Any married brothers here?

marriage nope am not married or anything but..

dont want to waste my life away now :okay: got too many halal fun to do before i get hitched off :giggling:
 
:sl:

Well yes, I was thinking of ways to get back to her family. But I've had that most days... I was hoping for a clear dream?

Dreams during the proposal a few months ago, included me married to different women.

The timeline of events were, I said "yes" unnofficially, then one of my parents raised objections (due to things that aren't her fault) and her family wanted slightly more than I budgetted for and a wedding different to what I had planned. That's when the doubts started happening. A relative told me that maybe that was my answer to istikhara then.

However, I was reluctant to say no... I mean again, thinking will I find someone like her again? Who will like me again? Eventually all the family agreed to her, just one of my parents was against it, but they were willing to go along with everyone else. I still hadn't resolved my own feelings, and stalled things, telling my family not to call her family for the official proposal yet. However, her family were aware that finally my objecting parent was now ok with it, and I even heard that some of her family had bought wedding items (nothing major) .imsad They were expecting things to go ahead now...

She contacted me one day, doubts, she was worried that I didn't really want her and that she was just someone that came along. I told her that she met my requirements (which she did) and I liked her and that did she like me, and she said yes.

Then one day at work, I thought, "what the hell, just do it!". Called my parents to tell them to go ahead with it, and that's when they asked "was I 100%?". I said "no, 50/50, but it will all be ok after marriage..." and so on. Ofcourse one of my parents was biased, being against her from the beginning and they were saying you have to be 100%. They even said maybe it's my "fate"/intuition? warning me against her. Is that superstition and islamically ok concept? After that conversation with my parent, I contacted her family and cancelled things (with a generic reason) .:cry:

Even after then I was still 50/50 and passed a message to her to give me some time to sort things out. She said ok and she'll wait, she was very upset as you can understand. Her family to console her may have told her otherwise, to get over it and move on etc.
 
OK, when I did istikhara prior to initiating divorce, I had a dream. But it wasn't the dream alone that hinted at what lies ahead. When I awoke, I felt from the bottom of my soul that a divorce will happen. That's what I meant about the feeling after waking up.

A good feeling indicates positivity and vice versa.

But there's something else.... Your gut instinct. What's it telling you?
Say if you didn't have that dilemma about needing a second wife, do you feel you will be happy with this girl? The 2nd wife thingy isn't your instint, but something you think you may want. Pretend that thought doesn't exist and you only want to marry one.

Now focus on your instincts about this one and see if they say you will be happy in this marriage. It should be a feeling you get all over, that refuses to go away. That's instinct. Like a little whisper in your head.

What are your instincts saying?
 
May Allah grant you and Zubair bro a happy marriage life...ameen.

But you can still tell the brother if you think you'll be happy with just one wife? :)
 
The married brothers are very happy to have only one wife. :) You will never hear a married brother thinking to take another wife.

Only those who are not married are thinking like you BUt once married you will see how much work you will have with one woman and you will even forget to take another one.

I can show you how many responsabilities do you have toward your wife, if you wish :-[ :)
 
I think if I marry her, I do feel I will be happy inshallah.

I think I may find someone "better" looking (as I'm sure she can), but like her no...

The times I've met her I felt good. But away from her felt the doubts/uncertainty.
 
Anonymous Tester said:
I think if I marry her, I do feel I will be happy inshallah.

I think I may find someone "better" looking (as I'm sure she can), but like her no...

The times I've met her I felt good. But away from her felt the doubts/uncertainty.
Click to expand...

What kind of doubts? Can you be a bit more specific?

Thank God I'm not a counsellor in real life, I'd be ringing up clients to see how they're doing! They'd probably need counselling to get over my counselling! ;D
 
Well well if it isn't my favourite topic; marriages!! WOOHOO! Wheres Fi bro :rollseyes .

Hypothetically speaking, I would only need one wife, no more. Yes, I would be eighty percent be confident in her because I would know her and how she is and her family. Why hypothetically it's simply because I will not get married for the rest of my life, and I have some personal issues with regards to women anyway.

No one is hundred percent ready for marriage. But some are ninety percent sure about their future wife because they know her and how she is and will be. It seems like your not ready for marriage, yet. You need a more broader perspective on marriage and pious wife; which is through knowledge and speaking through experienced couples. Reading the concerns and issues that generally arise in a marriage and how it is dealt with. Inshallah you will be confident soon, you just need more time to mature mentally for marriage and being confident about your prospective wife.

:w:
 
u know u both r rite....muslimah sis wants him to get his answer in an easier way..and she's rite...i dont see the reason y the brothers here wont answer anonymous's question...
 
i can't believe someone finally answered...i appreciate it Limitless...on anonymous's behalf
 
mashaAllah...so many brother are getting married. Congratulations...
wow...everybody is following the sunnah...inshaAllah...:happy:

congratulations to brother woodrow too...if you don't mind me asking...who is the lucky girl...:D (sorry for being a busy body :hiding:)

Anonymous Tester said:
:sl:

Ok well... Did you feel before marriage that you may need more than one wife?

Also did you feel 100% certain about your wife, before marrying her?

How long have you been married?
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btw...can i answer on behalf of my hubby? :rollseyes
(this is his sincere answer....lol...i asked him but...erm well maybe not that honest :rollseyes )

1. No...because i was blinded with love (:rollseyes :? the smiley is me)

2. Yes 100% because she is everything what i wanted her to be. (:rollseyes :?)

3. 2007 -2002... about 5 years.

i actually told him...to find a pious wife...if he is considering to remarry. So that maybe i can learn something from her...

his answered was...what are you talking about? :rant: i never ever think about that...(yeah...sure :giggling: ). i answered back...well maybe not now...maybe later when i'm 40+ ... and he kept quite ;D lol....
 
Hey bro, don't be sad. Everything happens for the best inshaAllah. Life's full of let downs but that's not bad, because every experience is a learning experience.

Make duaa to Allah to find you a pious loving wife whom you'll be pleased with.

And a big thank you to all the brothers who replied.
 
Anonymous Tester said:
what makes me feel really bad is she said something that makes me feel like an oppressor/rapist imsad
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Ohhh... **** bro dont worry :) you aint nothing like that, Allah knows best :D

Marriage life just waste of life
 
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Anonymous Tester said:
what makes me feel really bad is she said something that makes me feel like an oppressor/rapist imsad
Click to expand...

If that's the case, then don't waste your energy feeling bad cuz of someone who didn't understand you. Not worth it. Allah has got someone better in store for you inshaAllah.

Marriage life just waste of life
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Why do you say that Demonic bro?
 
salam,
am married whats your problemo :X me not a boy hehehe if ya want me to i will ;D
Ma'assalama
 

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