allah will put in both of your hearts will definitely left her no chance to not follow you!
Hope you understand!
Be strong, let past go and find a new way to deliver what’s good inside you.
And hope for best that indeed if it also not work out there will be something good for you.
Have trust on yourself.:
 
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Born in Pakistan. Raised in the Emirates for 5 years then came to America. Why do you ask?
 
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Studentofdeed said:
Born in Pakistan. Raised in the Emirates for 5 years then came to America.
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I don't care what people will say here but I cannot help put my input into this plate of spaghetti.....

I think you should not be looking for a wife, yet.

I think your first relationship should be with a therapist. Find yourself a good therapist, much like everything in this life, you need to shop for the therapist that you and him and click together. Devote your time with a therapist...take your bucket of toxic emotions that have been swimming in your vain and split it all into his office floor. Let him tug on his chin or beard and let him listen to your issues, you talking, he keeps listening...don't you dare stop talking and tell HIM EVERY SINGLE INTIMATE FEELING that lurks under your loins until he stops you...

Listen to him, listen to his advice, listen to his suggestion...keep repeating the process...if he asks you to bring your family...bring them on..if not...continue going to his session...continue.....continue....until you feel much better and get your head cleared out...do t his for how many years it will ever take....

When your mind no longer fogs....when your head is ultra clear....when your confidence level becomes stronger than the Mountains themselves...when the cloud above your head clears and you can see the sun shining above your head.....


THEN DO THE DECISION of marriage and finding a spouse......


Ermm.......you need to empty the bucket of the mess you have collected ...because.....:D once you get married you will be filling it again with..erm....- clears throat -..ANYWAYS.....do as I suggested mate...trust me on this!
 

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